gneiss

Darn German words... haha. I put the pronunciation up there for other people. It's a weird word but I thought it might help folks read it more easily.

Well... today it really started to hit me in a big way that no drinking and no drugs means no friends. I had such a fun and active social life. Before I was drinking and drugging I could make friends with anyone and now I am out of practice. I don't know where to go to hang out and meet people other than bars. My best friend moved almost 200 miles away and is doing a great job cleaning up from doing drugs, and working 12-hour shifts 6 or 7 days per week so I hardly get to talk to him.

I have two friends left locally. There's one girl who is really trying to be my friend, she's a nice person but she's impulsive, loud, and crude to the point of being embarrassing. She reminds me of myself at age 14 or so, but she's in her mid-twenties. It makes me limit my time with her. My other local friend's new roommate (his cousin) makes me so uncomfortable I won't hang out at their apartment. They drink, but my friend has never pressured me to drink; his new roommate has though. The new roommate keeps loaded guns and a small pharmacy with enough Rx pain killers and anti-depressants to kill a small army (oxycontin, hydrocodone, methadone, tramadol, seroquel, oxycodone, lexapro, xanax, etc. I can't even remember them all), and drinks about half a bottle of vodka every night. Basically, I really miss my buddy but his roommate makes me worry for a) my sobriety, and b) my physical safety. So unless I can convince him to put down the beer and leave his apartment, I guess I won't be hanging out with him.

It's a lonely road, this sobriety thing.

Latte

Yes, I've had it happen.

Usually the next day I come down with a cold or some creeping crud.

I have to watch my caffeine intake during the day too.

Ananda

gneiss,

I don't think staying sober and not having friends works very well for me...do you have some interests that you could join a group for

Hiking club
book club
garden club

I know it sounds a little hokey...but I have to find a way to develop a social circle in sobriety. sobriety is sooooo about relationships.

:ghug

Taking5

I 2nd what Ananda said about joining a club.

Back to Geology, more specifically, Paleontology (study of fossils). I was also looking for some healthy activities/hobbies, and yesterday I took my first step by joining a fossil hunting club. I have not done this in YEARS (but I have a good collection from my younger days).

So fossil hunting is something I already know about and enjoy. Add to the mix hiking, climbing, the outdoors in general and no alcohol!

My first field trip is in March. I am ready now.

Ananda

dgillz

Thank you soooooooo much

Someone else who has "younger days"

gneiss

I was just thinking last night that the withdrawal and such is not so bad, but the fact that my friends suddenly disappeared is what really hit me hard. I suspect it's not the addiction so much for a lot of people, but the loneliness that makes them start again. They think, "It will be fine, I'll just go say hi," and *BAM* next thing they know they're drinking again.

I always knew they were drinking buddies, not *friends* but they were still my social circle. I don't blame the friends I had for not wanting much to do with me; I neglected them for so long in favor of drugs and booze they really don't have a reason to hang out with me. I actually am thinking about going to AA or NA meetings just for the social interaction.

There are clubs on campus for just about anything; the hard part is figuring out when and where they meet. The downside of clubs on campus is that they are dominated by 21-and-under students and I'm getting old, by comparison. But there are both grad student and non-traditional student associations, so perhaps those would be a good place to start. I used to be so good at walking into a room full of people I don't know and finding someone to hang out with. Now I don't seem to have those skills any more and I get kind of nervous about it. But... better to be a little uncomfortable than get lonely and go seek out drug buddies.

Ananda

the social skills come back if we get out and practice.

course i'm much more social on the computer than real life, but i'm working on it

I do the AA thing...so it's always a good way to meet people who are recovering and trying to grow and change thier lives...we aren't all god people and/or evanulists (lol)

I've discovered a new appreciation for the younger generation since I got sober...so age may not be as big a factor as you think.

keep us posted (hug)

gneiss

That's cool!!! That's what I am studying, actually. Paleontology. But... I do not have much useful experience in paleontology yet. I tried to find a club around here but all I could find is a mineral and gem society. Still though, that could be fun.

spark42

I can totally relate to what you're saying gneiss...

ananda has hit it on the head for me though, it is about getting those skills back, and practice....

I too lost a lot of mates when i started trying to clean up, most of my "friends" were just fellow addicts, all we had in common was getting wasted together.

I also alienated a lot of real friends by isolating myself and being a bit of an idiot.

I came out of it with just a couple of real friends, who stuck by me...

I find social situations very difficult without my crutch of alcohol / other substances, but i'm learning...

Things like AA and the buddhist centre have been really good places to meet people whose lives don't revolve around alcohol, and i've made some really good friends there.

In sobriety i find when i make a friendship with someone there's a real connection there, cheesy as that sounds!

Taking5

Where are you located? There is a lot of fossils here but a lot more gems and minerals than where I grew up, so I'll likely get a little of both.

gneiss

Oklahoma. Lots of fossils here, too actually. Lots of old sea life: crinoids, brachiopods, etc. Roadcuts are usually great places to look for fossils. Every once in a while I try to get down to Texas, because it's legal to collect fossils in state parks there. Not that a little thing like the law has ever stopped me from having fun.

Taking5

I have a customer up in the NE corner of the state (I am a ERP software consultant and I travel all over the USA). I'll PM you the next time I am up there.

I go to TX all the time too (DFW) but I love to get out in the country.

Ananda

Our old family farm is in oklahoma....60 miles from Lawton...i go to visit the place every few year.....let you know if i'm traveling through