Blogs


Notices

I need to vent

Old 01-28-2009, 05:35 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I need to vent

47 days sober today, and I'm hanging on by a thread.

I don't give a sh!t about anything right now. I don't like my father. When the hate wears off, I still won't like him. I'm tired of walking on egg shells around him because he's always in a b!tchy mood (he's an alcoholic, too). He never laid a hand on me, but he knows what to say to cause pain. For the first time EVER I said "F*ck you!" to him (and a lot of other things after that)...I know that's nothing to some people...but that's disrespectful. I'm done with this bullsh!t.

I'm doing my best to stay sober and I'm living everyday with untreated anxiety/depression. I don't know what to do and I'm stuck living in this house with him.

It would be so easy to f*ck it all. I simply do not have the energy or mental stability to do this anymore.

I've had it with as$holes.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 05:54 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,407
Blog Entries: 1
bam...i'm glad your venting here. It will help....I think acknowledging our anger and pain is the first step toward changing things.

I can't tell you how very very impressed and happy i am for your 47 days....remember how you struggled to get that????

Please don't let your father take that away from you
Ananda is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:07 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I don't have anything to look forward to.

How can I find hope when I'm hopeless?

The liquor store is so close.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:08 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I left the house for a while but came back because I had nowhere to go.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:09 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I blew 25 bucks on gambling.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:09 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I hurt...but I feel empty.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:10 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I need help and there is no way for me to get it.

No one takes me seriously.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:11 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I just want to forget...I have no friends and no support.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:13 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
SelfSeeking's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Blog Entries: 2
I'm sorry you're having a dark time, Bam. Keep posting. *hugs*
SelfSeeking is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:13 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Knucklehead
 
doorknob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Music helps me blow off steam. Got any gangsta rap?
doorknob is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:14 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
Wow...I'm pretty pathetic.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:16 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Knucklehead
 
doorknob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
No you're not...
doorknob is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:23 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I'm trying to calm down...I'm looking up information on my heart problems in order to try to stop the urge to get smashed. I'm so close to finding out what's wrong and I don't want to blow the sobriety I have. One week and I see a cardiologist (as long as that doesn't fall through...I have bad luck).

Am I ever going to get out of this hole?
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:26 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I don't get it...I wasn't having a bad day until about 3 hours ago. One person with the wrong words is enough to blow a good mood for me...I can't control how I react AT ALL. Think it and be it does not work. If it did, I'd feel wonderful right now and would never have an urge to drink.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:26 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
At least I got a little bit of exercise...I went on a little walk.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:35 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,407
Blog Entries: 1
bam hang in here....i ws eating dinner....you are doing so many right things write now!

Your posting, you're expressing, your identifying problems...
As bad as it may feel all of this is gonna lead you someplace good (hug)

and excersise is a great tool to release the anger and frustration.

How are you now bam????
Ananda is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:38 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Toomutch's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Bam - I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

Taking a walk was a really good idea. Please keep posting to help vent your anger...

We care! :ghug
Toomutch is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:49 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
I guess I'm more stable...I don't want to be around anyone...even my mom...and she's one of the good people.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 06:50 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Blog Entries: 14
At least I have her.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 07:03 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
michigangirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 162
Blog Entries: 1
Bam, hang in there, you CAN work through the angry and not drink. Just stay here and keep posting. :ghug3
michigangirl is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:13 AM.