Old 08-28-2008, 12:59 PM
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The State trooper pulled over a car for speeding, and walked up to the driver to get his license and registration. "Do you realize you were going 75 miles an hour in a 60 mile an hour zone?" "Well, officer, I was only speeding up just to pass the truck that was going slow in the right lane." His wife says "That's not true, Charlie, you've been driving that fast since we left home." "Shut up woman", says the husband. "And you were not wearing your seat belt, either" said the trooper. "Well, officer, I had just undone it to reach over and get my registration out of the glove compartment." The wife says "Charlie, you haven't been wearing the seat belt since we left home. You never do." "God damn it, I said shut the hell up". The trooper hears this and walks over the the passenger side and asks the wife "Does he always talk to you like that?" "Oh no," she says, "only when he's been drinking."
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Old 08-28-2008, 03:20 PM
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Old 08-28-2008, 03:31 PM
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Old 08-28-2008, 08:55 PM
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Designated Decoy

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust.

At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.

Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.

The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.

The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed.

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I am the designated decoy!"
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Old 08-28-2008, 11:41 PM
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A guy was driving along in his truck drinking budweiser when he saw a DUI checkpoint dead ahead. So he chugs the beer, peels off the bud label and sticks it on his forehead.

When he got to the checkpoint, the officer says "have you been drinking today?"

"Oh no," replied the driver, pointing to his forehead "I'm trying to quit and I'm on the patch".
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Old 08-29-2008, 04:17 AM
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Last edited by windysan; 08-29-2008 at 04:18 AM. Reason: i'm stoopid
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Old 08-29-2008, 08:40 AM
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