Responsibility and Brain Function

Old 08-14-2006, 07:48 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
the girl can't help it
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My beliefs about healing are probably way different than many peoples beliefs. I don't believe that there is any ailment that cannot be healed. I believe that regeneration of organs is posssible. I will be as well as my thoughts allow me to be. I think any doctor that gives a person a certain amout of time to live is absolutly wrong to do that and that it erases hope and faith and I wish they would just go be an auto mechanic somewhere instead of encouraging their patients to believe in death. I guess death is a form of healing but I have no conscienceness of what death is so as long as I perceive myself to be alive I want to fully enjoy and embrace what I think it means to be alive...
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Old 08-14-2006, 09:30 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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I think there's so much that's important about looking at the whole person. I remember a thread I wrote about touch (long while ago).

But getting physical information matters too, if we loose a limb it's lost. How we continue with one less limb is about the whole person but the limb is still gone. Denial that anything has changed won't help anyone adjust.

The only 'do this' or 'do that' I'd have any faith to offer is to learn what you can, and part of that means some help when it come neurology and head injury. The brain is a fascinating, incredible, durable, and highly functioning body part but it remains a body part and is subject to damage.

I think we neglect care for our minds lots, it's so easy to take for granted our own thoughts as though they are a given and rely on nothing physical. I believe in eating well, and excercising the mind as I would the body, in fact these days my preference is to keep the mind well excercised - my body had a head start!!

In a piece of brain (cerebal cortex) the size of a grain of sand there are 10's of thousands of connections, all used at some time or another - many in use at any given time. In each individual brain (all of us) there exist genetic vulnerabilities and individual differences, we influence the way our brain's develop and are influenced by our brain. Food, chemicals, sleep, excercise, love, anger, learning, and sometimes damage all have an effect.

Healing has it's place, so does what we learn about our brains and minds. It's not an organ immune to ill health, nor is it an organ that only suffers permanent or no ill health, however it can suffer permanent ill health. It's just an organ - perhaps the most complex substance in the universe (actually quite likely) but it is still just an organ and has the vulnerability of flesh and blood.
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Old 08-14-2006, 10:42 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by paulmh
And the biggest BS we wave around is the "you know, I am able to change - but only you can make me change". That's a doozy. That's the one that allows us to continue to use while our partner takes it into their head that it's their problem, and it's within their power to solve. None of us stop until we genuinely want to stop, for ourselves and not for anyone else. Take no blame or credit.
Or "I am able to be happy -but only you can make me happy", or any of that manipulative nonsense that people employ to shift responsibility for themselves onto another, so they don't have to change, or find happiness in themselves, or accept blame for their own faulty actions and reactions.

Originally Posted by autumn
In fact, I'm more disgusted than anything. You know, I just don't buy that he can't quit smoking or drinking. I've seen him use his head injury as an excuse to avoid certain tasks, especially where reading/writing is concerned.

He thinks I'm changing the subject, which I'm not. It's really frustrating, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'm used to it though.

He smokes, and was just diagnosed with beginning stage emphysema. He's already resigned himself to his death! It doesn't make me feel sorry for him - actually, I feel the opposite.

So really, I think a lot of why I'm even asking questions about his head injury has to do with a certain amount of denial on my part. He doesn't like to read and write (though as I pointed out, he's perfectly capable).

I'm tired and frustrated. It pisses me off when he talks about dying. I'm 36 years old. I'm too young to sit back and watch him die like an old man. I didn't do anything to deserve it! It's so selfish! I have been through so much! No, I don't feel sorry for him at all. I have been busting my a** to improve my life.
(((Autumn))), I empathize with you and your situation. Exchange age 36 for 37, and "head injury" for "cancer" and you and I have the exact same situation...and outlook. Frustrated to the end. I've been avoiding dealing with it just as you have the plague. I have to wonder if a large part of our caring/ enduring their "neediness" isn't out of somes sense of duty/ guilt/ obligation. But we can't get bogged down in that, it only keeps us stuck. Regardless whether or not you decide to remain in the relationship, you need not succumb to his manipulative games. Yeah, easier said than done, I know.
Originally Posted by splendra
Love is not putting up with [email protected]
As has been stated repeatedly, so much of health and well-being takes place within the realm of mind, which supercedes the physical. Keep doing what YOU need to do to take care of yourself. You sound strong.
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Old 08-15-2006, 03:07 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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I really like this thread Eq - for all it's worth.

I have always been both thrilled and perplexed at how resilient and fragile the human body can be, all at the same time - the brain being the most exquisite and obvious example.
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Old 08-15-2006, 03:58 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
body ~ mind ~ spirit
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Autumn I have read a bit more, not all the posts from earlier, but enough to understand that you have a lot to go through and are going through a lot, as is paul and aloneagainor ... and some others here.

I have been through head injury with someone very stubborn. I tried lots of things to help, as did a lot of people around him. I think that the hardest thing was that he did not really understand that everyone was putting out for him, he did not appreciate the effort, concern, love and kindness. In that, he did not put out as much as everyone else and that was the problem. He also had it in his head that being deaf was second rate citizen stuff and he didn't like himself. He was thirty when the head injury occured.

There was brain damage that was eventually diagnosed ... damage in the frontal lobe ... he could not put in place a solution to a problem although he knew it existed ... entirely frustrating for him. But with knowledge of the problem and patience he was able to relearn and create new neural pathways. It just never stuck because he was continually polluting himself with substances and the thoughts in his head were negative. I spent every day doing "counselling" with him, tried to help by doing things, tried to help by giving him the things to do, tried to help by smiling, encouraging, learning sign language, the works.

The one thing that I didn't do was quit drinking ... I have always wondered if that would have made a difference. My husband died a couple of years ago ... from a kidney disease, he also had this, just to complicate things. The last time I saw him I told him there was nothing wrong with him, he just needed to stop all the smoking pot, cigarettes, coffee and start to listen to the wonderful advice of everyone around him. He just couldn't do it.

I suffered a lot with Peter, all his insecurities became mine without me realising it, he hammered me because of his low self esteem and outlook.

The advice I have for you Autumn is to be yourself, to love yourself and look after you. That way maybe he will see the difference and it will permeate his thinking and he will pick up (slowly) the things that are obviously working. To encourage all the good things that he does achieve, like the cheque writing and to ignore the crap, do not react to it ... the talk of death etc., try very hard to walk away from that and not give any fuel to it. Do not react, people respond to things they get attention for ... it reinforces the thinking somehow, even if it is non agreement.

I also think that to take the emotion out of it all can be a good thing, to not attach any feelings to all the reasons behind things can make them easier to understand and process. We can react first to emotion, second to the words and intended message. Sometimes we don't get past the emotion.

Wishing you lots of strength at this time, I know just how difficult, challenging and confusing it all is!! To you too Paul and aloneagainor!!

lots of love and peace
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Old 08-15-2006, 05:51 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Thank you Brigid. I know you have been through a whole lot in your life, so your wisdom counts for a lot. Your words are not lost on me, and I appreciate that you have taken time to share. You're so special, and have a real fine heart.

Wishing you that winning lottery ticket darlin'.....

Love, Autumn
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