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I feel like such a quitter! Ha ha

Old 03-17-2009, 10:17 PM
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I feel like such a quitter! Ha ha

I want to be clear that doing meth and drinking basically sucked the soul right out of me (a dementor, if you're a Harry Potter fan like me... sorry. I'm a nerd). It was the worst time of my life in a lot of ways.

Even so, I look back with a weird nostalgia. I learned a lot about myself and how to handle relationships. I learned much about the way the world (and the legal system) works. I learned that drugs can numb pain for a little while, until I was ready to deal with it (of course the kicker was that when I was ready to deal with it, I was hooked on drugs and it only made a bad situation worse). I learned how to spot a methy a mile away and I see them EVERYWHERE now. And I look back at the insane memories and hallucinations and weird things that happened and know that they are my own world, no one will ever know the whole story.

Vladimir Putin once said of the Soviet Union that no one with a heart could look back on the Soviet Union without nostalgia, but no one with a brain would actually hope for its return. I kind of feel like that about drugs: it was fun while it lasted and even somewhat useful but it is something I can't go back to; it's time to move on.

Anything similar, or is this a stage everyone goes through when they are quitting?
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Old 03-17-2009, 10:24 PM
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Funny you should mention this...

I was picking up my daughter Antibiotics today and the lady right next to me was picking up her pills (narcotic of some sort) and I could see that "out of it" look in her eyes and the way she was aged beyond her years etc. Now I know that some people take narcotic medications and are not addicts but I can spot one, like you can. I let my husband finish up the transaction and went off to look for some neat hair gunk. Wurghty.
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Old 03-17-2009, 10:41 PM
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Wow Latte! I've done some other drugs and I occasionally spot them, or smell it on them. But methies? I don't think I have left the house in the last 2 weeks without seeing someone who was on it. It really is kind of amazing how common it is. Over Christmas, visiting relatives, my mom and I went to Wal-Mart for some necessities we had left at home. There was a guy in the parking lot tweaking worse than I have ever seen anyone. Another guy walked up to him, they spoke for a second then came the subtle exchange of money and product and they both went their separate ways. I was smack in the middle of withdrawl and it took everything I had not to go buy some from one of them. My mom has no idea about my drug use and she commented that "something was wrong with that guy, he was not right. Fidgeting and nervous." Yeah, cuz he's buying meth in Wal-Mart parking lot, with all those security cameras around and he's already high so he's paranoid as hell. And he is so focused on everyone else that he doesn't realize he is a walking advertisement to every meth head in view because he's grinding his teeth, chewing his lips, scratching his head, etc. In short, he behaves exactly like I do when I am starting to come down and I need another fix. But then, my mom has no idea so as much as I wanted to tackle to guy and steal his drugs, I remained calm and silent.

My grandmother is on both oxycontin and loritab every day for pain management. To my eternal shame (I do mean that. I can't get over how incredibly awful this is) I actually slipped into the kitchen one night when everyone was asleep and stole some oxys. Crushed one up and snorted it right there, took 5 more home after Christmas. I also helped a friend steal another friend's $170 text book and sell it for drug money. Drugs make you do some pretty $h!tty things.
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Old 03-18-2009, 05:43 AM
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It is hard not to look back on the times as the good old times because we tend to remember the good and forget the bad. The bad parts is what got us to where we are right now though.
All the drinking and drugging has given me life experience and I wouldn't trade that experience for being clean and sober and I wouldn't trade that for being a sober alcoholic for 20 years. That was then and this is now though.
We have to get responsible sometime. I just put it off longer than most.
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Old 03-18-2009, 06:37 AM
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I feel the same way too - in my teens and twenties i did a lot of drugs, alcohol, ecstasy, speed, acid, mushrooms, coke, weed...

I'd be lying if i said it wasn't fun. Like the guy in Trainspotting says - the thing about drugs is that they are enjoyable - that's why people do them.

I do feel i learned a lot, there was a sense of experimenting with consciousness and experience. And just good old partying too of course.

But along the way, the fun and good times got less, and the chaos and carnage got more.

That's where i did a bit of a geographical and moved away from all my drug friends, and reconnected with my old friends from school.

I realised it had got to a point where i couldn't really enjoy things without a drug, and also was wanting a drug to cope with bad things in life. Basically i was an addict.

I found giving up all the drugs pretty easy - except one- alcohol.

This is because i just transferred all my drug addiction onto that one. The socially acceptable legal one with easy to find dealers.
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Old 03-18-2009, 06:53 AM
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yep wild times and some great expereinces

Dont regret it exactly....but i don't really wanna go there again....

the end wasn't pretty, and I think the end is where i would start if i went back. And too many people don't get back to sobriety hell i barely did the lst time.
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