Here I go again
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by ananda 
I would never be mad at you for sharing the truth of your expereicnes Bam
(well ok I would, but thats just cause i'm human and you knw....we get bent sometimes)
(well ok I would, but thats just cause i'm human and you knw....we get bent sometimes)
That just shows you care.I would understand if people got mad at me...geez, I feel like a hypocrite RIGHT NOW and I'm still sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Guess what bam...when i need help I don't talk to those who are so socially responsible they only put the good up on SR, or only talk about the tough times in public if they are already through them....
I call and email the ones who let me walk through the sht with them...the ones who were brave enough to share how wacked they were feeling and all the crp that goes with it....
Now....stop thinking about others and think about yourself girl!!!! That bottle of alchohol is NOT going to provide you with much relief...I don't think...I mean I was always chasing the 5 minites somewhere between shot 4 an shot 8 where I actually felt ok.....by the time i got there i had always already drank too much to stay there...endless endless search...Course I'm not gonna rattle on too much about all those holes in the net, cause you still know they are there at this point...
I guess i am assuming you have tried your usual tools that help you, the walking and stuff....Are there some things that helped you get through this in the past that you haven't tried yet? Are you up to givign them a try????
Oh..when all else fails....take a nap....daydream about winning the lotto...escape a different way for that temporary release...sometimes (not always) i can do that.
I call and email the ones who let me walk through the sht with them...the ones who were brave enough to share how wacked they were feeling and all the crp that goes with it....
Now....stop thinking about others and think about yourself girl!!!! That bottle of alchohol is NOT going to provide you with much relief...I don't think...I mean I was always chasing the 5 minites somewhere between shot 4 an shot 8 where I actually felt ok.....by the time i got there i had always already drank too much to stay there...endless endless search...Course I'm not gonna rattle on too much about all those holes in the net, cause you still know they are there at this point...
I guess i am assuming you have tried your usual tools that help you, the walking and stuff....Are there some things that helped you get through this in the past that you haven't tried yet? Are you up to givign them a try????
Oh..when all else fails....take a nap....daydream about winning the lotto...escape a different way for that temporary release...sometimes (not always) i can do that.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
That's the problem...everything I've tried from the middle of this past week up until now isn't enough...nothing's enough.
I wish I could make some art again...I'm stuck---artist's block...I have no energy or patience for it...what a shame...I've lost interest in a lot of things...a lot.
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Originally Posted by Bamboozle
I've been here for almost a year...I lurked for several months before I joined.
I'm not "getting it" like other people here have.
I'm not "getting it" like other people here have.
Just curious... what did you buy?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Just this one time i think it might be best to not "come out of the closet" (LOL)
Ok... i gotta go do some housework...I'll be checking in and out today....when i can't write sometimes i just read others work.....sometimes it inspires me....
Jeez i just saw that chris put a jesus card around my buddha's neck...
he is such a little teaser!!!!!!
Ok... i gotta go do some housework...I'll be checking in and out today....when i can't write sometimes i just read others work.....sometimes it inspires me....
Jeez i just saw that chris put a jesus card around my buddha's neck...
he is such a little teaser!!!!!!
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Hang in there Bam.
A lot of people put on the appearance of everything being rosy but that is not always the case.
Life is a struggle for almost everyone, rich or poor, married or single, drunk or sober.
The ones that are pounding their chest the loudest are seldom what they appear to be so don't even take that into consideration.
Instead of thinking about about that bottle that will temporarily possibly make you feel better for a short time try thinking about the things that will make you happy for the long term and then think about the things you have to do to get to that place.
For instance, you are pretty sure getting your own place will make you happier and you are trying to save money so you will be able to do that. That is a positive long term course of action that will make you happy somewhere down the road.
Drinking again is a short term, very short term, solution to a long term problem.
You don't need that.
A lot of people put on the appearance of everything being rosy but that is not always the case.
Life is a struggle for almost everyone, rich or poor, married or single, drunk or sober.
The ones that are pounding their chest the loudest are seldom what they appear to be so don't even take that into consideration.
Instead of thinking about about that bottle that will temporarily possibly make you feel better for a short time try thinking about the things that will make you happy for the long term and then think about the things you have to do to get to that place.
For instance, you are pretty sure getting your own place will make you happier and you are trying to save money so you will be able to do that. That is a positive long term course of action that will make you happy somewhere down the road.
Drinking again is a short term, very short term, solution to a long term problem.
You don't need that.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
I can be logical about so many things...but not this. Why? Everything that everyone is saying makes sense....I know that...but yet....I admit it--I crave instant gratification. Always. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Look at my join date too, Bam. Admittedly I haven't been posting the whole time since I joined. I joined and then didn't post at all for over two years...I just drank.
I started posting again when I was in hell with my mind and my drinking, for a long time I just couldn't stop at all, then I got 6 months, then I drank very rarely.
Last year I was sober 90% of the time and it was the best year I have had mentally for a long time.
What I am saying is, that I never gave up (in the last 2 years), at least I never gave up for long.
It is your choice, Bam. No point trying to tell you what to do cos you will do what you want. I certainly would rather you poured it out though.
You can drink it and feel like crap or you can pour it out and mark a significant victory on your recovery path. It is a path and it takes time, the people you see who seem fine are YEARS sober, I bet they all had times when they struggled like hell in the first year.
I started posting again when I was in hell with my mind and my drinking, for a long time I just couldn't stop at all, then I got 6 months, then I drank very rarely.
Last year I was sober 90% of the time and it was the best year I have had mentally for a long time.
What I am saying is, that I never gave up (in the last 2 years), at least I never gave up for long.
It is your choice, Bam. No point trying to tell you what to do cos you will do what you want. I certainly would rather you poured it out though.
You can drink it and feel like crap or you can pour it out and mark a significant victory on your recovery path. It is a path and it takes time, the people you see who seem fine are YEARS sober, I bet they all had times when they struggled like hell in the first year.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Hi Bam,
I'm so sorry that I didn't see this earlier. I would have been talking to you with nands if I had.
POUR THAT POISON OUT.
Take it outside and smash the bottle to a million pieces if it will make you feel better (just don't cut yourself!). Could be cathartic, who knows.
What nands and fubar and stone have all said is true. I believe that you know that, too. You said you can be logical about other things, just not this. I understand that. Your addiction is trying to get you to rationalize drinking; it's trying to convince you that you don't really want to quit. I don't believe that you don't want to quit. I believe that you're SCARED to quit. I believe that you think you CAN'T quit. I believe that you're afraid of letting go.
I know that when I started trying to quit I was terrified of life without alcohol. Sure, I could go a day or two without a drink, especially if I was feeling particularly bad, but by day 3 my mind convinced me I NEEDED it to get through the stresses of the day. The prospect of going through a WEEKEND without booze, much less a month, a year, or THE REST OF MY LIFE was just ... terrifying.
But it's not. Yes, dealing with life sober is hard. It's scary. It can be painful and gut-wrenching and depressing. But it can also be joyous and carefree and relaxing. It can be anything and everything. What's terrifying to me NOW is the thought of everything I could f*ck up if I start drinking again.
I don't know about you, but I don't like feeling nauseous and dizzy all day. I don't like not remembering what I did and said the night before. I don't like hating myself for giving in AGAIN when I said I wouldn't. I don't like the guilt, shame, and self-hatred one bit. Not even as much as I like the feeling of being drunk.
You know I understand most of the things you're feeling. You know I spent every day this past week thinking about buying a bottle myself. I totally get the part about it feeling like a safety net. I said the exact same thing to myself - "it'll just be nice to have it there, to know it's there if I need it or want it." I beg your pardon, but
:wtf2
SAFETY net? Really? What are we thinking? The LAST thing booze does is keep us SAFE! It endangers us more than almost anything else in this world.
C'mon sweetpea. You don't wanna do this. Not REALLY. Not deep down in your heart of hearts. I hope you come back later and say you smashed the sh*t out of that bottle, not the other way around.
I'm so sorry that I didn't see this earlier. I would have been talking to you with nands if I had.
POUR THAT POISON OUT.
Take it outside and smash the bottle to a million pieces if it will make you feel better (just don't cut yourself!). Could be cathartic, who knows.
What nands and fubar and stone have all said is true. I believe that you know that, too. You said you can be logical about other things, just not this. I understand that. Your addiction is trying to get you to rationalize drinking; it's trying to convince you that you don't really want to quit. I don't believe that you don't want to quit. I believe that you're SCARED to quit. I believe that you think you CAN'T quit. I believe that you're afraid of letting go.
I know that when I started trying to quit I was terrified of life without alcohol. Sure, I could go a day or two without a drink, especially if I was feeling particularly bad, but by day 3 my mind convinced me I NEEDED it to get through the stresses of the day. The prospect of going through a WEEKEND without booze, much less a month, a year, or THE REST OF MY LIFE was just ... terrifying.
But it's not. Yes, dealing with life sober is hard. It's scary. It can be painful and gut-wrenching and depressing. But it can also be joyous and carefree and relaxing. It can be anything and everything. What's terrifying to me NOW is the thought of everything I could f*ck up if I start drinking again.
I don't know about you, but I don't like feeling nauseous and dizzy all day. I don't like not remembering what I did and said the night before. I don't like hating myself for giving in AGAIN when I said I wouldn't. I don't like the guilt, shame, and self-hatred one bit. Not even as much as I like the feeling of being drunk.
You know I understand most of the things you're feeling. You know I spent every day this past week thinking about buying a bottle myself. I totally get the part about it feeling like a safety net. I said the exact same thing to myself - "it'll just be nice to have it there, to know it's there if I need it or want it." I beg your pardon, but
:wtf2
SAFETY net? Really? What are we thinking? The LAST thing booze does is keep us SAFE! It endangers us more than almost anything else in this world.
C'mon sweetpea. You don't wanna do this. Not REALLY. Not deep down in your heart of hearts. I hope you come back later and say you smashed the sh*t out of that bottle, not the other way around.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
I miss it...I miss drinking. I miss the way that it tastes...the way it makes me feel. It's something that I enjoy doing a lot...which is one reason I'm in this mess. I'm torn. It's almost like being told that I can't joke around again...it's a part of me...who I am.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Bam...at one time or another we all missed it. I miss lots of things...the house I grew up in...old friends who I no longer see...my children when they were young...my 24 inch waist...you get the idea. It's not uncommon to miss what booze use to do for us...it's normal and expected but lamenting over booze is a dangerous proposition.
Dump out the booze...stop playing with fire cause you know what happens next.
Dump out the booze...stop playing with fire cause you know what happens next.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by bugsworth
Bam...at one time or another we all missed it. I miss lots of things...the house I grew up in...old friends who I no longer see...my children when they were young...my 24 inch waist...you get the idea. It's not uncommon to miss what booze use to do for us...it's normal and expected but lamenting over booze is a dangerous proposition.
Dump out the booze...stop playing with fire cause you know what happens next.
Dump out the booze...stop playing with fire cause you know what happens next.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Well...I think it's fairly safe to say I made it through today...I have to go to bed early for work...I'll probably get a shower soon...maybe read some...or play a video game.
Tomorrow's going to be a challenge...and the next day...no matter where the bottle is...I can buy whatever I want...the liquor store and other stores with beer are less than a 5 minute walk from my house...and I have a lot of money.
There's still beer in the fridge, too...ugh.
I hope my doctor calls soon.
I know I'm not going to make it.
Tomorrow's going to be a challenge...and the next day...no matter where the bottle is...I can buy whatever I want...the liquor store and other stores with beer are less than a 5 minute walk from my house...and I have a lot of money.
There's still beer in the fridge, too...ugh.
I hope my doctor calls soon.
I know I'm not going to make it.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Bamboozle
I know I'm not going to make it.
You CAN do this. You proved it by doing it today. Go take your shower and play a game and hit the sack. Tomorrow is a new day. Don't go into it expecting to fail or to disappoint yourself. Give yourself a chance. You deserve it, sweetie.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
