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Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part V

Old 06-12-2009, 08:23 PM
  # 281 (permalink)  
Not all better, getting better
 
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Glad to see your old avitar back Alera!! A bit disapointed in the sportsmanship of the the Wings fans in attendence with all the booing after the game. While I've never had the good fortune to attend a Stanley Cup final game, I've been to the been to a couple of minor league championship games where the home team came out on the bad end of things and they respectfully applauded the winners, allbeit not as nearly as enthusiastic as if their team had won, but no booing.

If the players who have spent a season and 7 games beating the hell out of each other for the handshake line, the fans at least owe them similar respect.

Not that any of this has to do with recovery!!!

BTW, I'm a Blues fan...I was just happy my team made it to the dance this year!! The Canes are my "backup" team, as they are local, so I got to stay in the game for a little while longer.
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Old 06-13-2009, 07:19 AM
  # 282 (permalink)  
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Well on to day 3. Never been big into counting days, but recently I've noticed that I can never seem to string together any amount of days without drinking. The pot thing is kinda in "remission" due to lack of resources, but it's not quite as hard to get ahold of alcohol. In fact, I only have to go about 15 ft. outside my bedroom to the liquor cabinet to find a whole host of bottles.

I'm 40 and back living with my parrents due to my poor decisions. Things could definetly be worse. I'm now only a couple of hours away from my 8 year old son, so it is easier to visit. The house is beautiful in a wonderful neighborhood with lots of things to do, so I'm not complaining. Just kinda embarrassing to be still living with your folks at age 40!!

They both drink, usually a 1-3 drinks a night, pretty consistantly. Some would define that as alcoholic, but it is not something that causes disruption in their lives, and it is their house, so it is their choice. It does create a good deal of temptation for me, however. I can't really say it would be any different if they didn't drink, it's not like I can't go into town to the ABC or pick up a bottle of hooch at the grocery store if I wanted to. Usually that's what I do anyway, because when I drink, it's usually the whole bottle.

Last night was a bit of a challenge as my uncle and his wife were visiting, and everyone was drinking gin and tonics, a drink that personally I can't stand, but it was still drinking. I was real tempted to make a little trip into town, but stuck around the house, posted some here, played some games, etc. I've been pondering going back to some meetings and may check one out this weekend. Nothing secular around here unfortunatly, but the fellowship may at least be helpful. I did find a SMART meeting in the town where my son lives, so next time I visit I may check that out.

So that's about it for me. Hanging in there, pretty much always having one Window open on my browser to SR!! Hope everyone is doing well. Take care all.
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Old 06-13-2009, 07:35 AM
  # 283 (permalink)  
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Nice to meet you tyler, and welcome back=) I am 43 and I live in my ex husbands garage haha! Free rent and internet plus we get to share the 5 dogs makes it pretty o.k. though, til I can pull of my great escape.
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Old 06-13-2009, 08:19 AM
  # 284 (permalink)  
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don't feel too bad tyler..my son is 30 and has yet to move out of the house! lol

I think i'm settleing down a little from the lose of my friend. Still sucks, but...i have realized i can't just shut down from people cause there is always pain when there are relationships....jsut like there is joy.

Am still struggling a bit with considering drinking....not anything immediate since sunday, but just taht drinking is in a dangerously close place in my head so that i could be back into the immedicacy again in an instant...if that makes any since.

So i've got to try and do some things to take myself farther from the drink. So far, i havent lost track of just how physically ill i was from the drinking..i guess that there can be some advantages to having a physically destructive drinking career to look back on to keep you in touch with reality when you're brain is trying to mess with you

I'm gonna take a nap now and dream about "nice things" then i'll get up and do my work for the day.

anyhow..just checking in
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Old 06-13-2009, 12:45 PM
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Even if your a Wings fan, that was amazing to see Detroit be held to one goal, and have that goal be in the 3rd period.

As for myself, I was glad to be sober after the game instead of totally drunk like last year...
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Old 06-13-2009, 04:50 PM
  # 286 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by otterbearcat View Post
Even if your a Wings fan, that was amazing to see Detroit be held to one goal, and have that goal be in the 3rd period.

As for myself, I was glad to be sober after the game instead of totally drunk like last year...
Now that you mention it, that was definatelly the first Stanley Cup final I watched clean and sober, probably one of the few hockey games in general. Crazy thing was, it didn't even enter my mind that it was!!

Watching sports and drinking have always gone hand in hand for me. Thanks for pointing that out!!
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Old 06-13-2009, 08:37 PM
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are y'all talkin about soccer?
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Old 06-13-2009, 09:19 PM
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Checkin in...

Having a stressful weekend... trying to figure out if there is lead paint/dust in our house after tearing out some mouldings....Im freakin out.....

We did two at home test kits and you really cant tell what the fricken result is...is that orange or red?

I have to wait till Monday to call someone to see if we have exposed ourselves to this nasty stuff......

Yuppers this weekend sucks!!!!!
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Old 06-13-2009, 09:35 PM
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Viv

Are there different tests you could get that maybe you could differentiate the colors a little better?? Just throwin it out there... hope there's no lead paint in your house
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Old 06-14-2009, 10:38 AM
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Day 4

Still hanging in there. Still have the same temptations to deal with, but I guess I'm dealing with them because I'm not drinking at least.

I need to get on the ball next week and find a local doctor to go to. As I think I've posted before, I've had any number of diagnosis from anxiety, depression, bi-polar, ADD, etc., and the various meds that go with them. Of course I've always mixed those meds with alot of pot and a good dose of alcohol on the side. Today makes 30 days completely clean from pot, an eternity for me!! Obviously it's hard, if not impossible, for a doctor to get a correct diagnosis if I am continously "self-medicating". I don't think the meds I am currently taking are really correct as I seem to cycle moods pretty consistantly. I'll be ok for 2-3 days, then I'll wake up and just feel, I don't know how to describe it other than, "not right". I'll be depressed, short tempered, emotional, tired, etc.

My current living situation could be better. When I moved back out east, I was not able to line up a job in advance. My folks have been helping to pay my bills for me (that is if your defination of helping is paying for EVERYTHING!!) While I am fortunate that they are able to do this for me, it takes it's toll emotionally. For one, they also took a risk moving out here. They built their "dream house" that they had saved responsibilly for for many years. However, they didn't count on the old house lingering on the market for over a year. Now they're not on the verge of getting booted out on the street (as so many are these days, my thoughts are with them) but it wasn't really in the equation to be carrying an extra $1800/mo mortgage, plus about $2000 a month to support me. I do a lot to help them, but the guilt about not contributing my share still eats at me. It really kicks in when the depression is there. I'm doing what I can. I'm applying for jobs daily, both those in my line of work (sales) and others that I hope I might have an outside shot at. I've even applied for just some stopgap type employment (Blockbuster Video, Hardees, Food Lion) but I get the "overqualified" response. I understand thier point, they don't want to hire someone who is just going to leave as soon as something closer to their field comes available, but it doesn't make it any easier to make a dime.

So that is where I'm at today. Gotta get back to the job aps. I think my ex-wife and son are coming up to visit next Sunday for Father's Day, so that is something to look forward to. Take care all.
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Old 06-14-2009, 10:56 AM
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Thanks for the share tyler....Im so glad that you are taking care of yourself. (Nice to meet ya too btw lol) I wont insert any old lines here about how things will get better or how this too shall pass because I am sure you already know them all and at least for me they just sort of get on my nerves. I will say though that anytime you need some peeps to talk to WE ARE HERE!!! :ghug3 I hope you have a fab Sunday!
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Old 06-14-2009, 11:15 AM
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My Sundayy BLOWSSS so farr, literally as in chunkss....I havee been sick all daay so far!!!
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Old 06-14-2009, 12:02 PM
  # 293 (permalink)  
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Hey, just checking in! Why do I never have any free time any more? Anyone know how to push the stop button?
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Old 06-14-2009, 01:59 PM
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tyler...thanks for sharing about that...i knw for me having my meds work is a bit part of being able to stay comfortably and sanely sober.

the times they are off....i strugggle alot.

I'll tell you about my struggles today another time..got company

so jsut gonna read and try for patience
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Old 06-14-2009, 06:29 PM
  # 295 (permalink)  
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Thanks all:ghug

I'm feeling very disturbed right now. I caught a thread on the newcomers forum before it got closed down. Basically it was someone who had fallen hard off the wagon after 49 days and was obviously intoxicated and wallowing in self pity. She then claimed to have taken pills to kill herself. I've traded several PM's with her and hope she is just bluffing. What was disturbing is I could have written the thread, right down to the drug she says she took and the ammount she took. It was only through what, even as an agnostic, I can only describe as an act of god that I am here today. I'm not going to get into the details as it serves no useful purpose, but I hope that maybe, hopefully what I was able to share with her may help. I know I'm hurting right now because of it. But I'm not going to drink and I'm not going to get high. I'm probably also not going to sleep very well, but that's OK, I can sleep tomorrow.
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Old 06-15-2009, 06:32 AM
  # 296 (permalink)  
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Well as I said above, last night was a bit of a tough one. On top of what I described above, I got an email from my ex explaining to me that while they were coming to visit for Fathers day (very nice of her, 2+ hr drive each way), my son "wasn't ready" to stay overnight with me without her there.

He's 8 and has been through alot, mostly because of me. I desperatly want to reconnect with him after living 1000 miles away for the last 4+ years. I am currently not working, so it would be a great time for me to spend some time with him. He has never spent a night away from home. He has a lot of anxiety issues, got hit with those from both mommy and daddy!! (poor kid!!) And says he's not comfortable staying that far away from mommy and his pets.

Needless to say, I took this with a great deal of resentment. However, I resisted the urge to respond immediately, and even greater urge to raid the liquer cabinet, and just went to bed. Didn't sleep great, but did sleep eventually. Today, I'm not as upset and resentful about it, disapointed, yes, but pleased with myself that I at least handled it somewhat rationally.

That's where I'm at today. How's everyone else doing???
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Old 06-15-2009, 07:40 AM
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Hi Peeps! Happy Monday! Other than being miserably hot and humid all weekend I had a good weekend and since I'm leaving on Friday to go visit my 86 yr old dad I've got a short week and happy 'bout that!

Hi Tyler nice to meet you. Sorry to hear that you seem to be in a rough spot, try to be patient with your ex and son it takes time to adjust. My daughter was 26/married/with a child when I quit drinking and it took at least a year of my sobriety before she felt comfortable with me and started to trust me.

You should also feel good about reaching out to the person who had fallen so hard, you may never know for certain if you helped but just the fact that you were sober and had the ability to reach out is wonderful! Feel GOOD about that and know that is all the more reason to continue your sobriety.

Judy
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Old 06-15-2009, 08:48 AM
  # 298 (permalink)  
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Crawledd out off bedd, madee it to thee couch, still feel ickky but, sr chatt didd make me laugh somee, thank youu Nands!!!
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Old 06-15-2009, 02:54 PM
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tyler...glad you are posting.

It does sometimes seem like all the wheels are falling off (hug)

I was never really very good at dealing with anything (on the inside..might have looked ok on the outside)....so even with previous times of sobriety i find many things i have had to find new ways to deal with....The irrational belief stuff is helping me some...though i have trouble recoginzing it much.

Course we get sober..and weahter we go to SR, treatment, or another program...we find aourselves tossed into some pretty intense sitatuions with some pretty intense people. I think though, that in the end it has helped me to be less thrown off by the small stufff and to recognize the small stuff as being exactly that....small.

I've made and lost some pretty good friends at SR, but i wouldn't trade it for the world today...ok sometimes i think about it...but then my sense comes back...
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Old 06-16-2009, 04:42 PM
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You can all relax now, I'm back.

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