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Old 09-21-2008, 07:11 PM
  # 141 (permalink)  
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By the way...everytime I sit in front of the computer, I feel like I'm in a safe zone. I know that's probably bad, but that's the way it is. I feel much calmer now than I did three hours ago.
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Old 09-21-2008, 07:21 PM
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Yeah, me too.
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Old 09-21-2008, 07:29 PM
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Bam...I love comeing here cause I feel like I am more me here than anywhere. talking here sorta gives me the courage to be when I go out in the f2f world.

What is normal....who knows....I am on antidepresants now and It seems to make a difference.

As I read and post at SR and for me I attend AA...I find out that it isn't for me a matter of normal or not normal...we all just have differnt problems and I just feel less alone with it.

Your right..good help with this stuff is hard to find. I am more able to find a way to cope with life when I am not drinking or useing drugs to self medicate. Some things change and some don't change so much. I have to believe that there are many people in history who had many problems like depression, OCD, Anxiety and all that stuff and no medication, but found ways to deal with it and have good lifes. I think some of them were great poets, leaders of nations and stuff like that .... really I do....

If that sounded like anti-med stuff beleive me thats not what i'm trying to say...I'm just saying I beleive we can find peace and contentment for large amounts of our life even if our society is not helping with these medical issues as they should.

please hang in there and keep coming and checking in and pming and all that stuff! I care about both of you!!!!!:ghug
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Old 09-21-2008, 07:42 PM
  # 144 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ananda View Post
I have to believe that there are many people in history who had many problems like depression, OCD, Anxiety and all that stuff and no medication, but found ways to deal with it and have good lifes. I think some of them were great poets, leaders of nations and stuff like that .... really I do....

If that sounded like anti-med stuff beleive me thats not what i'm trying to say...I'm just saying I beleive we can find peace and contentment for large amounts of our life even if our society is not helping with these medical issues as they should.

Thank you so much for this. I really want to believe. I want to find a way through this. I just wish I could learn to be patient...I know I have to wait a little longer, but I keep telling myself I've been waiting all my life.

Everyday I feel like I'm gaining more insight to my mental workings...dusty cogs are turning...I'm not one of those purposful life people, but I do feel like I'm trying to figure out how I can best fit into this crazy world. Here's to not giving up. Have a good night ananda, DK, and everyone else.
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Old 09-21-2008, 11:12 PM
  # 145 (permalink)  
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Hi everybody. I think I'll try to check-in in the morning. I'm reading the post here but nothing is coming to mind. I just stare into the monitor ...lol. I do a lot of that. Oh well.
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Old 09-22-2008, 06:51 PM
  # 146 (permalink)  
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Hello everyone...I hope all is well. How are you doing, ananda?
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Old 09-22-2008, 10:31 PM
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I'm alive... long day.
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Old 09-22-2008, 11:46 PM
  # 148 (permalink)  
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post from Ananda's son in Bottoms thread, y'all

Hey, This Ananda's son. She just wanted me to post a lil something to let everyone know that everything went well. It went faster then excpected and by afternoon she was up, moving around, doing things on her own. She's staying the night at Med. Center but expect she'll be coming home sometime tomorrow as expected.
D
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Old 09-23-2008, 11:34 AM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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I'm here I think.
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Old 09-24-2008, 11:22 AM
  # 150 (permalink)  
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Hello everyone and welcome back ananda!

For once, I'm having a super-excellent day today. I know it won't last, but it gives me hope to keep moving forward.

I got into contact with an old friend last night and another one today! It's amazing how reaching out a little can help so much sometimes--I really needed to talk to these two people.

I'm working on putting my fear baggage aside and moving on with my life. I'm so glad I'm quitting my job. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm going to do all I can to make it good. Try to take it easy, everyone.
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Old 09-24-2008, 08:28 PM
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thanks dee, thanks bam...I think you are here too windy!

I'm overwhelmed by all the support I'm getting. its like wow!!!!!

Hope I can be there for all of you when things are tough!

:ghug3
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Old 09-25-2008, 08:42 AM
  # 152 (permalink)  
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Hi everyone. Just back from the abyss. I went down into that deep dark place that we all got to when our minds get the better of us.

I'm doing much better, but I got really scared because I just really didn't want to live anymore.

But I did what you did Bam, and I reached out to one of my trusted friends in recovery and the climb up and out began.

Hope you are all doing well and I missed you.
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Old 09-25-2008, 09:30 AM
  # 153 (permalink)  
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I came to this site today with the idea of reading, maybe writing, about what's going on in my head. Finding this forum, and this thread right at the top, it seems I (intuitively?) knew where I was going, for I came to the right place.

How remarkable to find another in so nearly exactly the same situation as I. Trying desperately to remain on a straight path, bypassing (for the most part) the pot (etc.), and switching over to alcohol for that escape the drug of choice gave. Always and only using alone, because what I'm doing is nothing about being social, no, it is solely about escape. Escape...from what? I know I can't escape myself. Suppose it's an attempt to escape the present situation, the present emotion, the present conflict. But it's always only temporary relief, if it's even relief. It's not like I can really enjoy the drug, whatever it is. 40 years into life I'd think I could stand up and face life. Instead I hide. I see I'm in good company here, as this seems a persistant problem among us all.
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Old 09-25-2008, 10:12 AM
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Sorry to hear of so many struggling. Fall....maybe some other things could be how you "escape" We have to face our lives,but we do need breaks too. Sometimes going to a quiet outdoors place can help. And I do the bath thing too....even taking a nap can be a way to set aside my mind for a while.

ZD....I was worried cause I hadn't seen you in a while. I've been a little too wrapped up in myself or I would have pmed you sooner.:ghug3

Have you ever read anything on John of the Cross...Dark night of the soul? Sometimes spiritual connectedness is preceeded by a period of feeling lost and disoreintated.

Love you all and I am having to take some pain meds due to my surgery...but not near as much as I was afraid of. Mom's taking care of me till Friday...I'll be on and off all next weeek as well as I am on vacation, but have to rest alot right now.

Take care!
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Old 09-25-2008, 01:06 PM
  # 155 (permalink)  
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Ananda, Your contributions to this thread are beautiful, thoughtful, thank you for considering. Ah, what is so unfortunate is in so many ways I love my life, spending great amounts of time outdoors, in places I so love! It's just some specifics I cannot seem to figure out that trip me up so.

You take good care of yourself. I look forward to getting to know others here as well. Tyler...Doorknob...Zencat...Windysan...Bam...Dee74 ...et al. Fascinating, connecting thread here...thank you.
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Old 09-25-2008, 04:17 PM
  # 156 (permalink)  
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Hey, zendust

Hello fall!
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Old 09-26-2008, 06:32 AM
  # 157 (permalink)  
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Thanks for the hug, Bam!
Here's one back at ya!


I love your avatar. Did you make it yourself?

Hey everyone. One thing I know for sure, IT ALL PASSES...even the good times, damn it.
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Old 09-26-2008, 06:36 AM
  # 158 (permalink)  
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mmmmm things I want to pass...my gas, my poop, my pee....I'm getting back to basics here!
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Old 09-26-2008, 06:43 AM
  # 159 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by zendust View Post
I love your avatar. Did you make it yourself?
Sadly, no. I wish I knew how to make one with motion. How are you doing?

Hello ananda! :ghug3

Hello, Doorknob! Where you at?

SelfSeeking, do you still visit the Secular forum?

How about Stone?

Zencat?

Am I forgetting anyone?

How are you all doing?
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Old 09-26-2008, 06:51 AM
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LOL!!! You are funny ananda.

I'm doing better Bam. Hit a rough patch. It mostly has to do with my thinking. My mind can get me into all sorts of trouble. That's why I sit in meditation regularly. Hopefully, to gain some insight, but at minimum...just to allow the mind to settle. Gosh! I cannot imagine what I would be like if I didn't meditate!!! DISASTER AREA!!!

Yeah, shout out from all of the above would be nice!
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