S.C. Check-in
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Haven't checked in in a couple of days. Things are going pretty well. I haven't had any problems with the depression since I started on the new meds, so that is good. I feel like I'm spending as much on co-pays as I used to on drugs!! Well, that's not really true, but the meds, doctor's visits, etc do add up. At least it won't be the never ending cycle that my pot smoking was.
I'm planning on going back to NC to visit my son in July. I was already starting to think about visiting my "guy" back there. I shouted those thoughts out of my head pretty easily, but it does worry me. My mother offered to ride along with me, and I think I'm going to take her up on it. It's a 16 hour drive, so it's good to have some company and my son loves his Nana. We'll have seperate rooms, so it's not like I couldn't go out if I wanted to, but it will provide somewhat of a safety net for me. It is always tough emotionally going back because I miss my son and my ex as well. It's hard to be around her because it brings back the memories of all the things I've lost. But I have to learn to deal with it and I will.
That's about it for today, hope everyone is doing well. Glad to see other's chiming in on this thread because I intended for it to be for everyone on the board, not just me. Take care all.
I'm planning on going back to NC to visit my son in July. I was already starting to think about visiting my "guy" back there. I shouted those thoughts out of my head pretty easily, but it does worry me. My mother offered to ride along with me, and I think I'm going to take her up on it. It's a 16 hour drive, so it's good to have some company and my son loves his Nana. We'll have seperate rooms, so it's not like I couldn't go out if I wanted to, but it will provide somewhat of a safety net for me. It is always tough emotionally going back because I miss my son and my ex as well. It's hard to be around her because it brings back the memories of all the things I've lost. But I have to learn to deal with it and I will.
That's about it for today, hope everyone is doing well. Glad to see other's chiming in on this thread because I intended for it to be for everyone on the board, not just me. Take care all.
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Well I decided to give AA meetings a shot. I would love it if we had SMART or Lifering meetings here, but the fact is we don't. Maybe when I get a little further along I'll try to start one, but for now I gotta play with the cards dealt to me.
I would actually perfer NA, but there are only a couple of meetings here, and they are a 30 mile round trip. Gas is $3.40 a gallon here, and I'm working for my folks doing odd jobs. There are 3 AA meetings a week within 10 min of my house, so given my binge drinking, which has been getting worse, I decided I'd give AA a shot.
There was supposed to be a meeting tonite, but nobody showed up. My folks thought maybe because it was Memorial Day, but holidays are a real trigger for many alcoholics, so I don't really think that was the case.
On the plus side, I did show up, I waited until 5 min past the start of the meeting time and I'm going to try agian on Wednesday. In the past I would have let this be an excuse to drink or smoke, but I just came home and am hanging out here for a bit. I'll call that some progress!!
One of the treatment programs I took part in was a Holistic program. While it did use the 12-steps as a basis it also stressed the importance of nutration, vitamins, meditataion, massage, yoga, exercise, therpy, and medication if necessary. I am going to try to actually use some of these things my folks paid 8 grand for me to learn!!
So that's where I'm at...how about you????
I would actually perfer NA, but there are only a couple of meetings here, and they are a 30 mile round trip. Gas is $3.40 a gallon here, and I'm working for my folks doing odd jobs. There are 3 AA meetings a week within 10 min of my house, so given my binge drinking, which has been getting worse, I decided I'd give AA a shot.
There was supposed to be a meeting tonite, but nobody showed up. My folks thought maybe because it was Memorial Day, but holidays are a real trigger for many alcoholics, so I don't really think that was the case.
On the plus side, I did show up, I waited until 5 min past the start of the meeting time and I'm going to try agian on Wednesday. In the past I would have let this be an excuse to drink or smoke, but I just came home and am hanging out here for a bit. I'll call that some progress!!
One of the treatment programs I took part in was a Holistic program. While it did use the 12-steps as a basis it also stressed the importance of nutration, vitamins, meditataion, massage, yoga, exercise, therpy, and medication if necessary. I am going to try to actually use some of these things my folks paid 8 grand for me to learn!!
So that's where I'm at...how about you????
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 45
It's weird that no one was at an AA meeting on the holiday weekend. Around here they're very well attended. It's excellent though, that you didn't use it as an excuse to get high! If you need the fellowship, just try another one. I know how it is, though - it's hard when you get yourself all psyched up for something and then it falls through. Have you tried the online Smart meetings? They're not face to face, but might help in a pinch.
I had a great weekend. I'm amazed at how much better I feel physically now that I'm not drinking, now that it's finally gone from my body. I look forward to exercising now, and I've been getting up early to walk before it gets too hot. There's nothing more beautiful than summer mornings.
For whatever reason, I didn't really get any strong cravings this weekend. I suppose I should consider myself lucky.
After reading zencat and Angulimala's recent posts, I've become intrigued with Buddhism, and have been reading a book on meditation. I'm almost ready to give it a go. Whee!
I had a great weekend. I'm amazed at how much better I feel physically now that I'm not drinking, now that it's finally gone from my body. I look forward to exercising now, and I've been getting up early to walk before it gets too hot. There's nothing more beautiful than summer mornings.
For whatever reason, I didn't really get any strong cravings this weekend. I suppose I should consider myself lucky.
After reading zencat and Angulimala's recent posts, I've become intrigued with Buddhism, and have been reading a book on meditation. I'm almost ready to give it a go. Whee!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 67
My experience is that some AA meetings meet on holidays and others don't. It's a meeting by meeting thing decided by the group conscious (and by whether the group has access to the meeting location on the holiday).
Good luck. AA was a help to me in the begining.
Good luck. AA was a help to me in the begining.
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
I have made the decision not to pursue 12-step recovery. It just doesn't feel right to me. There are too many differences and not enough similarities. This is in no way a criticism of the program, as it has helped and continues to help many, just not me.
I tried going to a meeting again on Wednesday, but had a tremendous anxiety attack and sat in the parking lot for awhile and then left. I then spent the rest of the night beating myself up, telling myself I was a loser, etc. This is, of course, not the fault of the program, it is something I need to work on. But when it comes to 12-step programs, I just have the feeling of being a square peg trying to force myself into a round hole. It just doesn't work...for me.
I have been to somewhere between 150-200 meetings over the years, I went quite faithfully for about 8 months, but it has just never clicked with me. I have enough battles to fight without fighting unnecessary ones. I am not willing to "surrender". I am going to battle this until I find a solution that works for me. I have learned from the meetings I have gone to, but have never felt comfortable. So the conclusion I have reached is, it just isn't for me. I will continue to use the other support I have in my life, SR, my theripist, my family, SMART and Lifering, and hopefully at some point, new friends that don't encourage my self destructiveness. I think this is the right path for me, and the only way to find out is to journey down it.
That's about all I've got for now, hope everyone else is well. Take care all.
I tried going to a meeting again on Wednesday, but had a tremendous anxiety attack and sat in the parking lot for awhile and then left. I then spent the rest of the night beating myself up, telling myself I was a loser, etc. This is, of course, not the fault of the program, it is something I need to work on. But when it comes to 12-step programs, I just have the feeling of being a square peg trying to force myself into a round hole. It just doesn't work...for me.
I have been to somewhere between 150-200 meetings over the years, I went quite faithfully for about 8 months, but it has just never clicked with me. I have enough battles to fight without fighting unnecessary ones. I am not willing to "surrender". I am going to battle this until I find a solution that works for me. I have learned from the meetings I have gone to, but have never felt comfortable. So the conclusion I have reached is, it just isn't for me. I will continue to use the other support I have in my life, SR, my theripist, my family, SMART and Lifering, and hopefully at some point, new friends that don't encourage my self destructiveness. I think this is the right path for me, and the only way to find out is to journey down it.
That's about all I've got for now, hope everyone else is well. Take care all.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Liverpool GB
Posts: 6
I am not willing to "surrender".
I can really relate. I am very young in my sobriety so I am determined to at least give some of my local meetings a chance - mostly because I feel a desperate need to be at physical group meeting with others like me - but, for lots of reasons, I suspect I may also be one of the people for whom 12-step-based programs don't work.
Your post reminded me that, if that's the case, it's okay. There are many other paths. Thank you
I can really relate. I am very young in my sobriety so I am determined to at least give some of my local meetings a chance - mostly because I feel a desperate need to be at physical group meeting with others like me - but, for lots of reasons, I suspect I may also be one of the people for whom 12-step-based programs don't work.
Your post reminded me that, if that's the case, it's okay. There are many other paths. Thank you
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by lavanya 
I am not willing to "surrender".
I can really relate. I am very young in my sobriety so I am determined to at least give some of my local meetings a chance - mostly because I feel a desperate need to be at physical group meeting with others like me - but, for lots of reasons, I suspect I may also be one of the people for whom 12-step-based programs don't work.
Your post reminded me that, if that's the case, it's okay. There are many other paths. Thank you
I can really relate. I am very young in my sobriety so I am determined to at least give some of my local meetings a chance - mostly because I feel a desperate need to be at physical group meeting with others like me - but, for lots of reasons, I suspect I may also be one of the people for whom 12-step-based programs don't work.
Your post reminded me that, if that's the case, it's okay. There are many other paths. Thank you
Best of luck on your path, 12 step programs are a great place to start. Please do go into it with an open mind though. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 45
Welcome lavanya!
I've also found that 12 step meetings are not for me, like Tyler they fill me with more anxiety than anything. That being said, I do very much wish that there was some alternative in my area - even just some kind of loose knit group of poeple who were all working on achieving sobriety in their own ways. It would be great to have the support and friendship, people to bounce ideas off of, without the issues that come with AA. Hmm...kind of like a real life SR!
I'm trying to find ways to make connections with people in ways that don't center around drinking. This morning, in fact, I'm going to go to a beginning meditation class.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
I've also found that 12 step meetings are not for me, like Tyler they fill me with more anxiety than anything. That being said, I do very much wish that there was some alternative in my area - even just some kind of loose knit group of poeple who were all working on achieving sobriety in their own ways. It would be great to have the support and friendship, people to bounce ideas off of, without the issues that come with AA. Hmm...kind of like a real life SR!
I'm trying to find ways to make connections with people in ways that don't center around drinking. This morning, in fact, I'm going to go to a beginning meditation class.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Tyler;
When I quit my nicotine addiction, (3 + packs a day at my worst for 36 years), I used a behavioral approach. Each and every time I wanted/craved/reached for a cigarette, I did something different.
Changing what we do changes our thinking and feelings. The mind/body are not seperate, as western civ has projected. There's an intimate connection, even if we cannot fully understand it -- yet. But, changing our behavior definately changes our thoughts and feelings, if only for the short time needed to get past the craving. I also used humor, and learned to laugh at my cravings. So, try to change the behavior whenever those urges hit you. And recognized that they can come out of nowhere, and at any time. I had a list of planned behaviors to use when I got a sneak attack. Yes, laughing at nothing was one of those behaviors!
And no, I'm not nuts! (well, not completely, anyway!)
Hope this helps!
Shalom!
When I quit my nicotine addiction, (3 + packs a day at my worst for 36 years), I used a behavioral approach. Each and every time I wanted/craved/reached for a cigarette, I did something different.
Changing what we do changes our thinking and feelings. The mind/body are not seperate, as western civ has projected. There's an intimate connection, even if we cannot fully understand it -- yet. But, changing our behavior definately changes our thoughts and feelings, if only for the short time needed to get past the craving. I also used humor, and learned to laugh at my cravings. So, try to change the behavior whenever those urges hit you. And recognized that they can come out of nowhere, and at any time. I had a list of planned behaviors to use when I got a sneak attack. Yes, laughing at nothing was one of those behaviors!
And no, I'm not nuts! (well, not completely, anyway!)
Hope this helps!
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 56
Erm....Hi. Checking in after a bit of an absence. Everyone's ok for the most part- we're still in couple's therapy and I think we're making progress. Our little dog died and we got through it without any slips, which is pretty amazing, really.
I'm looking for a new (well, old career) job, which is annoying, but promising. I am not really fond of change, even if it's for the better. Kind of a case of It's a rut, but MY rut!
Anyhoo- I hope everyone here's doing well.
I'm looking for a new (well, old career) job, which is annoying, but promising. I am not really fond of change, even if it's for the better. Kind of a case of It's a rut, but MY rut!
Anyhoo- I hope everyone here's doing well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 56
So, we're in couple's counselling, and I am finding a lot of comfort in it, a lot of confirmation of what I had thought out problems revolve around (communication). I am still a bit bossy, and he inturrupts a lot and gets defensive. I am trying to not be so bossy (I think there's a term for it, I call it aggressive co-dependence). He has said that he *can't* not inturrupt. Obviously, there is friction on this point.
How have any of you improved communication in a relationship?
How have any of you improved communication in a relationship?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by Alera
Thanks for checking in Dr. Snow. I am doing well today and working my SMART Recovery.
Very good! Where are you at right now in the SMART program? What are you working on? What are ya thinking about at this particular time, with regard to your recovery?
I have lurked at the SMART forums, and if I remember correctly, everything is all crammed together over there, without enough space, and that's why I didn't like it.
I was considering going to an SOS meeting, but haven't yet, because 1) It's about 110 miles round-trip to the nearest one and gas is almost $3/gallon here, and 2) I have social anxiety issues anyway.
By the way, I think I was Goth before they even had a name for it. At least on the inside--not so much the appearance.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 58
i think im a inner-goth too, lol. Enneagram Type 4 (with a 5 wing)...otherwise known as 'the individualist' or 'creative romantic'. i was going to post this somewhere in the secular recovery forum awhile ago actually;....dont know how well personality tests go over here, but for those who appreciate the secular angle of recovery, i found it VERY interesting. seriously helped me to understand myself better, and finally affirm some of my issues/traits. i lean toward a more 'whole'person' approach to recovery, so it really was a blessing to me.
i lean toward a more 'whole'person' approach to recovery, so it really was a blessing to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by Melanchonika
i think im a inner-goth too, lol. Enneagram Type 4 (with a 5 wing)...otherwise known as 'the individualist' or 'creative romantic'. i was going to post this somewhere in the secular recovery forum awhile ago actually;....dont know how well personality tests go over here, but for those who appreciate the secular angle of recovery, i found it VERY interesting. seriously helped me to understand myself better, and finally affirm some of my issues/traits. i lean toward a more 'whole'person' approach to recovery, so it really was a blessing to me.
i lean toward a more 'whole'person' approach to recovery, so it really was a blessing to me.Yes, that IS very interesting! I have a family member who recently started working with alcoholics and addicts as a counselor at a state rehab facility. She said one of the first things she noticed is the frequency of a certain combination of personality traits among patients. In particular, she said that MOST are "independent," "idealists," "non-conformists," and "sensitive." Those are the exact words she used. We just had this conversation, on this very subject, about a week ago. This goes right along with what you are saying. She also added that many possess above average intelligence, and some are exceptionally intelligent. The latter group includes a couple of homeless people and one teenaged girl who is experiencing the severe and permanent physical destruction that meth addiction causes. Thanks for chiming in, Melanchonika!
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by Dr. Snow
Very good! Where are you at right now in the SMART program? What are you working on? What are ya thinking about at this particular time, with regard to your recovery?
I have lurked at the SMART forums, and if I remember correctly, everything is all crammed together over there, without enough space, and that's why I didn't like it.
I was considering going to an SOS meeting, but haven't yet, because 1) It's about 110 miles round-trip to the nearest one and gas is almost $3/gallon here, and 2) I have social anxiety issues anyway.
By the way, I think I was Goth before they even had a name for it. At least on the inside--not so much the appearance.
I have lurked at the SMART forums, and if I remember correctly, everything is all crammed together over there, without enough space, and that's why I didn't like it.
I was considering going to an SOS meeting, but haven't yet, because 1) It's about 110 miles round-trip to the nearest one and gas is almost $3/gallon here, and 2) I have social anxiety issues anyway.
By the way, I think I was Goth before they even had a name for it. At least on the inside--not so much the appearance.
I don't post that much at the forums at SMART but I do go to the online meetings and work the tools. They have a new intermediate to advanced meeting on Friday nights about working the tools in more depth and I am really enjoying that. My friends have seen great changes after I have only attended the first two meetings! This week it is on Assertiveness and Boundaries.
In my recovery, I am mainly concerned with how I see the world, and how this view influences my behavior including wanting to use, and smoke (I'm quitting smoking). I find the tools really help me deal with many of life's problems.
They have great check-in threads there for all different types of people, and we also have great sub-sections where you can post your worksheets on the various tools and get input.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 91
This is all very interesting, Alera. Sounds like you're working a good program. I'll be back with comments later. Right now, I have to leave and will be away from the computer for at least a couple of days. Have a great weekend!
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