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Went from ACA to AA - and need to vent

Old 08-04-2007, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by agrippa View Post
CJ 50,

If you quit drinking 2.5 years ago, it may be that AA is no longer useful to you. It is not a life long thing; unless, you want it to be.
Orange papers are a root and branch critique of AA. But, the links page has a large number of links. It may be useful for that reason alone.

I really do not know of a place to replace AA for you, if you want face to face meetings.
At the top of this forum is a list of secular meetings. I do not know if there are local ones to CJ however. I personally work SMART Recovery, but there are many great secular programs out there.

AA is now one of many options for those who wish to work on their recovery.
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Old 08-04-2007, 05:42 PM
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that is interesting; i found ACOA as well to be very compassionate, understanding, allowed for individuality, and very freeing overall. i still go to ACOA. i undrstand it possibly 'derived' out of Al-Anon, but aftert reading the book form the author/founder of ACOA, im really not so sure. both the spouses of the addict, and the addict themselves attend the ACOA simutaneously as most were both brought up in a dysfunctional household, and can relate. its sort of a 'meeting place' in the middle that encompasses all the issues both parties share, whether then enabler or the addict themselves.

the OP didnt say whether the option for ACOA is still available for him....i have two meetings weekly in my area for them. i dont do al-anon anymore but do the ACOA, and did counseling, talking with like-minded people, read books, and used other recovery tools to try and get better; a myriad of things....
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Old 08-13-2007, 09:20 PM
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You know, I have always been very careful to be respectful of the choices that others make. But I left this forum for a while, and one of the reasons that I did so was that I felt that the slightest criticism that I made of the AA program was jumped on and blown to proportions that I didn't intend. In fact, it was this defensiveness that made me particularly uncomfortable. If the program was such a fine thing, I reasoned, surely it shouldn't require such a constant and vigilant defense?

Anyway, though I don't think anyone can accuse me of being intemperate or bashing - still I've learned to guard my words. It makes a free sharing of my feelings a bit limited. It seems ironic that in my absence the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction. Perhaps now it will settle in the middle.
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Old 08-31-2007, 06:50 AM
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Yes, I find this irritating, too. AA really is not for everybody. Everywhere on this site our recovery is criticized and suspect if we're not big book banging zealots- as if we can't "really" be happy if we're not in the program. I guess I was hoping there was one place on this site where christian folks respected our need to have one place, just one freaking place where we aren't constantly smacked in the face with "god" talk and where we could occasionally vent about a program that to me, certainly is cult-like. Auuughh! Vent over.
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Old 09-11-2007, 11:09 PM
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I have no idea how many meetings I have been to and you're right. An overwhelming percentage of meetings do have a condescending tone to them. They seem to ooze with self righteousness at best. They are full of people sitting around and filling each other full of BS. They tend to say things that the group wants to hear instead of the truth. I hear stories of life being a bed of roses since stopping drinking and working the program. I call them on it and I am the scourge of my Saturday Group for that reason. I love it. I've even told a couple of them that if this what sobriety is all about, I'm not interested.
On my Monday/Thursday group it is the exact opposite. We talk to each other like humans on the same level. In fact a lot of times Alcohol and the steps don't even come up. We say things like, "how was your day"? "How's work?" "What's going on in your life", "Did you get your kids back?" "How's your ingrown toenail"? "Good God, who made this coffee?"
We talk about real life and real life issues! I've never seen a group of people who care about each other as much as this one. I have never seen more combined sobriety in one group either.
The moral is a lot of groups suck. I had to weed through a lot of groups before I found this one. They are out there.
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Old 09-12-2007, 12:52 PM
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I agree with what so much of what you have all said on this thread, thank goodness I'm not alone. If I'd forgotten what AA was like, going on the alcoholism site has reminded me. As Lunapro has said, why do they need to keep up such a "constant and vigilant defense"? I find it quite frightening.
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Old 09-20-2007, 06:06 AM
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I think that the reasons may lie in feeling attacked or rejected.

Many in AA appear to feel attacked when the program that saved them is questioned. I can understand that.

AA is what it is. There are a lot of people who are not compatible with AA.
That is why options exist.
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Old 09-20-2007, 10:16 AM
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On my Monday/Thursday group it is the exact opposite. We talk to each other like humans on the same level. In fact a lot of times Alcohol and the steps don't even come up. We say things like, "how was your day"? "How's work?" "What's going on in your life", "Did you get your kids back?" "How's your ingrown toenail"? "Good God, who made this coffee?"
Pink, there was one AA meeting I would attend. It was just as you described. Alcohol was just one of MANY factors to be discussed. For example one person might discuss his business expanding, and his concerns about having to add employees, considering a health care plan, buying new inventory and having the stress lead to a drinking relapse as well.
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Old 10-05-2007, 08:46 PM
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Glad to see this thread

I've had some difficulties with my local AA as well. I attend the meetings because I like and need to hear some of the "how bad it was" stories. They remind me of what I've done. But I cannot (not WILL NOT) accept a lot of the things that are said/done.

I realize that this is the Secular Forum, but I practice an alternative religion. I don't agree with the overwhelming Christian slant to AA. But I do find support with SOME of the people.

I'm appalled that most of these people seem to worship Mister Bill and Butthole Bob (yes- he was a proctologist), and absolutley REFUSE to hear ANY facts to the contrary. I've read the Orange Papers, and have researched the citations in them. There is far more evidence to support those claims than those that are in the Big Book (I guess the Good Book was already taken), or the Boozer's Bible, as I like to refer to it.

If someone leaves AA for whatever reason, right away the rumors start that they must be drinking, they can't possibly be happy, they're a 'dry drunk', whatever.

The elitism of some of these people (I say some because a few folks DO just want to stop drinking) drives a lot of people away. I've even heard that "Yes, it's a cult, but it's a GOOD cult".

I go to meetings to talk to the 6 or 7 people that I can honestly relate to.
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Old 11-16-2007, 04:49 PM
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My experience of AA? It felt like I had a sociopathic, right-wing authoritarian in me squeezing the soul out of me, kung-fu chopping away any sort of outlook I had about the world. It was not, ultimately, very pleasurable. And no matter how much that 'pain' was said to develop me, I still felt like I was being beaten up and that is immoral in my book, no matter how immoral I was.

That is why I left. Some love it though, and I accept that.
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