CatWings

I'm going to just read things for a while. I am starting to think my life will be easier just staying clean and getting on with it and not giving it much more thought. Seriously.

Thanks, DoorKnob.

CatWings

I just won't talk about 12-step stuff anymore. I think I am starting to obsess on my own recovery and I need to give it a break anyway.

bugsworth

Cat if you decide to leave I wish you well, but staying has the potential to help many people. Your voice is important for those who feel as you do. Many more people read these threads than post....a simple message of "You are not alone in your questions" might be enough to help.

While I would never want someone to leave a program that is helping them I do want to be the hand that reaches out when one peeks in and decides aa is not the way. While I have serious conflicts with the 12 steps I do believe it is important to always be there for another person suffering from addiction with my ES&H albeit different.

Our numbers are only small if we leave...not always an easy decision...again I wish you well.

shockozulu

Sounds like a good plan. This is a forum for those who are working a secular recovery, not to discuss the programs of other members (as you can see from this thread alone, there are folks that work 12-Steps from a Secular point-of-view).

There are some great programs out there. Personally, I work SMART. Have you tried any of the many CBT tools posted in the forum? You are a smart one, and I'd love to hear about your experiences with them.

CatWings

Well, I was trying to find a way to fit a secular form of the 12-steps into my own recovery program as well, so I was not talking to the program of other members exactly, since I have been attending them. But for now I need to keep it simple and think I am going to stick strictly to the totally secular forms of recovery. From my own history and experience, it gets me too confused to keep trying to go to 12-step meetings when there are other alternatives that I am finding out now.

I will look at what you suggest and get back to you at some point.

As an update: I looked for SMART meetings before in Colorado and there is only one miles and miles away. I just noticed on their web site that they have a main office in Mentor, Ohio. I found one meeting in Akron, OH and at the end of this month, I have to go there to take care of my mother's pets for damn near 18 days. I hardly know anyone there and if you have ever been in Northeast Ohio in the winter, it can be just downright gloomy. I am planning to just work on my web sites and my art. But I will definitely make a point to get to the SMART meeting there.

gneiss

For me it's not about being able to drink normally. It doesn't especially bother me that I might never drink again. Some people can pull this off, but it remains to be seen if I am one of them. If not, fine. I just don't like the power alcohol has over me. It dictates so much of my life.

Ananda

I did a lot of work to straighten out my "mental problems" and having done so decided that I might not be alchoholic, maybe I could drink normally.

within weeks or months I was stuck in the bottle again and I stayed stuck there for 8 years.....I almost didn't make it back to sobriety, almost died.

Today I understand that I have a physical reaction that is different reaction to others to alchohol. No matte how well I am in every other respect....I cannot drink normaly.

desertdonna

I think that is so healthy that if you can't tolerate alcohol normally, you're not phased by it. Good for you!

I'm with Ananda and others like us. For me, it's a done deal. Some people see their lives playing out in the future without a drink in their hand and I can see the wistfulness in their eyes. That's okay.

If I chose to drink, it wouldn't be one and I know it. Hell, upfront I know I'd want oblivion; a single cocktail or glass of wine does not rock my boat.

Man, I am truly glad I'm away from that nightmare.

I'm so proud of you, Gneiss, on how well you did on your tests with being sick. Congrats. I think it's an awesome field.

Hugs,
Donna

doorknob

gneiss

I'm glad I'm not the only one here who has been touched by His Noodly Appendage. RAmen!

gneiss

My grandparents live in Ashtabula, I usually spend Christmas there, wading knee-deep in mud, freezing when the wind comes up and wondering, even accounting for the rather large lake 2 miles from the house, how in heck does it get so humid in the winter?!? Shouldn't the water be *FROZEN*? Doesn't cold weather slow evaporation? So why is all the water in the air rather than being frozen into snowflakes??

There's a song by Bowling for Soup called Ohio (Come Back to Texas): There's nothing wrong with Ohio/ Except the snow and the rain...


Yeah, yeah. Off-topic. Whatever.

windysan

And Lo, I verily sayeth unto thee, before there was spagetti there was J.R. Bob Dobbs. May you find him now.