jamdls

Aw Bam :ghug3

I remember all too clearly feeling similar to what you describe and still occassionally have repeats of those days, I'm sorry, I'd be happy to give you my email or ***** messenger address for any time you want to talk. I agree with what Lisa said
"You know Bam, you have a lot more experience with depression than most. Maybe when you are feeling really low, you could reach out to some of the people suffering so much on these boards. Talk about what helps you, like your pictures, even if it isn't a cure all. Even if you don't see the point for yourself, I think you still have a lot of wisdom to offer others here."

I was a victim of incest, and it wasn't until I started to talk with others who had similar experiences that I realized I was a SURVIVOR; others stories seemed so much worse than mine and this helped me to heal. Everyone that is on this board has a bad/sad story and are always willing to listen.
Dont give up.
J

Bamboozle

I know. No one can help me. And I don't know how to help myself.

Bamboozle

redshift, you just hit the nail on the head. Positive social interation is exactly what I need right now...and exactly what I have very little of.

I am socially awkward...and I'm not comfortable with myself. I've been hiding for a while. I would like to get a girlfriend...or at the very least some companionship, but I don't know where to look around here. There are a couple of bars...but that's a bad idea. I suppose I could try the personals...but that creeps me out big time.

*sigh* I need to move.

Bamboozle

(((jamdls)))


When I hear about how so many people here have had worse experiences in life, I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. I don't have a reason to be depressed. I just am. Sure, there are things in my life that suck and need to be improved upon...but so many others, like you, jamdls, have been through far worse.



Thanks, UE.

Bamboozle

Thanks to every single person who replied to this thread. I still feel lost, but I appreciate the support. I have therapy tomorrow and I have no idea what I'm going to say. I still don't know what I'm going to do.

Aysha

Never feel bad foir how you feel Bam. We al have our own personal hell.
I hate it when I am told..Well it can always be worse. Others havce it worse than you.
They have nothing to do with me and how I feel. And it seems more like my issues arent worth anything.
Sometimes there just isnt any good reason why we feel like we do.
I am goin through that now. I have alot of anger and frustration and I really dont know why.
I think it has alot to do with myself inside. How I am feelin about myself.
So with me. I tend to take it out on others when my problem is really with me.
I dont know why that is. But it is.
I need to change me inside. I don know that.
There just is something thats holdonh me back from being happy with anything.
I think you need to find a therapisty or whatever that your are comfortable enough to speak up to.
It sounds liek your just smiling and noddin with this one.
You did this with your Dr with the heart palpitations. You didnt speak up. When you did you got reslults.
You gotta voice yourself. Even if your wrong. You gotta make your thoughnt s and ideas known. Then you can eliminate the possibilty of what if on your part.
You need a confidence boost.
I have thought about ways of meeting people too. I am not into bars. Personals creep me out too.
I am really very shy in real life so I have a hard time doin that as well.
To meet someone normally I mam ok. But on a more personal level gets me feelin all weird.
And I know its because I am unsure of myself.
You are a cool chick. I liked you out the gate. Like I have said a milolion times. Any girl thats ok with farts is awesome. That to me says you are real and down to earth and easy goin. Thats what I look for in people. Not all that superficial BS.
I hope you feel better soon. I wish you seen what I see just from what I have learned here about you.
Hang in there Bam.
I

jamdls

LOL that is something I've never heard before. Made me laugh.

It seems to me that a majority of addicts/alcoholics are that way largely due to low self esteem and when we stop our drug of choice we're left with what we were trying to run from. All my life no matter what terrible thing happened my mother would say to me "at least you've got your looks" like that was supposed to make everything ok, it didn't help with my self esteem at all. Then when I was 50 I learned I had skin cancer on my face and they were going to have remove a chunk of my lip, I didn't know who I was w/o being "the cute one" and that (and being a drunk) sent me into such a depression I tried and nearly suceeded in ending my life. Well I quit drinking, and had the cancer removed and began to realize that I have a lot more to offer than once being a pretty face. I no longer define myself but what I think others see because I'm 52, I've gained weight, and yes my lip is slightly deformed but the Judy I see on the inside is a whole lot more beautiful than anything I ever imagined was on the outside. I haven't found anyone to appreciate the new improved Judy but I haven't really tried either because I think it's important to "fix" ourselves in order to have successful relationships.

meditation

I had post partum depression and IT was neverending black fog. I had absolutely nothing to be depressed about. I truly do believe that hormone levels have much to do with how depressed or UNdepressed I feel. I get bad pms. When I have bad pms I hate myself. I don't like my body or my soul. It all factors into hormones.

I don't know that antidepressants cure hormones but maybe seeing a good gyn doc would make a difference.

Also I hate exercise but I have to have it or I go nuts spiralling down into black negative thoughts. I have to have lots of open space in the sun. I have to be outside at sunset or be with people, doesn't matter how happy I am sunset brings on crushing hate thoughts.

Also I am not offering you medical advice but my daughter and I take micro retin A ointment and it is the only thing we've found that works any on skin problems. I've tried them all but on the bright side I don't look my age due to my oily skin. I look 10 years younger. There is that plus I think going to a dermatologist which you said you did but one more try eh? Also I went to a plastic surgeon for some work done on the acne scars and you can't hardly tell anymore.

I think the problems are all bearable and doable it's just for me when I get on one negative mind set everything that even only mildly bugged me starts to be sucked into that vortex till I am thinking nothing and I mean nothing ever will be better.
That is called black and white thinking and not seeing things in grades as in everything is all GOOD or everything is all BAD and nothing is half way. That is why perception is so hard to change. I have to constantly tell myself that things aren't as crappy as I make them out and everything has some solution and take it bite by bite and it's all do-able..... you're seeing the whole picture BAM instead of tackling it in small chunks. I really do care about my secular folks and Bam you've been really good to me. Things don't have to be crappy and I want you to not feel so bad. Much love to you.

Bamboozle

Wow, medi, jam,chiy....Thank you so much.

Thanks everyone. I would like to write some replies...but I feel it's best to digest what was posted here. These responses are really good. Even if I don't figure it out...I hope one of the lurkers out there can find this thread to be useful.

redshift

I hear ya... I'm not going to say it's easy, because it's tough. Especially when we're used to being in a comfort zone by ourselves.

But by pushing your comfort zone little by little, and sticking to it, you'd be surprised how quickly you become OK with situations you really didn't like before. I would recommend finding a few good places where you can just hang out and build that comfortability. Coffee shop, or quirky bookstore maybe? Don't just go to shop and leave... hang around, listen to people talk, how they interact. More likely than not you'll overhear something interesting that could be a great conversation starter. Or maybe some informal type of group meeting, like a photowalk or art/museum tour or something? No pressure, just have fun!

Remember that just like sobriety, solid relationships and friendships are built over time... I know we all want that hug right when we need it. And you'll get it! Just give yourself that chance, go have some sober fun with people, and before you know it you'll be so much more comfortable. I'm pulling for you!

OceanBound

Well, then tell the therapist what you've told us. That you think therapy is not working and you are thinking of ending it. That you hate yourself and don't know how to change. That you don't see a point in continuing to live like this.

And then ask your therapist to come up with a plan. What to do to change your attitude about things and most importantly yourself. You need practice exercises, you need reading or whatever else the therapist suggests. You don't snap out of severe depression. And it IS hard work to learn to love yourself. And nobody would do it for you. But if you want a chance at a normal life, you need to want to try. Don't leave the therapist's office without a plan. If you want results, you can't be passive in therapy. Better therapists would push you if you are passive but ultimately it's your responsibility and right to get what you need out of that relationship.

Therapy is really learning to respond with a "normal" reaction to life situations. Depression robs you of seeing things for what they are. Instead, you feel out of control and blame yourself for everything. You were given a lot of good examples above how to change thinking. That's what therapy should teach you. I feel it's too early for you to do it yourself. You need somebody to guide you to change your thinking. On the plus side, severe depression is one of the most treatable conditions, well, at least the severe part is very treatable.

Good luck and keep us posted!

pearlwolf911

I went through a depression like this too. Its a terrible, crushing, exhausting feeling....I know. But some how this post makes me feel a little better knowing that I'm not alone.
BUT I did get through it. I take my happy pills. I still have ups and downs.
the docs had to play with the meds for a while before they found the right cocktail.
I'm sorry ur having such a hard time, but take comfort in the fact that I understand....so many people do. And know we are here for you. always

KariSue

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad Bamboozle.

I agree that you should tell your therapist what you told all of us. I also have another suggestion. If it's too hard to say what you want to say just keep a diary of your thoughts and let the therapist read it. Or have the therapist come here and read this thread. Just some possibilities.

I don't know if this will be of any help but I figured it couldn't hurt to suggest it. Thinking this has helped me in the past.

Say to yourself: "I can't help how I feel right now but I can help how I think and act." It's true and sometimes it gets you "unstuck" or it has me.

Another way to meet people might be to do some volunteer work if you feel up to it.

KariSue

Zencat

There was a time with my depression where I just accepted that treatment was going to take time. Surely I thought to my self at the time my mood can't persist like it was if I work towards wellness. And after much effort and patients my mood did improve.

That is still true for me too.

Welcome to Secular Connections pearlwolf911.

Dee74

wow this thread really kicked along - and I'm glad - there's been some far better posts here than I could do.

I'm also glad cos you're a pretty integral part of things around here Bam

Quoted for Truth. LOL
D

Bamboozle

chiy, thank you so much for this. I let this part marinate in my brain last night:





I do like my therapist...she's easy to talk to. The problem lies with me. Even the best therapists aren't mind readers, so you're right. I needed to speak up. I'm going to stick with this therapist. I feel comfortable around her...and I told her that I needed to work on my self-esteem and confidence. That's what we talked about today...and that's what I need to work on every day.


I told her a story that happened a week and a half ago:


I went to my local Rite Aid, got a bottle of water, and went to the front to stand in line. I got there about the same time as an older guy did. I let him in front. He was holding a rather large bottle of vodka. He looked at what I was holding and said, "Well, if that's all you are getting you can go ahead of me." I said, "Nah, that's okay. I have to get a pack of smokes anyway." He said, "Is there anything I can say to get you to quit smoking?" I paused a beat before saying, "Is there anything I can say to get you to quit drinking?" We both said, "Touché" at the same time and he slapped me a high-five. He said, "That's what I get for preaching".


My therapist pointed out to me (I don't know why I don't see this myself) that I have it in me to be more assertive. I really do. She noted that what he said was, in a way, like a personal attack. That never occurred to me. I'll have to remember that. I handled the situation well. I wasn't being an a$$ the way I said what I said. I got my point across and stuck up for myself.


I want to say that I’ve been overwhelmed with the support in this thread. There are wonderful things here, and I hope this helps other people. I thank every person for posting here. You folks are super. You were here for me when I needed support the most. I cannot thank you enough.

Eroica

Funny story bam.. I also would not have thought of it as a personal attack, unless he were to shove you and say something like "quit smoking stupid". lol If he was a younger cute guy then I would have absolutely no problem with him striking up a conversation the way he did.

I liked your response. I would have just said something like "can you please mind your own business?" but thats just me.

Aysha

That was brilliant Bam.
And I bet that response came with little thought.
I always tend to speak before I think. Its not always good. But alot of times it lets me say things that just need to be said.
Otherwise I am goin to think too much and flounder.
Does that make sense?
But it does get me in trouble sometimes.
But I have got to a point where I really dont care what anyone except the ones care about think of me.
I always try to be honest and say whats on my mind. I never conform to please anyone. And sometimes that too is a bad thing. I guess it all lies in knowing when to keep your mouth shut. With me.,..I never know until its too late..LOL
Oh well. Its just how I ma I guess.

I am glad you opened up to your therapist. Your right. You gotta help others help you.
I think that was a huge step in the right direction Bam. Just keep doint hat and always speak up.
Always stand up for what you believe in ..EVen if you stand alone.

jamdls

That was a fabulous response Bam! I'd of probably just lowered my eyes and blushed and walked away. I always hate it when I'm buying cigarettes and some idiot will say something like "smoking will kill ya ya know" well duh of course I know that

Bamboozle

The next time someone says that tell them that simply being alive will eventually kill anyone.