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Old 01-28-2009, 06:31 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
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I probably won't drink tonight.

I'm tired...


I'm going to read and try to go to bed.

My room is a mess...I tore it apart.

I'll have to clean it later.
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Old 01-28-2009, 06:34 PM
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Ya Bam hang in there> try deep breathing. I use a method called 4-4-8. Breath in for 4 secs, hold for 4 secs and breath out for 8 secs slowly. In with the good hold the good and out with the bad. I don't know if this will help you but it works for me. In any case we are all here for you. Think good thoughts.
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Old 01-28-2009, 07:48 PM
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I'm off to bed bam...i don't pray, but i will be thinking of you...and guess what ... the spec of dust is significant...it is what makes up the earth (hug):ghug
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:25 PM
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Hey, Bam.....you are doing so well in your sobriety. No one can take that from you.

And yep, taking a walk is the BEST.
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:42 PM
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Hey Bam Bam!!!!

It was great to see you on here because I haven't been around much lately and was wondering how you were doing! I am sorry, though, that you have to be going through such a rough time. With that said, however, you deserve a Huge Congrats for your 47 days sober! Quite an achievement my friend!!

It sounds like you're going through something that a lot of addicts go through. Those first 3 months seemed the hardest to me, imo. And I've seen others struggle around these times. I was a mess back then. I had this enormous flood of emotions that I didn't know what to do with. I would laugh one minute and be weeping the next. It's a big rollercoaster of feelings.
For me, at that point, learning to feel again was one of the hardest things to get through. But I did get through it, and I'm stronger for doing it.

You'll get through it as well Bam Bam!!! You're a good person who deserves all the support in the world. I'm sorry that your home life isn't as good as it should be. The only advice I can think to give is stay to yourself and continue your relationship with your mother who seems supportive. If possible, at this time, it may be best to steer clear of your dad. It may sound harsh to some, but for you Bam, I think being with him and getting involved in confrontations will hurt your sobriety and make the urge to drink so much stronger. Surround yourself with positive light, my friend!

I hope your doctor's appt. will be successful and they can find out what's going on. I know I probably don't need to say this, but please be very honest about EVERYTHING that is going on in your life at the moment--including the fact that you are in recovery for alcoholism. These are all things that could help with your diagnosis and treatment. It wouldn't hurt to mention that you are experiencing a lot of depression/anxiety and don't feel like doing much of anything. Perhaps your doctor can help you with that, but, if not, ask to be referred to someone who can. These things need addressed so that you can start living a sober lifestyle and enjoying it!!!

Hopefully things will start looking up for you sweetie! Continue to hang in there and be strong and commit to everything you set out to do!!!!
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers! If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to let me know! Come to chat sometime--the meetings they have been having are great. And you know we always have a good time in open chat--it'll put a smile on your face, i promise!

Be good! Be strong and be safe! You're going to be just fine!!

Love,

butterfly19 ("SP")


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Old 01-29-2009, 02:54 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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How much does it cost to voluntarily admit yourself?
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Old 01-29-2009, 05:31 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Take it easy, man. Deep breaths. Drankin ain't gonna help none. Are you employed and if not can you get employed and get out of the house you're in?
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Old 01-29-2009, 09:09 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Just remember - if you give in and drink, when you wake up things will be just the same - or more likely worse. Plus you'll have a sore head and feel guilty, all that s**t...

You've done so well, i'm sorry to hear it's really tough for you, but drinking never made things better for me, only worse.

There are positive ways to deal with what's going on, being sober is the first thing though. You're not alone, and you're not pathetic. You're a fellow addict and we all care about you!

:ghug
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Old 01-29-2009, 02:12 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I'm employed...it doesn't pay much.

Once I get these medical bills out of the way I need to figure out a way to leave.

That could take a while.
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Old 01-29-2009, 03:57 PM
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I'm doing my best to stay sober and I'm living everyday with untreated anxiety/depression.
Why are you not being treated? Sorry, if I missed this somewhere, but I think sobriety would be much more manageable if you were being treated.
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Old 01-29-2009, 04:20 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I have to get the heart issue out of the way first...I don't have the money to see a psychologist. I'm going to tell the cardiologist EVERYTHING next week (that's where all of my money is going). Maybe my heart palpitations are due to damage from drinking......or perhaps it's due to anxiety/mental stuff....or both.

Once I find out exactly what's going on, I can figure out where to go from that point....as long as I can come up with the money. One week...
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Old 01-29-2009, 04:35 PM
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Good luck! Sounds like you are on the right path. One step at a time...
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Old 01-30-2009, 07:28 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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I put this in another thread, but I wanted to put it here as well:


Wow...two days later, and FINALLY my reasoning kicks in.

It was hard to hear from him that I'm lazy, that I don't want to work hard to move on...I believed him.

It occurred to me in the shower...

...I'm not just trying to stay sober...

...I'm trying to renovate my life.


It's more than just about being sober...I'm going to have to address my food issues AND I'm going to have to take care of my mental health.

I need to do these things to be stable enough to become self-sufficient so I can move on to find happiness and peace….I want life satisfaction.

I can only tackle one issue at a time...and I have to crawl before I can run.

I am making positive changes in my life and it’s ludicrous to expect that everything will change overnight. I know this, but my father doesn’t………..so who cares what he thinks. I’m going to keep on keeping on at a pace I can handle by taking care of these things one at a time. He opens his mouth with his criticism…I will walk away.

Thank you everyone for being here. SR and the people of SR are my rock.
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:51 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Bamboozle View Post
I put this in another thread, but I wanted to put it here as well:


Wow...two days later, and FINALLY my reasoning kicks in.

It was hard to hear from him that I'm lazy, that I don't want to work hard to move on...I believed him.

It occurred to me in the shower...

...I'm not just trying to stay sober...

...I'm trying to renovate my life.



It's more than just about being sober...I'm going to have to address my food issues AND I'm going to have to take care of my mental health.

I need to do these things to be stable enough to become self-sufficient so I can move on to find happiness and peace….I want life satisfaction.

I can only tackle one issue at a time...and I have to crawl before I can run.

I am making positive changes in my life and it’s ludicrous to expect that everything will change overnight. I know this, but my father doesn’t………..so who cares what he thinks. I’m going to keep on keeping on at a pace I can handle by taking care of these things one at a time. He opens his mouth with his criticism…I will walk away.

Thank you everyone for being here. SR and the people of SR are my rock.
Very good thinking. I know how tough it is to live with anxiety and depression and try to do this sobriety thing. At times it is absolutely daunting. I wish you luck on your Dr appt next week. Maybe very well be anxiety as that does mimic heart issues.

Curious - have you checked into any kind of Medicaid? Might not be a bad idea, depending on your circumstances.
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Old 01-31-2009, 12:20 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Bamboozle without prying too much what exactly are your heart problems? Is this an ongoing thing? Or a new thing?

I am just wondering because you said it was palpitations and then you mention anxiety. I had horrible panic attacks every day for six months around ten years ago. And so often I thought something was wrong with my heart. Anxiety/panic gives you palpitations, it also constricts your chest muscles, can make your breathing short, etc. It also makes your mind race so often you are racing over all these symptoms. This is why so often people end up in the emergency room thinking that they are having a heart attack and it ends up being a panic attack. I had these every day and even after months I still would think I was having a heart attack and I was 18. It was the worst thing in the world!!! But generalized anxiety can give these symptoms too so I think that however it goes at the cardiologist that you should also def try and get the anxiety/depression treated and realize that mental illness can definitely physically manifest, sometimes even more powerfully. I feel like I am the master of that. And it really is amazing what getting the right meds can do— I mean it was like a god send when finally I got on the right amount of zoloft and poof no more panic attacks.
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Old 01-31-2009, 04:42 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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sfgirl:

This started a little over a year ago...absolutly NOTHING like this before.

It could be caused by anxiety...but as much as I've had to drink, plus my general bad health...I have to find out what the cause is--whether by alcohol damage or anxiety. I have these things pretty much everyday. They come out of nowhere sometimes...but most often when I'm moving around a lot, and that scares me. I haven't made any real effort in the last year to exercise because I'm usually too afraid. I'm going to tell him/her this...that I need to know if it's safe to exercise. I know that by not exercising I'm doing my heart and general health a disservice (I walk to work, but that's not much...and yes, even walking is enough to set them off).

Blood tests have shown that I have a normal thyroid...so...I dunno...but I'm tired almost all of the time (been like this for probably almost 15 years), feel depressed...anxiety.....it's frustrating. Maybe all of it's in my head.

I wore a heart monitor....apparently I'm having a lot of PVC's and some Ventricular Trigeminy...so my PCP decided that he should refer me to a cardiologist.

I really hope it's nothing...I'll actually be relieved if there's no damage and it's all caused by anxiety or some kind of hormonal imbalance....these things can be caused by so many different things.
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Old 01-31-2009, 06:58 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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bam...in case you wondered..you are soooooo on track.

The FIRST thing a good phsyc. person will do is have you make sure there isn't a physical problem.

Physical problems create phsyc problems and phsyc problems cause phiscical problems...the brain is just another body part.

So be open and honest as you've said with your dr. and then move to the next step

Youve made huge progress since i met you
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