How to Discuss his drug use
 

I found out last weekend my boyfriend, my fiance , we have our wedding planned for next May, he has been using or maybe only experimenting with hard drugs. One friend said heroin, but I saw a text where he talked about what looked like pills. I havent questioned him on any of it yet.

I got the Beyond Addiction book and went through 3 chapters so far. I skipped ahead too even though it said not to. I like the book but Im not sure where to start, and how to do this first discussion with him while trying to keep it supportive, and show him Im on his side. see hes always had anxiety. He had an abusive childhood and has been smoking weed to help with it. Hes not a pot head, he doesnt get spaced out like I did when I tried it. He only gets more relaxed. I have always thought he should see a doctor but hes refused, and there havent been any problems because of the smoking.

The last month, hes been acting different. Hes been agitated, insulting to me, falls asleep easily, not eating as much and has lost weight I think. I was telling a mutual friend I was worried, and she told me her husband said he was smoking heroin. This isnt good and now I know he needs help. dont know for sure what hes using, but its more than weed now.

Please dont tell me to give up and leave. Im not at this point, and he doesnt have a helpful family I can turn to for much support. my family will help because they love him.

The book talks about preparing, but I feel scared to take time. I dont know where to start. Can you help me?

Jessica, I have been following your posts and I know your head must be spinning right now.
I have pieced together what makes sense for me from lots of literature and programs. My son is addicted to heroin, and it's a bad, bad drug.
After years I have learned that:
No matter how I approach the subject, the initial response will be defensive.
Nothing I say is going to be the magic words that make him see the light
If I keep it about me, then I stay within my rights as a person to explain what I will and won't take part in or be a witness to
I can't change him, but I can be supportive in any progress towards recovery

Secrets destroy relationships, whether it's the use of drugs or suspecting your BF of using. My personal belief is that honesty is the best option.
I hope this helps

Hi Jessica!

There are all sorts of Threads that Bluechair and Allfor had started with good information! I suggest you check those Threads! Maybe it can give you some more insight? :)

TOD

Thank you, are they posted here on this particular forum? I see some, and have been going through the book one. Fantastic thread.