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Single and dating...does drink get in the way?

Old 04-23-2009, 04:41 PM
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Single and dating...does drink get in the way?

One thing that puts me off dating is the other person generally drinks. Does anyone else have a problem with this?

The last girl i dated drank and it was major to me, but didn't mention it, but it did get in the way. It's not that the other person drinks to get drunk, but rather they are just normal drinkers.

I am going out with someone tomorrow night, we've met once got on well so have arranged to go out for a meal, but i know she drinks. Again nothing major, not to get drunk, but i do find it offputting watching someone else drink and wondering whether at some point i will feel tempted to join in.

I wondered how others dealt with this? I am of the opinion to be in recovery is learning how to deal with the outside 'normal' world on their level, so i accept people around me drink. But if i go out with friends i like to drive myself there, not pick anyone up, so if i couldn't handle it i have an 'escape', i can make my excuses and leave, which has happened twice. I obviously can't do this on a date.

Just wondered people's opinions.

Paul
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:53 PM
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digger...well, i am single, but i don't date...but from a woman's perspective i would say...I see two reasonable options here...

one is tell her you aren't comfortable with drinking at the moment....see how she reacts...if it bothers her, maybe she isn't the one for you???? Not that it would always be that way, but i would expect a man i dated to be ok with occationally not being able to drink cause i was in a bad space..just as i would "give someone some space" if they were having a bad day...

The other is take your own car and meet her. I mean this is the 2009 right??? I'm pretty old fasion and i like to feel like it's a date, but i've been picked up in a car by men when it wasn't a date and i don't think the fact we came in seperate vehicles would like be some sort of big no no.....although i would personally like option one better
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Old 04-23-2009, 06:59 PM
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This is a tough one! Learning to live with social drinkers is one thing, dating them is another.

I agree w/Ananda...take your own car if you can.

Sheesh....now you have me curious! I hope you'll let us know how it goes!
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Old 04-23-2009, 07:28 PM
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I think most people are normal drinkers. I reckon you could seek out some southern baptist girls?? LOL

If others drinking bums you out then you may want to date only teatotallers until you can get a handle on it.

Enjoy the fish in the sea.
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Old 04-23-2009, 07:33 PM
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You've got me thinking here, too, Paul. I don't know, when I think about it I really can't imagine having a date with someone who drinks, at least initially when I'd be trying to get to know them. Even if it's a normal drinker, with one or two drinks there's still a chemical buffer that I'd be potently aware of.

Maybe it's different for you gents.

I haven't had that experience, but those are just my thoughts.

Anyway, good luck on your date, and let us know how it goes.
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Old 04-23-2009, 08:21 PM
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I think Id be more weirded out dating a "normal" drinker right now because so much of my energy is focused on recovery, and maybe they wouldn't get it. Can't wait to hear how it turns out =)
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Old 04-24-2009, 01:26 PM
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I haven't dated since I've gotten sober because I just don't want to be around alcohol. I wouldn't want to date anyone that drinks except maybe on a special occassion. I don't think this is any different than a non-smoker not wanting to date anyone that smokes, I can not stand the smell of alchol simple as that.

Judy
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Old 04-24-2009, 04:53 PM
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Well i've been out on my date and thought i'd report in lol

Had a really good night, over an indian meal, but i did feel uncomfortable about her drinking. She had three large glasses of wine and an Irish coffee at the end, nothing major but i could tell being sober that she'd had a drink and a bit typsy.

I really don't know what to make from it. We have such alot in common, we both do similar uni degrees, but not just that we had a lot to talk about. It was nice being sober to take someone out, rather than being drunk in a nightclub and trying to be player like i was many years ago.

I did briefly explain why i don't drink as she asked. Didn't go into full details though, AA and alcoholism, i guess it's somthing that you just don't do, but did say that i once got to a point where drinking was a problem so decided to give up.

Overall in all honesty it was something different, i work hard at the moment and study hard so it was nice to get out other than meeting up with a couple of friends or going out with my brother. I would like to see her again but not too sure, if she'd have had just one or two then maybe i'd feel different. It may be a good idea to take her out and do something, rather than a meal, don't know yet. Or maybe i'll just leave it and enjoy being single.

All in all, a good night though.

Paul
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Old 04-24-2009, 05:10 PM
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Originally Posted by digderidoo View Post
It may be a good idea to take her out and do something, rather than a meal, don't know yet. Or maybe i'll just leave it and enjoy being single.

All in all, a good night though.

Paul
All the while I was reading your update I was thinking, "Why don't you do something that doesn't involve drinking, like a hike or museum, something like that?" Bring a picnic, go skating, visit those historical sites, there are so many other options. Then you get to know someone a little better, and she you. Maybe by the time you get to the dinners, drinking won't be an issue for either of you.

You're young, intelligent, keep going for it.

Thanks for the update.



Donna
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Old 04-24-2009, 06:48 PM
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Glad it went well. It does sound like she had a lot to drink considering you weren't drinking but she may just have been nervous. I'd give her a 2nd chance and definitly an outing that alcohol is not part of.

Judy
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Old 04-25-2009, 05:16 AM
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Originally Posted by jamdls
"The more people I meet the more I like my dog"
haha...love it
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Old 04-25-2009, 05:27 AM
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Four generous drinks is kind of a lot over dinner with someone who isn't drinking at all... isn't it?

This is a tough one. I think I agree with those saying you might want to steer away from dinner dates at first? More activities. Go hiking, it's nice weather now And that can be so much more romantic than yet another boring restaurant!
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Old 04-25-2009, 05:56 AM
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Originally Posted by self seeking
Four generous drinks is kind of a lot over dinner with someone who isn't drinking at all... isn't it?
That's what i've been thinking. I did enjoy myself, but now it's morning i think i'll feel better not dating a woman who drinks like this. It was nice though to date sober, something i haven't really done before.

Paul
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