mistycshore

Nan, good to see that you're back on your feet.

Freepath

Good job, joinedintime, from your last post, it seems that you have a year now. That’s fantastic!

Congrats also to vividserenity for six months.

ananda, you have helped me in the past with advice and support, I only wish I had the words to show my appreciation. It seems like a hard time for you, I’m sorry to see you go through it.

mistycshore

Here's an off-topic whine-fest: My son's first wife invited me to her wedding shower. What I didn't know was that it was some kind of "candle" party where a saleswoman showed us products and encouraged us to buy stuff for the bride-to-be. I thought it was very tacky. Fast forward three years. My son is now expecting a baby. His wife has had two baby showers in other towns. I was invited to her third baby shower, but the invitation that came in the mail was to a "Pampered Chef's" party (high-pressure to buy high-dollar kitchen ware). What the heck does *that* have to do with a baby? Since when did wedding/baby showers become "gimme" fests? We've already bought a lot of stuff for the baby, and I'm really considering declining the invitation . . . and telling the happy couple honestly why. Because it's not about celebration of impending birth - it's tacky, greedy and the host/hostesses make the guest into target for hard-sell marketers. What a bunch of crap!

Maybe I need to write a letter to "Dear Emily."

Okay, whine-fest off.

's to all.

Ananda

misty...i get it

well...i'm doing ok today...feeling a little exited abuot my trip again only 7 more days...now when i disappear don't think i'm drinking I'll be off building memories of a wonderful vacation with friends

I may go a little nutball between now and then....tons to get done and last weekeend was a loss....

gneiss

It is now 12 days til I move. I'm moving less than a mile away, but somewhere the druggies can't find me. None have showed up at my house since I "quit" (I find this a strange term because I still say I quit in January but my most recent meth use was in June) but I'm increasingly paranoid about it. To make my move go a little smoother I've boxed a bunch of stuff up and moved it to the garage where it will be easier to load up on moving day. That means I had to clean the garage first. What a miserable chore.

I have such low energy lately. Not really physically; if something needs to be done I get to it. But the fight has gone out of me. That sort of zest for life I had is gone. I go to work, my coworkers annoy me; I go home, everyone there annoys me. I don't want to be around people. It's a chore to check in here, I barely glance at Facebook, I hardly talk to my friends. I cry a lot, and for no apparent reason. I listen to the same CD over and over because I don't really care what's on. Usually it passes but I can't shake it now. I posted a thread last week that was sorta like, well why bother? It's not that I want to go back to drinking and drugs, I just don't have the energy to fight it. I also don't have the energy to go find drugs. I'm due for a check-up with the doctor in a few weeks so I guess I'll bring it up then. It's weird, I have moments where I think about something like my upcoming move and I get excited about it. And then it's gone and I'm just plodding along through life again. I told a friend this yesterday and he told me if I couldn't keep up the fight for myself I should keep it up for him because he loves me and wants me to get through it. It made me cry, I feel so completely unlovable lately. It goes along with the low energy.

OK, I know I've been told a few times on here to go to the doctor. I just hate the idea of taking more drugs to alleviate the problems apparently caused by the last drugs I did.

lunarise

Gneiss~

:ghug3

Im sorry you are having a rough time. Try to remember that what we think the thoughts we have arent always true. (thanks whoever) You are completely lovable, I know that, and I have never even met you in person. I dont have much advice I am sure that you havent already heard about taking care of yourself, exercise, eating right etc etc Know that I am thinking of you.

Totally loveable!

lunarise

Pssst if ya need to talk please feel free to PM me anytime.

Ananda

Aw gniess (hug)

Sometimes it is a struggle...yeah i know you know you need to see a dr. and there is a possiblitly that you will need to be on some meds..short term or long term who knows.

I will share that when I first quit drinking in 85 i spent a miserable time, mostly sober for 8 years. I thought that was how it just was and like you had moments of wonderful..but much more really really sad and low engergy and all of that stuff.

In 07 I was put on a very minor medication and this last 2 years has been a totally different story....for me medication made a difference and the good news is it doesn't make you high or anything like that. Yeah, I don't like that I take a med..alot of it for thereasons you mentioned. But...the only negative concequence of taking my medication is what happens if I go off it....which is being sucked back to where i was before.

I'm starting therapy after I get back from my vacation..will set it up then...to begin to deal with the crp that has been holding me down the last 2 years...precisely because the medication doesn't cover the problem....and like you...i feel so unlovable...despite any evidence to the contrary I am unable to see it....So that is an issue (I consider it to be beyond my alchoholism, but one of the ways my mind will justify a drink) that i must deal with...NOW

Anyhow...even if you can't feel it or believe it it still needs to be said..you are indeed lovable Gniess....As much as possible, don't isolate ok :ghug3

Ananda

ok on a self centered and more light note! Did you guys know there is such a thing as too many clothes!!!


I'm sorting to pack and there are way way too many choices and i really wanna take everything .....can i just hire a small boat to go over in and then rent like a u-haul


This is the biggest problem in my life at the moment!

lunarise

Enjoy your vacation!!

Take lots of pictures!

:ghug3

We'll miss ya.

gneiss

I was encouraged not to go silent here. So even though I basically don't feel like doing anything-- including posting this-- I'm posting. Don't have much to say but can't think of anything better to do. I'm kinda mad at a friend and it's the most energy I've had in days. The only problem is I can't direct any of that energy at him since he won't answer his phone and let me yell at him (go figure, right?). And I guess the problem is as much my fault as his, but I'm tired of being the one to always apologize first and try to work it out.

I did make a plan though. I'll finally-- FINALLY-- tell the folks at ****** Village (aka the doctor's office) what's going on in terms of my pissy mood, even if I have to go on some sort of drug for a while. I really hate this idea, but I'm pretty much out of options and I'm tired of feeling like this. I've never had a problem I couldn't just knuckle down and get over it. It's harder when the problem is in your head.

Step two of my plan is to get the heck out of this house. I am happy the druggies won't know where to find me but worried that I'll start to feel even more isolated.

Step three involves getting a wider social circle. Or, really, getting a social circle at all. I think I'll join some student groups. I'm thinking Grad Student Association, Non-Traditional Student Association, and maybe something like Amnesty International. I haven't looked much beyond the department where I'm a student and I think it's really limited my social opportunities. Sometimes I wonder if I'd had more friends when I was first offered dope if I wouldn't have gotten addicted. I would have had something else to occupy my time.

Dee74

D

Ananda

thanks G...i think it sounds like a good plan and I agree the needd for social contact is pretty dmn important :ghug2

Dee74

are you following me Nands?

LOL :ghug3

D

Bamboozle

It came down to a simple choice for me: Live in misery or get well.

gneiss

Thanks, Bam. It's getting that way for me I think.

Dee74

D

Lenina

ananda,

You might consider shipping a few boxes of clothes via UPS or FedEx. If you know where you're staying, like a hotel or B&B, most of them will hold a parcel for your arrival. Just email or fax your intentions and get an OK. I've done this when I have too many books or too much "stuff" to drag along with me. Believe me, it was worth the expense just not having to lug all my stuff and in my experience, UPS and FedEx have been very reliable.

Love,

Lenina

Lenina

gneiss,

For me, I think I went into a rather protracted state of "mourning" the loss of wine. I felt much the same way you described. I did get out of the funk by reading, meditation tapes and keeping busy.

You have a lot going on so don't forget to take some "gneiss" time. And do try to stay connected with friends. Continue posting here. I find a lot of relief and support on SR.

Love,

Lenina

jamdls

I also was very down for at least a year after I quit drinking and I didn't seem to know how to behave w/o the alcohol so I totally isolated myself. Turns out I really prefer to be alone, I do see people occassionally but I'm happiest alone. Yesterday my daughter, her husband, and son came over along with a friend of mine for dinner--they all stayed only 1.5 hours and I was glad when they left -I love them all very much but having people around just seems to cause me stress.

If you can't talk to your friend on the phone and yell try writing what you want to say, you don't have to every send it but I find just writing out the words gets it out of me.