Eroica

I like teaching all grade levels, but havent been doing it lately. I quickly learned that if I have the mindset of "trying to make a difference", it caused me undue stress. I used to care at the very begining, but as people have mentioned here there is a lot of BS in the system so if the kid can't learn I don't get frustrated at all anymore. Not my problem. Of course I act like I care but there are just hundreds of kids and some are smart and some aren't. Some try and some don't. Its not because *I'm* not trying hard enough. And ditto on the annoying parents.

gneiss

Checking in. I was so hopeful that my depression had lifted, I had a few good days. But I've been cast back into the Pits of Despair once again. My life sucks. I used to be happy, and no matter what good things happen to me, no matter how many friends I have, I can't be happy anymore. At the moment I've been crying for about 2 hours and resisting the urge to go down a bottle of wine and get some drugs. And I don't even want the drugs! I want the escape.

Something is wrong with me. I have so much to look forward to, so much I should be happy about, and none of it matters to me.

Gypsy Feet

Im sorry your so down

Dee74

have you seen a Dr, Gneiss?
It took me 20 years to learn but I'm just *crap* at medicating myself.

D

gneiss

I have not seen a doctor. Before I used drugs: happy. Since I stopped: miserable, mostly. I'm not brave enough to tell my doctor about my drug problem. I really don't want it on my medical chart, I still don't trust anyone with that. Plus, at this point, since finals are over, I don't think they will see me at Univ. Health Services and my insurance hardly covers anything if I don't go through them. I may have just forced myself to deal with it for a few months until classes start again.

But hey, I was on some pills for 3 months last fall that made me depressed and I survived that, asked doc to change my prescription, and life was good again. So... if I did it before, I guess it's time to 'man up' and deal with it again.

Sorry you're sick, Phal. Hope you feel better soon.

doorknob

Kinda bizarre... this place stores boxes of old paperwork for hospitals, courthouses, schools, jails, insurance companies, you name it. They have old missile silo's converted into storage facilities with buildings built on top of them and more buildings off site, all storing boxes of files, records, invoices... and they (we) are in a never ending process of delivering, picking up, and organizing thousands of boxes of paperwork. I find it kind of insane...

Zencat

I find that fascinating. One of the best jobs I had was a punch press operator stamping out brackets and such that went into final production for motorcycle accessory's. The one below is close to the ones I operated...foot petal activated...plenty of opportunities to get ones fingers smashed to flat bits...LOL.

doorknob

Ananda

DK...sounds a lot like my job

gneiss....may be time to fess up to the dr.s hang in there

I feel great today

Eroica

Sorry you're feeling bad gneiss. I want to escape too. I think that had something to do with me becoming suicidal a few years ago. I'm trying to accept the fact that even when I'm so depressed that I can't function I still have to "do" life and things still matter, even if I stop thinking they do. You seem to be headed for a successful career in.. geophysics?? that matters to you whether it feels like it or not so don't screw it up! lol

gneiss

Paleontology. Those geophysics people scare me with all their equations and funny calculus symbols. *shiver* But dead, petrified animals? Now that I can handle.

jamdls

Gneiss, I hope you're feeling better today. It's none of my business but you really need to be up front with your doctor, with all the HIPAA laws your privacy is protected. I overdosed on RX painkillers and Ambien 2 yrs ago which nearly killed me but it didn't but it did rip a hole in my liver, with a week in the hospital I came out fine (physically), well I requested and received copies of all the medical charts while I was in the hospital and since that time I've been to 2 new doctors for 2 new ailments and both times I have brought those medical charts with me because they need to know what I did to myself in case the problem I am having now could possibly be related (so far it hasn't) and they need to why I can not take any type of painkiller that is acetiminophen (sp?) based. In order to take care of you and allow the doctor to properly care for you you need to have full disclosure.

J

gneiss

Thanks jamdls. I know I *should* tell my doctor. I just don't *want* to.

I am feeling better today. I got a little sleep and rest and that always helps. I heard from a friend I haven't heard from in a while and that brightened my day immensely. And we have quite a storm here tonight, which is AWESOME. It always makes me feel kind of energized. Tornadoes! And rain! And an amazing sunset.





They are kind of grainy, the camera on my phone sucks.

jamdls

Great pic Gneiss! I love storms as long as I don't have to go anywhere. Hope you have a 'sunny' day!

Fubarcdn

I am going on holidays for one week starting tomorrow. I haven't been posting much in sec lately but I have been keeping up.
Just wanted you all to know so you won't be worried about me. I will miss you all.

californiapoppy

Checking in, I'll be pretty busy until Sunday evening, so you all take good care of yourselves and have a good weekend !

shockozulu

Fubarcdn, have a good holiday. californiapoppy - I hope you find time for yourself this weekend.

windysan

?

doorknob

Ah yeah... TDKIF!

Ananda

I seem to be dancing around the moment alot lately...never really quite fully in the moment though....

ok...focus..the moment...work.....