Blogs


Notices

FURIOUS at myself

Old 03-06-2009, 07:33 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
FURIOUS at myself

I was 8 weeks in. No drugs, no booze. No longer.

Last night BF called, asked if I wanted to go visit him. Well... like, of course. Drove there (3 hours away), and he thought it might be fun to go to a bar he likes. No problem. I've done the bar thing sober and it's worked pretty well. So we hoped in the car. Neither of us were going to drink, just go have some fun. We danced a little and he ran into an old wrestling buddy. The wrestling buddy bought us beers before asking what we were drinking, and for some ungodly reason we drank them. That became about 12 each.

BF and I have the same problem. We don't really want meth until we're hammered. And the wrestling buddy had dope. So we did lines, dropped off the wrestling buddy, and drove off. Two blocks later... *POLICE LIGHTS* Sure enough, the wrestling buddy's house was a known meth house, and since we'd just driven away the cops decided to pull us over. BF swallowed the baggie, we were questioned, cuffed, patted down, my car was searched, and eventually they let us go (likely because the cop knows BF's dad and he didn't have any solid proof cuz BF had swallowed the drugs anyway). So, there we were high, drunk, and a hair's breadth from going to jail (thank Whoever that the wrestling buddy hadn't dropped any in the car).

I realize I am completely to blame (well... BF for his part, as well. Shared blame). And I am furious at myself. I am so mad that I brought this on myself. It makes me sick.

Obviously, I can't handle bars. So I won't be going to them anymore. It worked well for a while to hang out with friends at bars and be the DD, but not at that risk. BF's pretty sick about the whole thing, too. I came home early so we can have some alone time away from each other to get it back together and back on track.

I hate myself at this moment.
gneiss is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 07:56 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
 
Done_With_It's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,366
Blog Entries: 15
Instead of being furious at yourself, maybe look at the blessings of your night.

The only thing I kept thinking of was Thank God your boyfriend didn't die.
*edit* Sorry secular folks not trying to bring God into the converstation.
Just my words........ or thoughts, whatever......

No, I don't know how much meth was in there, but still not a smart move.

I remember when I was pulled over and searched by the cops when I was
doing meth it was one of the scariest times in my life.

I got myself to a meeting the next day, and it changed my life.
I understand why you are mad at yourself, but being mad at yourself
isn't going to help as much as if you do something about it.
Try and look at this as an opportunity to move to a better place, a new
direction. You were given a warning by someone, is how I took it.

Take it however you want, just don't take the good luck you were given
for granted.


JMO, take what you will.

I am glad you are both okay.

:ghug2
Done_With_It is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 08:43 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 191,637
Blog Entries: 1
No need for a lecture I guess....I'm with Done - you got lucky really Gneiss...coulda been a whole lot worse.

Hope your bf is ok with what he swallowed too.
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 08:55 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
I'm just a little unwell
 
TryingSoHard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Wow, Gneiss. That's some pretty heavy stuff.

Maybe you can look back on it now and use last night as a learning experience. If you can learn from your mistakes then that can at least be a positive thing.

I hope your BF is ok.

Now dust yourself off and get back to it, eh? :ghug3
TryingSoHard is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 09:14 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
PaperDolls's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,539
Blog Entries: 10
Thanks for sharing your story Gneiss. I agree with everyone else her. Count your blessings ... make a gratitude list ...... and start over. You just learned another trigger. Becoming aware of "me" was huge for me. If that makes sense.

PaperDolls is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 09:20 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
It could have been a lot worse. The cop actually had enough to arrest us both (BF was visibly drunk, I had Rx meds in my purse but not in their prescrip bottles-- who knew that was illegal? It's just antibiotics!!). And luckily BF is fine. He swallowed the drugs still in their baggie so the cop would not find any drugs or paraphernalia, and threw it up when we got home. And he's done lots more than what we did last night, so he was not really in danger even if the baggie had broken and he'd ingested the full dose.

A lot of things went right, all things considered, and we stayed safe and out of jail. As we drove away we both knew we'd gotten away with one and that was it. Karma (or whatever) probably won't send us another chance like that, and it's time for all of it to stop.

I did manage one chuckle out of the whole thing though: the cop asked me to step to the back of my car and questioned me for a minute, then left me there, uncuffed, and went back to the car, looked at my boyfriend and... called for backup. Even with how flipped out BF was I could tell he was proud the cop thought he required backup.
gneiss is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 09:26 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
PaperDolls's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,539
Blog Entries: 10
Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
It could have been a lot worse. The cop actually had enough to arrest us both
You also could have ODd and died.
Or BF, while driving under the influence, could have killed someone with the car.

It could have been a lot worse. Getting arrested really ain't half bed.

I only say this because It helps me when I think of the stupid things I've done while drunk and how lucky I am to be alive. I'm not trying to be a pain in your arse.
PaperDolls is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 09:51 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
I was driving because I was less drunk. So I could have killed someone. If I OD... well, that's a sucky thing for my family to have to tell people, "What a loser, she OD'd on drugs." But as long as I don't injure anyone else, the consequences seem less severe.

I agree there's a fate worse than the county jail and some legal problems.

But feel free to be a pain in the arse. Sometimes I need a good kick in the seat.
gneiss is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 10:00 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
I'm just a little unwell
 
TryingSoHard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
So what are your plans for this weekend? I saw in the other thread that your field trip was canceled.
TryingSoHard is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 10:15 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
 
Done_With_It's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,366
Blog Entries: 15
[QUOTE=gneiss;2139055]. He swallowed the drugs still in their baggie so the cop would not find any drugs or paraphernalia, and threw it up when we got home. And he's done lots more than what we did last night, so he was not really in danger even if the baggie had broken and he'd ingested the full dose.

[QUOTE]


This type of thinking, is thinking that can get us killed.
I am not trying to be a "Know it All" but You
do Not know how much your boyfriend can swallow
or what will kill him.

There are two stickies in the substance forum of girls whose
annivesary dates just past. One of them didn't think doing
another line of coke would kill her either.

I'm not trying to be mean, Just seen to many deaths from
drugs, Would hate to see anything happen to you.

:ghug2



How are you feeling anyway? Any better yet?
Done_With_It is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 10:40 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
TSH: No plans for the weekend. I think I just want to take it easy. My boss already got someone to fill in at work since I was going to be gone anyway, so no need to actually go to work. Maybe catch up on some homework. Definitely check in on BF and his mom (via phone).

Done With It (I was going to abbreviate this DWI, but...): Right you are. And even if you take a dose one time, there's no reason the same dose can't be fatal the next time. Thanks for the reminder.

And... have not slept yet. Ugh. Still tweaking a little bit, and just about to try some Tylenol PM. Can't really eat yet either. This is a reminder of why I HATE this [email protected]!!!! I'm glad I only got one line before BF had to swallow the rest, if I'd had more I wouldn't sleep tonight either. At least I might get a few hours in this way.
gneiss is offline  
Old 03-06-2009, 11:49 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
 
Done_With_It's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,366
Blog Entries: 15
Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
TSH: No plans for the weekend. I think I just want to take it easy. My boss already got someone to fill in at work since I was going to be gone anyway, so no need to actually go to work. Maybe catch up on some homework. Definitely check in on BF and his mom (via phone).

Done With It (I was going to abbreviate this DWI, but...): Right you are. And even if you take a dose one time, there's no reason the same dose can't be fatal the next time. Thanks for the reminder.

And... have not slept yet. Ugh. Still tweaking a little bit, and just about to try some Tylenol PM. Can't really eat yet either. This is a reminder of why I HATE this [email protected]!!!! I'm glad I only got one line before BF had to swallow the rest, if I'd had more I wouldn't sleep tonight either. At least I might get a few hours in this way.

LOL, I know it used to trip me out when I first would hear people call me
DWI, lol......
I remember those nights waiting for that meth feeling to fade away, it sucks.. I could never stop though, that was my worst nightmare.

Do you have any hot tea? That may help you to feel better??

Take good care of yourself this weekend.

Done_With_It is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 12:51 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 191,637
Blog Entries: 1
Have a good weekend Gneiss

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 02:38 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
SuperTrucker65's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 39
Very Lucky Indeed!! I have lost People, very close to Me, due to Drinking and Driving.... And They were not the one's, doing the drinking... So I will not even touch on that Subject!!

But as far as being furious, with yourself... Well... [email protected]*& Happens, and if We can Learn from our mistakes, then it's not so Bad!!

Everything happens for a reason!!

Don't beat yourself up... Just take a lesson from it all, Realize that a Bar, is a very slippery place to be in... and Carry on!!

Good Luck!!

~Rob~
SuperTrucker65 is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 09:31 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
KindBird's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
Hey gneiss - had not caught this thread yesterday. Yes -heavy stuff.. and then finding out about your BF's mom's cancer and your weekend plans upended.. Sounds like the table got cleared and time to make a new meal.
Thoughts with you.. lots of support here. :ghug3
KindBird is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 09:59 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
☯ ⓌⒾⓁⓁ☯
 
Zencat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 8,243
Blog Entries: 12
I glad your safe now Gneiss. Use the experience to strengthen your commitment for greater well being in recovery...and yes...the fates did smile upon you and your BF.

Remember cause and effect happens...I forgot the reason...oh yea...fate.
Zencat is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 10:27 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Resident
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Gneiss.
You have to let it go and start again.
The time isn't lost.
If by the odd chance you falter again please do not drink and drive.
Fubarcdn is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 11:08 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Thanks everyone. Finally came down and got some sleep last night and woke up feeling much better. It's hard to put perspective on things when you are still under the influence and haven't slept in a couple days. Everything I did was just stupid. Going to the bar, drinking, allowing BF to let that guy in the car, taking him home, doing drugs, driving drunk. Maybe the only thing I did right all night was start crying while the cop was questioning me (I swear I didn't do it on purpose, but hey, it worked).

OK. Sh!t happens. This time I swam through a river of it, and still managed to come out smelling like a rose. There won't be a second time.
gneiss is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 09:50 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Never settle.
Thread Starter
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Gawd. The plot thickens. This whole saga happened in a city 200 miles from where my parents live. I didn't even know they knew anyone there, much less someone who would recognize my name when they heard it over the police scanner. And even more fun, the dirty rat decided it would be fun to call my parents and tell them I had been pulled over on suspicion of possession. Did they tell my parents the cop found nothing in my car and let me go? Of course not. I'm not saying I was in the right but why can't people mind their own business? Now luckily my parents are good people who tend to think that since the cop found nothing I must not have done anything wrong and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But geez what a headache.
gneiss is offline  
Old 03-07-2009, 10:16 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
 
Done_With_It's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,366
Blog Entries: 15
More good signs....... Someone is watching out for you............

lol, sorry but I have to laugh, My grandma has a scanner and NOTHING,
I MEAN NOTHING gets by her...... So I know what you mean.

I don't live around her, but my Mom calls and tells me when one of her
brothers gets in trouble and she thinks it is hysterical..........

Those scanners man.......

Someone is telling you to behave yourself. You got off lucky.

I remember about a year after I was clean, I was driving down a one way street
*slaps head* and who do I see coming towards me??

A cop! when I see his name, I was like OMG! OMG! OMG!!
It was Officer ****

Do you know who i am!

He had to have been like, oh good lord, another hollywood wanna be celebrity,
I was Like You pulled me over blah blah blah,

but didn't arrest me, made me promise to get help cuz I was on meth, lol
I was so excited to seee him, told him, he probably saved me life, etc.

He was like OMG! Pyscho!!

He let me go on driving down the one way street again.......


I swear sometimes those nights like that, are a sign, or that is how I took mine. It changed my life...... Let it be your warning..........

Someday hopefully you will get the chance to thank that cop......



I wonder what the scanners in Hollywood sound like,
Done_With_It is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:19 PM.