BlueChair

So you guys know I do read what you write and think about how it all fits together. I saw the topic a couple weeks ago someplace else asking How Do You Talk To Yourself? And it made me think of Cleans thread about The Way We Do Anything Is The Way We Do Everything.

Ive spent some time thinking about my inner voice, and how I talk to myself. Like Blue you think too much, your so weird, geez Blue your smart and did a good job today at work, why am I so stupid? I have a mixed message I tell myself, I guess most of us do. But I thought Id finally bite the bullet and ask, how others talk to themselves, and how it affects their overall outlook, interactions with others, and how they do things. Do you think being around people with negative or critical personalities and negative outer voices affects your own inner dialogue?

I found an article online and I feel its true. I known a dose of realism must always exist too, I will never be an olympic skier, or a fancy chef but I have my own peak level for each activity and I need to encourage myself to meet my goals.

Thoughts?

This article is from: K Hutchings-Olsson

How Negative Words Affect You and Your Future


Have you ever thought about how negative words affect you and your life?

You probably don't consciously examine your thoughts every single day and rather simply allow them to pass in and out of your mind unhindered. But have you stopped to think about what sort of thoughts you have and what sort of words you use?

Are they primarily positive, enriching words and thoughts that fill you with energy, happiness and gratitude or are your thoughts more likely to leave you feeling cheerless, hopeless and fearful? If the latter applies to you, you are witnessing first hand how negative words affect you and how they make you feel.

Negative words should never be underrated in their ability to control many, if not all, aspects of your life and especially your future. You already know that your thoughts create your feelings and you may believe that you are wholly at the mercy of your negative thoughts and their repercussions. The truth of the matter is you have complete control. You and only you have the ability to control your thoughts - you have the power to choose positive thoughts over negative ones and vice versa.

You may not like the news that you actively choose negative thoughts and words, but it's the truth. It's definitely not something you should punish yourself for - after all, this would create more negativity - but it's an important first step to realize that the words you use might be negative and are, therefore, having a negative influence on your life.

Negative words can implant so much fear in you that they stop you from applying for a better job, starting a new relationship, moving to another town and so on. They can keep you trapped in life replaying over and over the conviction that you are not good enough, attractive enough, clever enough, do not deserve to succeed or be happy. It is surprising how many of us are unaware of how negative words affect us and carry on the habit of thinking in a certain way.

You need to realize that these negative thoughts and words are not conveying the truth. They are simply reinforcing a belief you have about yourself, other people and your circumstances. If you tell yourself you are worthless and a failure, you are supporting a belief that will go on to structure your reality. If you believe you are a failure you will not even attempt to gain success in any measure - you have let your thoughts stall you before you have even begun! It is more beneficial and pleasurable, therefore, to switch that belief to a positive one.

If you develop the habit of choosing positive thoughts and using positive words and affirmations, you will soon begin to notice the difference in how you feel.

Remember that your thoughts create your feelings.

The words you use really do shape your world and your future and the wonderful thing is that you are in complete control of those words. Affirming to yourself that you are a success will inspire you to achieve success - you will take the necessary steps to bring about the realization of your goal.

It is essential to be highly attentive of how negative words affect us and cautious about them creeping into your thoughts. It takes practice to change your thinking patterns from negative to positive and at first it can feel rather unfamiliar. We are, after all, surrounded by so much negativity in the world that it is easy to become overwhelmed but once you see how negative words affect us all on a daily basis and the detrimental effect they have on our lives and our future, you will realize that change is well worth the time and effort.

KariSue

I was telling my AS that I am sure he must do this and asked him to consider if he does this and try to change it.

Also, for Christmas my daughter bought me one of those tear off daily calendars. Each day it has a positive affirmation. Some days have better ones than others. At first I considered keeping the ones I liked most but decided that I can get another calendar next year! I'd just let them pile up anyway, lol. BUT what I have noticed is that I really look forward to them each day. I walk by mine several times a day and just read it...no pressure. I don't try to remember it or memorize it or anything. What I've found is that I find myself saying things to myself like "You've got this." None of the affirmations actually said that but I just made that up because it is shorter and is basically their main point. I find that the act of going to it every day is very cool and thinking something good about yourself every single day is really uplifting!

Kari

happybeingme

I do know for me this was a big part of my depression. My inner voice was so negative I actually hated myself at times. I learned by using CBT techniques taught in a book titled Learned Optimism by Martin EP Seligman,PhD to hear that subtle self talk, stop it, challenge it, and finally replace it with facts. A big chunk of my depression has gone because of doing this.

PinkCloudsCharley

Wow, Blue, you are wearing that tinfoil hat again This is so spot on for me at this moment. I am having a really hard time with negative self talk, not just surrounding H but also with myself.

Kari, your idea is a good one. I usually have a daily calendar at my desk but didn't buy one this year. I'm hoping I can still find one, hopefully I can find a positive affirmation one like the one you have.

Happy, thank you for that book name! I'm going to see if I can get it from the library. I find between H quitting drinking and my worry about him relapsing one day, my own anxiety and the lack of sunshine and warmth this time of year, I can get really in the dumps. I have been on antidepressants before but won't go that route again because of the side effects. This might be a good way to deal with it!

KariSue

The one I got is here. Calendars - Products

I have number 4 and I really like it. It was only $8.

Kari

BlueChair

The calendars remind me of an experiment my husband and I did together last year. We had been through so much and trying to find a clear picture of how we were feeling. I created a chalkboard calendar and at the end of every day we each took a couple minutes to think about how we felt that day. In summary, was it a day of happiness, anger, fear, frustration. And quickly identify the source of the negative. Like work, social media, a friend, home situation. Then we would draw in our smiley face for the day. We did it for two months and what it began to show was a progression of better coping, problems being resolved and there were many more smiley days than not. I shared the idea with our family counselor and she thought it was a cool. It was also fun drawing the faces! We even started off in white chalk but progressed to colors. In a way it reinforced positive self talk because I think we each wanted to be able to write in a happy face at the end of the day, and we became more conscious of our moods and behaviors.

KariSue

That is a good idea! It just so happens that a couple of months ago I bought a cute kitchen blackboard. I thought I was going to write all kinds of cute little things on it and then couldn't think of much to write, lol.

This gives me an idea for a thread as I don't want to hijack yours. Just wanted to say I liked your idea!

Kari

airwick

Blue:

I will be totally honest with you--that's how I am. Straight-up frond

I didn't read the whole thread (I'm very impatient , have to go-go-go)

What did catch my eye was "The way we say things can effect our behavior" This is true both negatively and positively.

It is our choice.

I have learned this from dealing with my son's behavior.

If I see, him doing something stupid
or hear him saying something stupid

I have learned that I receive a better reaction if I select how my words are spoken.

I do NOT tell him he is stupid for running across the street without looking, I do TELL him the choice he made to run across the street without looking was stupid. So he is not stupid, actions are.

This is what has helped me keep sober for the past 10 months.

WHEN I drank, I did not consider myself to be a stupid, my actions to drink were stupid.

So basically, when something negative is done, we can show our disapproval yet still remain positive.

*See what happens when you don't drink? The mind starts rolling and just won't quit

(since I never finished reading your letter, it probably didn't even have anything to do with this lol

Have a great evening

BlueChair

Your funny Airwick. For a quick glance I think you got what the article was saying!

Good example too with your son and his behaviors too.

Our responses in situations like you described also become an external voice to our loved ones. Then its internalized. So I think you get a better response because your not triggering defense mechanisms in your son.

I think Im the same way, and its why HOW we communicate is so important. We can increase the chance of a positive conversation, mutual interaction, our being heard just by how we say things.

Its easy for me to do negative self talk when I make a mistake, Im working on separating out the action , from me.

Keep your mind rolling!

PinkCloudsCharley

Reading this again tonight. There are a lot of gems on this forum, and I'm realizing as I listen to my inner voice that it's becoming more positive. It still pulls me down quite a bit but I'm learning how to shush it