ok on a self centered and more light note! Did you guys know there is such a thing as too many clothes!!! :scared:


I'm sorting to pack and there are way way too many choices and i really wanna take everything .....can i just hire a small boat to go over in and then rent like a u-haul :)


This is the biggest problem in my life at the moment!
:bigcry

Enjoy your vacation!!

Take lots of pictures!

:ghug3

We'll miss ya.

I was encouraged not to go silent here. So even though I basically don't feel like doing anything-- including posting this-- I'm posting. Don't have much to say but can't think of anything better to do. I'm kinda mad at a friend and it's the most energy I've had in days. The only problem is I can't direct any of that energy at him since he won't answer his phone and let me yell at him (go figure, right?). And I guess the problem is as much my fault as his, but I'm tired of being the one to always apologize first and try to work it out.

I did make a plan though. I'll finally-- FINALLY-- tell the folks at ****** Village (aka the doctor's office) what's going on in terms of my pissy mood, even if I have to go on some sort of drug for a while. I really hate this idea, but I'm pretty much out of options and I'm tired of feeling like this. I've never had a problem I couldn't just knuckle down and get over it. It's harder when the problem is in your head.

Step two of my plan is to get the heck out of this house. I am happy the druggies won't know where to find me but worried that I'll start to feel even more isolated.

Step three involves getting a wider social circle. Or, really, getting a social circle at all. I think I'll join some student groups. I'm thinking Grad Student Association, Non-Traditional Student Association, and maybe something like Amnesty International. I haven't looked much beyond the department where I'm a student and I think it's really limited my social opportunities. Sometimes I wonder if I'd had more friends when I was first offered dope if I wouldn't have gotten addicted. I would have had something else to occupy my time.

:grouphug:

D

thanks G...i think it sounds like a good plan and I agree the needd for social contact is pretty dmn important :ghug2

are you following me Nands? :eek13:

LOL :ghug3

D

It came down to a simple choice for me: Live in misery or get well.

:D

http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/377...resgeorges.jpg

Thanks, Bam. It's getting that way for me I think.

:lmao

D

ananda,

You might consider shipping a few boxes of clothes via UPS or FedEx. If you know where you're staying, like a hotel or B&B, most of them will hold a parcel for your arrival. Just email or fax your intentions and get an OK. I've done this when I have too many books or too much "stuff" to drag along with me. Believe me, it was worth the expense just not having to lug all my stuff and in my experience, UPS and FedEx have been very reliable.

Love,

Lenina

gneiss,

For me, I think I went into a rather protracted state of "mourning" the loss of wine. I felt much the same way you described. I did get out of the funk by reading, meditation tapes and keeping busy.

You have a lot going on so don't forget to take some "gneiss" time. And do try to stay connected with friends. Continue posting here. I find a lot of relief and support on SR.

Love,

Lenina

I also was very down for at least a year after I quit drinking and I didn't seem to know how to behave w/o the alcohol so I totally isolated myself. Turns out I really prefer to be alone, I do see people occassionally but I'm happiest alone. Yesterday my daughter, her husband, and son came over along with a friend of mine for dinner--they all stayed only 1.5 hours and I was glad when they left -I love them all very much but having people around just seems to cause me stress.

If you can't talk to your friend on the phone and yell try writing what you want to say, you don't have to every send it but I find just writing out the words gets it out of me.

Hey, thought I share an experience I had yesterday.

I was on my way home from a weekend event where I managed to have a pretty good time even though there was a TON of drinking going on. On the way home I went into a Bennigan's (if you don't know the chain, think Chili's or Fridays) to pick up some food to go that we had ordered. You pick it up at the bar and the kitchen was slow so it wasn't ready yet.... so I sat on the bar stool with drinks being mixed right in front of me, watching people drink and laugh and it all seemed oddly phony to me. It was like watching fake forced happiness.

Probably it was partly my frame of mind at the time and partly a true observation.

BTW, the alcohol literally smelled like chemical poison to me.

Gneiss, sometimes the meds are just a bit of nudge. I'm on a really minimal dose of amitriptilyne (sp?). The best thing it does is let me sleep peacefully, but it also helps me not to feel so anxious during the day. I'm on 25 mg a day. That's all, and it was prescribed for nerve pain (and works well for that too). It's not like you have to get bombed on meds or get such a heavy dose that you can't safely go off them. There could be options in between.

Anyway, the things you say and struggle with resonate with me. I understand because my stuggles are similar.

Anyway, :hug: 's to all. I'm okay. Painted more walls today and thought about mowing the lawn. The lawn does better when I think about it, almost as well as when I talk to it. :)

Thanks, misty. I could handle a little bit, but I took an anti-depressant (Lexapro, I think) once just for fun and it knocked me for a loop. I didn't care for it at all, and never did it again. Maybe just a little dose of something more mild would be ok. And maybe I won't be on it long-term. I read yesterday that many types of depression go away after several months. There's hope yet.

Anyway, this is me checking in. Not really much to say, not sure how much it helps right now, but it doesn't hurt so here I am. Going to try to get some sleep now.

Still here. Still blah.

http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/906...resnightaf.jpg

Reading through the recent "check-in's" I not sure what to say to my fellow secular peeps that are having somewhat of a hard time other than...

http://icanhascheezburger.files.word...gs-itself2.jpg

Well the real deal is I have somewhat of an emotional dissociation thing. I have a real, real hard time emphasizing with others because of my PTSD. My apologies :(.

As for my little word I inhabit...Not much is going on that I don't feel that without help from my friends (limited friends abet) that I can't get through it all. Well enough to be getting around quite a bit...so that's nice for a change from sitting at home trying to keep busy. I recommitted with my PTSD group and did a service plan so as to continue with my group. I think my next task is to reconnect with Turning Point Foundation. They have helped me so much in the past I hate to see that relationship fall by the wayside.

The weather here 1.5 miles from the beach has been really nice. Most of the local inland places around me have been suffering high temps. I'm so fortunate to be living where I'm at. Lets see if I will take out my cheap old digital camera out and photograph the local beach...

...here's what it looks like from a pro-photographers view...

http://www.huenemebeachfest.org/images/beachphoto.jpg

Nice place...I like to walk out on the pier.

Looks nice Zen :)

D

I saw Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince this evening. That was fun. It's nice to have a little something to lighten my mood for a bit!

So I went to the late afternoon matinee and guess who I saw? Right. This girl I used to party with but no longer even speak to. I just pretended I never even noticed her (which is what I'll be doing all semester; we have the same major) and was quite comfortable with that, didn't bother me one bit. I did kinda chuckle as I walked past though, I heard her tell her mom, "Oh sh!t. Did you see who just walked in?" It was funny as hell, apparently I still warrant a fairly strong reaction from her.

7 days to go. Are we there yet?

Just checking in. I feel mildly disciplined when I do that. :D

I feel a bit better for the last couple of days. Yesterday I played with my car, fixed a few things that weren't working right. I've kind of gotten a bit of a hobby now, doing DIY car repair. I like it.

Today I bought a new wallet I don't need but I saw it on the shelf and it was soooo cute! And it was sooooo overpriced, but I bought it anyway. It made me feel appropriately girly again after playing car mechanic yesterday. :lmao