historyteach

There once was an oyster whose story I tell,

Who found that some sand had got into his shell.

It was only a grain but it gave him great pain,
For oysters have feelings although they're so plain.

Now, did he berate the harsh workings of fate

That had brought him to such a deplorable state?
Did he curse at the government, cry for election,

And claim that the sea should have given him protection?

[CENTER]No--He said to himself as he lay on a shell,

Since I cannot remove it, I shall try to improve it.
Now the years have rolled around,
as the years always do,

And he came to his ultimate destiny--stew.

And the small grain of sand that had bothered him so

[CENTER]Was a beautiful pearl all richly aglow.

Now the tale has a moral;

For isn't it grand what an oyster can do
With a morsel of sand.

What couldn't we do
If we'd only begin
With some of the things
That get under our skin.

~ David Cohen ~

paulmh

OK, I get the message!

equus

I like it... but the poor git still wound up as stew!!! Just goes to show it's hard to get credit for suffering with dignity. Being a wimp that yelps like a stuck pig when suffering and wouldn't know stoical if it jumped up and bit me, it has some advantages - it's a good driver for seeking less discomfort!

historyteach

Well, Eq, I hear what you're saying, but,
Just because one is sqealing like a pig over life's unfairness or discomfort
Doesn't mean that the unfairness or discomfort will go away!
Unfortunately!

Shalom!

equus

With help it's always surprised me how much of the discomfort can go away but sometimes a squeal is needed to receive the help.

If I squeal (which I have done on SR frequently) people come back with suggestions and ways of thinking which have real effects in removing the discomfort. If I suffer stoically I'm left trying to figure all those out for myself.

I've used counselling, forums, life coaching, managers - all kinds of sources to say ouch, but before any of those could help I needed to speak up. Does that make sense?

My parents generation were told to endure, I choose to solve and change.

here somewhere

So the oyster's murdered, and someone steals it's pearl, right? I don't get it.

Scott

historyteach

My point, Eq, is that somethings, we cannot change, no matter how much we squeal. That's all.

Yea, Scott....that's the message.

Shalom!

shockozulu

Perhaps squealing is your version of the coating the oyster puts on the sand grain?

here somewhere

I'll bet that if the oyster could have complained, it would have.
Scott

Autumn

I like this thread.

I've been mulling it over for days.

Autumn

I think you're right Equus.

Autumn

As a child, I left a lot of things bottled up inside and had a lot of unresolved issues, which I believe contributed in part to heavy drug and alcohol abuse.

I don't believe suffering in silence all the time is the way to go. Not at all.

I don't have many pearls to show for the sh*t I've suffered through silently.

If the pain is bad enough, I might just take it upon myself to numb it the most direct way I know how.

I don't see how it's an effective message for anyone in the beginning stages of recovery. Certainly, one could read it and think, yes, I should learn to deal with things that get under my skin. True enough though, the oyster ends up murdered and its pearl stolen. If there's an effective solution offered, or reward to be gained for learning to "grin and bear it" in this story, it's totally lost on me.

I think Alera nailed it with her analysis of Equus' "squealing". It's one way of alleviating or improving upon a source of discomfort.

Okay, so the oyster "tried to improve" the grain of sand - which he did - but ultimately didn't have much choice in the matter. Do we know if the oyster's character was improved? No - we only know he ended up at the Chunky Soup factory. Definitely not a worthy cause for the oyster - not even for a private sense of valor or esteem. It might just have died with a big fat ego if his decision was born of a matter of pride. I doubt anyone who ended up with his pearl or a whole string of them - gave a single thought to that oyster's destiny or character. I can see nothing of virtue being spared that justifies that amount of suffering.

One masochistic oyster.

equus

I prefer the expression to play the hand you're given over making lemonade from life's lemons.

In the hand I'm given is help and support but that means some communication on my part. In the hand I'm given there's often the means to simply remove the discomfort - to eject it in the way I press the eject button by avoiding aggressive people. My choices are real, communication can increase them in offering new suggestions and ways of thinking.

I think it's a balance between accepting reality and fully using what we have to live well within it.

Autumn

I do appreciate the sentiment of Teach's original post.

You know how it goes when you start thinking. Something about it kept niggling at the back of my mind.

Without a doubt Eq, its all a matter of balance - what we can reasonably bear, having analyzed the costs and benefits of doing so.

Look what you've got in D now (of course, you knew it all along).

Autumn

Still thinking about it, I realized that the message was probably intended to be a simple one and to be left at that.

As simple as accepting the things that one cannot change.

Hmmph. What a revelation.