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Trusting people around me

Old 03-21-2009, 08:38 PM
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Trusting people around me

Now that I'm starting to not be around druggies and drinkers so much I'm realizing it kinda messed up my head. Not just the drugs, but the people involved. Druggies aren't really the most trustworthy people; neither are dealers, nor alcoholics. It's really not fair to my friends and family, but I don't trust anyone now. Even when someone's just being nice I wonder what they are up to, what their motives are, if this is going to come back and bite me later. And when I start to feel that's a little irrational, a little voice in the back of my head whispers, "But, Beth. People really have their own agendas and really could be out to get you. Protect yourself." There's no balance-- it's all or nothing.

I take everything personally and I'm feeling depressed. I feel like none of my friends like me, they're just humoring me and letting me hang out. I felt like I was getting disconnected from people so I have made efforts to be social but then when I'm out I want to go home because I think they're lying to me and probably don't want me around. Breaking up with ex didn't help in that regard, but then he lied to me a lot, too and he is one of main reasons I wonder what people are up to.

And I can't tell if this is a result of spending too much time around druggies, or losing most of my friends because I'm not using, or a self-confidence thing about breaking up with ex or something else, or all of those or none. All I know for sure is that it sucks.
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Old 03-22-2009, 02:43 AM
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Agree with phaleron only trust my family and luckily for the first time in my life I feel I have found a really good friend I can talk to.
I suppose I would try and look at it as transition period, adjusting without the crutch of drugs and drink and creating a new social life perhaps realizing who your true friends are, you also might be being slightly paranoid trying second guess what people are thinking, with our often messed minds it isn't healthy. I know I can be paranoid myself.
Hope things improve for you soon gneiss.

Last edited by kurtrambis; 03-22-2009 at 03:13 AM.
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Old 03-22-2009, 03:45 AM
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I don't trust anyone really. I segregate trust into different areas, e.g. money, advice, looking after my cat etc. It really is a **** way to be, need to work on it more in counselling for me.
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Old 03-22-2009, 04:20 AM
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Realized I have no idea whether there is any paranoia in your thought process and thus maybe insulting you, just because I am paranoid it doesn't mean other people are, I apologise.
Agree with yeagher, I have different levels of friendships with different people some are just basically people who i share my hobby with.
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Old 03-22-2009, 05:02 AM
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My family, my very small circle of great friends I've known for many years....those people I trust.
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Old 03-22-2009, 08:02 AM
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^^ yep, same here.

I think it takes time to rebuild things and start to repair relationships, and to build new ones too.

A lot of my relationships when i was deep in my addiction were selfish or destructive.
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Old 03-22-2009, 08:46 AM
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I used to trust everybody but I have been ripped off by both family and long time friends so perhaps not trusting is a healthy response to the society that we live in.
A lot of people lost their pensions because they trusted someone.
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Old 03-22-2009, 09:29 AM
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well....I learned to distrust very well from my family.....and it spread out from there....

It's actually through the relationships i have built in this sobriety especially some here at sr that i have learned to "trust" again...not sure that's the real word but this part touched me...


I take everything personally and I'm feeling depressed. I feel like none of my friends like me, they're just humoring me and letting me hang out. I felt like I was getting disconnected from people so I have made efforts to be social but then when I'm out I want to go home because I think they're lying to me and probably don't want me around.
I fight this battle daily...and largely with the friends who most support and care and love me. I know that this is from inside me at this time....sure sometimes people cut and run or don't really like me but clearly my perspective is scewed on this...I fear it so much that i almost make it happen by my actions from my messed up thinking on this stuff.

So...I reach out when i don't want to, I share with my closest friends when i start to get that parinoia and I just keep hanging in there

I don't want a half life full of fear anymore....I wan't a full life a rich life full of relationships...and if that means occtionally i get screwed...so be it i will find a way to deal with it.

tough talk, but some days i just hide in the covers and wish i were someone else.
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Old 03-22-2009, 10:48 AM
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I guess I usually count on myself. I'm often afraid if I lean on someone they might go down too. If people count on me, it usually brings out the best in me, I try harder. SR seems to be a great place to come when things aren't going so smoothly, it's anonymous, no one has to carry your load, they don't even have to read it, but if they do offer comments, hey great ! it's free and could help. I'm sorry about the "SR funk" that people are feeling now, I'm pretty sure it's just a cycle that will cure itself of it's own accord.
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Old 03-22-2009, 10:58 AM
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I trust people and open up way too easily, thats why I choose not to talk to many people. I'm sure if any of the people here, who are stilll for the most part strangers to me, showed up at my doorstep needing something I would do what I can to help without thinking-is he/she a dangerous psycho?

I tried the not trusting thing for a long time.. and it just made me too paranoid. If someone is going to hurt me, they'll do it, but I want to know that at least I was a good friend, that I never backed away because of my suspicions... I wouldnt want someone to feel that way about me.
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Old 03-22-2009, 12:15 PM
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Originally Posted by ananda View Post
I don't want a half life full of fear anymore....I wan't a full life a rich life full of relationships...and if that means occtionally i get screwed...so be it i will find a way to deal with it.
beautifully put!

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Old 03-22-2009, 12:18 PM
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Originally Posted by kurtrambis View Post
Realized I have no idea whether there is any paranoia in your thought process and thus maybe insulting you, just because I am paranoid it doesn't mean other people are, I apologise.
Agree with yeagher, I have different levels of friendships with different people some are just basically people who i share my hobby with.
I didn't take it that you were trying to put words in my mouth, and I think I am a bit paranoid. Certainly if these people wanted me to go away they wouldn't call and ask me to hang out, right? "Unless they wanted to go home and make fun of you later," my Paranoia whispers in my ear. I'm totally doing it to myself, and it's driving me crazy.

yeahgr8: Every time I see you I get that Three Dog Night song stuck in my head: Well I've never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music...
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Old 03-22-2009, 12:35 PM
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Originally Posted by ananda View Post

I fight this battle daily...and largely with the friends who most support and care and love me. I know that this is from inside me at this time....sure sometimes people cut and run or don't really like me but clearly my perspective is scewed on this...I fear it so much that i almost make it happen by my actions from my messed up thinking on this stuff.
I noticed that, too. When I wrote that it applied to several people but I was actually thinking of a girl who, to any normal person, would be the best friend they have. But I suspect her every move because I picked the wrong person to trust last time and I guess I just don't want to go through that again. I also think I've pushed a couple people away who would otherwise be good friends, if I'd let them close enough.

Originally Posted by ananda View Post
I don't want a half life full of fear anymore....I wan't a full life a rich life full of relationships...and if that means occtionally i get screwed...so be it i will find a way to deal with it.
Well said. I used to have this mindset, and would very much like to again. Since I quit dope I feel like I have emotional training wheels; I have to relearn how to handle situations with normal people who don't think like druggies. Problem is, I still think like a druggie.
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