How do you know it's the end or the beginning? I ask this question in all seriousness. How you do distinguish between the two? Or is it too hard to do? I'm at either point now and I am not sure. OTOH, I have to be a realist. I did something today I've never done - tell my brother I need to talk to him. For me to reach out to a member of my family is just not the norm. I have no idea what to say to him. Of course, there is the obvious reason - I need an executor to my will. Then again, maybe I am just sick of living this way. Maybe both. I must be the slowest person *on the planet* to realize I am dealing with a very serious issue. I really screwed up today. Was on an anti-psychotic for a few days and stopped, per my Dr. saying I could take it that way, but maybe it was too heavy duty for me (not sure if that is why I did what I did today and no one is a Dr. here and not seeking medical advice). My dad takes it for Alzheimers. So for a few days I was on two anti-psychotics, an anti-depressant, a mood stablizer, and anti anxiety agent. No wonder I am a nutcase. I am a walking pharmacy. Perhaps my meds are causing a problem, and I took an email today perhaps in the wrong way and blew off my treatment group. I wasn't altogether altogether. I can't give up but have screwed up and don't know how to fix it. Of course, I could always apologize and say I want to go back to my group, but dammit that is hard. All of this is hard. I sort of snapped in that email. I have got to stop with these heavy duty drugs and mixing them. I do have an appt with my Dr. on 6/3. How much damage can I do between now and then, rhetorically speaking. I guess I am just putting this out there. Sorry and I know I am a pain in the arse, but this is the best recovery forum around and I do need help right now. Sort of desperate. Thanks. |
I'm not sure I understand at all, and I certainly have no background in what you're dealing with Katie. But your question reminded me of a line from a song: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. Maybe it's an end and a beginning. I don't know, but I offer support and love. Good luck. |
Originally Posted by gneiss
(Post 2241792)
I'm not sure I understand at all, and I certainly have no background in what you're dealing with Katie. But your question reminded me of a line from a song: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. Maybe it's an end and a beginning. I don't know, but I offer support and love. Good luck. |
I'm not offering advice but my preference is to take as few drugs as possible (ironic, considering the lovely items I smoked and snorted). Even when they are helpful often the side effects outweigh the benefits. But again, this is only my preference and should in no way be taken as medical gospel. |
Originally Posted by gneiss
(Post 2241799)
I'm not offering advice but my preference is to take as few drugs as possible (ironic, considering the lovely items I smoked and snorted). Even when they are helpful often the side effects outweigh the benefits. But again, this is only my preference and should in no way be taken as medical gospel. |
I'm guessing you won't be the first person to blow off treatment in anger, Katie. Ring them, email them, go and see them - explain your situation and apologise. Sure it's hard - I'm not great at humble pie myself - but to blow off your group leaves you with what exactly? Whether this is an ending or a beginning depends on what you do next really. oh- and it's always best to consult a dr before beginning, ending, or otherwise changing meds (medical disclaimer LOL) D |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 2241809)
I'm guessing you won't be the first person to blow off treatment in anger, Katie. Ring them, email them, go and see them - explain your situation and apologise. Sure it's hard - I'm not great at humble pie myself - but to blow off your group leaves you with what exactly? Whether this is an ending or a beginning depends on what you do next really. oh- and it's always best to consult a dr before beginning, ending, or otherwise changing meds (medical disclaimer LOL) D |
I just felt like I was getting the legalese CYA stuff, if you know what that means. Your spelling apologise (an s rather than a z) is from overseas, right? As for snapping - we can all surprise ourselves in a negative way. Weren't you drinking as well last weekend tho Katie? I would guess the anti psychs and alcohol might not do good things together - even if you weren't using them at exactly the same time? or maybe it was the stop - who knows? Again not a Dr, although I have watched house :) D |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 2241834)
Yeah Australia - and no I don't know what 'the legalese CYA stuff' means :) As for snapping - we can all surprise ourselves in a negative way. Weren't you drinking as well last weekend tho Katie? I would guess the anti psychs and alcohol might not do good things together - even if you weren't using them at exactly the same time? or maybe it was the stop - who knows? Again not a Dr, although I have watched house :) D Yeah, safe to say that both alcohol and anti-psychotics are not a good mix and you are correct. Went off the deep end. All I can do is to pick myself up and dust off and move forward. Anyway, greetings from across a VERY big pond. I am always amazed at the power of the Net to bring people together. |
Just don't lump us Brits and Aussies together ok? LOL and yeah I think this can be a beginning of something good (or an ending of something bad) move fwd, go back to group, see your dr... and needless to say....drugs and booze :scorebad Take care Katie and gotcha on the cya LOL D |
Katie, You’re right, I’m not a doctor. Warren Buffett has a saying: Never ask the barber if you need a haircut. So, the skeptic in me looks at the intensive outpatient recovery program you are in (they get paid), the psychiatrist you are seeing (he gets paid), and the pills you are taking (a product for sale, and you are buying it.) Your psychiatrist has a conflict of interest. The more problems you have, the longer they continue, the more the money just rolls on in. It’s like an auto mechanic who might be motivated to cause more problems than he fixes so you will keep coming back. You’re right, I’m not a doctor, but I’ll bet if you asked your doctor if you should be smoking and drinking while using “two anti-psychotics, an anti-depressant, a mood stablizer, and anti anxiety agent” I know what his answer would be. Humans have lived on this planet for what is presumed to be millions of years, and somehow, as a species, we have managed to survive without alcohol, cigarettes, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Lithium, cocaine, meth, or whatever other chemicals we thoughtlessly ingest in the name of filtering out all of our pesky feelings. What if our emotions weren’t meant to be filtered? What if they are a survival mechanism? What if they evolved as an inner voice? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you anxious? Do you have an attention deficit? Do you obsess about things? Perhaps the answer is not to get so jacked up on pills that you can’t remember your middle name. Maybe you need to ask yourself “self, why am I feeling this way?” Maybe the answer is a map, a plan, a path. Maybe our feelings are fuel. Energy. Motivation. When you are angry, whom are you looking out for? Have you ever been depressed and decided to give yourself permission to make yourself happy? Has anxiety ever inspired you to get out of a situation? Did it make your life better or worse? Have you ever had times where being distracted seemed to make you more aware of extremely complex events going on around you? Should hunters remain vigilant of new distractions? Have you ever obsessed about a topic or field of interest, hygiene, fitness, or cleanliness of your home, and found that said obsession made your life much better? I’m not a doctor, but doctors don’t know everything. Mutual admiration isn’t the only thing that sets us apart from the animals. |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 2241852)
Just don't lump us Brits and Aussies together ok? LOL and yeah I think this can be a beginning of something good (or an ending of something bad) move fwd, go back to group, see your dr... and needless to say....drugs and booze :scorebad Take care Katie and gotcha on the cya LOL D |
Originally Posted by Freepath
(Post 2241868)
Katie, You’re right, I’m not a doctor. Warren Buffett has a saying: Never ask the barber if you need a haircut. So, the skeptic in me looks at the intensive outpatient recovery program you are in (they get paid), the psychiatrist you are seeing (he gets paid), and the pills you are taking (a product for sale, and you are buying it.) Your psychiatrist has a conflict of interest. The more problems you have, the longer they continue, the more the money just rolls on in. It’s like an auto mechanic who might be motivated to cause more problems than he fixes so you will keep coming back. You’re right, I’m not a doctor, but I’ll bet if you asked your doctor if you should be smoking and drinking while using “two anti-psychotics, an anti-depressant, a mood stablizer, and anti anxiety agent” I know what his answer would be. Humans have lived on this planet for what is presumed to be millions of years, and somehow, as a species, we have managed to survive without alcohol, cigarettes, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Lithium, cocaine, meth, or whatever other chemicals we thoughtlessly ingest in the name of filtering out all of our pesky feelings. What if our emotions weren’t meant to be filtered? What if they are a survival mechanism? What if they evolved as an inner voice? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you anxious? Do you have an attention deficit? Do you obsess about things? Perhaps the answer is not to get so jacked up on pills that you can’t remember your middle name. Maybe you need to ask yourself “self, why am I feeling this way?” Maybe the answer is a map, a plan, a path. Maybe our feelings are fuel. Energy. Motivation. When you are angry, whom are you looking out for? Have you ever been depressed and decided to give yourself permission to make yourself happy? Has anxiety ever inspired you to get out of a situation? Did it make your life better or worse? Have you ever had times where being distracted seemed to make you more aware of extremely complex events going on around you? Should hunters remain vigilant of new distractions? Have you ever obsessed about a topic or field of interest, hygiene, fitness, or cleanliness of your home, and found that said obsession made your life much better? I’m not a doctor, but doctors don’t know everything. Mutual admiration isn’t the only thing that sets us apart from the animals. |
Katie, I am worried about you. I am not a doctor but if you were my sister, I would take you to the ER to get you stabilized, like now. In my non medical opinion, you could OD and die at any time. Please think about it. |
I noticed LOL and I was only joking Katie -'scool. As for the Dr thing Freepath - I hear what you say - I think we all have had suspicions at some time or other that treatment was more about the therapists bank balance than our welfare. But I think we'd all agree that to suggest that's always the case is simply not true. Sometimes we can't fix ourselves - especially when we're not well in ourselves. Sometimes IMO we need that extra outside perspective. I dunno about anyone else here? but I was woefully bad at self diagnosis, self treatment and self medication. Sometimes too I think we do need those pesky emotions filtered, or augmented, monitored, or whatever. Nature is not always perfect in itself - if I had to survive without anti d's at one period in my 20s, I may not be here now. Others mightn't mind that LOL....but I'm glad I had some help then. D |
Originally Posted by TTOSBT
(Post 2241901)
Katie, I am worried about you. I am not a doctor but if you were my sister, I would take you to the ER to get you stabilized, like now. In my non medical opinion, you could OD and die at any time. Please think about it. |
Originally Posted by Freepath
(Post 2241868)
Katie, You’re right, I’m not a doctor. Warren Buffett has a saying: Never ask the barber if you need a haircut. So, the skeptic in me looks at the intensive outpatient recovery program you are in (they get paid), the psychiatrist you are seeing (he gets paid), and the pills you are taking (a product for sale, and you are buying it.) Your psychiatrist has a conflict of interest. The more problems you have, the longer they continue, the more the money just rolls on in. It’s like an auto mechanic who might be motivated to cause more problems than he fixes so you will keep coming back. You’re right, I’m not a doctor, but I’ll bet if you asked your doctor if you should be smoking and drinking while using “two anti-psychotics, an anti-depressant, a mood stablizer, and anti anxiety agent” I know what his answer would be. Humans have lived on this planet for what is presumed to be millions of years, and somehow, as a species, we have managed to survive without alcohol, cigarettes, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Lithium, cocaine, meth, or whatever other chemicals we thoughtlessly ingest in the name of filtering out all of our pesky feelings. What if our emotions weren’t meant to be filtered? What if they are a survival mechanism? What if they evolved as an inner voice? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you anxious? Do you have an attention deficit? Do you obsess about things? Perhaps the answer is not to get so jacked up on pills that you can’t remember your middle name. Maybe you need to ask yourself “self, why am I feeling this way?” Maybe the answer is a map, a plan, a path. Maybe our feelings are fuel. Energy. Motivation. When you are angry, whom are you looking out for? Have you ever been depressed and decided to give yourself permission to make yourself happy? Has anxiety ever inspired you to get out of a situation? Did it make your life better or worse? Have you ever had times where being distracted seemed to make you more aware of extremely complex events going on around you? Should hunters remain vigilant of new distractions? Have you ever obsessed about a topic or field of interest, hygiene, fitness, or cleanliness of your home, and found that said obsession made your life much better? I’m not a doctor, but doctors don’t know everything. Mutual admiration isn’t the only thing that sets us apart from the animals. |
Oh, and to Freepath Can't edit my message anymore but wanted to share this story... Oh, and just to share a story. There was this guy in there (treatment program) who got busted for smoking pot. He'd been with the Union for 25 or 30 years. Never had any problem but did test positive once. Nice guy, ready to retire, straight shooter. At any rate, the company made him go to this rehab (I am convinced no problem). He did his time and then on what was supposed to have been his last night, the therapist announced he'd been approved for eight more sessions per his insurance. Not cool. The guy got up and walked out and that was it. I do believe that these programs are motivated based on money - in part. My last job was as a case manager for a social service outfit. It came down to billable hours, even if it meant making stupid phone calls to bill for and not helping clients one iota. Yeah, I did care getting in, but got out thinking forget it. So I am somewhat familiar with the system. Anyway, your post made me think of this. |
Originally Posted by Katie09
(Post 2241770)
I ask this question in all seriousness. How you do distinguish between the two? Or is it too hard to do? I'm at either point now and I am not sure. OTOH, I have to be a realist. You only have one worry, Katie. Recovery. When you get that down, you will have clear cut, well defined answers to all the other worries. It's just the way it works. Forget about the rest of it. Stick a tourniquet on it and set it aside. Recovery. The one and only thing you have to get right. What is the one thing you can do today for your recovery? Identify it and do it. And that's all you get to do. You don't get to obsess or do anything else. Do that one thing until it's done. Then identify the next thing. |
Originally Posted by keithj
(Post 2242253)
Ugh. It hurts my brain to read. Katie, slow down. Breathe. You've added 4 or 5 new worries into your life in the last day or so. You only have one worry, Katie. Recovery. When you get that down, you will have clear cut, well defined answers to all the other worries. It's just the way it works. Forget about the rest of it. Stick a tourniquet on it and set it aside. Recovery. The one and only thing you have to get right. What is the one thing you can do today for your recovery? Identify it and do it. And that's all you get to do. You don't get to obsess or do anything else. Do that one thing until it's done. Then identify the next thing. Sorry! This is just how my brain works, unfortunately. I'll do my best to not think about too much today. *Katie winces.* |
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