Ananda

yeah..i try to be respectful of others beliefs even if they are not respectful of mine (sometimes succesfully)

gneiss

Haha... yup, I know the feeling. Meh. Someone else's poor behavior won't excuse mine.

gneiss

A fun little tidbit from my week. Ever since stopping drugs I have steadily been gaining weight. Go figure, right? Doing meth makes you not eat for a couple days at a time. And now I'm on regular meals and such. And eating a TON of ice cream. So last week I went to the doctor and explained that I am gaining weight (but not about the meth addiction... not ready to share that with him) and what he suggested exercise-wise and diet-wise. He talked about a general workout program, etc. And then he said... "Well, we could put you on a diet drug as well if you'd like, but these are only to be used for a couple of weeks at a time." The drug in question is a prescrip form of methamphetamine. I told him no thanks, and giggled non-stop all the way home. I mean, really? Geez, I can't win.

But I'm proud of myself that even basically being offered meth, that my insurance company would cover, mind you, I SAID NO!!!!!!

Bamboozle

Wow, gneiss. Good for you.

Your doctor didn't ask? I guess that question isn't a blip on the radar for health care people a good bit of the time.

As an aside, I know people who get pills through their primary care so they can get high. They go there and lie...or some of them maybe think they don't have a problem.

I should have lied about my drinking...maybe then I could have gotten some pills to treat my illnesses.

I'm pissed because my doctor doesn't want to prescribe me meds for anxiety and depression because I'm a drinker...and the kicker is that I couldn't possibly get high off the stuff that my therapist thinks I should be on. I understand that no drinking is absolutly required on that stuff...that's a big reason I'm working on 5 days sober right now. I'm going in there Tuesday and see what she says.

If I'm being jerked around, I'm asking for a referral to a psychiatrist (which is actually what I asked her for in the first session, but she said I don't need one (......eh......okay) and she would communicate with my doctor. I'm kind of passive sometimes, so I said, "okay".) I need to get a backbone and go in there and tell her what's what. How can I do that in a nice way?

Shoot, the funny thing is that a few weeks ago I called my primary care physician to be referred to a psychiatrist, and he referred me to a psychologist instead. So, twice in a row I'm told no? I don't like this the more I think about it.

gneiss

I think doctors spend a lot of time playing percentages, basically. If you go to a regular doctor's office they might ask if you had any addiction problems in the past, and not even mention the drug if you said yes. But I was at university health services. Your stereotypical meth user is not in college, and certainly not a grad student. Also, I don't really *look* like a methie: that sunken look, waaaaay too skinny (I assure you I am not), missing teeth, and bad acne. That drug is faceless though.

I actually worked at a vet clinic for a while and we had a lady who would buy her dog 60 days' worth of phenobarbitol at a time (for the dog's seizures), and come back 30 days later saying we'd only sold her one month's worth. We eventually had to refuse to treat her dog, and notified the other vets in town because continuing selling it to her could have cost the vets their licenses.

Nice but with backbone... Hmmm.... "I need to see a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, please." Say it with a smile. Good luck Bam.

Dad's birthday tonight. Adios!

lunarise

WOW Gneiss that is awesome! Not that he offered but that you refused.... Weight gain is common I have heard after coming clean. That doesn't make it fun though. I gained ALOT of weight when I was drinking so now I have to try and shed it. Maybe we could help each other out..I will try to loose while you try not to gain... I did do my pilates today which I didnt feel like doing and then went for a walk....

I am doing a no shugah day today to try and settle my otherwise anxious mood of three days! No chocolate for me D@MN IT! I am going to the Doc tomorrow and getting a freakin refill on my meds thought I was gonna try not to take them ever but hahah not gonna happen apparently. I have tried all the good stuff...no shugah..no caffiene...meditation...exercise.....movie watching.....being here...crying my eyes out..Nodda is workin....

Just gonna get through the day.....

gneiss

Viv, hope you're feeling better!!

I was sitting in class this evening, listening to a presentation and waiting for my turn to present. And *WHAM* I got the worst meth craving I have had since I originally stopped in January, including through all the withdrawal. I had this presentation in the bag, I knew what I was doing, understood the subject. And then I had to present with this nagging feeling that I wanted some dope. I totally flubbed it, tripped on words (fair's fair though: how would you pronounce prorichthofenid? ) and lost my place a couple times. Gah!!! But I made it through, my friend told me I did a good job (we're both 1st semester grad students, everyone else is farther along, even some doctoral students... kind of intimidating), and luckily no one asked me questions. Glad I made it through that.

Bamboozle

gneiss, I don't do speeches or presentations. Did someone say, "cotten mouth"? I am really really uncomfortble when people stare at me. I sweat and get the urge to crap my pants. I'd rather get a root canal.


Hey, Phal!

Ananda

really really missed you phally (hug)

I'm just checking in...hopefully you won't see me here during the days this week....got a deadline that MIGHT be doable but i didn't meet yesterdays plan to get me there....hope today i can make that up and meet the next goal....

If i can't i'll be on here freaking out big time .... this is crucial...i hope i can do it

Glad you guys are here, nice to know there will be a net to catch me if i fall.

windysan

LOL

Bam, you need some of these...

Bamboozle

Thanks, windy. I needed that...in more ways than one

allport

Hi just checking in, welcome back Phal, the place hasn't been the same without you.

gneiss

WB Phal!

Just a quick check-in... since I'm "working"... yeah, you can see how hard I'm working.

californiapoppy

Hi guys, I'm back. I really need to go on a diet too, but I'm still craving sugar like crazy! Keep cool Ananda, and all will be fine. Do you still have your floating croakies Phal? No sharks ate them up?

geoff

Ugh, I could probably use some too...have multiple presentations coming up.

gneiss

I'm supposed to be doing a take-home exam for a geochemistry class right now. All these lovely alcohols and methyl groups. And my favorite: methanol! It's like both my DOCs wrapped into one. I would like to say this class is a trigger, but really I just don't feel like doing my homework

geoff

Lol, it and alcohol are the reasons I'm just now finishing my bachelors.

geoff

Meth implies a single carbon atom in the molecule and eth is two, right? I took AP Chem in high school but remember almost nothing.

gneiss

Now see, I started drinking and drugging while working on my second bachelor's. And even drinking, almost to blackout every night, I did 18 hours of science and calculus classes and passed it all, no sweat. A's and B's. I could handle the alcohol. Once i started drugs though... wowsers. I took 9 hours, and barely managed to pass. I never did my homework.

Doing homework now, for me, is part of recovery. It's getting my life back in order.

But I'd still rather go play in the rain...

gneiss

"Meth" implies the presence of a methyl group, I think, which is a radical attached to a carbon with three hydrogens; methamphetamine has a methyl group where the radical is nitrogen, according to the diagram on Wikipedia. I actually really hate chemistry. I can do it, but I really have to work hard to understand it. Does not at all come easily to me.

I can't believe what a nerd I am, I just looked up the chemical structure of my DOC...