DBT: Interpersonal Effectiveness

Old 12-21-2008, 12:18 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Exclamation DBT used with absolutes...


Hi Don,

The title of this thread was a welcome sight to me. My life has been a jumble of three absolutes that have been stopping me from making very necessary decisions for my personal mental health.

When I have too many stressors at one time I tend to go into an anxiety mode & if not able to resolve my current emotions surrounding the issue, I tend to end up in a big manic episode & this past August ended up in a psyc-ward not knowing who I was for a couple days or where I was for sure.

I was there ten days & did receive some very necessary help with how to handle my emotions about these issues with groups, one to ones, & my own meditation & knowledge about these situations.

1) My son is paralyzed from a suicide attempt gone is 39 years old and a quadraplegic. This happened 7 years ago.

2) Sold Family Home in April after evicting my brother & his drug using people renting bedrooms to give him more income for his drugs & alcohol.

3) My husband in the hospital frequently every year with pneumonia...almost died this last time (was in August a week before I went to a different hospital)...was on a respirator two days with a feeding tube since he is diabetic & hadn't eaten for two days.

He was released from the hospital on Saturday & I was ITA'd on Sunday at the end of August. I cannot remember much of this but my youngest daughter helped us & my oldest daughter & her husband came from Seattle to see her Dad.

My husband was very angry with me for letting him be transferred to a bigger hospital where they were more equipped to handle his multiple health problems. My emotions were going everywhere but the place I usually keep them...inside of myself. That is why I had to be ITA'd. And I am a retired counselor....HA! The old I do this for a job not at home thing!

Everything is too long to go into but the reason my son is here is because I haven't been able to resolve my emotions surrounding him and his living a quality life in which he did have his own tv, music, ability to ride a bus to the doc & other appointments & caregivers up until he was put back in bed with a lift. He has had several open wounds on his buttocks because he wouldn't follow the doc's orders to lay down every afternoon & now can't have any more surgeries to fix them due to the skin being all used up to stretch over the wound.

The VA decided they couldn't support his living in his own home anymore because he needed 24 hour care. We live in a very rural area so a lot of big city help isn't available here. He called me the same day from the VA Hospital to tell me the same day his Dad was transferred by ambulance to the bigger hospital. Many people in Sober Recovery have heard this before but I wanted you to know how I got started with DBT. I had a month of this counseling when I returned from the hospital. I have read about it extensively but your post explains it in a more understandable way.

I was able to cry for the first time about my son's situation & release some emotions... while in the hospital but I still feel like a plexi-glass is inbetween my son & my communication most of the time. I have learned to listen when he wants to talk & go home if he tells me he doesn't want to talk anymore.

We talk on the phone way more than face to face but that is hard too. I also handle his finances or he forgets to have the caregivers write out the checks so he can sign them.

Finally the VA Social Worker has found a place for him to move to that will be only 100 miles from us & his two teenage sons..16 & 15. He has been in the Hospital since last April & is now allowed up about three hours total..once every shift.

My daughter, husband, teen grandsons, a private caregiver, & a close friend of my son all packed a u-haul trailer last Saturday and my daughter & the grandsons took the bed, lift, medical supplies, etc to the assisted living home he is moving into. My doc advised me to avoid this stressor but I did go with my daughter last Friday to see where he is moving to and what his studio apartment looks big room & a bathroom...a new home & he has access to the deck out one door & the main living & dining area of the home out the other door. He has a micro-wave & fridge so my thoughts are less emotional & more positive today.

The owner of the home was asked to come to the VA Spinal Cord Injury Unit for training in how to care for our son's needs four times...then she will teach the other nurses doing care for him.

Sorry this is so long but it releases some of my emotions that will tie up a whole day for me. I did nursing type work for ten years & then went back to college to get a BS Degree in Psychology in 1989, a year after I sobered up. Little did I know I would be where I am today still sober & still taking my meds for my Chronic Depression.

I am always researching something & try to learn as I go to keep myself moving forward & my steps backwards much less.

kelsh is offline  

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