Freepath

Okay, I’ll be the black sheep. One session of chastisement coming up. Let’s see…whips? Face slap? Ooooooo …spanking! Everybody take turns spanking californiapoppy!

Hey, I think relapse comes with the whole sobriety goal. Most people don’t succeed the first time out. But I think that you need to ask yourself some questions.

What was the reason that you thought it was acceptable to drink again? Does that reason still exist? Was it rationalization or was it hopelessness based upon real problems? Are you doing anything to address those problems? Would it matter to your sobriety if you tried and failed to address those problems?

Quitting drinking offers no assurance that your life will be any better. It only offers the assurance that you will be sober. Your life might get worse. It’s not a question of life definitely getting better because you quit drinking. That will not necessarily happen. You will get hungry, tired, thirsty, uptight, too hot, angry, lonely, and all of the other negative feelings and situations that life can bring. People will die, you may lose money, whatever.

Never underestimate the power of the first drink. You can lull yourself into a false sense of assurance that you are now a social or moderate drinker. You may very well succeed at being a social or moderate drinker, right up until you fall back into patterns of being unable to control when you drink or how much you drink.

I think you are definitely doing the right thing coming here seeking support and ideas. Unequivocally, you have both.

californiapoppy

Those cold showers are tough! But I do feel great afterwards. Giving up artificial sweeteners was easy, but probably not smart. They're back, as back up. Thanks Lisa ! There's no way I'm going to ditch you either ! You're stuck with me through the good and the bad, preferably less of the latter.

californiapoppy

I agree with you, but this is not my first relapse, I've been trying to quit drinking for a very long time without success. I'm sure I didnt think it was acceptable to drink, I just wanted to drink, I didn't even take the time to think about it. That's what I have to do. And I have to have something prepared that I can tell myself that will make me think just long enough to pick up a diet coke and and piece of bread. That's the new plan. My life, however, will be much much better without alcohol. It's great now, I have no real problems except alcohol and the first glass that leads to 10 or more.

And I know I'm doing the right thing coming here, because the good ideas for help keep flowing in, thanks to all.

mistycshore

Poppy, I'm hoping you have a better day today.

Aysha

Just my opinion. Although I do believe that it is rare for anyone to get it the first time. When someone says that relapse is a part of recovery. That says to me that it is ok to relapse because thats what has to happen in order to get recovery. Relapse isnt a part of recovery. And just saying that. Which I have heard alot just sounds like the perfect excuse to use one more time. Just my opinion.

sfgirl

Alright, I'm going to be a little hard on you but not because you relapsed, because that would be silly. I can't chastise someone for doing something that I did one million times. However, I think that to take this relapse and think that you were in the moment too hungry, thirsty, tired, hot, and uptight is oversimplifying the issue and you are going to miss out on a tremendous opportunity to learn and grow for the next time. A relapse, once done is an opportunity to learn and move forward in recovery. You are still committed to sobriety which is more than half the battle so I think what you really need to do is examine the relapse.

Often relapse does not occur in the moment. It is not something that happens that second. While the act of picking up the drink and the decision to do it might seem like a split second decision the actual change in thought processes probably happened a few days if not weeks before. I am not sure how long you were sober but it seems like it might have been over four months which is a pretty long time. Unfortunately I doubt it is as simple as you not having had diet cokes in your house. Sure, that may be one of those things that aids you, and you may need to reintroduce that, but ultimately I think that you should try to examine what was really going on for you internally emotionally.

All that being said, you are already back on the horse which is commendable. If you really examine the situation and still find yourself at the same external reasons my suggestion to you would be to perhaps continue on with your recovery and learn to shift your focus inward and towards self growth. You could do that through talk therapy, joining a recovery group, working a structured recovery program or one of your own design even if it is by yourself in your own home, or starting a meditation practice. Better yet— all of the above. Another thing that could help would be to add a pharmacological component to your recovery. You say this is not your first relapse. Perhaps some of the drugs that have been proven to reduce cravings in many studies could help (eg. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...altrexone.html). However, I think the most important is the emotional/self-growth component of recovery.

I just don't want this relapse to be a missed learning opportunity for you or a missed catalyst for change. Good luck in your recovery.

See also this thread where there is an interesting article referenced:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...revention.html

californiapoppy

Thanks SFgirl for your advice.I really appreciate your post and I'm sure it will be useful to many.
I may sound very sure of myself, with the big ego that alcoholic's are supposed to have, probably with a lot of the terminal uniqueness that is intrinsec to them too, but I don't believe I have emotional, nor psychological problems. My triggers are not emotional, though I could find any reason to drink if I thought I needed one. I've never seen à psychologist, never felt the need too. I'm not depressive, on the contrary I'm much closer to a Pollyanna. In my life if there are things I don't like I try to change them. If I can't, I learn to accept them and don't let them get me down. I don't like my alcoholism, I can change and I will, it won't be easy, but I will learn from my mistakes, and I learn from others too. In this thread I've already picked and chosen some very pertinent suggestions, and I will start applying immediately. If that's not enough and I relapse again (and I will not use the excuse that relapse goes with recovery) I will figure out again what went wrong and why.

SugarScars

Every slip is an opportunity for growing. Addicts and alcoholics have a tendency towards black-and-white thinking. This all-or-nothing thinking got us into trouble in the first place.

So, you had a drink! Don't do it again and you'll be fine!

I'm not trying to over-simplify things, but if you don't drink, you won't get drunk!

I've relapsed and "slipped up" many, many times, but today I focus on the growing, not the drinking, and the more that I focus on the growing, the less I THINK or CARE about the drinking!!!

I don't know how long it's been since I had a drink ... and I don't CARE!!! I know that it's been MONTHS, and to me, that's just great! I plan to continue on this path.

Wishing you the best on your journey,
Sugar xo