I think I might of found my new home
 

I was on the NA 12 steps forum debating the whole NA way of things and Alera commented on feeling the same way I did and I looked up this individual and found this forum. So I want to begin by saying Thanks Alera for guiding me here and I hope this is where I belong. I am 2 days shy of my 30 day clean time and I went to 2 NA meetings and I just couldn't accept the fact that I was powerless over my addiction and I have to let my HP take control and help me. Well, I told my husband the first nite that I just didn't feel that was the way I felt. I kept telling him, I guess I am my HP because I owe all of my sobriety to myself. My inner strength and taking my clean time as serious as my life is not because of someone or something else but ME!! I want the credit, I am the one that went thru the hellish withdrawls, I am the one that is struggling but staying clean. I get the credit, its me not someone I dont know. I am sure that is what this forum is. My other reason I dont agree with NA and maybe this is where I will not belong here either, is that I have a pain pill addiction, nothing else but pills. I want to have a beer with my steak or I want my beer while watching a football game and not have to start my sobriety over again. I am not a alcoholic and I would never be one because I dont drink but once a month if that and I only have 4-5 beers at the most and I am done for a month or longer. I dont crave it and its around me all the time. My husband drinks so there is beer around all the time, dont have a desire to, but if I want to, I want my clean time for pain pills not anything else. Thats my story. Please help me find a home. I feel lost.

Hi Sandi, well done on your clean time. Sounds like your doing great! I don't know much about NA but I can imagine how some people would want something different. Keep posting and doing as your avatar says...

But I wondered: who do you want credit from?

I dont know. I just felt a little "brainwashed", hope that dont get me in trouble, when I did go to the meetings that I am suppose to credit someone else for my sobriety. So no one now because I am the one doing it and I am not involving myself with a place that thinks that someone else is in control of my sobriety. No one can control my clean time better then I can myself. So, I dont need anyone to give me credit. But a happy birthday smiling face on my 30 days would be great.

Happy 30 day birthday Sandi!

Damn you beat me to it NL -

Well done on 30 days Sandi!

:bday3

Thanks guys, these last couple of days have been testing my clean time. I have alot of stress and drama in my life in just about every aspect of it. But I am determined not to go back. I'm just having another bad day so tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully I can shake all of this negativity out of my head. Thanks for the birthday wishes, it means alot to me. Without all of these forums, I dont know where I would be today.

Congratulations again. Hope you get through this patch. For me, the whole thing about "powerlessness" is sometimes just all about "relax, don't force it, take it easy" - s**t days will come and you can't drive them away, just try to let them wash over you.
Take it easy, hope you feel better on day 31.

Thanks, I just started posting on the Friends and Family forum for my problem with my 18 year old son. I think I will get some support there on the issues I have with him. I know I cant take much more of the roller coaster I have been on forever. Thanks for my birthday wishes.