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Looking for an online "sponsor"......(non AA)

Old 04-30-2009, 12:16 PM
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Lightbulb Looking for an online "sponsor"......(non AA)

I would like a "sponsor".
I don't do AA so it wouldn't involve "step work"

This is what I think it would involve....

I would like to have daily support and encouragement if at all possible. Time spent checking in. I have 108 days sober. I dont really have cravings per say but I do have issues that have come to light since being sober. (SURPRISE!) I dont work any program as of right now. I have looked int o SMART and have been meaning to get started with it. It would mean alot to be able to consistently have someone available with a significant amount of clean time that would be able to answer questions, share knowledge, give a small kick in the tush if needed etc etc It doesn't matter to me what recovery program you use as long as it works for you and you dont expect me to follow it. I am posting this in the secular section, just a reminder.

I am not exactly sure how to go about this...so if you are interested give me a holler. :ghug
Thanks All!
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Old 04-30-2009, 12:26 PM
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LifeRing E-Pals -- New to sobriety or LifeRing? There are LifeRing members who can lend a private ear and answer questions via email. If the chats and forum are a bit too intimidating right now, this might be a way of getting the information you need. Send a post to Craig W. Please allow 48 hours for a response.
Gateway to Email Lists
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Old 04-30-2009, 01:19 PM
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Oh hell, I'll go out on a limb here. 100 days of just not using w/o any kind program can be a difficult and uncomfortable place. That initial good feeling of being clean and staying strong tends to run out. My own personal experience is that time spent without the solution to life's problems just gets more and more uncomfortable. Most people I see that try to quit without working some kind of program don't make it.

Originally Posted by vividserenity View Post
It doesn't matter to me what recovery program you use as long as it works for you and you dont expect me to follow it.
That is one of the more bizarre things I've heard here. Presumedly, you want a sponsor to show you how they got sober and how they stay sober. But you are saying up front that you can't be expected to follow what they did. Then what purpose does it serve to have them show you what they did and help you follow what they did?

I spent years trying not to drink. Trying my darndest. I did everything I thought I could do not to drink. I'd piece together a couple of months and always end up drunk again, usually worse off than before. I stopped that nonsense and recovered when I ran out of ideas. When I started to do what others that had recovered did. Worked for them. Worked for me.
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Old 04-30-2009, 01:31 PM
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I'm sure she could find someone to mentor her who uses secular recovery methods and not have to lie on Procrustes bed.
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Old 04-30-2009, 01:39 PM
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I suck at sponsorshipness.
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Old 04-30-2009, 01:50 PM
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The role sponsorship provides in my life today is that a sponsor shares what works for her with me, and supports me in my following the path that works for me. We often do things differently.

I share my expereince with others and support them in doing those things that help keep them sober and growing in thier own lives.
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Old 04-30-2009, 01:55 PM
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Hmmm

I want a sponsor who is open minded about the use of different programs.... open minded period. Someone who knows what works for them but realizes there are many different ways to stay soberand that their way isnt the only way. I exchange shares with people all the time who use AA, Lifering, SMART and learn from all of them. So any sponsor I would have would not NEED me to follow in their exact footsteps. I likely wont be following a specific program, but then again who knows right. I will probably use many different aspects of different programs as I have been doing so far.

~namaste
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Old 04-30-2009, 02:18 PM
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Vivid,

I get what you're saying about open mindedness. Maybe it's just a matter of severity. When I sobered up, it was life or death for me. No kidding. I was thoroughly convinced that what I was doing was not working, so I was more than willing to try what had worked for someone else. I'd been trying to find my own way for far too long, and the result was not pretty.

Originally Posted by vividserenity View Post
So any sponsor I would have would not NEED me to follow in their exact footsteps.
I've worked with a lot of new guys. I've never NEEDED them to do a thing. I just showed 'em what worked for me. There is no ego boost in having someone get sober by following what I did, because it's not like I came up with the idea. There is, however, tremendous joy at seeing the lights come on for someone else, and sharing in that, and seeing them share it with another. It's a beauty I didn't know was possible.
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Old 04-30-2009, 02:30 PM
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I got sober my way and have never used any formal program, never had a sponser (well temporarily for like 3 days) I went to about 10-12 AA meetings in the beginning and that gave me a good start but it wasn't for me as I'm not much of a social person and prefer to be alone. I've been sober since 9-1-07 which isn't that long but if you want to check in with me I'd be happy to be here for you and encourage you.

Judy
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Old 04-30-2009, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by jamdls View Post
I got sober my way and have never used any formal program, never had a sponser (well temporarily for like 3 days) I went to about 10-12 AA meetings in the beginning and that gave me a good start but it wasn't for me as I'm not much of a social person and prefer to be alone. I've been sober since 9-1-07 which isn't that long but if you want to check in with me I'd be happy to be here for you and encourage you.
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Old 04-30-2009, 02:47 PM
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I think Judy's story is great. Hope she keeps doing exactly what she is doing.
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Old 04-30-2009, 03:54 PM
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Perhaps "mentor" would be a better name for it? One without any "connotations", as it were.
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Old 04-30-2009, 04:27 PM
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It may be better if you ask someone who you think you can feel comfortable with. Have a read through some threads to see if you can get a feel for someone online.

Sponsorship within AA works on the basis of the sponsee asking the sponsor, rather than someone offering the sponsee to do it. I know you may not be thinking the AA way but i think that's possible a more positive approach, at least then it would be someone you feel comfortable with, and if they say no, well just ask your next option.

Paul
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Old 04-30-2009, 04:48 PM
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I have trouble putting my pants on in the morning. I's way too stoopit.
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Old 04-30-2009, 05:16 PM
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Originally Posted by windysan View Post
I have trouble putting my pants on in the morning. I's way too stoopit.
Just don't get "anything" stuck in the zipper. It's quite painful...
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Old 04-30-2009, 06:28 PM
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I work a personalized addiction treatment program and it is saving my once hope to die addict @ss. So I totally get what your saying Vivid when you want to put together a program that is meaningful to you.
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Old 04-30-2009, 07:28 PM
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A sobriety coach. Thats a good idea, viv. Just curious, are you going to pay the person for their services? Anyway, congrats on 108 days. Maybe you should be mentoring some of us. lol I don't count days but 4 months seems like a VERY long time to me.
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Old 05-01-2009, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Eroica View Post
I don't count days but 4 months seems like a VERY long time to me.
This is kind of the point of a sponsor/mentor. It gets me away from having to stumble around in the dark and hope I bump into something that keeps me sober. I stumbled around for a few years until I followed what someone else did. Then I recovered.

I sympathize with wanting to go it alone and find your own way. I really do. I've was a prideful, independent guy while I was drinking, and I still am in sobriety. But if it's not working, it might be worth taking some guidance from those in whom the problem has been solved. Somewhere the pain of living like I was seemed too great to hang onto the desire to do things my way.

It's funny, Eroica. I read you criticizing what others do to get and stay sober. You may react strongly to what I'm saying, but I mean no ill will. This stuff is life or death for me, and it's no game. I can't afford to hang onto the way I want to do things if they prevent me from staying sober. And I'm not advocating any particular brand of recovery. I am advocating following what someone else does that works. It's pretty arrogant of me to think that I know what does and doesn't work if nothing has worked. Maybe the pain will get great enough to be willing to follow someone else. That's what it took for me, but it sure wasn't fun.

I'm aware that this post may seem insulting to you or others. I'm taking that risk because I'd like to see you get better. It's a joyful life beyond my expectations of it. I didn't get my old life back, I got a life far better. I'd like to see you and every other addict have that also. It's just that the path to get there may require following a path that someone else has already taken. They can help you find it and stay on it. Best of luck to you.
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Old 05-01-2009, 07:16 AM
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Keith, it is possible some people find their own way after a few failed attempts, just because a persons attempts didn't work doesn't mean a different approach or ANY approach they ever take will be wrong.

Also you seem to be saying what Viv is doing isn't working...how can you say that when she is sober?

And I'm not advocating any particular brand of recovery.
Oh, I think you are, lol.
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Old 05-01-2009, 07:39 AM
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4 months is a pretty good chunk of time, or at least it was for me. I wasn't even counting days anymore and was pretty used to being sober. So, I made a bad decision, and got myself a reminder of why I can't use alcohol. My experience on Sunday was a bit demoralizing, but not bad enough to make me religious or superstitious. I don't think Eroica is criticizing what other people do to stay sober. He just contents that it is not a "one size fits all" method and for some people it may be inappropriate.
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