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Recovery addict?

Old 08-15-2006, 11:07 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
and going nowhere fast.
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There sure are alot of replies to this topic, so like I said before, I guess this isn't so uncommon. As some here have said or at least hinted at, reading so much about other peoples hardships might tend to make one sad or depressed. Maybe that's why I enjoyed the chatting so much. I kind of avoided the formal meetings (not fun) but joined right in on the open chat sessions(fun). Maybe the thing for me to do is to cut down on the time spent on the two forums, and just do the chat. And even then, reduce THAT amount of time too.
Thanks for listening,
Scott
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Old 08-15-2006, 01:00 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hey Scott

Originally Posted by here somewhere
It seems that humor and socializing don't mix well with recovery. Like prying open a can of paint with a screwdriver; sure you can do it that way, but theres a special tool for that job. I guess I was mis-using these forums. I guess I should "toe the line" a bit more, and not try to turn this into something a little more fun than it usually is. I should remember that this isn't some kind of social forum, but a serious place where people come to seek help for serious problems. I hope I didn't offend anyone.
Hey Scott,
I disagree with you a bit here. I am not at all challenging you, just asking you to reconsider your point of view. I am very new here. (About 2 or 3 weeks) and in that short time I have witnessed a great deal of socializing. As a matter of fact, I have made a couple of fantastic (virtual) friends. I am getting a great deal out of this. I have also witnessed posts that people placed with the expectation of getting a laugh. These forums are for having fun and socializing and yes, as you said, to seek help for serious problems. All of which contribute to the agenda of recovery. The whole idea is that we are amongst those who can understand and relate to us. Its all good my brother, all of it. So, stick around, make friends. But you know, its like every one said through out the posts on this thread, know your motives.

Bobby
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Old 08-15-2006, 09:45 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by aloneagainor
But it's not just about drugs, it's about connecting with people. About allowing outside perspectives in. And about learning new ways of enjoying one's mind, the minds of others, and life in general. What's to fear in open exchange of thoughts and ideas. So long as your motives are in the right place.

That is so on target with my line of thinking, Five. It's what prompted me to attempt to move beyond active use, so to reclaim my mind and get on with life. Three, four months into seriously looking at this addiction, it frustrated me to find this is such a monumental process; I always thought I'd give up the drugs when it was time and naturally move right on to whatever came next. Now 18 months later I'm still consumed in thought about drugs, though not about finding/ acquiring/ using, instead about learning/ improving/ changing. Definitely a more mentally productive direction, and honestly a more rewarding path especially for the long term outlook. I've met some of the most fantastically creative, intelligent, thoughtful, humorous people here. Happily invested. Moving beyond active addiction remains a daily struggle, but it's not nearly so intimidating or frustrating as it was even just a few months ago. Even the "judgmental" sorts contribute to my learning and understanding of myself and human nature overall.
This is a fantastic post, and truly resonates with me! Really sums it up. Thanks Gainor.

I thought I was addicted to recovery and being online. I stopped posting earlier this year, for a couple of months or so, with all these grandiose ideas about all I was going to accomplish. Instead, I hibernated and went to sleep. I still hadn't/haven't learned how to live a full life without alcohol. Like you said Gainor, this is a monumental process (though I think it is worthwhile for us to change that perception). Participation on this site is a priceless experience. My sobriety comes before anything, and if being here helps fill the void that alcohol once did, then I'm right where I need to be until I improve upon newer thoughts and behaviors. Alcohol was part and parcel of every activity for me. I think it's important to recognize and accept that even though there were times that being high or drunk felt great, the bad times far outweighed the good, (which were always fleeting and temporary). It's when we learn to appreciate life's natural highs (which surpass artificial highs in their quality and value), and find worth in the lows that we can live life to the fullest. It seems that learning to deal with life's problems effectively - without dependence upon a mind-numbing crutch - generates a sense of accomplishment. This raises our feelings of self-confidence, well-being and self-sufficiency.
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Old 08-16-2006, 10:25 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Great replies! Some good strong words by some good strong people. Some pretty persuasive arguments for leading a sober lifestyle, too.
You know what? Friday I bought a 30 pack of Bud. By monday it was gone. Monday afternoon I bought a 12 pack of Bud. It's gone now too. I should probably feel full of shame and anger right now, but I don't. Actually, I feel pretty good. Not good because of what I did to myself this weekend, but good because for some reason I feel like being sober again. Wierd, huh? I wonder if I'm retarted or something? Hope not, because that would suck. Oh well, back on the horse AGAIN. Or is it wagon? No matter.
Here's to day one! (I wonder if that's my favorite day?) I'll have to do some thinking on that one.

Bye for now,
Scott
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Old 08-16-2006, 11:28 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hi Scott.

More power to ya bud!

Paul
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Old 08-16-2006, 04:33 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by here somewhere
Great replies! Some good strong words by some good strong people. Some pretty persuasive arguments for leading a sober lifestyle, too.
You know what? Friday I bought a 30 pack of Bud. By monday it was gone. Monday afternoon I bought a 12 pack of Bud. It's gone now too. I should probably feel full of shame and anger right now, but I don't. Actually, I feel pretty good. Not good because of what I did to myself this weekend, but good because for some reason I feel like being sober again. Wierd, huh? I wonder if I'm retarted or something? Hope not, because that would suck. Oh well, back on the horse AGAIN. Or is it wagon? No matter.
Here's to day one! (I wonder if that's my favorite day?) I'll have to do some thinking on that one.

Bye for now,
Scott

Bud?

ugghhhh

that's nasty swill
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Old 08-16-2006, 05:37 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by windysan
Bud?

ugghhhh

that's nasty swill
Swill!? SWILL!? Looks like a little education is in order. First off, did you ever notice on the label, it say's "King of beers"? You've seen that, right? Well, it doesn't say "Prince of beers" or "Duke of beers" or even "Captain of beers". No, it says "King Of beers". King. The top. Best. Supreme. I don't think they could say that if it weren't true. Secondly, I wouldn't be drinking so much of it if it weren't so good!

I hope this clears things up for you.
Scott
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Old 08-17-2006, 10:47 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I got one word for you.

Turbodog
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Old 08-17-2006, 07:14 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hey Scott

Wishing you the best my friend!
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Old 08-18-2006, 03:15 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by aloneagainor
Not four months sober. Four months away from psychedelics/ hallucinogens. I can't claim an official sobriety date because I haven't yet gotten entirely away from pot.
Same here. The last vice... I know it needs to go. What's your attitude toward this chemical?
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Old 08-18-2006, 03:34 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Are you asking me? About what is my thinking the chemical of THC? Or about my attitude regarding smoking the substance thereof.

If you're asking me, my response is the same as yours. I know it needs to go. It's not so much the drug that's the problem, as it is my attitude toward using it. Having reduced the intake tremendously in the past 1/2 year (I won't provide details because it's embarrassing how irresponsible I'd become) that it's still there, keeps it alive in mind. That is the problem with any continued use. Especially of a drug of choice, but really I'm thinking all mind-altering chemicals have to go, because of the mentality that they're use is present under, and that they maintain. That escapism factor. It's huge in me. Through drugs it's quick, and effective. Hence the appeal. Which is also why that's gotta go, otherwise I'm always looking to that, or thinking of that, whenever the desire arises. That being, in any time of stress or desire for escape. Having created for myself an extremely busy, active, self-induced stressful life (by choice, I like working under (limited) pressure), I created my own stress, and reasons for escape. Vicious cycle. There are alternatives to relief from stress through drugs. There really are. But how easy it is to return to drugs in times of stress. The alternatives somehow flee the brain when the pressure is on. This is all about reprogramming, learning new ways of thinking/ acting/ reacting. And in large part I've found some extremely functional alternatives. Things I enjoy! And that foster forward thinking, engagement of mind, connecting with things outside of my own isolated thinking. Well I could ramble on but you get the idea. The drug-retreat mentality keeps us stuck in drug-retreat mentality. We keep working on it (((doorknob)))
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Old 08-18-2006, 04:00 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Thanks Gainor. I feel good that I'm not drinking (it's been a month, with a two beer lapse midway), but want to be totally clean. I'm gonna give it a go pretty soon here. Then it gets fun... LOL!
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Old 08-19-2006, 01:08 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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(((DK))), I quit drinking and smoked my way to sobriety ... well sort of ... used pot as a methadone program, and also I was with (for the last 10 years) a very heavy pot smoker (can't remember more than about 2 weeks all up in 10 years that he didn't smoke heaps each day). I sort of stayed smoking pot for him too.

Anyhoo, I quit alcohol about 9 years back, during that time I have done lots of things and definitely did stop using pot for many periods that lasted quite a bit of time. But at the end of the day if I wanted anything at all I did resort to smoking pot. For me, I thought that it was not as bad, no where near as bad, as alcohol. It did not make me do anything that was embarrassing (or so I thought). And I love to be social and talk a lot about lots of things and pot really isn't the drug for that sort of thing, so I really thought it was no big problem for me long term.

I have quit now, about 4 months (cigs gone too). Quit the relationship too ... I was holding onto a way of life and thinking that I had grown beyond and someone who didn't want what I wanted.

Pot is nearly cleared out of my system, I know my head has some residues still but most of the fog and unclear thinking and memory is good now. Believe me I was very functional! I have completed a degree with distinction, gone onto honours with it and now PhD ... but my mind was still foggy and thinking was no where near as clear as it should have been.

I have been exercising regularly, crying, ranting occassionally, moody, up and down. But most of all I have been levelling out and am feeling heaps better, I just know that this is the way to go. I do believe that the pot changed my motivations, thought processes, attitudes and now having stopped smoking pot I really am becoming who I want to be.

BUT I am so, so grateful that I did smoke it and that it was the lesser of two evils for me. BECAUSE I AM happy (ecstatic) not to drink and that for me was a really, really massive thing (um.. alcoholic thing .. um ... pretty bloody major). In the LONG term pot has been good for me. BUT it really did need to become a thing of the past and I held onto it for a very long time, refusing to let go ...

peace and love,
Brigid
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Old 08-19-2006, 05:56 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Man, I just can't smoke pot anymore. Back in the day I smoked tons of it. Now the stuff just turns me into a paranoid knucklehead and I don't like the effects at all.

I think I'm turning into an old fart.
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Old 08-19-2006, 06:17 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Hey Windy, maybe not so much old, but a smarter one? I'd been waiting for the can't/ won't smoke to naturally come about but it's just not. So now trying to think my way out of it. I cringe at the thought of being an 80-year old wandering the fields...
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Old 08-24-2006, 03:45 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Kindergarten

Bill Wison said "AA is the kindergarten of life." I think that is true for me. The more recovery I actually experience recovery, the less I sit in in meetings just talking to 12 step people. I actually start being a vibrant personality that others come to for direction in whatever endeavor I am occupied with at the moment. Here is my view on the subject song lyrics, the music for which can be heard at my my website,

ust Surrender
Something inside is different since I've made a choice, to surrender my will and boy, my mind and my voice. I've been touched by an angel, the muse is upon me, I'm free. I'm crackling with power that's flowing from deep within me. Surrender... Surrender.
Holding the things that I love in open hands, searcing for answers and trying to understand. In the midst of this madness, where can we turn for relief? What must we do to make our dreams real? Just surrender...Just surrender.
THIS IS THE PURPOSE THE PASSION THE GLORIOUS PLAN; TO RE-WRITE THE SONGS OF THE AGES IN OUR OWN HAND. TO GATHER THE GARMENTS OF HISTORY AND FASHION OUR FATE. TO MAKE SOMETHING NEW, TO LOVE, LOVE AND CREATE. JUST SURRENDER. JUST SURRENDER
Bring order from chaos, time from eternity. Give form to the nameless desires that long to be. What matters most is what you can trust and believe; to love with abandon and give more than you receive.
Just surrender. Just surrender.
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Old 08-24-2006, 05:08 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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I've had my ups and downs with this site. I was on a pretty pink cloud for quite some time until I slipped a few years ago and started getting wasted on a daily basis, but even then I'd come to this site to see what was going on. Kinda like the homeless man who peaks into shopping store windows on Christmas eve, seeing how you happy sober people were living.

I would have to say that during my honeymoon phase with recovery I was completely addicted to this website and the 12 step meeting I went to. Now I'm sober but I do not feel the same way about recovery. Perhaps relapsing has made me cynical, or perhaps I'm just getting wiser. Who knows. All I know is that I don't drink or do drugs anymore.
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Old 08-24-2006, 05:15 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Aww.... Skunkape, this is really lovely (sad, but lovely nonetheless). It makes me think of some of our lurkers, like Patrick (Homer), Bfree (Beth) and Hobo. Does anyone remember Hobo? I bet Don S does.


Originally Posted by skunkape
Kinda like the homeless man who peaks into shopping store windows on Christmas eve, seeing how you happy sober people were living.
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Old 08-24-2006, 05:18 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Smile

Skunkape, I hope someone who is reading the boards and hasn't joined yet, reads what you wrote and it changes their life.

You never know....
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Old 08-24-2006, 09:32 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by brigid
(((DK))), I quit drinking and smoked my way to sobriety ... well sort of ... used pot as a methadone program, and also I was with (for the last 10 years) a very heavy pot smoker (can't remember more than about 2 weeks all up in 10 years that he didn't smoke heaps each day). I sort of stayed smoking pot for him too.

Anyhoo, I quit alcohol about 9 years back, during that time I have done lots of things and definitely did stop using pot for many periods that lasted quite a bit of time. But at the end of the day if I wanted anything at all I did resort to smoking pot. For me, I thought that it was not as bad, no where near as bad, as alcohol. It did not make me do anything that was embarrassing (or so I thought). And I love to be social and talk a lot about lots of things and pot really isn't the drug for that sort of thing, so I really thought it was no big problem for me long term.

I have quit now, about 4 months (cigs gone too). Quit the relationship too ... I was holding onto a way of life and thinking that I had grown beyond and someone who didn't want what I wanted.

Pot is nearly cleared out of my system, I know my head has some residues still but most of the fog and unclear thinking and memory is good now. Believe me I was very functional! I have completed a degree with distinction, gone onto honours with it and now PhD ... but my mind was still foggy and thinking was no where near as clear as it should have been.

I have been exercising regularly, crying, ranting occassionally, moody, up and down. But most of all I have been levelling out and am feeling heaps better, I just know that this is the way to go. I do believe that the pot changed my motivations, thought processes, attitudes and now having stopped smoking pot I really am becoming who I want to be.

BUT I am so, so grateful that I did smoke it and that it was the lesser of two evils for me. BECAUSE I AM happy (ecstatic) not to drink and that for me was a really, really massive thing (um.. alcoholic thing .. um ... pretty bloody major). In the LONG term pot has been good for me. BUT it really did need to become a thing of the past and I held onto it for a very long time, refusing to let go ...

peace and love,
Brigid
Thank you so much for this post, Brigid. I see it the same way. It's way the lessor of two evils, but I also know that it has a profound effect on me as well.
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