newsandi

I was on the NA 12 steps forum debating the whole NA way of things and Alera commented on feeling the same way I did and I looked up this individual and found this forum. So I want to begin by saying Thanks Alera for guiding me here and I hope this is where I belong. I am 2 days shy of my 30 day clean time and I went to 2 NA meetings and I just couldn't accept the fact that I was powerless over my addiction and I have to let my HP take control and help me. Well, I told my husband the first nite that I just didn't feel that was the way I felt. I kept telling him, I guess I am my HP because I owe all of my sobriety to myself. My inner strength and taking my clean time as serious as my life is not because of someone or something else but ME!! I want the credit, I am the one that went thru the hellish withdrawls, I am the one that is struggling but staying clean. I get the credit, its me not someone I dont know. I am sure that is what this forum is. My other reason I dont agree with NA and maybe this is where I will not belong here either, is that I have a pain pill addiction, nothing else but pills. I want to have a beer with my steak or I want my beer while watching a football game and not have to start my sobriety over again. I am not a alcoholic and I would never be one because I dont drink but once a month if that and I only have 4-5 beers at the most and I am done for a month or longer. I dont crave it and its around me all the time. My husband drinks so there is beer around all the time, dont have a desire to, but if I want to, I want my clean time for pain pills not anything else. Thats my story. Please help me find a home. I feel lost.

nolonger

Hi Sandi, well done on your clean time. Sounds like your doing great! I don't know much about NA but I can imagine how some people would want something different. Keep posting and doing as your avatar says...

But I wondered: who do you want credit from?

newsandi

I dont know. I just felt a little "brainwashed", hope that dont get me in trouble, when I did go to the meetings that I am suppose to credit someone else for my sobriety. So no one now because I am the one doing it and I am not involving myself with a place that thinks that someone else is in control of my sobriety. No one can control my clean time better then I can myself. So, I dont need anyone to give me credit. But a happy birthday smiling face on my 30 days would be great.

nolonger

Happy 30 day birthday Sandi!

paulmh

Damn you beat me to it NL -

Well done on 30 days Sandi!

3

newsandi

Thanks guys, these last couple of days have been testing my clean time. I have alot of stress and drama in my life in just about every aspect of it. But I am determined not to go back. I'm just having another bad day so tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully I can shake all of this negativity out of my head. Thanks for the birthday wishes, it means alot to me. Without all of these forums, I dont know where I would be today.

nolonger

Congratulations again. Hope you get through this patch. For me, the whole thing about "powerlessness" is sometimes just all about "relax, don't force it, take it easy" - s**t days will come and you can't drive them away, just try to let them wash over you.
Take it easy, hope you feel better on day 31.

newsandi

Thanks, I just started posting on the Friends and Family forum for my problem with my 18 year old son. I think I will get some support there on the issues I have with him. I know I cant take much more of the roller coaster I have been on forever. Thanks for my birthday wishes.