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Who really wants to sign up for this?
I've often heard in meetings..."I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic." Well, one might be grateful to be recovering, but I've certainly never been of the bent that I am grateful to have this thing. I've struggled my whole damn life with this deal and, if I had my druthers, it would not be a part of who I am and I don't care what anyone says at any meeting.
At any rate, I am of the opinion that "normies" inflict as much damage as I ever will. In fact, I think sometimes that, due to their status as normies, they inflict even *more* damage.
Whatever, this is sort of a vent - a rant. I've been with someone who has never had one issue in his life - except for the ones that I end up drinking over. Oh sure, he might have a gambling issue. Oh sure, he can't go a day without mentioning how all these other women want him. But he has no diagnosis. I don't want to fight, I don't want to confront, I just want him to be thoughtful, loving, kind and considerate. And when he is not, I drink.
At any rate, I am of the opinion that "normies" inflict as much damage as I ever will. In fact, I think sometimes that, due to their status as normies, they inflict even *more* damage.
Whatever, this is sort of a vent - a rant. I've been with someone who has never had one issue in his life - except for the ones that I end up drinking over. Oh sure, he might have a gambling issue. Oh sure, he can't go a day without mentioning how all these other women want him. But he has no diagnosis. I don't want to fight, I don't want to confront, I just want him to be thoughtful, loving, kind and considerate. And when he is not, I drink.
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I'm very aware of the fact that everything that's happened to me - good or bad - has made me who I am, and that includes alcoholism.
I'm not grateful for it any more than I'm grateful for my cerebral palsy - I think that's pushing the happy happy joy joy sunshine train too far - but both have helped me become me....and I kinda like me these days....so it's not entirely a negative thing.
And I am grateful to be alive.
That's your choice tho Katie. And it's a bad choice when you look at the results, and think about alternatives.
And as for whether normies or alkies do more damage - it doesn't matter.
The only damage we can do anything about is our own, surely?
D
I'm not grateful for it any more than I'm grateful for my cerebral palsy - I think that's pushing the happy happy joy joy sunshine train too far - but both have helped me become me....and I kinda like me these days....so it's not entirely a negative thing.
And I am grateful to be alive.
Originally Posted by Katie09 
I just want him to be thoughtful, loving, kind and considerate. And when he is not, I drink.
And as for whether normies or alkies do more damage - it doesn't matter.
The only damage we can do anything about is our own, surely?
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
That's your choice tho Katie. And it's a bad choice when you look at the results, and think about alternatives.
And as for whether normies or alkies do more damage - it doesn't matter.
The only damage we can do anything about is our own, surely?
D
And as for whether normies or alkies do more damage - it doesn't matter.
The only damage we can do anything about is our own, surely?
D
And I bet I am not alone in this. I venture to guess that a lot of people like me don't want to fight, don't do conflict well and drink because of this.
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om god.... i'm on board with dee on this one.
Katie...it was real important for me when i first started the road to recovery that i understand that i don't really ever drink over a man...or for that matter anything outside myself...i drink over my own reactions to it.
I beilieve that others and circumstances can make sobriety easier or harder...but ultimately i drink over me...somehow thats what it comes back to in a tangled way.
This desease may kill any one of us....so nope grateful for the disease i am not
Katie...it was real important for me when i first started the road to recovery that i understand that i don't really ever drink over a man...or for that matter anything outside myself...i drink over my own reactions to it.
I beilieve that others and circumstances can make sobriety easier or harder...but ultimately i drink over me...somehow thats what it comes back to in a tangled way.
This desease may kill any one of us....so nope grateful for the disease i am not
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Truth is, I need no excuse to drink. It's a coping strategy I have employed to deal with things I don't want to deal with. I have a tendency to not say what I am feeling in the minute, let it stew over days and then drink. Not good.
And I bet I am not alone in this. I venture to guess that a lot of people like me don't want to fight, don't do conflict well and drink because of this.
And I bet I am not alone in this. I venture to guess that a lot of people like me don't want to fight, don't do conflict well and drink because of this.
ultimately i drink over me...somehow thats what it comes back to in a tangled way.
You may have noticed I no longer have much trouble telling people what I think LOL
. Truth is I still hate conflict - it makes my blood run cold - but I realise now sometimes it's a necessary part of life to get things done or not be trampled on...and it's better than drinking
D
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Originally Posted by suki44883
If he causes you to drink (which he doesn't), why do you stay in a relationship with him? Sorry to be blunt, but, the idea is to avoid triggers.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I spent years avoiding things at all costs - communication's far better in my experience - have you bought any of this up with him Katie?
D
D
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Originally Posted by Katie09
I've often heard in meetings..."I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic." Well, one might be grateful to be recovering, but I've certainly never been of the bent that I am grateful to have this thing. I've struggled my whole damn life with this deal and, if I had my druthers, it would not be a part of who I am and I don't care what anyone says at any meeting.
At any rate, I am of the opinion that "normies" inflict as much damage as I ever will. In fact, I think sometimes that, due to their status as normies, they inflict even *more* damage.
Whatever, this is sort of a vent - a rant. I've been with someone who has never had one issue in his life - except for the ones that I end up drinking over. Oh sure, he might have a gambling issue. Oh sure, he can't go a day without mentioning how all these other women want him. But he has no diagnosis. I don't want to fight, I don't want to confront, I just want him to be thoughtful, loving, kind and considerate. And when he is not, I drink.
At any rate, I am of the opinion that "normies" inflict as much damage as I ever will. In fact, I think sometimes that, due to their status as normies, they inflict even *more* damage.
Whatever, this is sort of a vent - a rant. I've been with someone who has never had one issue in his life - except for the ones that I end up drinking over. Oh sure, he might have a gambling issue. Oh sure, he can't go a day without mentioning how all these other women want him. But he has no diagnosis. I don't want to fight, I don't want to confront, I just want him to be thoughtful, loving, kind and considerate. And when he is not, I drink.
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Actually, he sounds kinda like a jerk to me. Who wants someone who goes around saying how so many other women want him? I'd step up to him and say...Well, there's the door. Go on with your bad self!
Last edited by suki44883; 05-23-2009 at 06:30 PM.
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and...... I kinda like you too, Dee :-)
When I heard people in meetings repeat over and over and over (I prayed that God would shot me now) that they were grateful alcoholics, I believe they meant that it was because they now had a "program for living" In fact when i asked someone what the Sam Hill he meant by that, he explained "If I hadn't become an alcoholic, I wouldn't have this program for living" Hmmmm.
I had even heard people saying they felt sorry for normies, because *they* didn't have a program for living. Hmmmm.....
When I heard people in meetings repeat over and over and over (I prayed that God would shot me now) that they were grateful alcoholics, I believe they meant that it was because they now had a "program for living" In fact when i asked someone what the Sam Hill he meant by that, he explained "If I hadn't become an alcoholic, I wouldn't have this program for living" Hmmmm.
I had even heard people saying they felt sorry for normies, because *they* didn't have a program for living. Hmmmm.....
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Originally Posted by suki44883
Actually, he sounds kinda like a jerk to me. Who wants someone who goes around saying how so many other women want him? I'd step up to him and say...Well, there's the door. Go on with your bad self!
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Originally Posted by TTOSBT
What about being in a relationship with an active addict is attractive or seems like a good idea for an alcoholic trying to recover??
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Originally Posted by Katie09
I've often heard in meetings..."I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic." Well, one might be grateful to be recovering, but I've certainly never been of the bent that I am grateful to have this thing. I've struggled my whole damn life with this deal and, if I had my druthers, it would not be a part of who I am and I don't care what anyone says at any meeting.
Originally Posted by Katie09
At any rate, I am of the opinion that "normies" inflict as much damage as I ever will. In fact, I think sometimes that, due to their status as normies, they inflict even *more* damage.
IMO. Yet they are free to live their life as they wish because there is no adverse scrutiny like alcoholism that beings them under the lite of 'heighten righteous notice'.
Originally Posted by Katie09
Whatever, this is sort of a vent - a rant. I've been with someone who has never had one issue in his life - except for the ones that I end up drinking over. Oh sure, he might have a gambling issue. Oh sure, he can't go a day without mentioning how all these other women want him. But he has no diagnosis. I don't want to fight, I don't want to confront, I just want him to be thoughtful, loving, kind and considerate. And when he is not, I drink.
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Katie,
Is he more supportive of you when you are not drinking and trying and seemingly not supportive when you do drink?
Maybe this is becoming too much work for him. We're not supposed to have to change for another person. It sounds like he has his issues and you have yours and both of you are trying to change each other (tho quitting drinking for good would be of benefit to you regardless.) If he doesn't treat you the way you expect, you say you drink. Do you think you are trying to punish him indirectly, or directly? Ever hear the line. I will drink this poison in hopes to kill you?
Is he more supportive of you when you are not drinking and trying and seemingly not supportive when you do drink?
Maybe this is becoming too much work for him. We're not supposed to have to change for another person. It sounds like he has his issues and you have yours and both of you are trying to change each other (tho quitting drinking for good would be of benefit to you regardless.) If he doesn't treat you the way you expect, you say you drink. Do you think you are trying to punish him indirectly, or directly? Ever hear the line. I will drink this poison in hopes to kill you?
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Originally Posted by gerryP
Katie,
Is he more supportive of you when you are not drinking and trying and seemingly not supportive when you do drink?
Maybe this is becoming too much work for him. We're not supposed to have to change for another person. It sounds like he has his issues and you have yours and both of you are trying to change each other (tho quitting drinking for good would be of benefit to you regardless.) If he doesn't treat you the way you expect, you say you drink. Do you think you are trying to punish him indirectly, or directly? Ever hear the line. I will drink this poison in hopes to kill you?
Is he more supportive of you when you are not drinking and trying and seemingly not supportive when you do drink?
Maybe this is becoming too much work for him. We're not supposed to have to change for another person. It sounds like he has his issues and you have yours and both of you are trying to change each other (tho quitting drinking for good would be of benefit to you regardless.) If he doesn't treat you the way you expect, you say you drink. Do you think you are trying to punish him indirectly, or directly? Ever hear the line. I will drink this poison in hopes to kill you?
It may well be becoming too much work for him, but he's a lot of work for me too, although he just cannot see it. No, I am not trying to punish him, as I don't subject him to it in person except when dragged to a casino for three hours. He has his own issues. I drink because I hate confronting issues that I need to but will result in people getting volatile, so I avoid them. I avoid them through drinking. These are the things I am learning in IOP. No, I won't be getting any awards there and I'm ok with that. The important thing is to gain knowledge and insight I can apply. I am supposed to be addressing things as they arise, but I am loathe to do that as I don't want a blowout. Much easier to pick up a drink. My two choices with him are to say how I feel and deal with the consequences (never good) and not and not fix me. The other choice is to take a stand he won't like which will result in huge discomfort and not take a drink. Either way, I am damned and either way it ends things.
Since I don't have an unlimited supply of funds, I am afraid he gets the boot unless he changes too. I need to focus on me and now is the time to do it. Thanks for your thoughts.
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I wouldn't have signed up to be an alkie or druggie beforehand, but at this point I would not trade those experiences. It sucks, it's hard work, it's no fun. But, know thyself, right? I've learned more about myself than I think would have been possible otherwise. I've learned more about what I expect from myself; more about setting limits; more about what I expect from others, especially men I am involved with... the list goes on.
I barely passed classes my last semester of undergrad, and mostly don't remember anything. I stumbled into grad school at my last-choice school on academic probation because I was more interested in getting high than going to class. Drugs were so close to taking everything I think is important. And now I have a feeling of accomplishment. I took my life back. I pulled my head out of my @$$, knuckled down, and quit using. I pulled off a 4.0 GPA for my first semester of grad school. I got rid of the people who were bringing me down. I straightened up most of the problems I caused. And now I feel like there's not much to stop me. I feel like I've been just about as low as I can go in my life and I survived it.
As for your boyfriend... my ex also says all the time that women all want him. When anyone else is around it's always: "She wants to **** me." Gawd I got sick of it. But I think, in his case, he did it out of his own insecurity. He knew it made me jealous or possessive and I think he kind of liked that. It reassured him that I was still interested. When no one else was around he would make comments that he wasn't that good-looking, women didn't find him attractive, etc. It wasn't until I read the comments above that I put 2 and 2 together and realized that underneath his brash and confident exterior is someone who has let slip a little bit that he is not as confident as he seems; makes me wonder if it was a bit of an act because he thought I might like that or if I saw something in him that he does not normally let people see. I have met/talked to several of his exes and they definitely never saw the insecurity. As far as I can tell he never said anything like that to them, it was always about how many women wanted him rather than how many women didn't want him. Wow. Puts his drunk-dialed "I'm sorry I hurt you, I love you, and want you in my life because I can't be the person I want to be without you" from a week ago in a whole new light. I figured he was just hammered and babbling. Oh dear.
I saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past this afternoon and bawled in the theater. It's supposed to be an air-headed chick flick and much like Confessions of a Shopaholic it hit home in a lot of painful ways.
Thanks to everyone for the posts. What a weird night for me.
I barely passed classes my last semester of undergrad, and mostly don't remember anything. I stumbled into grad school at my last-choice school on academic probation because I was more interested in getting high than going to class. Drugs were so close to taking everything I think is important. And now I have a feeling of accomplishment. I took my life back. I pulled my head out of my @$$, knuckled down, and quit using. I pulled off a 4.0 GPA for my first semester of grad school. I got rid of the people who were bringing me down. I straightened up most of the problems I caused. And now I feel like there's not much to stop me. I feel like I've been just about as low as I can go in my life and I survived it.
As for your boyfriend... my ex also says all the time that women all want him. When anyone else is around it's always: "She wants to **** me." Gawd I got sick of it. But I think, in his case, he did it out of his own insecurity. He knew it made me jealous or possessive and I think he kind of liked that. It reassured him that I was still interested. When no one else was around he would make comments that he wasn't that good-looking, women didn't find him attractive, etc. It wasn't until I read the comments above that I put 2 and 2 together and realized that underneath his brash and confident exterior is someone who has let slip a little bit that he is not as confident as he seems; makes me wonder if it was a bit of an act because he thought I might like that or if I saw something in him that he does not normally let people see. I have met/talked to several of his exes and they definitely never saw the insecurity. As far as I can tell he never said anything like that to them, it was always about how many women wanted him rather than how many women didn't want him. Wow. Puts his drunk-dialed "I'm sorry I hurt you, I love you, and want you in my life because I can't be the person I want to be without you" from a week ago in a whole new light. I figured he was just hammered and babbling. Oh dear.
I saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past this afternoon and bawled in the theater. It's supposed to be an air-headed chick flick and much like Confessions of a Shopaholic it hit home in a lot of painful ways.
Thanks to everyone for the posts. What a weird night for me.
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What I really wanted to drive home in this thread is that no one signs up for this. No one says "When I grow up I want to mess up my life with alcohol and drugs. Then I want to lose things important to me. And for good measure, I would like a psychiatric Dx thrown in for fun."
But often we are judged as if that were the case. That is a huge problem. Even in this relationship I think he thinks it should be a snap. Well, if he got help for his smoking, it would be akin to my constantly questioning if he was smoking and telling him that smoking is more important than a human being. Not true. Addictions are tough and not a reflection on the other person, although the other person may present with triggers that lead someone down the path of relapse.
But often we are judged as if that were the case. That is a huge problem. Even in this relationship I think he thinks it should be a snap. Well, if he got help for his smoking, it would be akin to my constantly questioning if he was smoking and telling him that smoking is more important than a human being. Not true. Addictions are tough and not a reflection on the other person, although the other person may present with triggers that lead someone down the path of relapse.
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Originally Posted by gneiss
I wouldn't have signed up to be an alkie or druggie beforehand, but at this point I would not trade those experiences. It sucks, it's hard work, it's no fun. But, know thyself, right? I've learned more about myself than I think would have been possible otherwise. I've learned more about what I expect from myself; more about setting limits; more about what I expect from others, especially men I am involved with... the list goes on.
I barely passed classes my last semester in undergrad school and mostly don't remember anything. I stumbled into grad school at my last-choice school on academic probation because I was more interested in getting high than going to class. Drugs were so close to taking everything I think is important. And now I have a feeling of accomplishment. I took my life back. I pulled my head out of my @$$, knuckled down, and quit using. I pulled off a 4.0 GPA for my first semester of grad school. I got rid of the people who were bringing me down. I straightened up most of the problems I caused. And now I feel like there's not much to stop me. I feel like I've been just about as low as I can go in my life and I survived it.
As for your boyfriend... my ex also says all the time that women all want him. When anyone else is around it's always: "She wants to **** me." Gawd I got sick of it. But I think, in his case, he did it out of his own insecurity. He knew it made me jealous or possessive and I think he kind of liked that. It reassured him that I was still interested. When no one else was around he would make comments that he wasn't that good-looking, women didn't find him attractive, etc. It wasn't until I read the comments above that I put 2 and 2 together and realized that underneath his brash and confident exterior is someone who has let slip a little bit that he is not as confident as he seems; makes me wonder if it was a bit of an act because he thought I might like that or if I saw something in him that he does not normally let people see. I have met/talked to several of his exes and they definitely never saw the insecurity. As far as I can tell he never said anything like that to them, it was always about how many women wanted him rather than how many women didn't want him. Wow. Puts his drunk-dialed "I'm sorry I hurt you, I love you, and want you in my life because I can't be the person I want to be without you" from a week ago in a whole new light. I figured he was just hammered and babbling. Oh dear.
I saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past this afternoon and bawled in the theater. It's supposed to be an air-headed chick flick and much like Confessions of a Shopaholic it hit home in a lot of painful ways.
Thanks to everyone for the posts. What a weird night for me.
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