Alera's CBA 5/29/2009 1.What do I enjoy about my addiction, what does it do for me (be specific)? I like the feeling I get in my head. I like being able to zone out on one subject whether it be a video game or a movie. I like the physical feelings I get when I use. I like the buzz. I like the ability to deal with issues w/ others without having to be overly concerned about my emotions. I feel the drugs keep my emotions in check. 2. What do I hate about my addiction, what does it do to me (give specific examples)? I hated the fact it had so much control over me I left the toaster oven when I was using. It scared me so badly I won't go near a kitchen if I'm even tired now. I really hate the fact I don't have the control to use once I start. Yeah, I'm a control freak. I like to play video games, and my reflexes go down the toilet when I'm using. Playing America's Army or CounterStrike while stoned doesn't get me very far. 3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction? Freedom to go where I want without concern about my comprehension of what surrounds me. People don't look at me wondering what is wrong with me as I stumble around slurring. When I stumble because I'm having an MS relapse I'll know right away instead of playing the "is it the drugs" game. My pill clock/dosage does not force me to stay up or go to sleep. When I am in pain and take the appropriate medication dosage, it actually works. 4. What do I think I won't like about giving up my addiction? I don't like having to deal with negative feelings such as shame, guilt and worry. I don't want to have to be "uber aware" all the time, and like to enjoy some movies and TV shows while sedated. I hate anger. I don't feel anger when I'm really intoxicated. There is safety feeling in having extra meds on me knowing I can abuse when I am in a stressful situation. |
I carried a copy of my CBA around in my wallet for over a year. And had one tacked on ym wall in front of my computer. I did that to reflect if I ever had the urges. I maybe pulled it out a couple times. I would stare at it for a long time. I want ready in least to stop. So I threw it away. I got so mad at myself. I am goin to do another one. And do the same thing. Carry it around and paste it in front of my face. I think it is a very good tool. Especially when you look at the differences in the lists. WHich outweighs the other. |
Originally Posted by chiynita
(Post 2246523)
I carried a copy of my CBA around in my wallet for over a year. And had one tacked on ym wall in front of my computer. I did that to reflect if I ever had the urges. I maybe pulled it out a couple times. I would stare at it for a long time. I want ready in least to stop. So I threw it away. I got so mad at myself. I am goin to do another one. And do the same thing. Carry it around and paste it in front of my face. I think it is a very good tool. Especially when you look at the differences in the lists. WHich outweighs the other. |
It took me a couple days to do it. I am still working on it. I dont plan on ripping pieces off it to write down dealers numbers this time. That is so bad. I carried my last one around for so long and I just kept getting high after awhile I just used it to write on afetr so long. Thats not goin to happen thins time. I read an essay a night from the library. I am going to start my SMART book collection when I get back to work and can buy them. I am not too into the meetings this time. I like the reading and stuff more this time. I think I will just do 1 or 2 meetings a week just to tweek my program. Learn some new things. I will work on my CBA some more tomorrow. |
Hmm.. I must do this. Right now. Thanks Alera. |
Originally Posted by chiynita
(Post 2255753)
It took me a couple days to do it. I am still working on it. I dont plan on ripping pieces off it to write down dealers numbers this time. That is so bad. I carried my last one around for so long and I just kept getting high after awhile I just used it to write on afetr so long. Thats not goin to happen thins time. I read an essay a night from the library. I am going to start my SMART book collection when I get back to work and can buy them. I am not too into the meetings this time. I like the reading and stuff more this time. I think I will just do 1 or 2 meetings a week just to tweek my program. Learn some new things. I will work on my CBA some more tomorrow. I find SMART meetings are best in moderation as well. Too many and I spend too much time "in the rooms" instead of working my program. Also, if I have a question about a certain tool, I just pop into their chat room and ask an experienced member of SMART OnLine. For me, in SMART the meetings are here to teach me how to work my program. They give me skills to learn how to use the tools, but if I don't work the program the meetings are useless. What good is a brand new set of Craftsman tools if I never break them out of the plastic? |
I have just joined Smart online and am planning on starting a CBA today, I am a little bit frightened of actually throwing myself into the program because it almost feels like it's my last chance. I am aware that this is a fairly irrational thought and I hope by using the tools of Smart I will be able to deal with this kind of feeling, but that doesn't change the fact that really trying something is scary for me. I have gotten used to using the fact that I never really try anything to become comfortable with failure. Anyway wish me luck I might need it :) |
Sorry things feel that way allport, I hope Smart clicks with you. I believe you will find the way, after all, your still here posting and striving. |
Allport, I so understand that fear you are talking about. I do hope you find help in SMART and I'm looking forward to reading your CBA. |
Here is a quick one of mine. I could add so many more and probably will as tiem passes. 1.What do I enjoy about my addiction, what does it do for me (be specific)?
2. What do I hate about my addiction, what does it do to me (give specific examples)?
3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
4. What do I think I won't like about giving up my addiction?
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Will's CBA (cost benefit analysis) What I enjoyed about using alcohol/drugs:
Things I might miss because of not using AOD
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I'm working on this and it isn't exactly going well...i needed to say that out loud...if i'm still struggling tomarrow i'll post more about it...i'm just real short on the list of enjoy/benifit by sobriety section.... Hopefully it's a temporary thing and i'll do the list well later. |
Bump Some really excellent CBA posts in this thread Ron |
Ditto to Mongo's assessment today! I wonder how I missed this before? Doesn't matter I guess. When I get enuf courage, I will share my 1st stab at my CBA. :c031: |
I don't work SMART but this could be very helpful for me. I think I might do one. Thanks for all the posts. It seems like on some level you would have had to do this mentally to even get into a recovery program. At some point something in your brain changed and you realized the negatives outweighed the positives. But putting it down on paper makes it more powerful. Sometimes reading something makes it click better than saying it to yourself. |
gneiss, one nice thing is you don't have to "work" the SMART program to use the tools. It is not an all-or-nothing program at all. I've even been in meetings were those who represent SMART in official capacities discussed openly which tools they used, and which tools they received no help from. In a meeting recently, we discussed the many facets of people who are "working" SMART. Those that use one/many tools from the toolbox, the person who attends online meetings, the person who goes to F2F only, the person who only uses the bulletin board at SOL etc. |
Thanks, Alera. Now I'm curious about the other tools. I was about to ask if there was a place to learn about it but I just noticed a SMART link on another thread. SMART Recovery®|Self Help for Alcoholism Drug & Other Addiction Thanks for posting it. Sorry, I'm not trying to hijack your thread. :) I've been looking for some other way to go about this since I keep falling off the wagon every couple months. It's getting frustrating and obviously I'm still doing the same and getting the same results. Time for a change. |
I've done one of these before outside of SMART; it was called a 'payoff matrix'.... 1.What do I enjoy about my drinking, what does it do for me (be specific)? (pros of continuing to use) -Escape from boredom & the tediousness of daily life -Makes artistic expression much more fun (playing music, listening to music, painting, drawing, writing poetry) -Numbs out feelings of depression, loss, rejection, or grief -Calms me down, decreases anxiety...even if it's positive in nature (elation) -Makes me feel more sociable and easier to talk to others in public -Takes the edge off sexual encounters, significantly decreasing performance anxiety 2. What do I hate about my drinking, what does it do to me (give specific examples)? (cons of continuing to use) -Fills my time with voids of non-productive 'play' (watching movies, playing video games, online activity) -reinforces my social isolation -weight gain and physical erosion (high BP, poor liver functioning) -loss of control; not knowing what I did during blackouts -aggression, verbal outbursts, instigating fights/arguments -keeps me in a bubble, preventing any progress in key areas of my life (school, job, career, relationships) 3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction? (pros of quitting) -no more hangovers -no more guilt and shame -no more lying or hiding things -improved physical health -improved job performance -progress on educational/career goals 4. What do I think I won't like about giving up my addiction? (cons of quitting) -Dealing with boredom, finding new activities to fill my time -losing interest in past activities -confronting feelings, especially painful ones -loss of 'reward' at the end of the day -inability to deal with anxiety and nervousness in public and around romantic partners So does #3 outweigh #2?? ...hellz yeah! |
Alera: It is not an all-or-nothing program Interestingly, SMART tends to identify 'all or nothing' thinking (or 'addictive thinking' as Gorski describes) as central to maintaining the addiction. Sadly, this style of thinking is evident among many of our peers here on SR. Especially those advocating the 'one way' approach to sobriety. As per the basic prinicples of CBT, I find such cognitive restructuring to be helpful, por ejemplo: "I totally blew it. My day is ruined. I have nothing to lose by drinking." replaced by: "Even though I had a bad day and things didn't turn out as planned, that doesn't mean I have to resort to drinking." |
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