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Quality of life

Old 10-10-2008, 02:08 PM
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Quality of life

How do people do it?


I keep reading the same things:

--you can find any excuse to drink

--you have to want it

--stop making excuses for yourself

--you can handle anything sober

--blah, blah, blah


Well, apparently, the shoe doesn't fit for me.

I always have to be different. I find that I really don't agree with what anyone has to say anymore. I haven't been this discouraged in a long time. I feel terribly alone...I'm not happy with my situation at all and I don't see any way in which to improve it. I don't have the so-called "tools necessary to get the job done." No one around me understands...gotta love my family, but they're a little dense when it comes to this stuff. I realized something today...every single one of my problems can be traced to people. People. People.

Why does everything have to be so difficult? How can I shut off the part of me that cares so I can function properly? I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to care. I don't want to hurt. I'm actually holding back tears now. I don't want to cry. I don't want to feel. I want to be well.

I'm just putting this out here people because I feel unsettled. I'm making myself do this. Don't worry about me. I'm hoping (yeah, that's all I seem to do now) that one day this will all magically come together and *poof*, it's a sunny day. Why canít I just believe that life is great?
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Old 10-10-2008, 03:20 PM
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--you can find any excuse to drink--stop making excuses for yourself--you can handle anything sober

OK....it's true I can find any excuse...and no....I can't handle anything sober...most things I can handle better.....but there are things that can happen that throw me for a loop and I become very vunerable to a drink.

I actually believe there is a lot of benifit to looking at the "reasons"/"excuses" that I have for drinking. It shows me what things are going to be dificult for me and allows me to make alternative plans to drinking. "Triggers" are important for me to idenitfy as it helps me learn to recognize them quickly and do what I can to stop the thought process.

I have my self, and have seen other people...reach the point where they stop trying to look at "why" cause they or I figure...well...I'm an alchoholic and everything is an excuse. Although there is some truth to that..it wasn't very helpful in helping me to find sobriety.




--you have to want it OK now this is the biggest peice of BS I hear!!!!! I guess because I have never seen it said that it didn't insinuate that if you don't have sobriety it is because you don't want it.

You know this is what makes this disease so scarry to me.....LOTS of people want sobriety and try desperately to find it and die or live a miserable life.

In treatment my intake stated....Ananda WANTS to be sober, she just doesn't believe she CAN be sober......that was my problem...I don't know why this changed, but i kept trying to find a way out of my alchoholism and at some point a change happened and I believed sobriety was possible for ME.

I always have to be different. I find that I really don't agree with what anyone has to say anymore. I haven't been this discouraged in a long time. I feel terribly alone...I'm not happy with my situation at all and I don't see any way in which to improve it.
I am different from everyone...uniquenesss is natural...I don't agree with anyone FULLY...I always have my own little spin....but I find I have much in common with many. I don't have to find an identical match to me to have caring and supportive relationships.

Some of my situations suck the big one. Sometimes it seems like my entire existense is a waste....but I've learned that those beliefs and feelings come and go and most of the time those feelings don't last longer than 3 or 4 weeks. Sucks when i feel that way but so far I've been able to cling somehow to the knowledge it isn't always that way and that helps alot.

...every single one of my problems can be traced to people. People. [I]People
Life is about relationships...its ALL about relationships to people, objects, ideas, etc. As I heal my relationships and find new ways to relate to the world and it's people I find that I have less reasons to drink and less reasons to be unhappy.

I have had times where I have had to shut down my feelings in order to get through...but I try very hard to keep telling at least one person about those feelings even though I'm shut off from them as shutting down is something I can do very well that can lead me to a really scary place...drinking or sober.

Learning to fuction with feelings is hard...I'm learning how to do so better each day...I believe you can to Bam.

I am glad I can care right now...I care about you and how much you hurt right now. It hurts to see you hurt, but I want to care and I want to be with you through this. Again...relationships are key to my sober life today.

I'm hoping (yeah, that's all I seem to do now) that one day this will all magically come together and *poof*, it's a sunny day. Why canít I just believe that life is great?
Well...I don't know about the *poof*, its a sunny day part, but believe it can come together for you and that hope is key. Maybe not all of your life can be great...but maybe enough peices of it can be to make the rest ok.

I care Bam...please keep posting and sharing.
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Old 10-10-2008, 03:33 PM
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well its true you can be anything you want to be...do anything you want to do but it all comes down to you .. nothing in life comes without a price .. we pay and pay everyday ..but the thing is we can live in self pity or move on with our life and make the best out of everything we got .. its all in choice .. how you want it to be ..stay strong and think positive
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Old 10-10-2008, 03:37 PM
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i feel your pain. wish i didnt need anybody or care what people thought of me.
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Old 10-10-2008, 04:55 PM
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Wallow in self pity, (it's all a choice)... I'm sure you mean well, tlrgs, but, those statements do not apply to me.

The phrase "self pity" has always bothered me greatly...it's as though it's implied I'm self-centered and that my problems are meaningless. I'm not self-centered and my problems do matter.

If it really was that simple for me, I'd be cured. That line of thinking doesn't work for me. If it did work, I would have been cured a long time ago and never would have stumbled onto SR.

I do not begrudge anyone who wants this approach...I'm looking for something I've never heard before. Please don't take offense. I'm glad you took the time to post.

I cannot control my mood and my thoughts. That’s the problem. A desire to have a better life apparently is not enough for me. It remains to be seen where I go from here.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:09 PM
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Bam...you can control your moods and your thoughts, you can control your behavior and your actions. You are more powerful than you believe.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:56 PM
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Sorry Bam - you're getting blunt Dee today. I've already lost two other sober friends this week.

I realized something today...every single one of my problems can be traced to people. People. People.
People can suck. No argument. But trying to change someone else, or putting the ball in someone else's court is a waste of time. We can only change ourselves - and change how we react to and how we interact with others. It's not easy but its better than doing nothing.

I think this is the key here

I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to care. I don't want to hurt. I'm actually holding back tears now. I don't want to cry. I don't want to feel. I want to be well.
Life is about a lot more than this, but it's about caring, and hurting, and crying and feeling. There's *no* escape from that - no healthy escape anyway.

There's no choice - we have to learn to deal with this if we want to be well.

Whatever you choose - therapy, anti depressants, religion, AA, buddhism, crystals, sacrificing chickens - it's up to you...but there are better ways, more effective, less harmful ways to deal with this than to self anaesthetise ourselves with booze and/or drugs.

I didn't seek help - I drank to the point where my alcoholism made my original problems look ridiculous by comparison. I nearly died.

We're all different. I don't believe in the cookie cutter approach to addicts, but I do believe that, despite our idiosyncrasies, we share a common problem.

Noone may be able to understand you completely, but some of us should be able to understand and empathise *enough*.

Your part in the deal is to want to change. No one is beyond help or incapable of improvement.

Don't let your difference preclude you from working on this Bam. This stuff will kill you, and no-one gets out of the mire without help and outside support.

Start looking for better and less insane ways to deal with your problems Bam.

D

Last edited by Dee74; 10-10-2008 at 06:16 PM.
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Old 10-10-2008, 06:09 PM
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Bam, I think you and I both need to start looking for some kind of disabilility and professional help.
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Old 10-11-2008, 06:56 AM
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We are all unique, just like everyone else!

Sometimes we can't see all the interconnections. What we think manifests. Sometimes we need extra help with our thinking...a guide so to speak. I got tons of "extra help"...needed it badly...and wouldn't hesitate a bit in seeking it again.

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Old 10-11-2008, 07:12 PM
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Bam,

I read your post. I got something different from your post than our other friends, maybe.

I am different. I think and live "outside the box" most of the time. So, I'm gonna try a different response to your post.

I sense you are overwhelmed with personal obligations to others in your life. Do you feel overwhelmed with their concerns and nothing left for yourself?

Picture this: Your body has electrical cords extended in all directions and you are plugged into other people, people, people and obligated in other areas. You are spending your "energy" on others. You are over loading your circuits. Sounds like you have blown the breaker box at this point.

Picture this now: Unplug yourself. Unplug yourself again. Unplug yourself another time. See it happen. Conserve your energy.

You may very well be plugged into some energy stealers. They may think you are selfish and self-centered for separating your energy from theirs. You don't have to physically leave. Just do not give them anymore of your energy. Unplug!

I have finally learned to unplug from energy stealers in my life. Some people took it personally. Some true friends respected me. One of my favorite songs is Melissa Ethridges "Talking To My Angel", I just love that song, especially now that I am sober. My favorite line from that song:

"I sold my soul for freedom,
It's lonely, but it's sweet"

I really feel like I put myself out there with this post?! Maybe you will understand Bam, if not, I'll enjoy being the psycho bird of the bunch!
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Old 10-12-2008, 11:03 AM
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Hey Bam!!!!!

Hope you are doing somewhat better today....will be glad to hear from you
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Old 10-12-2008, 01:45 PM
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Thanks everyone...

Thanks, Pcan...you're not psycho.


Currently:

Making an attempt to be more organized. I'm going to give it a try. It's a very weak area for me...if I can do it, I think it will help. Peace.
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Old 10-12-2008, 02:29 PM
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When it comes to the disease alcoholism, we are not unique. We all drink to much.

We all were looking for something we hadn't heard of before or haven't found yet. If you haven't found it yet, you have to work with what you have. If we don't, we are only making it more difficult for ourselves.

With all do respect, self pity applies to everyone, doesn't it? Self pity and self centered are not the same to me. However, I do believe alcoholics are very selfish. That is a characteristic of the disease.

I don't mean to be argumentative, but my thoughts were very scattered and unclear in early recovery. It helped me to get different perspectives.
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Old 10-12-2008, 02:54 PM
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This is where I differ from many on this subject...I do not see my problem as a disease. In my view, it is an addiction. This addiction is fueled by deep issues. I'm doing my best to confront these issues.

I'm not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers here, but what exactly constitutes selfishness? At what point is the line drawn? This has always been a vague word for me and it implies some sort of negative morality on the part of the "selfish person", so I don't really care for it.

Regardless, I have to take care of myself first. No one will do it for me.
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Old 10-12-2008, 03:11 PM
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I use the word disease as a one size fits all or for lack of a better word. I really don't care what word is used to describe what it is I suffer from. To me, it doesn't really matter. It is real and that is that. The rest is merely semantics and I have no interest in where that may lead. You may choose your word, but the suffering is still the same.

What constitutes selfishness? For me, that is easy. I drank how much I wanted, when I wanted, no matter how much it harmed myself or others. To my mind, that constitutes selfishness.

Maybe it would be in you best interest to find similarities of your illness with others instead of finding differences. You seem to want to set yourself apart. Indeed you must want help because you are here. Look for the similarities and you may find what it is you are seeking. We all suffer the same. If we share in that, we can find the cure.

I fought hard to set myself apart, early in recovery. It was a total waste of time. In the end, all that mattered was that I needed help and others could show me the way. Why does being unique hold so much meaning? We all bleed the same. I think we get so caught up in insignificance of the slightest of things, we lose sight of what we are fighting for.
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Old 10-12-2008, 03:56 PM
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I have found no conflict between being unique and being interconected to those around me. I sometimes struggle with how to be compassionate toward myself and others, but have found it important that I am a part of the whole and that in healing myself I help heal the whole.

Thats very philisophical and it helps me to live it...on a more concrete level...I found that I did have to learn to find help for those things that had formed me in order to be able to give to others...deal with the past in a way that would allow me to contribute to others.

I also had to learn to place as much value on my own expereince as I did on others expereince.


This addiction is fueled by deep issues. I'm doing my best to confront these issues.
I think i get tht bam...I found that i am an alchoholic regardless of what happened to me cause no matter i what i still have a reaction to alchohol that is unhealthy physically and mentally. however my mind can use the deep issues that i have to become a reason to start drinking so I must always watch for that.

Sounds like you are comitted and taking steps to deal with your "issues" and your alcholism.
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Old 10-12-2008, 07:49 PM
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I haven't been round this site in awhile and I couldn't help but wince a little at your post. Your hopelessness is almost tangible..and painfully familiar. Geepers, I struggled for years with feelings so similar to yours. Drunk or sober I was depressed...like deep dark down in the jowls of hell depressed. I took a course of antidepressants...and STAYED on them this time for over six months... something changed. I changed. I was "stuck" for years and years. I dunno...perhaps you've tried that avenue and came up empty. Your post just struck me and I just had to say "hey"
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