This IOP is well "intense" :)
 

Well, after another screw-up last weekend (sorry), I started my program Monday night. I was apprehensive, but I really like it. I'm still not sure I can be successful, but I will give it my best shot. The therapist is super cool and I feel really comfortable with him and the one other person in my group (small group). We've discussed a lot of things like triggers and coping strategies. This is not 12 step based and is really pretty positive and uplifting.

The therapist is super supportive and my #1 assignment is to "suspend judgement." Last night we watched a movie on Family Recovery. The one thing that struck me is that Real is Hard. Yeah, this week has been real and hard, for some reason. I guess making the commitment and shelling out another couple of thousand dollars makes it so, but I am grateful I didn't go the insurance route, or I wouldn't be as invested as I am. It would be easier, somehow, to blow it off. Not sure why.

At any rate, I've stayed away from here out of embarrassment and shame over my behavior, but the truth is I really need all of you and your support. I don't go back to group until Monday, so I am on my own for three days. However, there is a SMART group both tomorrow and Sunday. I am going to make a list of things to do so my mind doesn't wander too much. So, thanks so much for your support.

It sounds good, and you seem much more positive about everything. Keep at it, you can do it. I'll be rooting for you !

you can be successful...

Good to see you back Katie. We missed you.

hey katie...don't forget we have a secular meeting on saturdays...put that in your schedule too :)

Keep workin at it.

It's good to have you back! I missed your posts.

I wanted to point out the above snippet. I'm not in your shoes, I know you have spent a long time looking for a program that will work for you and perhaps the above sentence is shaped by those years. And this is in no way an attack, just my reflections on my recovery that I hope may benefit you (though you have been working on it a lot longer; sometimes it seems presumptuous to offer up my suggestions as a newbie).

Just from my perspective it seems like telling yourself you *can't* be successful, or you don't *think* you can be, or you aren't even *sure* about it sort of becomes self-fulfilling. If I didn't think I could get c&s I know it wouldn't work. I told myself to buckle down and get it done, that I could do it. And aside from a few bumps along the way, it has worked. For me thinking positively that I could get c&s mattered more than what technique or program I chose.

Welcome back. Love ya.

Thanks, gneiss :) It's more like I look at my track record and therefore can't say with assuredness that I can pull it off, but I will try. I can I think, as at one point in my life I did manage to not drink for 26 months. So...it can be done. It's sort of like when I quit smoking for 10 years. Even though I smoke now and want to quit, I know I can when the time is right. Well, I think the time is right for quitting drinking NOW. I can deal with the smoking in a short while.

Something happened this a.m. that seriously made me think about stocking up for the weekend. Instead, I called my therapist of this program and talked with him for 20 minutes. We came up with a plan and an idea for new rituals, instead of the ritual I always had around what came up this a.m. (ritual was to drink when dealing with endings). Thanks for the warm welcome back!

Thank you so much. That means a lot :)

Thanks Ananda. How does this work? What time is it? Is it a chat thing? I don't know that chat works for me but I will try!