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Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part V

Old 07-20-2009, 04:48 PM
  # 441 (permalink)  
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Hey, thought I share an experience I had yesterday.

I was on my way home from a weekend event where I managed to have a pretty good time even though there was a TON of drinking going on. On the way home I went into a Bennigan's (if you don't know the chain, think Chili's or Fridays) to pick up some food to go that we had ordered. You pick it up at the bar and the kitchen was slow so it wasn't ready yet.... so I sat on the bar stool with drinks being mixed right in front of me, watching people drink and laugh and it all seemed oddly phony to me. It was like watching fake forced happiness.

Probably it was partly my frame of mind at the time and partly a true observation.

BTW, the alcohol literally smelled like chemical poison to me.
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Old 07-20-2009, 08:26 PM
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Gneiss, sometimes the meds are just a bit of nudge. I'm on a really minimal dose of amitriptilyne (sp?). The best thing it does is let me sleep peacefully, but it also helps me not to feel so anxious during the day. I'm on 25 mg a day. That's all, and it was prescribed for nerve pain (and works well for that too). It's not like you have to get bombed on meds or get such a heavy dose that you can't safely go off them. There could be options in between.

Anyway, the things you say and struggle with resonate with me. I understand because my stuggles are similar.

Anyway, 's to all. I'm okay. Painted more walls today and thought about mowing the lawn. The lawn does better when I think about it, almost as well as when I talk to it.
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Old 07-20-2009, 11:54 PM
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Thanks, misty. I could handle a little bit, but I took an anti-depressant (Lexapro, I think) once just for fun and it knocked me for a loop. I didn't care for it at all, and never did it again. Maybe just a little dose of something more mild would be ok. And maybe I won't be on it long-term. I read yesterday that many types of depression go away after several months. There's hope yet.

Anyway, this is me checking in. Not really much to say, not sure how much it helps right now, but it doesn't hurt so here I am. Going to try to get some sleep now.
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Old 07-21-2009, 06:33 PM
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Still here. Still blah.

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Old 07-21-2009, 08:25 PM
  # 445 (permalink)  
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Red face

Reading through the recent "check-in's" I not sure what to say to my fellow secular peeps that are having somewhat of a hard time other than...



Well the real deal is I have somewhat of an emotional dissociation thing. I have a real, real hard time emphasizing with others because of my PTSD. My apologies .

As for my little word I inhabit...Not much is going on that I don't feel that without help from my friends (limited friends abet) that I can't get through it all. Well enough to be getting around quite a bit...so that's nice for a change from sitting at home trying to keep busy. I recommitted with my PTSD group and did a service plan so as to continue with my group. I think my next task is to reconnect with Turning Point Foundation. They have helped me so much in the past I hate to see that relationship fall by the wayside.

The weather here 1.5 miles from the beach has been really nice. Most of the local inland places around me have been suffering high temps. I'm so fortunate to be living where I'm at. Lets see if I will take out my cheap old digital camera out and photograph the local beach...

...here's what it looks like from a pro-photographers view...



Nice place...I like to walk out on the pier.
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Old 07-21-2009, 08:39 PM
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Looks nice Zen

D
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Old 07-22-2009, 07:02 PM
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I saw Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince this evening. That was fun. It's nice to have a little something to lighten my mood for a bit!

So I went to the late afternoon matinee and guess who I saw? Right. This girl I used to party with but no longer even speak to. I just pretended I never even noticed her (which is what I'll be doing all semester; we have the same major) and was quite comfortable with that, didn't bother me one bit. I did kinda chuckle as I walked past though, I heard her tell her mom, "Oh sh!t. Did you see who just walked in?" It was funny as hell, apparently I still warrant a fairly strong reaction from her.

7 days to go. Are we there yet?
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Old 07-23-2009, 06:33 PM
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Just checking in. I feel mildly disciplined when I do that.

I feel a bit better for the last couple of days. Yesterday I played with my car, fixed a few things that weren't working right. I've kind of gotten a bit of a hobby now, doing DIY car repair. I like it.

Today I bought a new wallet I don't need but I saw it on the shelf and it was soooo cute! And it was sooooo overpriced, but I bought it anyway. It made me feel appropriately girly again after playing car mechanic yesterday.
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Old 07-25-2009, 11:32 PM
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Yo! I'm startin' to get a *little* used to working a regular full time job. 40 years old, and I've never really had one. Always part time, and usually involving weekends. Now on weekends, I scramble to get all the things done that I've let go over the work week. And the dogs probably feel neglected...

I bought an old beater (or older than my regular beater) that I'm working on. Subaru XT, the geekiest car ever!
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Old 07-25-2009, 11:34 PM
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Yo!
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Old 07-26-2009, 12:22 AM
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DK, tough times to be bagging a full time job. No small accomplishment. Congrats.
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Old 07-26-2009, 06:02 PM
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Good to see ya again DK!! I'm supposed to get the "official" word tomorrow on whether I got the job I've been trying to get for the past 3 1/2 months. I was told "off the record" on Friday, that it was in the bag, I would start part time (30hrs) and be moved to full time when a position opens up down the road. Someone is supposed to be promoted and when that happens I will move into that position. It was the company recruiter who told me all of this, so it is a reliable source, but I'm not counting it as done until I have a firm offer (which I will accept!!) and a start date!!

I've been out of work for 2 1/2 months now, so I really need this. Hopefully I'll have some good news to share tomorrow. One good thing has come out of this at least...I can pass a drug test for the first time in many, many years!!!! Yeah!!! Take care all.
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Old 07-26-2009, 08:23 PM
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Hi all,

Zen, one of the bitches about PTSD is that it makes it hard to make connections. The pics are gorgeous! The making connections thing is really hard for me.

Gneiss, I read the whole Harry Potter series in a 2 month period after they all were out. The few movies I've seens since seem to do a lot (not complete) justice to the novels. I love 'em! Just keep fixing things. For me, fixing things makes me feel more "fixed." Like I have impact in my life, power over what happens to me.

And carrying over that thought, DK, I feel better when I'm working too, even if put upon and tired and "never enough time." "Smart" cars are the geekiest cars of all time. Subarus are great cars, so far as I know or have ever heard.

Tyler, I'm right there too on the whole job thing! I hope I have good new tomorrow too, or maybe Tuesday. Funny thing is, the ad (for a data entry person in a psychology place) said to be prepared to deal with 150-200 alcoholic/addicts a month. The ad also required experience in "complaint resolution." I have worked in the recovery field (with parolees), and the "complaint resolutiion" thing just cracked me up. Yes, I do have experience with that . . . yes I do. ROTFL! You have a complint? You (the client's own self) resolve it with the judge.

I might be too jaded for the job, but I hope not.

Love to all,
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Old 07-26-2009, 11:37 PM
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Good to hear dk! Good luck to you tyler and misty. I know working helped my sobriety/recovery bunches. I'm living with someone who is losing their mind to alcohol as we speak, and I am really hoping I can figure out a way to keep this job AND run away=)

I started part time too, and am not sure if I can wait out my promotion in this house. I have consider sleeping in my car and using the gym for showers etc, but my work car is super uncomfortable!
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Old 07-27-2009, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by mistycshore View Post
Just keep fixing things. For me, fixing things makes me feel more "fixed." Like I have impact in my life, power over what happens to me.

I love that thought Misty! It's perfect.
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Old 07-27-2009, 10:32 AM
  # 456 (permalink)  
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Talking Happy Monday



"A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song." ~Chinese Proverb

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Old 07-27-2009, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet View Post
Good to hear dk! Good luck to you tyler and misty. I know working helped my sobriety/recovery bunches. I'm living with someone who is losing their mind to alcohol as we speak, and I am really hoping I can figure out a way to keep this job AND run away=)

I started part time too, and am not sure if I can wait out my promotion in this house. I have consider sleeping in my car and using the gym for showers etc, but my work car is super uncomfortable!
There must be a better way? Keep thinking on it !
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Old 07-27-2009, 05:45 PM
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i'm still here, fartknockers
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Old 07-27-2009, 06:04 PM
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I GOT THE JOB!!!

I start Monday. It's part time (30hrs), instead of full time, but does have full benifits. It's a bit of a drive, probably over an hour each way, but there will be opportunities to transfer to a closer store down the road. I'm so happy!!!! The first month off work was cool. The next couple of weeks started getting boring. The last month has, quite literally, making me crazy, not a place I can afford to go anymore. Just wanted to update ya'll. Take care.

PS: How's the leg Windy??
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:30 PM
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Great news Tyler! So happy to hear you got the job (and benefits).
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