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in a rut

Old 04-12-2009, 09:00 AM
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in a rut

Katie had mentioned in a thread that she hated clutter. I have a mind that loves zen and clutter is driving me nuts. I can't seem to muster up the energy to get rid of stuff. I attach sentimental meanings to things or decide that something is really just too nice to trash -- stuff is driving me nuts. It's not my stuff either it's my hubby's or my child's stuff.

I need to exercise and get back to my old energetic self that pushed thru to do things even when they are unpleasant to do . I just don't seem to be able to do that. My obsessive mindset though is screaming to attack the clutter, to get out of this rut but I can't seem to do it. It's a trigger. I don't know but everthing is so overwhelming at times, I am at 7 months clean and anything that requires much focus or concentration I am just not coping about handling. IS this paws? I have so lost me in this process of addiction?

I used to reward myself with my doc when I did stuff and before my addiction I just did it with no rewards, I can't get back to the me that did stuff with no rewards. Does this even make sense. I will go thru binge declutter spells and binge housecleaning there is no normal anymore. Same with losing weight I can't seem to lose it except by extreme measures like the Master cleanse to just jumpstart me on a healthy diet.

I really want a vacation from myself, a 2-3 day trip away and come back energetic. When I get into this kind of mindset I can get negative real fast and do some dear damage on negative self talk.

I hate being in a rut. I know I am the only person that can yank myself out and I've done it before, pull myself up by my bootstraps but I am just tired out of it. Probably hormonal or some mild depression. Thanks for helping me share.
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Old 04-12-2009, 10:42 AM
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Hello, meditation. Have you talked to anyone about this?

I'm seeing a therapist right now and just started a new med. I still have some anxiety, but my mood is so much better. It feels like someone switched on a light in the dark room I was stumbling around in. I hope this lasts...I don't ever want to go back to feeling how I did.

The great thing is that (despite the lingering anxiety and some insomnia at times) I do not feel like I'm drugged at all. Tired at times, yes, but I'm not even close to being the zombie I was over a week ago (the doc had me on something that really didn't agree).

Exercising is a good idea...I've started walking again (I probably won't today, though...I'm tired ).

Try to take it easy, okay?
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Old 04-13-2009, 06:10 AM
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What you describe, Meditation, sounds pretty familiar to me too. I can handle my own clutter, it's true my office is cluttered with papers, but I know exactly where everything is. Other people's clutter gets on my nerves, and I don't dare throw it ALL away.
For losing weight, I finally went to weight watcher's and it was a BIG help. I hated to weigh in front of anyone and not have lost weight, so I followed the rules pretty carefully on the 4 days that preceded the reunion, and was a little more slack on the other days, but it worked real well anyway, and now I have pretty much adapted myself to better cooking and eating habits thanks to that.
Is there any reason you can't go off on a weekend vacation? I went with a girlfriend last year to a sort of health resort for 2 days, healthy food, massages, aquagym, workouts, and all sorts of things. (She got lucky and won a weekend for 2 persons and didn't have a boyfriend at the time, so I went with her and left (shamefully of course) my family alone for the weekend) Sometimes, that's the thing to do !! I felt radiant ! Coming home was a bit of a drag, but I got used to it fast.
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Old 04-14-2009, 06:30 AM
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Hi meditation, I'd written you this whole post, but got my Internet service suspended, so I lost it. Thank heavens for American Express. At any rate, you know I can relate to the clutter. Maybe both of us can make a pact to reduce our load. And maybe you really do need a vacation of sorts for a few days. Ok, hang in there!
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Old 04-14-2009, 08:40 PM
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Hi Meditation,

I wanted to tell you I started to declutter today. I don't know what came over me, but I just feel the need to get rid of stuff. I think what has helped is discussing this in my treatment program and my friend drumming it into my head that he would be overwhelmed if he lived in my house and he stressed and has always stressed the need to get my house in order. Another thing they told me in this program is to start small. I have a stack of cooking magazines and the therapist told me to cut any recipes I want out of one magazine and then toss it. So I did this and it felt really good! Well, I don't know if this will help at all and I hope that you get out of your rut soon! Hugs,
Katie
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Old 04-14-2009, 09:11 PM
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Here's an great website to help you get started and stay on top of decluttering. It's free and helps me keep some order on the housework. Check it out. FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home

I am in no way affiliated with the site or any one else who may be and stumbled across the Fly Lady quite by accident. Hope this helps!

Love,

Lenina
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Old 04-14-2009, 09:34 PM
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Meditation~ Thanks so much for this post. I thought I was the only one driven mad by clutter. We are somewhat different in that I really have only a little bit. It is my huzzy who has ALOT. It drives me batty. I have went through my things a million times and gotten rid of stuff just so that there is LESS stuff. He is a pack rat.."oh I may use that later" type. I have at least in the living room confined his stuff to a BIG basket. I just throw stuff in there. I guess the point really though is that should it really bother me this much?.....Hard to say I guess, at least from my perspective.

As for exercise I really was doing well when I first got sober but..now you are more likely to find me here than the gym or outside walking
But... things change...at some point I will get back to it....

Guess I am sort of in a rut to, I know for me that my rut is not healthy. I plan on starting to dig myself out this week.

Keep us updated! :ghug
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Old 04-14-2009, 09:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Lenina View Post
Here's an great website to help you get started and stay on top of decluttering. It's free and helps me keep some order on the housework. Check it out. FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home

I am in no way affiliated with the site or any one else who may be and stumbled across the Fly Lady quite by accident. Hope this helps!

Love,

Lenina
Gosh, Lenina, I have heard of Flylady before but never clicked on the link. This is MOST excellent. I really appreciate your sharing this link.
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