Katie09

LOL!!! That is so cute! And I never would have thought that a ****(zu) would eat poop! Yes, indeedy, tempting, tasty little snacks. I never know who does what so it's getting very hard to deal with!

Yes, journaling is important, but I only take the time to write things down when they are bad. I have started a journal on my computer and password protected it. One of my things is what if I die and someone reads it? I guess that's why I like the computer idea.

Well, thanks for the insight!

californiapoppy

I can't remember why, but there's a reason sometimes why dogs eat poop, I think it means their lacking something, vitamines? My Mom had that problem.(with her dogs, of course)

jamdls

I created an online blog during my first year of sobriety and it was a tremendous help to me. It often felt like I was vomiting out the words literally cleansing myself. The blog is fairly anonymous and I actually hope that someone in desparation may find it online and that it will help them if only to know that they are not alone. Journaling has always been how I have coped I often wrote when I was drunk out of my mind and although it was difficult to read because my handwritting would be all over the place it was good for me to be able to read it after the fact. I remember prior to getting sober reading some of the journals and realizing that they hadn't changed much in 10 years different names same problems.

Judy

Katie09

Thanks, I bought some of those Deter pills and they really didn't work (the idea is to make their poo taste bad). I've heard pineapple juice and meat tenderizer will work, but I asked my Vet and he said puppies will do this and sometimes outgrow it. He said it wasn't a vitamin deficiency but just normal. Eew! On a positive note, I am trying to take it in stride and it isn't a trigger for me EGADS, now my puppies just chewed up and broke my glasses - my $140 glasses and I really liked them. Now I am NOT happy.

gneiss

I'd be more worried about someone reading it while I was alive. If I die and someone reads it... well good. I'll be worm food, I don't really care if they read it once I'm dead. There are no consequences for my thoughts once I'm dead. There's nothing anyone can do to me other than maybe think I'm a jerk. But... who cares? There are a few people who think that anyway.

Zencat

AA can cause me big problems. There some people in my CBT treatment group at the clinic that share about AA. Sometimes I have to bite my thong when they do. Because I still get intrusive traumatic memories of my past compulsory religious involvement as a child when I hear the AA line. Try as I might I still can't separate AA from religion in my mind. Over time this anger I have has gotten a bit relaxed as long as I limit my exposure to AA. On a rational level I can ease my emotional response somewhat but haven't found any effective way to lessen the intrusive memories that suddenly fire up my emotional state.

Although one thing I found to be of some help is to state my beliefs openly in group soon after my anger response is triggered by those that share their AA experience. I try very hard to be respectful but boldly point out my alternative treatment program in contrast to AA's program. I think it helps me to reinforce my program as I hear it said by me in group. Plus I think it stimulates other group members to share their treatment program. Which many of them work a uniquely personalized program of recovery...ah thank goodness for that .

californiapoppy

AA could probably be a trigger for me in certain circumstances, I guess that's why I stay clear. I don't appreciated the little phrases learned by heart that they deal out, even when or if they are accurate. I don't do well at all with god or spiritual or whatever. I do like the general good humor they all seem to cultivate. I think I would tell everyone that they were not going to convert me, that I respect their views, just please do not push them on me, then I'd probably just shut up and suffer(or not if they chose to be conciliant)

Katie09

Yes, thank goodness for that. Even if there were ONE other person in this group who isn't in AA I would feel much better. Also, I am reluctant to share too much about my feelings for fear it will trigger some discussion about "it hasn't worked because you haven't worked it; you are not willing to go to any lengths," in which case things will even be worse. If asked why don't you do AA I will be perfectly forthcoming. Plus, I guess I can always tell the therapist I feel uncomfortable about being outnumbered. If he gives me the green light to share more about my feelings, I will. Yunno, at times I have even considered moving back to the Bay Area just to go to LifeRing so I can be around people who do that. However, thank goodnesss there are SMART meetings here but, as you can probably guess, the number of people who go to SMART here is very small compared to the predominance of those in AA. In fact, I've never found anyone in real life who even KNOWS what SMART or LifeRing are, except in this forum.

Lenina

I believe that journaling in long-hand is more of a release. I used to be really worried someone might find it and know how nuts I really am so I used shorthand. My handwriting is bad enough so I knew the steno script would be impossible for anyone else to transcribe!

Have you thought about doing any kind of volunteer work? I used to do accounting for a local food bank once a week. It helped me feel like a I was doing a service for my community and feel more connected to the world.

Do you have a YWCA nearby? Or a community college? I took some exercise classes that helped work off tensions.

I think flylady rocks! I am hoping to get new shelf paper down in the kitchen cabinets. I think anything I can do to make my personal environment more orderly and clean helps me. Also, having a daily routine helps too.

Love,

Lenina

Katie09

Yes, I too do my best to steer clear of AA discussions. But it's impossible in this group. I guess I end up feeling angry that I can't say how I feel, but I have to let them all have their own feelings and realize they are sober and that they've found something that works for them. At times I am envious too. If I could believe as they do then I would also have lots of community support, but I simply cannot believe as they do. I guess as long as no one tries to convert me I'll keep my mouth shut and suffer, as you said. I just have to find a way to not let it get to me too much, which will require much thought on my part. I think I'd go insane without this secular forum. You may all be far away, but at least we can share a commonality in this forum.

Katie09

Ah, well, I cannot do shorthand, but I could always try to write my thoughts down in Spanish. I am a bit rusty and this would no doubt improve my Spanish. But interesting thought. Yeah, I am going to do that.

Yes, I do start volunteering in mid-May. I did interviewing at the front intake desk (food and clothing bank) and I really enjoyed it so I am going back there.

Probably, but I also have a great elliptical cross trainer right in my BR that I can jump on. That is on my agenda soon

Yeah, I really like that site. I have to clean this place up today as I am having someone come here later to do some work on my house. Thanks for your thoughts!

jamdls

What is flylady?

Lenina

Flylady has a great plan for house cleaning and organization. Here's her website: FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home. It's free and has really helped me get a handle on keeping my house tidy.

Check it out!

Love,

Lenina

Katie09

Ok, I cannot handle all this AA stuff. I am not making excuses, rather I abhor the "program." So, to this end, I need to vent rather than pick up a drink. I truly despise all of this AA stuff. I have had 32 years of this stuff. It has damaged me greatly, to the extent I had an AA member, who smoked crack, come to my house and for the first time in five years of living here, the police were called on me. (BTW, I have NEVER had the police called on me in my lifetime.) I am NOT that kind of girl, hence my belief that I wish the drug users would just go to NA. Ok, not popular, and this may get deleted, but I am really pissed off. There IS a difference between alcoholics and crack users. Ok, this is my truth and, since I cannot express this in my group, I'll stick by it. And I know this, as this whole addiction thing hits on different neurotransitters. Dopamine versus Serontonin, so I am scientically based.

Lenina

Katie,

I am not an AA person but found some of the theories helpful. What exactly do you detest? The people? The God-stuff? I just took what I needed and left the rest.

My opinion is AA is a business plan for staying sober. I do believe it's more male-centered.

What are your thoughts?

Love,

Lenina

seemethrough

Hey Katie, yoga is great..it is relaxing and a workout at the same time. Although I am athletic I am not graceful..so I just follow the CD and workout by myself in my living room, that way if I look stupid than the only person to see it is me!

Katie09

Honestly, Lenina, it's not the god stuff. It's the group think that comes over everything. Taken as individuals, I think AA is great. It is male-centered, however, which is a major turnoff, in addition to other factors.