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I think I'm becoming a hermit

Old 03-11-2009, 09:16 PM
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I think I'm becoming a hermit

I think I may have posted about this before. I feel like I'm becoming a hermit. Cuz when I was drinking and doing drugs I was always out, always had someone to talk to, always had "friends." And now? I go to class, go to work, and go home. I watch TV or hang out here.

Even when I am invited out I don't want to go. I want to stay at my house, alone. I do the minimum level of social interaction possible. I find myself getting very short with people when I actually leave my house. I might call my mom, talk to my bf on the phone for 10 minutes tops, and that's it.

Is this normal? I feel like I'm crazy. I feel bored and discontent that I don't leave my house much, but when I am presented with the opportunity I don't have the energy to go out or the patience to deal with people. I am starting to alienate my friends, I think, and I have to force myself even to spend an hour out with them somewhere for dinner.
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:19 PM
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And I'm always tired lately. I can sleep for 12 hours pretty easily. And I'll feel hungry until I actually have food in front of me, then I eat maybe 1/4 of a normal portion and leave it.
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Old 03-11-2009, 10:02 PM
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I go through phases like this, Gneiss. I wouldn't be too worried about it at this point. Plus, you probably have to re-learn how to go out without getting drunk or high, and who to do it with sober. I'm sure it will be ok. As long as you're not PURPOSEFULLY isolating and withdrawing... that would be bad. But if you're staying in because you're grumpy or moody or don't know what to do or who to be with to help you stay clean, then I think you're fine.
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Old 03-12-2009, 05:32 AM
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it sounds to me that you are suffering from depression. this is a common problem and can be treated. i found Prozac helps me, but there are others. also consultation with a therapist would be good. just don't go back to drinking, please.
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Old 03-12-2009, 07:21 AM
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I was doing fine until I went out and had a drink (or 12) last Thursday. And I haven't been drinking since then, but I haven't wanted to go anywhere or do anything. Maybe it'll pass.
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Old 03-12-2009, 09:10 AM
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Relapsing is depressing My AA friends had to drag me to the first few meetings after I drank in October. I wanted to hide under a rock. Not because of embarassment, but because my liking-myself-ometer was at an alltime low. That was just me, though, I don't know if you're in a similar place or if I'm barking up the wrong tree.
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Old 03-12-2009, 02:42 PM
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I think you're partially right, SS. BF issues, as well.

Basically, life has me down at the moment. And it's kicking me while it's got me down.
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Old 03-12-2009, 05:46 PM
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I very much relate to this. I live alone and enjoy myself more these days playing on the internet and watching TV.

I'll make plans to leave the house (alone), and then often cancel and just stay home. I rarely make social commitments that involves others.

Like you I feel like there is something wrong with it, but there is no real motivation great enough to make major changes.
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Old 03-12-2009, 06:52 PM
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depression sure is teh suck
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Old 03-12-2009, 07:35 PM
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Spending time alone or wanting to be alone is not a bad thing. As long as your head is in the right place and you are not doing it to hurt yourself.

What's wrong with being a hermit anyway?!
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Old 03-12-2009, 10:50 PM
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Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
I think I may have posted about this before. I feel like I'm becoming a hermit. Cuz when I was drinking and doing drugs I was always out, always had someone to talk to, always had "friends." And now? I go to class, go to work, and go home. I watch TV or hang out here.

Even when I am invited out I don't want to go. I want to stay at my house, alone. I do the minimum level of social interaction possible. I find myself getting very short with people when I actually leave my house. I might call my mom, talk to my bf on the phone for 10 minutes tops, and that's it.

Is this normal? I feel like I'm crazy. I feel bored and discontent that I don't leave my house much, but when I am presented with the opportunity I don't have the energy to go out or the patience to deal with people. I am starting to alienate my friends, I think, and I have to force myself even to spend an hour out with them somewhere for dinner.
Hmm, first thought out of my head was depression. Could this be a possibility?
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Old 03-14-2009, 09:59 AM
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I'm about 2 decisions away from becoming a hermit.....

grappling with really really really wanting to believe there is another way.....

course i post this now (actually makes me doubt that i'm serious about the hermit thing anyway..)

this afternoon i'll be oh la de da aren't people sooooo great

anyhow...probably will not make those 2 decisions today
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Old 03-15-2009, 10:00 AM
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I can relate to this. The first few months was really hard in trying to find something that filled the gap that alcohol filled. All of my friends drank, all of my friends partied. It takes time to get a new social circle, some of the friends or aquaintances dropped off, a couple of the real friends are still around, but they respect the fact that i don't drink.

For me it was all about replacing the alcohol scene with a new scene, so i took up scuba diving. This is something i love and in time made new friends whose interests weren't geared around alcohol.

Funny thing is i used to think that everyone drank, to my surprise not everyone does. Like minded people attract like minded people.

AA was a good start for me in meeting new people, choosing a hobby was the next good thing for me. Now 15 months on from when i decided to stop drinking i have a totally new social circle that i enjoy without drink, but at the beginning i never thought it was possible.

My heart goes out to you because i know exactly where you are coming from, my advice would be to work hard at finding new friends, it does take both patience and time but will happen if you work at it.

Paul
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Old 03-15-2009, 10:15 AM
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i became very much a hermit when i sobered up. before, i would only do anything resembling social interaction when i was drunk. i used alcohol to relax me and lessen my social fears. when i got clean i lost all my using friends and it was easier just to stay alone, even though it was boring.

for over four years i've been that way, and i'm just now starting to slowly come out of it. it's a hard thing to step back into the world,but i'm seeing the advantages now.

don't rush it if you don't feel comfortable. things fall together in their own time. and if you don't do much outside the house, the things you do can seem more special.
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by digderidoo View Post
My heart goes out to you because i know exactly where you are coming from, my advice would be to work hard at finding new friends, it does take both patience and time but will happen if you work at it.

Paul
Thanks Paul. My current dilemma as far as making new friends is that I am also moving to a new city this summer. It sounds silly but I don't want to go to the effort of finding a bunch of new friends only to leave in a few months.

Sounds like a cheap excuse for not putting forth an effort but I've lost a lot of friends, and "friends," just recently and I'm tired of that. I guess I'll just have to tough it out. The good news is there should be a number of new grad students in my same boat: in a new city and friendless. That always makes it easier.

And zx... four years! Glad you're coming out of it.
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:58 AM
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I'm such a hermit! I even use the word as a verb and tell people I am hermitting. Yep and it has almost been six months. Right now I am sitting here on my computer debating whether to call my friend who left a message saying he is in town from New York. I don't know if I am up for it. For what? Brunch?

Anyways the point is I think it is so normal. I used to be a social butterfly of sorts and now it is me and my dog. I actually think that this is more the "real me." I realize now that when I do go out and socialize either I don't have as much fun as I do at home reading or on the computer or watching television or it just takes a whole lot of energy out of me. I think I needed alcohol to sustain myself socializing before. I just can't do it anymore. And I am fine with that. Also, I think recovery takes a lot out of me. I am constantly thinking or maybe meditating is a better word for it. I spend a lot of time going over my life and my new patterns. I am very into myself right now and very content alone.

Granted I say all this and I actually do live in a pretty busy neighborhood and I walk my dog all the time and I end up running into a lot of people that I know and my dog is so darn cute that he gets a lot of strangers' attention. So I am not completely in bubble and I think if I was I would be more depressed because even as it is I think I am coming up on the point where soon I am going to want to diversify my activities of basically sitting in front of the TV. And I do go out with friends on occasion it is just at such a different pace than pre-sobriety. I think I am also realizing thought that it is much more normal. The rate at which I was out and about before I got sober was not normal. Most people did not socialize quite so much, did not need to be surrounded by others to feel comfortable. And now finally that I feel comfortable at home, alone, it is like a little blessing and I am enjoying it. And my little dog helps immensely.
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Old 03-15-2009, 01:21 PM
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I spend a lot of time with my dog, too. She's the coolest creature to have around. No accusing looks when I walk in, no "where have you been?" The only thing she would do is when I'd come home after smoking meth I'm sure she could smell it on me, and she would walk into her kennel and ignore me. And now when I come home she meets me at the door, attempts to dislocate my knees, and generally acts happy to see me. And when I have a bad day and cry she lets me hug her. But never too long. It's sort of a reminder that life goes on: "I know you had a bad day. I love you, there's a hug. Now... you have more important things to worry about. For example, where's my tennis ball? And by the way, it's dinner time."

Social interaction wears me out. Always has. I don't like large groups or crowds but I got used to being out with a few friends in bars every night while drinking, then at someone's apartment with a small group of people doing drugs. Sitting on my couch with my dog is sort of a foreign idea at this point, and it takes some getting used to.
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Old 03-15-2009, 01:33 PM
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you know..been thinking about this... i think the whole thing is that there are different behaviors appropriete for different times in our lives...and it's different for everyone when those times are and how long they last....

OK...so I feel i missed alot being a hermit those 15 years, but I gained a lot too...it was just where i was...now for me, the last 4 or 5 years of it i was HOLDING ON to being a hermit when it had lost its usefulnes...I wasn't in that phaze of my life anymore, but was afraid to move on.

I suspect i will have less social times in my life in the future, and being a human who wants to cling to some steady version of myself to make me feel safe...I will probably cling to the crowds screaming I don't want to be alone....

If i can just learn how to let go of my "self" and just be who I am today...knowing it isn't who i am forever..not good or bad..just what is right this instant.
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Old 03-17-2009, 10:55 PM
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This describes me to a T.

However, it's not a result of sobriety and I've pretty much been like this since '98'.
Before that, I was always out tearin it up.
Then in '98' I got interested in 3D design and started doing freelance work.

Even if I wanted to go out, there's nothing around here but the bar scene.
My area breeds addicts because there's never been anything to do but get intoxicated.
So generations pass the addict gene down, and there's still nothing to do so people start drinkin and druggin in high school and next thing you know you're 30 and always at the bar.

The introvert/extrovert concept is always at work.
Some people thrive on external stimuli, some people thrive on solitude.
I'm an introvert through and through.
I live in my head, and constantly seek creative output.
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Old 03-18-2009, 11:07 AM
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I can relate to this too.

Since giving up drinking, i find i go out less, i avoid situations where people will be drinking, and that means i avoid a lot of stuff!

I only do stuff that i really want to do and where alcohol isn't involved. I guess i'm slowly building a new life that's alcohol free.

Some people can go to social events where people are drinking, but i just can't - it does my head in. I might be able to one day, but not now.

I feel though that i'm learning to really appreciate things more and enjoy things on a deeper level. Or at least on a different, more real level.

For example it's so much nicer to meet someone for coffee and a good chat, than to meet someone, get drunk, talk rubbish, and not remember what you were talking about the next day.

It's difficult at times and can be lonely but it's part of the journey towards a new life - imho of course.

I think the main thing is doing what's right for you. If you feel you should be getting out more, then perhaps you could give that a try.
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