fugfuggy

Hello Gang,

I spent a good amount of time on SR back around August. I checked into a 7 day medical detox and managed to not drink for the next 3 months. I went from an unemployed, shakey, stinky mess to a productive steady and nice smelling member of society. I spent those three months interviewing for new positions, all while the economy was going to hell around me. After 9 interviews I was offered an executive level position in November, that I accepted, only to have that position put on hold. I speak to the company each week and they keep telling me to hang on.

Meanwhile, the waiting, boredom, economic fear, etc.. was just to much for me so I hit the bottle again. I have been on a daily bottle of vodka per day binge since early last month and here I am, a shakey, stinky, unproductive mess.

So today, I begin a new, again. I am shaky again (not nearly as bad as I was in the past) and I am contemplating just going cold turkey but the physical withdrawals still make me nervous. I am contemplating going to the ER to try and get some detox meds. Anybody ever done this?

doorknob

Welcome back, Fugfuggy!

Fortunately, my addiction to alcohol never got to the point where I had any dangerous withdrawal symptoms. My dependence was much more mental than physical, although I know there is some overlap. Detox meds might not be a bad idea, IMO. Better to be safe...

fugfuggy

Hey DK,

Remember me?

I was just reading one of your threads from 2005 where you had a couple of beers at a party. Good read..

I am a former 12 stepper that managed to go 10 years without drinking. 9 of those years were without AA. I had zero cravings for a drink and that is the place I would like to get back to. I did a lot of hard core counseling during those years with a pretty special man that was not only a brilliant counselor but a real father figure. Sadly, I have lost touch with him.

Back to the main point, I do not want to live under the pressure of being an alchi and telling myself that I have an incurable disease and if I drink again I will die. From my own experience I know that there is an easier way. If I make a choice to have a drink then I make a bad choice but it is not the end of the world. My biggest challenge is to do what you did and pick myself up the next day, dust off, and start over.

desertdonna

Hey Fug,

I was wondering what happened to you. So many times after a few weeks or so people disappear; we wish them well.

Sorry that the temptation overwhelmed you, but I'm sure you gathered a lot of insight and practice during your sober time.

So jump in again with all your tools. If you need to see a doc for detox (even at home,) go for it. You don't have to do AA if you can manage by yourself. Weren't you also seeing a counselor once a week? How has that been going for you?

I've been relying on the good folks here, SR in general, lots of reading and reflecting, and I've gone to meetings as well. My motto is to be open to whatever it takes to put the bottle in the long ago past where it belongs. Having support really helps. It's nice to have a chunk of time free from the poison.

Good to "see" you again. Remember what your detox doc said, "Once a pickle, never a cucumber again." Please take care of yourself.

Hugs,
Donna

fugfuggy

Hi Donna,

Thanks for the welcome back. I was doing well and if everything had panned out with the new job I am sure that I would still be sober. However, it did not and I have waaaay to much time on my hands and the thought of going out and trying to find a job in this economy is depressing. So, rather than buck up I drank. As I said above, I was offered a great job with an exciting company and I really assigned everything to that job. A new start in a new industry where my reputation would not follow me; security in such uncertain times; self worth; etc. When the rug got pulled out it was too tough to deal with right away.

Today I just thought to myself, first, I HAVE to act NOW. Second, the job that I was offered, I went against some pretty hefty competition and they offered it to ME. If THEY saw that much value in me then others will too. There I lay on the couch, hung over, eyes on fire, unshaven for days, and I said to myself, get up, clean up and get busy! My first step after cleaning myself up was to come back here.

I was seeing a counselor but he turned out to be a real piece of work. I mentioned my father figure of a counselor above. I think anybody that I go to will be measured against him and all will fall short and other than my own fears and insecurities there are no real major issues to work on. That being said, I would rather just face the issues that I am very aware of than to go to an uncaring figurehead every week to tell me what I already know.

Today is Day 1 again. Hope to see you on Day 2.

doorknob

Yeah, I remember you... probably not all the details though.. my memory ain't too hot, even now that I've quit the weed and beer...

What thread were you reading?

spark42

Hey fugfuggy, pleased to "meet" you, and thanks for sharing.

I'm not medically trained and am no expert on the subject. I'm just a recovering drunk. But if you've been drinking a bottle of vodka a day, it would be safer to either cut down gradually or get some sort of detox help. I'd strongly urge you to seek medical advice on that.

I wish you all the best mate - hope day 2 was good for you, one day at a time, this too shall pass.

stone

Welcome back Fug, I would see my Doctor about detox if I was you. Coming off a bottle a day is going to require medical supervision.

fugfuggy

Thanks for the concern guys and gals,

I went through a medical detox not too long ago and I was NOWHERE as near where I was back then. I am now on day 3 so I am past the worst of it. Now I just cannot wait to get me sleeping cycle back in order. The good thing is that since I recently did all of this I know what to expect.

windysan

so far so good

Zencat

Welcome back fugfuggy.

stone

How are ya Fug?

fugfuggy

back to day 2 :P

desertdonna

Thinking of you, Fug. You can do it.

Big hug,
Donna

doorknob

Same here, Fug. Kick it to tha curb!

fugfuggy

thanks guys. The job situation is like a black cloud hanging over my head. I want to get cleaned up so I can get a clear head and press into action. Hopefully, once that cloud over my head is gone it will be much easier to STAY clean.

allport

Fug its probably not the best idea in the world to link your sobriety to a situation over which you have no control.

Just my opinion, feel free to ignore it, I'm generally wrong, lol

Hope it all works out. x

spark42

Very good point allport - too often i've made being sober dependent on other things, "i'll be ok *if* such and such happens / doesn't happen" and it inevitably led to a relapse.

The way i see it now is that being sober is first and foremost - everything else is dependent on that.

That's just how it is for me though, only my opinion of course.

Ananda

A woman i really respect once said..."stay sober no matter what because no matter what happens".

I drank over a lot of things, but if i had utilized the tools i had to stay sober and kept them up to date and front and formost I could have gotten through it sober and drinking didn't help anything a bit!

when i finally got sober i had reached the point that i figured i would loose everything if i kept at the bottle...so i might as well give up somethings and stay sober...thought I would loose my job and house by going to 30 day treatment...just did it anyways...cause i would loose it all at the rate i was going anyway...so yeah

corse sparkey said it simple (lol) not my forte


nice

Lenina

fug,

Good to see you! Please keep posting.

Love,

Lenina