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-   -   how to respect your self? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/secular-connections/171641-how-respect-your-self.html)

jowinbo 03-13-2009 05:30 PM

how to respect your self?
 
am figuring out the main thing is i just do not like myself, NEVER did!

all comes down to the fact that my mother did not like/love me?

and have always had an ugly face? geez i need to get out of this mode?

sorry, such a depressing post!
love, peace and soberiety to all

:ghug:ghug

allport 03-13-2009 05:57 PM

Not such a depressing post Jo its good to know that I am not the only one in this situation , :ghug3 maybe we could work together to get some answers.

Fubarcdn 03-13-2009 06:05 PM

Thanks for sharing.When I read people's posts here I sometimes wonder what they look like and I imagine their looks based on what kind of person they appear to be based on what they write.Both of you are beautiful people in my mind.
I know that doesn't help much but I wanted to say it anyways. :ghug

doorknob 03-13-2009 06:10 PM

I'm not exactly the poster child for self-esteem and self-confidence... :)

Eroica 03-13-2009 06:26 PM

Haha. This thread won't turn into a big group hug, will it? Let me save everyones time: You're all great and wonderful and amazing and you have every reason to respect yourselves!!! And some just happen to be supercool. Like ananda. I want to be her best friend! :Val004:

Latte 03-13-2009 09:50 PM

I've been working on likeing myself for quite some time. Having two young girls who think I hung the moon helps though.

gneiss 03-13-2009 10:43 PM

I used to like myself. I used to be a good person. Then I started drinking and I didn't like myself so much and some other stuff happened and it got worse so I started doing drugs so I didn't have to think about it. And before long I had no soul left to speak of, just a lot of self-loathing. Working on it, getting better. :ghug I like group hugs.

123bubblegum123 03-13-2009 11:24 PM

hey! you need to start out by making a mental list of qualities you actually dig about yourself - could be anything from the pie you bake to the way you laugh, ANYTHING will do. Now, next time you find yourself self-hating, repeat your "I love my (insert quality you like)" mantra!!

Also, I don't know you, but I do have plenty of gal pals who base their self worth off of what other people think of them, it sounds to me like you do this to yourself too. Not to toot my own confidence horn but I definitely have plenty of self love, and I find that my "who gives a damn" attitude helps me greatly! Being overly sensitive and interested in pleasing others totally backfires - instead, focus your attention on pleasing yourself!

I can remember a time when I loathed myself, and I brought myself out of the darkness by: a) dumping my loser excuse for a boyfriend thus leading me to b) discover independence and ultimately c) become stronger and self-willed. Being single has saved my life, and helped me grow in every way.

I also started a great exercise routine - working out for 45 minutes 3-5 times a week. This helped me stop beating myself up over how I looked because I could finally be one of those people who was doing something about how I felt.

Let me also say I doubt you are ugly. In fact, everyone is beautiful and everyone have certain admirable qualities. However, if you, the owner of the admirable quality cannot even find the courage to share it, how will anyone else know about it?

Learn to lean on your friends & family for support (as opposed to a man) and find something new you are passionate about - hiking, gardening, knitting, whatever! Just get a fun hobby you can feel good about!

Overall, try doing daily affirmations (cheesy? yes. helpful? you bet!) that reflect positivity. Something simple, such as "I'm helpful to my parents" or "I'm a good friend" just to feed yourself assuring messages. The more positive noise you hear, the more you'll feel.

I hope I've helped, and please feel free to private message me if you ever want to talk/vent! I love meeting new people and making new friends.

Take care and stay positive, you are sooooo worth it!
Rachel

yeahgr8 03-14-2009 02:33 AM

Rachel's post is brilliant! I reckon there must be quite a few books out there on this subject (can't stand reading myself maybe there is a dvd;-)) and it is something you need to work on fro the inside obviously. Is this something that you can talk about with a counselor, they will have some practical re-programming techniques to get rid of all the **** you are carrying from childhood. How about not worrying about it today and doing something you enjoy doing, pencil in the diary to worry about it tomorrow, then maybe cross that out later tonight and put it off till monday;-)

gneiss 03-14-2009 04:43 AM

Just to inject a little extra positivity in here:

Remember your old SNL skits?
Repeat after me: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!

:)

windysan 03-14-2009 06:23 AM

Ugly is as ugly does.

Mariposa18 03-14-2009 08:10 AM

I've realized I always had low-self esteem. I'm working on it on a daily basis now and sometimes it's a real struggle! Looking back I see how I stayed in relationships even though I was treated badly, friendships lasted even though they were toxic to me. I've allowed people to treat me that way, but I no longer do so because I'm starting to finally value myself.

I'm not perfect, but I know I'm a good person =)

And BTW, Rachel, excellent post Sweetie!!!!!!!

doorknob 03-14-2009 09:02 AM

Rachel, you are wise beyond your years! :)

gerryP 03-14-2009 09:17 AM

Yeah, jowinbow it's pretty dang hard to know how to like/love yourself when the one person who brought you into the world and is supposed to love you unconditionally appears not to have.

i have a mother like that, but i learned in therapy that she is incapable...utterly in liking/loving herself so it only stands to follow that she can't love anyone else.

The good news is that you can LEARN to love yourself by surrounding yourself with positive caring people. They are around. Get involved in some volunteer work with elderly people. They can teach us a lot about life and are often forgotten. An animal shelter is another good one. Animals know how to love unconditionally. I came to the conclusion, WHAT DO I CARE WHAT MY MOTHER THOUGHT OF ME? SHE ISN'T WELL, HER OPINION DOESN'T COUNT.

As far as you having an ugly face? I think you might need a new mirror in which to few yourself. best of everything Jow.

SelfSeeking 03-14-2009 06:07 PM


Originally Posted by Latte (Post 2148280)
I've been working on likeing myself for quite some time. Having two young girls who think I hung the moon helps though.

Problem solved, let's all get pregnant/impregnate someone!

lol... j/k... That is really sweet :) Kids are so awesome, when they love you it's like, aw, how bad could I be?

shockozulu 03-14-2009 06:15 PM

The SMART Recovery has a great tool on Universal Self Acceptance.

You can find it here:
SMART RecoveryŽ - Self-Acceptance Exercise

When I first came across this, I didn't think it would make a difference but once I actually finished it, and thought about it I did actually feel better about accepting myself.

jowinbo 03-15-2009 02:03 PM

yes allport that would help us both, sorry you are feeling the same way!
 

Originally Posted by allport (Post 2148046)
Not such a depressing post Jo its good to know that I am not the only one in this situation , :ghug3 maybe we could work together to get some answers.

add me as a friend and we can work on boosting each other up in spirits!!!!!

ty for the response! love in sobriety!

:Val004:

:You_Rock_

jowinbo 03-15-2009 02:12 PM

ty you so much!
 

Originally Posted by Fubarcdn (Post 2148052)
Thanks for sharing.When I read people's posts here I sometimes wonder what they look like and I imagine their looks based on what kind of person they appear to be based on what they write.Both of you are beautiful people in my mind.
I know that doesn't help much but I wanted to say it anyways. :ghug


yes, it helps alot!!!!! just to know people care.............well helps alot!! ty fub
love in sobriety!

:ghug2

jowinbo 03-15-2009 02:14 PM

dk
 
ty you have been so helpful to me and i see ALOT of self-esteem and self-confindence in you! you are so good at helping others!

love in sobriety!

:You_Rock_


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