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Been told i am dry, rather than sober.

Old 02-24-2009, 03:27 PM
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someone who is "white-knuckling", unhappy with sobriety, emotionally unstable, that type of thing.
like Bam says, replace 'sobriety' with 'life' - and that was me before I ever lifted a glass to my lips LOL.

Some ppl do just fine with just...not drinking anymore

For me, to stay stopped I had to look at lots of stuff in me and in my life and act on it - and continue to act on it and change things, right up to today.

Doesn't make me better than anyone else, it's just what *I* needed to do

D
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Old 02-24-2009, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
like Bam says, replace 'sobriety' with 'life' - and that was me before I ever lifted a glass to my lips LOL.
Some people DO say we are dry drunks before we ever take the first drink, yea. Somebody in Montana, Dee.

Anyway, I don't like the phrase either, I did say that!
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Old 02-24-2009, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted by stone View Post
Some people DO say we are dry drunks before we ever take the first drink, yea. Somebody in Montana, Dee. I had to disagree with her.

Wow...I'm speechless. Is that like one of those "flash forward" things, like my brain knew years in advance it was going to be receiving copious amounts of alcohol so it behaved as such? That's pretty cool!

I know you said you didn't like the term, stoney. I quoted what you said because it was relevant to what I wanted to say...besides, I was too lazy to type out the words and you kept it short and sweet.
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:08 PM
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I wasn't ragging you either Stoney.

I just think sometimes people forget that some people can and do just stop...and never feel the need to do nothing more.

And...I prolly said it first to that Montana chick

D
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:18 PM
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Dig, I am glad that you are not taking what your sponsor says as facts. His view IMO is extremely narrow minded and based on what he has heard over and over in the rooms.

My sponsor felt the same way...I challenged her on her lack of open-mindedness and her inability to be able to see life without aa colored glasses, needless to say she was not to pleased. I had a very hard time interacting with her as she simply parroted mindless slogans, she never had an original thought. One day she asked me how I was doing...I replied "I'm fine"...she said...F**ked up, insecure, neurotic, emotional mess? I laughed so hard I thought I was going to hyperventilate. The look on her face was priceless. I think in her defense she was not use to a sponsee not hanging by their fingertips from the rafters. I encourage you to share your thoughts with your sponsor...continue asking questions and never allow others to sway you from your truth.
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by digderidoo View Post
The conversation ended with him saying he doesn't know what to say to my thoughts on AA, that rather than being sober for all these weeks, i am just dry and that people who don't go to AA are just dry drunks.

Thoughts please. Thanks in advance.

Paul
...that dry drunk drivel is nonsense! All sorts of people get and stay sober without AA and they live pleasantly productive lives. I know some really troubled people who never used drugs. :wtf2 are they dry abstainers.
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:40 PM
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I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when you and your sponsor talked, Bugs.
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:47 PM
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LOL Stone...it was a challenge to say the least. Honestly I do think that her years of drinking (35 years) left her incapable of any critical thought. A brain soaked in vodka for 35 years is sure to have irreversible damage.
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Old 02-25-2009, 06:54 AM
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Hey bugsy watch it :ghug2 I still have a darn good functioning brain! lol

Well i talked to my sponsor last night...guess i'm lucky cause she doesn't totally get it but she does quite a bit and for sure doesn't come out with stupid sht about it.

I explained that recovery is recovery and i want people on the road of recovery in my life...AA, Secular, Lifering, SR, whatever I don't care...just men and women sharing the expereince of this new life sober and supporting each other as we walk the path.

Sure I get some sht sometimes for not "finding god" or not doing it "by the book"....but mostly people accept me and my expereince and share theres...course I don't get all in a toot cause they believe in what they do...I mean the main thing is to sort out what you do believe and live by it, then be willing to admit if something isn't really as you thought and make adjustment. You know if you truley think that eating lemons every morning will make you grow as a human being..then I believe you have a responsiblity to take the action of eating lemons everyday...live with the concequences..see if you really do believe it. And share with others how that all works for you.

Sorry..missed you guys so i'm sorta full of stuff to spew today (hug)
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Old 02-25-2009, 08:44 AM
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I don't think I would want a sponsor that is that brainwashed. AA has evolved from that way of thinking from what I see and he is still living in the stone age. How do you communicate with this guy? Fire signals?
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Old 02-25-2009, 03:10 PM
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ananda no disrespect meant to you! I hope all is well in your world!
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Old 02-25-2009, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by ananda View Post
I mean the main thing is to sort out what you do believe and live by it, then be willing to admit if something isn't really as you thought and make adjustment.
Yep.
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Old 02-25-2009, 03:45 PM
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Don't go around making this all simple Ananda :ghug3

What will we do for fun if we all become happy, fully formed human beings lol.
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Old 02-25-2009, 04:35 PM
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My old man was a dry drunk in my childhood, you know full of anger, pissed off at world, everything everyone elses fault, world owed him a living etc. I'm not that keen on using dry drunk either, i prefer useless ****;-)

Do you think your sponsor was trying to help you by trying to put an importance on attending meetings regularly as, far as i understand, there is more chance of relapse without meetings? Or do you think he is just being high and mighty, one shoe fits all? I don't know obviously just something to think about?
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Old 02-26-2009, 04:54 PM
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Hi guys, thanks for the comments, just to put you in the picture i have just called it a day on that girl. Feel kinda sad about it, even though i have only met her 3 or 4 weeks ago. Bit of a strange one, never really felt something so quick before.

Paul
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Old 02-26-2009, 04:56 PM
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Originally Posted by yeahgr8
Do you think your sponsor was trying to help you by trying to put an importance on attending meetings regularly as, far as i understand, there is more chance of relapse without meetings? Or do you think he is just being high and mighty, one shoe fits all? I don't know obviously just something to think about?
I dont think he was trying to help, he seemed very silent on the issue, as if he didn't want to hear my views. He did actually say i have nothing to say. I think he was being a bit defensive, in that i was challenging his views on AA and sobriety to be honest.

Paul
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Old 02-26-2009, 05:36 PM
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dig...your a smart guy...follow your heart on this one. Remember that people that wish to silence you do so out of fear.

I have always loved this quote by Steve Jobs

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
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Old 02-26-2009, 06:36 PM
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Thanks bugsy! this thread is so perfect for where i am at right now! :ghug
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Old 02-26-2009, 07:12 PM
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My sponsor never asked me any of this, his thoughts are that sobriety only occurs through regular attendence of AA meetings.
That is all he knows. I remember being stuck in the rhetoric of AA. What I really had a hard time adjusting to was the AA speak every second, all of the time. I can understand AA talk at meetings, but why every second of the day? At that time, I didn't want to be reminded that I was an alcoholic every moment of the day. I know it is fact, but recovery is a process and I needed to find a moment of "normal", whatever that was, for a few minutes without having an AA slogan tossed my way. I get it. I can't drink. I don't want to, but please let me have a moment AA free. That really bugged, but passed in time.

After a few years, I started to break away from some of the dogma. I still practice recovery and moved forward, but moved away from AA. Surely some considered me a dry drunk, but I don't care because I know better. I know peace and serenity. My life is not filled with anger and resentments. I don't have a bunch of unnecessary drama which, incidentally, was often found in meetings, not in all meetings, but in my homegroup.

Does not attending meetings make me a dry drunk? No, because I continue to work on my recovery on a daily basis. Remaining angry, stagnant and crotchety, but attending meetings, I'd rather practice my recovery outside of the rooms if that is the case.

Not AA bashing here, but I do have experience inside and outside of the rooms. I can compare, many AA'ers don't have any comparison. They only know what they know. Nothing wrong with that unless I am portrayed as drunk and doomed for finding a way that works outside of the rooms. It can be done, but there was a time I didn't believe so. Once again, that is part of the process. How can you know what you haven't experienced?

I think it is important to have an open line of communication with your sponsor. If that isn't happening, how is he helping? Throwing insults and hurtful words out of frustration or lack of a better word is doing more harm then good. It may be time to re-think your relationship with your sponsor. Good luck.
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Old 02-26-2009, 07:17 PM
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Perfect quote for me and AA right now too, lol. Sponsor has been dumped, I can't even look at the book. I just go to one meeting a week cos I like it. I like the people there even though they are all nuts...I am nuts too of course.
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