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Indecisiveness.....what does it mean?

Old 02-10-2009, 07:58 PM
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Question Indecisiveness.....what does it mean?

I bring this up because many times I have found myself sitting on the fence about something. Sometimes its something very important. I find fence sitting in such an instance to be very irritating and confusing. So where does it come from? Indecisiveness What does it mean? Any thoughts,? Im curious.

Here are some things I found online

"When there are really tough choices, then, many people can never make up their minds and tend to keep that issue lingering. Prolonged indecision or indecisiveness tendency may be due to an extreme fear of risk and responsibility. Life often challenges us to a choice between equally unpleasant alternatives. When we accept the challenge, whatever we do is bound to involve risk, rigor, and responsibility. If we run away from the challenge, probably we may lose the opportunity for growth."

"I should know exactly what I want, and I can't make any decision unless I do." He also may be saying, "I need proof immediately that I make the Right Decision, and that There Is Only One Right Decision. Since there cannot be a single right decision, it would be better for him to learn to accept and embrace the decision he makes, even if it turns out not to be a great oneóbecause regretting decisions is a real happiness-killer. We tend to regret what we fail to do much more than what we actually do (even if we have minor regrets).

What do you think? What do you do when you just cant make a decision?
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Old 02-10-2009, 11:13 PM
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I couldn't decide whether to post here or not

But seriously...

I used to be pretty indecisive. Not surprising when every decision was avoided by drinking LOL.

I'm finding myself far more decisive these days - whether that's my recovery, or my increasing age LOL I dunno. I know I have more self confidence, and that's definitely through me doing what I've done in recovery.

I trust my judgement a lot more - I'm not perfect but I think I do ok.

I'm far less scared of *doing something* - probably because I'm not trying to drink stuff away, so I'm used to dealing with stuff as it happens these days, and it's been working out ok

Responsibility doesn't scare me as much - I've found there's very few things that can't be fixed up if you own up to your mistakes right away.

I guess if I was faced with something really big, or really important, I'd do a pros and con thing - either in my head or on paper

D
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Old 02-11-2009, 03:00 AM
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I have real problems accepting my own judgement on any issues, I often know what I think and what I should do but I don't have the courage of my convictions.

This leads to the horrible situation of being consumed with doubt most of the time, I believe in my case it stems from low self esteem, I am trying to act on my own decisions and take responsibiliy for the consequences but its difficult.

LOL everything is difficult at the moment why cant something be easy for a change!
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Old 02-11-2009, 03:34 AM
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Anytime I'm ambivalent, I ask others for their opinions before making a final decision, especially if the concern is outside of my area of expertise. I pepper them with questions...sometimes I'll challenge their answers so that I can make a choice.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:36 AM
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Indecisiveness??....could mean this, could mean that

Paul
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Old 02-11-2009, 09:29 AM
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I guess I feel like there are certain instances that you should KNOW, and when I dont it makes me feel like a failure...like how could I not know the answer! I think I know myself well but that doesn't really seem to help. I have asked other people about this one specific decision and I get opposing thoughts on the matter and I weigh them...then NOTHING. Then I think maybe Im not supposed to make a decision yet but then I get freaked out thinking that day will never come and I will forever be stuck on the fence.

Thanks for all the responses I really like reading them....
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Old 02-11-2009, 09:48 AM
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I've gotten used to doing a CBT (Cost/Benefit Analysis) with regards to my addiction. At the very least I can explore the choices in depth.

What I know from personal experience is the anxiety from not making an important decision can be progressive overwhelming as time goes by. This makes the whole situation so nerve racking that I almost become paralyzed with fear and self-loathing.

Last edited by Zencat; 02-11-2009 at 09:54 AM. Reason: ops
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Old 02-11-2009, 09:54 AM
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Like zen i would say at some point it is time to decide. Most decisions can be course corrected as we go along...few are for ever. I got stuck in that kind of thinking about buying a house as a "life long decision"...it isn't ... it's big, but i can sell or rent or whatever if things go a different direction...

Not deciding is usually the worst decision I can make...then things happen to me and i think it isn't something i participated in when my lack of decision was a form of paricipation (often with out a feeling responsiblity)

Course..that said....sometimes it is best to wait
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Old 02-11-2009, 10:24 AM
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Early on I had a tough time with decisions.
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Old 02-11-2009, 01:11 PM
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Originally Posted by windysan View Post
Early on I had a tough time with decisions.
Same here. I think part of it was due to the fact I had avoided decision making by using drugs and had to relearn the process.

Originally Posted by zencat View Post
I've gotten used to doing a CBT (Cost/Benefit Analysis) with regards to my addiction. At the very least I can explore the choices in depth.

What I know from personal experience is the anxiety from not making an important decision can be progressive overwhelming as time goes by. This makes the whole situation so nerve racking that I almost become paralyzed with fear and self-loathing.
I have been known to do a Cost/Benefit Analysis in the middle of my class!

I still get that anxiety from making decisions, but part of it is from my anxiety disorder. It took me a long time to figure out when it was my disorder talking versus my lack of skills from my years of avoiding decisions.
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