Blogs


Notices

Been told i am dry, rather than sober.

Old 02-23-2009, 02:53 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
digderidoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
Been told i am dry, rather than sober.

Yes that's what i've been told by my sponsor because i went to my first AA meeting for six weeks tonight.

To put you in the picture the last couple of days i have felt a bit stressed. I have met this girl about 3 weeks ago, we haven't as to yet slept together, i do not know whether it will be a good thing to. You see she has a boyfriend. We have met up a few times, she is the one pushing it more than me, reckons she has never done anything like this before and ultimately thinking of finishing with him.

Mad thing is we get on fantastically, but i do not want to go any deeper than friendship at the moment as i do not want to be responsible for her break up. Which inevitably will put pressure on things with us. So we had a good chat last night, ultimately today i am thinking about cooling things off.

Anyways, this gets me around to today. I haven't been to a meeting for around 6 weeks, i have posted here how i feel as though i growing out of AA, which i see the thread is still active lol.

In this time i have rang my sponsor around 3 or 4 times. He hasn't answered the phone, which i guess is down to work, but on the same token he has never rang me back. I have had a good six weeks or so, had peace of mind, not felt stressed and generally feel good about my sobriety.

This morning after feeling a bit stressed over the situation i thought i will phone him. We had a small chat, he was at work, but said to ring him tonight. So tonight i went to a meeting, really enjoyed it. It was a first step at the same room i went to mine in January of last year, so kind of reminded me of where i was back then.

I have got my answers, i am going to put an end to what's already started with this girl. If she does split with her boyfriend then i would like to get to know her as we do get on well and i am attracted to her. But i can only do that if she is single.

Anyway i decided to phone my sponsor and to be honest i wished i hadn't have bothered. I felt quite good about things when i phoned and came off the phone not feeling too good. He told me that it was a bad idea to start any sort of relationship being only 9 months sober, even though i had said i was going to knock it on the head.

He then seemed more interested into why i hadn't been to a meeting or been in touch. Which i had been in touch, he must have had missed calls on his mobile. I said to him that there are other ways to maintain sobriety, than just throwing myself into a spiritual program. That there must be as other people do it and the AA isn't for everyone. I was very frank and honest about how i felt about AA. Even though for me AA can help, which it has done tonight. The conversation ended with him saying he doesn't know what to say to my thoughts on AA, that rather than being sober for all these weeks, i am just dry and that people who don't go to AA are just dry drunks.

Thoughts please. Thanks in advance.

Paul
digderidoo is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 03:18 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Living in sobriety
 
nelco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
Glad you enjoyed the meeting and got something out of it and I think your making a good decision about the relationship. I can only imagine what this thread is going to turn into lol........

listen.... do you feel like a dry drunk?? Are you happy in your soberity??

sometimes we dont know whats best for us in early recovery and need guidance, meetings and regular contact, but I would not have used the choice of words you say your sponser did. seems an odd choice of words.....
people who don't go to AA are just dry drunks
we cannot afford to generalize like this.
nelco is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 03:26 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 193,829
Blog Entries: 1
well I've never been to AA and I'm not a dry drunk
It's a perjorative term - I can't see any use for it.

You seen like a good bloke to me Paul - your posts are always thoughtful, they show you as mindful of others, honest in self-analysis, and even tempered.

I can't see you're doing anything wrong really

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 03:37 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
digderidoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
Originally Posted by nelco
listen.... do you feel like a dry drunk?? Are you happy in your soberity??
Very happy in my sobriety thanks. I have been even more happier using this secular forum. I do not feel like a dry drunk, i suppose it bothers me that my sponsor said he thought this.

Sobriety for me is a journey, i have to find what works for me. Using my sponsor at this time, when i have had a sressful couple of days shoudl have helped, but it hasn't.

I do feel a peace of mind now because i have my answers, but i think telling me i am dry because i am not attending AA regularly can be more of a hindrance than a help if i was to let it.

Originally Posted by dee74
You seen like a good bloke to me Paul - your posts are always thoughtful, they show you as mindful of others, honest in self-analysis, and even tempered.
Thank you. Using the term bloke, are you from the midlands, uk? lol

Paul
digderidoo is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 03:39 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
stone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
First of all, good call on the lady situation.

people who don't go to AA are just dry drunks


He was probably reacting out of defensiveness cos you basically told him AA is not everything and to him it is...but it is still a stupid thing for him to say and is just the sort of thing that turns people off AA.
stone is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 03:41 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
stone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Thank you. Using the term bloke, are you from the midlands, uk? lol
It is worse than that, he is from Australia!
stone is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 03:42 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Rob B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
Blog Entries: 5
I'd ask your sponsor to show you the term "Dry Drunk" in the Big BOok, this is a trick question becasue it isn't in there. Like Dee said, it is a disparaging term. A sponsors job is to bring a guy through the steps, has he done this? are you interested in doing the steps? If not, I'd drop him, it is perfectly fine to fire a sponsor, believe me, I've been fired multiple times.

Regarding the relationship, I think the Joker in Batman one said it best, "don't mess with another man's rhubarb".

(I know this is sexist language and personally don't refer to woman like this-blame it on the Joker) but I do believe he was on to something when he said it.
Rob B is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 03:45 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
digderidoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
Originally Posted by stone
It is worse than that, he is from Australia!
I never thought of Australians using the word bloke lol I use it all the time, but then i'm from Dudley lol

Paul
digderidoo is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 03:50 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Knucklehead
 
doorknob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Originally Posted by digderidoo View Post
I never thought of Australians using the word bloke lol I use it all the time, but then i'm from Dudley lol
Paul, I use it, but I picked it up from here and a rapper named Sway.

As far as the "dry drunk" comment...

You know what I think.. I don't even gotta say it...
doorknob is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 04:09 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 193,829
Blog Entries: 1
We use bloke a lot Paul - most of our older Aussie slang is midlands and northern for some reason


D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 04:10 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Knucklehead
 
doorknob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
I will say this...

I'd rather be a dry drunk than a wet drunk!
doorknob is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 04:35 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
nocoincidence56's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central, La.
Posts: 422
Hello all! Been working, working, working...haven't had much time to check in. Basically you have to find what works for you. Do you have some peace? Do find you are living in today? Is the glass half full? How do tough situations treat you inside? Just a few simple questions to ask yourself.... It will be where you find it.....What works for some may not for you....Seek help, but make your own choices.....I think the phrase "emotional dry benders" is mentioned either in the BB or 12x12.... Hang in there....Peace to you!
nocoincidence56 is offline  
Old 02-23-2009, 05:12 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
I'm just a little unwell
 
TryingSoHard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Hey Dig,

My gut reaction when I finished reading your post? Find a new sponsor.

Good call with the girl, btw. I totally agree with everything you said.
TryingSoHard is offline  
Old 02-24-2009, 04:44 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Dig, first great job on 9 months and I think you made a wise choice regarding the girl you like...if it is meant to be it will be.

As far as your sponsor is concerned I would consider his comments to be a huge red flag.
My sponsor had similar views regarding people who were sober without aa and we parted ways early on in my sobriety. Just because someone is a "sponsor" does not make them wise nor knowledgeable. Ignore the ridiculous and continue on your path!
bugsworth is offline  
Old 02-24-2009, 06:03 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,407
Blog Entries: 1
Gee dig...great for me to read this thread today.....i am going to meet with my sponsor today....I like meetings and AA and do work the steps godlessly, but i believe in the value spoken of in the preamble...

AA is a fellowship of men and women who share their expereince strenght and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alchoholism.

Sums up AA and recovery for me....and guess what...isn't in the BB or the 12x12 (lol). But that is my deal.

My sponsor is receptive...if I didn't want to use AA and the steps i probably wouldn't have a sponsor, but she is helpful to me with that part of my recovery.

Gosh i wanna write so much but it's 8:02 and i need to work

Cant wait for my interent..see you guys by the weekend!!!!

love ya
Ananda is offline  
Old 02-24-2009, 07:39 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
digderidoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
Thanks for the comments guys. I don't feel like a dry drunk at all, i have peace, i have serenity and generally quite happy about my sobriety. My sponsor never asked me any of this, his thoughts are that sobriety only occurs through regular attendence of AA meetings.

I think that maybe i have put him on a pedestal, in that he knows it all.

There are many support networks out there of which AA is just one, that does help but can also be a hindrance at times in my view.

Paul
digderidoo is offline  
Old 02-24-2009, 07:56 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
stone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
If his definition of a dry drunk is just anyone who isn't in AA or misses meetings for 6 weeks then he is stupid or narrow minded.

The phrase "dry drunk" bothers me anyway, but a more useful definiton would be someone who is "white-knuckling", unhappy with sobriety, emotionally unstable, that type of thing.
stone is offline  
Old 02-24-2009, 08:00 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Awaiting Email Confirmation
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by digderidoo View Post

He then seemed more interested into why i hadn't been to a meeting or been in touch. Which i had been in touch, he must have had missed calls on his mobile. I said to him that there are other ways to maintain sobriety, than just throwing myself into a spiritual program. That there must be as other people do it and the AA isn't for everyone. I was very frank and honest about how i felt about AA. Even though for me AA can help, which it has done tonight. The conversation ended with him saying he doesn't know what to say to my thoughts on AA, that rather than being sober for all these weeks, i am just dry and that people who don't go to AA are just dry drunks.

Thoughts please. Thanks in advance.

Paul
It's time to get a new sponsor. When you need support and your sponsor isn't calling you back, it's time to fire him and get a new sponsor. Ignore what this person is telling you and find someone else, or a few someone elses that you can call.
Kallista is offline  
Old 02-24-2009, 02:01 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
Originally Posted by stone View Post
..."white-knuckling"...emotionally unstable, that type of thing.

That was me way BEFORE I started drinking (and still today). I wonder....would I have been considered a dry drunk before alcohol was on the radar? j/k

Hey, dig. You probably already guessed it, but I don't care for the term "dry drunk."

Sounds to me like you are doing pretty well. Keep on keepin' on!
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 02-24-2009, 02:13 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Knucklehead
 
doorknob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
I wonder if there is a term for non-tokin' potheads who don't 12 Step...
doorknob is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:49 PM.