windysan

For 3 years I picked up a "chip" at the local AA on my anniversary. AA helped me through the early part of my recovery from dope and I thank AA for the help. I picked up my 30 day chip, my year chip, 2 year, and 3 year. I stopped going to meetings about a year ago due to me being too stupid to understand higher power stuff, the program, and whatnot. The meetings started being flooded by sleepy drug court folks needing to get papers signed. There was a lot of dope floating around the meetings when I left. As an occasional drinker I felt like picking up a chip for not doing dope for 4 years would be against the program's policy of no mood-altering substances of any kind. My anniversary came and went and I didn't feel bad not picking up a chip. Every now and then I'll be having a beer in a restaurant and I'll encounter an AA person. Kinda makes me feel weird because I know that the recovering drunks can't have a drink. They immediately eyeball the beer and I can tell they're uncomfortable. They immediately ask, "how are you doing'". I do my best to say that I'm fine...........I guess I try to look like I'm ashamed for being "out there". I don't really want to say that I'm actually fine(which I am). It is weird. There is this gal(a hot one) who saw me with a beer and said that AA is always there for me. All I could say was "thanks".....trying my best to look like an ashamed loser. Anyways, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life and I'm glad that I was able to change my behavior. That's all I reckon. Thanks for listening. Keep coming back.

Mongo

Windy, Congratulations on your 4 years!

That is quite an accomplishment.

You're doing well and you're happy, all any of us can hope to aspire to.

You're a winner, no need to pretend you're a loser

Keep well

Ron

paulmh

That's all that matters, isn't it. Well done on your four years Windy. Most of the time I have no idea where you're coming from. But if you're happy, that's the main thing.

andshewas

Congratulations on four years. That's a lot.

I understand/don't understand about pretending to look ashamed. I know why you do it for them, but wonder about why you do it for you (if that makes any sense at all).

Morning Glory

Congratulations windysan.

Zencat

Windy, Excellent job on being clean and free of dope.
Sorry couldn't find a chip …so here’s a key chain/chip kinda deal.

(MG ~ Egads’ that Zippy looking thing is WACK….. Yow!)

“ I thought I was a crankster gangster, but in reality I was a tweekster geekster” ~ Zencat.

windysan

Thanks for the chips, y'all....and the encouragement. Dang, that's real nice and whatnot. It must work if ya twerk it !!

historyteach

YEA, Windysan!!!
That's quite an accomplishment!
I'm so dang happy for you!!!
And I'm very grateful that you are a source of hope and an inspiration to so many of us!

Shalom!

shockozulu

4 years? Big congrats here. I can't make nifty graphics like others here so I hope you will just take my gratitude for having you here in Secular Connections.

GlassPrisoner

That's awesome Windy ! It can be done other ways, and you're proof of that.

Ten Chips Down

Well good for you for not ...drinking out of control?... for 4 years? Hehe. Seriously, if that is your goal now, then congrats. Your post confuses me, though! You know that AA is a program of total abstinance. Right??

So here's where I'm confused. "As an occasional drinker I felt like picking up a chip for not doing dope for 4 years would be against the program's policy of no mood-altering substances of any kind."

Alcoholics Anonymous has no explicit policy pertaining to mood-altering substances, especially if prescribed. However, Alcoholics Anonymous is an abstinance-based program in which members pick up chips for various periods to celebrate those periods of time without consuming alcohol.

So... You'll have to color me "stupid" this time. lol I guess I am confused as to what exactly you have been thinking AA is all about.

BigSis

Thanks for your post, Windy. I admire your honesty and can understand the feelings you have around the whole singleness of purpose and reasons for not attending.

Your experience is different from mine, but I love the way you present it in such a way that I feel no need to defend MY experience.

You rock. Congrats on the 4 years!!


((((Windysan)))

Doug

Windy, I'm glad you hang around here with us.

windysan

Well, there ain't no NA in my town. After rehab I felt like I needed to go somewhere (like they drilled into my brain in rehab) so I went to AA. I read the big book a buncha times, tried to figure out the steps(too confusing...dang !), and I didn't drink anything for some time. I read in the big book about "controlled drinking" experiments to see if you be a alkie. I found that I wasn't an alkie. Anywho, since I drink beer every now and then I just felt weird going to meetings and all. Most of the AA meetings here are full of dopers and just a few alkies. I picked up chips the first 3 years cuz I didn't do no dope. This year I figured that b/c I drank beer I shouldn't pick up a chip at all........especially since I ain't been to a meeting in a long time. Some of the AA folks know that I drink on occasion and I try my best to appear miserable when I see them. I'm tired now.

indigo

Four years is great Windy and I wish you a big congratulations, it's your acheivement and nobody can take that away from you

Cindi R

I think I may try to stand here beside you for awhile, dude...if you don't mind having some company, that is...
Congratulations on 4 years clean...
Personally, I'm standing at a crossroads...Suppose it deserves a post all of it's own...
I'm still clean, but last weekend..I didn't fall, but I jumped off the wagon. Intentionally on purpose. I had a few drinks to celebrate a specific occasion.
I understand the "guilt/no guilt" concept.
I didn't drink and drive or go looking for my drug of choice...
I didn't get smashed.
I had 2 drinks on Friday...and 4 wine coolers on Saturday.
It was my daughters 21st birthday and graduation party.
I had a really good time.
Now I suddenly feel like I don't belong here anymore...but I'm still clean from dope...
and I'm still a coda...
I took my clean for multiple years key fobs off of my ring...
Vowing to stay clean from methamphetamine.....
but not going to say that I'm ready to never have another drink again.
Maybe I'm delusional...maybe I can't do it my way, but I guess I've gotta try it my way for awhile.

tyler

Don't ever think you don't "belong" here. There is room for everyone. Your way may not be the way for others, just as their way may not be for you. That is what I love most about SR, all are welcome. Stick and Stay!! Take care.

Mongo

Cindi, yes you belong here. Please stick around.

I've had over a year of successful recovery doing it my way, and it sounds like you have several years. Congratulations.

Recovery is a personal thing we define for ourselves, and we all find our own path for it. Don't feel bad for enjoying your weekend. Be comfortable with your recovery. You've avoided your DOC and I'm sure you've had plenty of good things happen in your life because of this. You were able to enjoy your daughter's b-day and grad for instance. I think you're doing just fine with your choices.

Keep well

Ron

Spiritual Seeker

Maybe the true message is that you showed up for your daughter's very special celebration. Today is a new day in recovery and that includes keep building and repairing healthy family relationships.

Cindi R

I thank all of you who responded.
Clean from meth since 8/15/01, after using for 20 some years...