Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part IV
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
Hey nans - sorry to hear about the coal raking - you sure don't deserve it.. You are so lovingly supportive..
zencat - glad you here in this community - my first and only experience with an e-community and I have so appreciated your posts.
:ghug
zencat - glad you here in this community - my first and only experience with an e-community and I have so appreciated your posts.
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
noon break and i'm checking in
Well... I will, wish some reservations, say i am doing ok today....I still spent the morning waiting for the shoe to drop at work....but was able to stay focus, clear up some things and will work on the horrible scarry back log stuff this afternoon....
It's so dissapointing to know that when things are at their most dificult, I am most likely to fall back into the old core belief system that I had for so long that I KNOW is not correct...is irrational and has been proven wrong so many times....fear and uncertainty just seem to make it seem like the way to go.
I'm pretty scred that my regular dr. will make me wait for meds till I can find a new Psych to see and be sure that the meds are the right ones... it's just too obvious right now that one misstep and i'm over the edge into the old rage and fear and acting out of it. As long as things go along fairly smoothly i seem to be able to keep my balance for now....but this is not a comfortable place to be. Plus knowing that i have to buck up, step up to the plate..whatever.. and get some profesional help with some of this old stuff ... once again...yuck...
The support i am recieving from AA, SR and other friends has just been amazing. I think I would have gone into full fledge run mode if I had not had the help of other compasionate human beings journeying by my side.
Anyways, I hope i can keep centered enough for the next few weeks or so to avoid too many insanity fits
And I really am terribly grateful that I never even considered a drink during the storm of the weekend! I mean I want to be able to say more than that, but you know when i watch people fall into this disease it really makes me realize how much better a chance I have in this life if I just don't drink. The rest comes in time I guess (hey jason...if you read that line plese forgive me
)
Well... I will, wish some reservations, say i am doing ok today....I still spent the morning waiting for the shoe to drop at work....but was able to stay focus, clear up some things and will work on the horrible scarry back log stuff this afternoon....
It's so dissapointing to know that when things are at their most dificult, I am most likely to fall back into the old core belief system that I had for so long that I KNOW is not correct...is irrational and has been proven wrong so many times....fear and uncertainty just seem to make it seem like the way to go.
I'm pretty scred that my regular dr. will make me wait for meds till I can find a new Psych to see and be sure that the meds are the right ones... it's just too obvious right now that one misstep and i'm over the edge into the old rage and fear and acting out of it. As long as things go along fairly smoothly i seem to be able to keep my balance for now....but this is not a comfortable place to be. Plus knowing that i have to buck up, step up to the plate..whatever.. and get some profesional help with some of this old stuff ... once again...yuck...
The support i am recieving from AA, SR and other friends has just been amazing. I think I would have gone into full fledge run mode if I had not had the help of other compasionate human beings journeying by my side.
Anyways, I hope i can keep centered enough for the next few weeks or so to avoid too many insanity fits
And I really am terribly grateful that I never even considered a drink during the storm of the weekend! I mean I want to be able to say more than that, but you know when i watch people fall into this disease it really makes me realize how much better a chance I have in this life if I just don't drink. The rest comes in time I guess (hey jason...if you read that line plese forgive me
)
I'm sorry I teased you trying to get it right
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
zen hugs to you!!! you r a great person!!!!!! do not let anyone make you feel bad, DO NOT give them that control over you!!!!!!!!!!
you are great, and it is my pleasure that i have met you on here! you give alot of good advice, w/love, care and compassion!!!
stay sober, well and safe my friend! love in sobreity....jow
you are great, and it is my pleasure that i have met you on here! you give alot of good advice, w/love, care and compassion!!!
stay sober, well and safe my friend! love in sobreity....jow
lunarlovelunar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 674
nanda~ I hope things get sorted out quickly for you. It can be oh so irritating waiting ont he medical profession. Keep your focus, think happy smilies! :ghug3 Let me know how its going.
Im checkin in, not to bad today, :ghug2
Im checkin in, not to bad today, :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
Quick check in - doing OK.
Are we still missing Bam? Have not noticed any bam-posts in so long!
Tried to explain to a friend this AM about the SR community and have to say it is not easy to describe.. All these friends and so much support but no f2f - still so good and so honest and so real.. Feeling quite lucky to have all of you in my life.
:ghug
Are we still missing Bam? Have not noticed any bam-posts in so long!
Tried to explain to a friend this AM about the SR community and have to say it is not easy to describe.. All these friends and so much support but no f2f - still so good and so honest and so real.. Feeling quite lucky to have all of you in my life.
:ghug
Never settle.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Originally Posted by KindBird 
Tried to explain to a friend this AM about the SR community and have to say it is not easy to describe.. All these friends and so much support but no f2f - still so good and so honest and so real.. Feeling quite lucky to have all of you in my life.
It might just be a habit I picked up while doing drugs (and therefore had lots to hide). I no longer wear my heart on my sleeve as much and don't tend to give people as much info as I used to. Sadly I must admit I became a pretty accomplished liar as well, as well as quite an artist when it comes to half truths and misinformation. Part of my recovery has been trying to kick the habit of lying. Its not even that I need to lie now, I just feel like I don't want people to know much about me and its kind of silly.
Dinner time. Corned beef, etc. Happy St. Pats, everyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
My real life people know i do internet friendships, my recovery friends know i do recovery on line.....I don't tell any of them the site or how to get there. I am as honest as i can make myself be in my relationships...and am pretty over the top open...but SR is a place where I have learned to be even more open....and I don't want to be worrying about my sponsor or my friends reading here and then being all concerned about me cause i was upset or something...just where i'm at right now....
I have considered telling my brother aobut the site just because AA is obviously a no-go for him after 20 years of trying, and I think this secualr site would benifit him greatly....if I weren't here ..... since i am, I think it might just drive him bonko
Almost spiraled down today after my boss asked some questions about where i am at in catching up my work......then i decided to stop looking at everything i have done wrong all my life and start honoring myself and my recovery....no matter how badly i mangle somethings...I do believe I have done good by being in the world today....Other people can tell me that and it really doesn't help ... well ok, it does cause it gives me something to hang on to for a while, but in the end...I have to honor my own life, my own desisions, and my own path.....jeee....honoring our recovery...i think i might use that as a topic at tonights meeting if no one has a pressing problem to deal with
I have considered telling my brother aobut the site just because AA is obviously a no-go for him after 20 years of trying, and I think this secualr site would benifit him greatly....if I weren't here ..... since i am, I think it might just drive him bonko
Almost spiraled down today after my boss asked some questions about where i am at in catching up my work......then i decided to stop looking at everything i have done wrong all my life and start honoring myself and my recovery....no matter how badly i mangle somethings...I do believe I have done good by being in the world today....Other people can tell me that and it really doesn't help ... well ok, it does cause it gives me something to hang on to for a while, but in the end...I have to honor my own life, my own desisions, and my own path.....jeee....honoring our recovery...i think i might use that as a topic at tonights meeting if no one has a pressing problem to deal with
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
Originally Posted by gneiss
I really don't tell people about SR. Even when I think they might benefit from it, I feel like I don't want my "real-life" friends on here. Is that bad?
It might just be a habit I picked up while doing drugs (and therefore had lots to hide). I no longer wear my heart on my sleeve as much and don't tend to give people as much info as I used to. Sadly I must admit I became a pretty accomplished liar as well, as well as quite an artist when it comes to half truths and misinformation. Part of my recovery has been trying to kick the habit of lying. Its not even that I need to lie now, I just feel like I don't want people to know much about me and its kind of silly.
It might just be a habit I picked up while doing drugs (and therefore had lots to hide). I no longer wear my heart on my sleeve as much and don't tend to give people as much info as I used to. Sadly I must admit I became a pretty accomplished liar as well, as well as quite an artist when it comes to half truths and misinformation. Part of my recovery has been trying to kick the habit of lying. Its not even that I need to lie now, I just feel like I don't want people to know much about me and its kind of silly.
I had a really big part of my life telling half truths.. and it really served me at the time.. At some point it became more trouble than it was worth and I consciously let go of it. I was such an accomplished lier I thought it was a bit of a waste when I decided to stop - could have pulled off some real good scams.. but retired those skills at some point for my own inner peace.
:ghug3
Never settle.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
I actually had a friend tell me today she can't tell when I'm lying and when I'm telling the truth. This particular friend has basically decided I lie all the time (I don't understand why she insists on calling and hanging out with me and such if she thinks I lie to her constantly), and I find it hilarious that she is one of the few people I actually tell the truth. She sure doesn't like hearing the truth though! Maybe I'm honest with her to a fault. Brutally honest, perhaps.
Maybe I'm honest with her to a fault. Brutally honest, perhaps.
sentient puddle
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Essex, UK
Posts: 180
Checking in - sorry i've not been around for a while! Missed you all, and this place.
Had a really hectic month or so with exams, practical electrician ones - nearing the end of my course, so they get quite tough now and i really want to pass them all!
Still sober and glad to be so - things have been ok on that front. Find that i'm making the right choice when times are tough and i feel tempted.
I just feel that i know it's not worth it - the very fleeting nice feeling is just not worth all the rubbish that comes after that.
It probably helps that my drinking got to the point where there's just nothing there for me now. It was just nothing, nothing, nothing, BANG - blackout... Then wake up, feeling awful, and dealing with what happened, and all the guilt, and letting myself down, etc... I just weigh it up and it feels like a simple choice to me.
I don't think it'll always be that way - still early days for me, less than a year.
Hope you're all well today, hugs and smiles to you all!
:ghug
Had a really hectic month or so with exams, practical electrician ones - nearing the end of my course, so they get quite tough now and i really want to pass them all!
Still sober and glad to be so - things have been ok on that front. Find that i'm making the right choice when times are tough and i feel tempted.
I just feel that i know it's not worth it - the very fleeting nice feeling is just not worth all the rubbish that comes after that.
It probably helps that my drinking got to the point where there's just nothing there for me now. It was just nothing, nothing, nothing, BANG - blackout... Then wake up, feeling awful, and dealing with what happened, and all the guilt, and letting myself down, etc... I just weigh it up and it feels like a simple choice to me.
I don't think it'll always be that way - still early days for me, less than a year.
Hope you're all well today, hugs and smiles to you all!
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
back to poking needles in my fingers 
hate it (blood sugar testing)....
I'm doin ok...just felt a need to touch base during my lunch...
Over all i am feeling better, still lots of bouts of crying over nothing...but am taking action on some things i need to do to take care of that....
missed you sparky (hug)...glad your back. Yeah....alchohol is patient...it will always be there waiting for a weak moment...but then again I don't really live in fear of it more just in an awareness.
well time to hi ho hi ho again
hate it (blood sugar testing)....I'm doin ok...just felt a need to touch base during my lunch...
Over all i am feeling better, still lots of bouts of crying over nothing...but am taking action on some things i need to do to take care of that....
missed you sparky (hug)...glad your back. Yeah....alchohol is patient...it will always be there waiting for a weak moment...but then again I don't really live in fear of it more just in an awareness.
well time to hi ho hi ho again
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