seek

Hello . . .I am posting here, even though my focus tends to be "spiritual," as opposed to "secular," but there is no "Spiritual" section . . .

The person in my life that brings me here today is my grandson, whom I love very much and helped raise.

I have been a student of metaphysics and psychology most of my life. I have an advanced degree in psychology. I have also studied Holistic Health.

I am working with essential oils, a lot, at the moment. I have a very nice collection. The underlying premise is that all ailments stem from emotional wounding, so that is where the healing is best directed.

I also believe in reincarnation and feel that a lot of the attachments in this life come from past lives. I have done work to severe unhealthy "cords" (energetic cords) of attachment, and yet there is always more to clear.

Today I woke up not feeling great - having worries and fear related to my grandson. I also have abandonment issues of my own, which are triggered by a myriad of circumstances. I am just feeling unstable today - not as strong as usual and it feels good to be able to express that here, as I have no support in "real" life. No one really cares how I am doing. That sounds like self-pity and sometimes it is, but it is also pretty much fact. Not sure why, probably some karma thing.

I am just starting my day so I will shower and then apply the essential oils.

I also use prayer, music, and other tools . . .

What do you do to cope with worry, and deal with anxiety and fear over someone's using?

For me, the fears have to do with his survival. He is now in detox but doesn't really have a home, per se - will be going to an SLE - but needs to stay sober to stay there, so I am worried about that outcome. I also KNOW it is not in my hands, but that doesn't make it easier to cope with - especially when it is cold and (fill in the blanks - I have a lot of details that I can fill in about my various worries about his health and well-being).

I realized I am "powerless" (I have been involved in 12 Steps previously, and have gone back to Alanon recently - but my beliefs are more holistic . . .not cookie cutter (I'm "special") ha ha! That is an AA joke for those who might not know . . .

I would love to hear how others cope with worry, anxiety, and fear. HOW do you let go without losing hope yourself? HOW do you let go and still have a nice day yourself? Please share!

BlueChair

Hi Seek and Welcome,

Not to chase you away, but only to be informative, I sometimes post on the Christians in Recovery forum, and right below it there is a forum called "spirituality": Spirituality - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information thought u might want to look at it.

When my husband was in the hospital, and then rehab it was probably the scariest time in my life. Worrying if treatment would work, and what might happen next. I was so scared it felt like I was only waiting for the next bad thing to happen, and then when bad things stopped happening I was afraid to get comfortable and trust it.

I was lucky because I have a supportive family and a few close friends. Talking to them, letting them share their thoughts with me helped, getting a hug, having a shoulder to cry, or having them distract me with various things helped too. Im Christian and also rely on my faith and found comfort praying and sitting quietly with God. It also helped me to educate myself on addiction and the whole process. I worked with a counselor a while on my feelings, fears and anxieties.

Talking to my friends here helped me a lot because there were some things i didnt want to share with family, or I felt I needed more outside opinions.

Other things, when I was home alone while he was away I started on craft projects, like making a capiz shell chandelier! You should have seen me working with these little shells and crying my eyes out. But it was therapy for me. I still try to focus on all my interests and make time to be creative. I enjoy this part of my life.

I also like books, movies and find these will help clear my mind, give me a mental break.

Essential oils, aromatherapy are very cool. I also think a lot of addictions come from a place of trauma. Doesnt even need to be major trauma. Wont explain here but it fits with my husbands situation. I burn scented candles a lot, just makes me feel good, makes the house smell warm and cozy. My mom gave me some essential oils, one was for sleep it was a peace and calming, lavendar, and valerian root we tried too. My husband had very bad insomnia in the beginning and I caught it from him. I learned they are to be used sparingly or the smell will be so strong no one will sleep and you will be showering in the middle of the night! A couple stories, too funny to post!

Sorry that got long. I also journal and ramble on paper to clear my thoughts. Animals also, very relaxing and help keep life in perspective.

seek

Thank you, BlueChair. I am also trying to keep myself busy. I can feel tears and grief under the anxiety. I am sick of crying - I have to go out so I don't want to, but it's there and I know I need to "feel my feelings."

I posted here because it is a "friends of" group - I have seen the spirituality forum, but I don't want to JUST focus on spirituality - but thanks for mentioning it.

I am listening to YouTube vids too, which helps some (lots of Alanon vids that don't really speak to my situation but I do get something out of them).

I really need a specific support network which does not seem to exist yet.

It would be a group of people who believe that they cannot save the alcoholic - that everyone is on their own paths - people who would understand the pain of seeing someone self-destruct, but would support that it is their life to do with as they wish (because a lot of my anxiety has to do with worry involving his health and well-being and since I was his nurturer and he will need things in the SLE, I have to walk a fine line for my own serenity of not enabling him or coddling him). When I see him cold or without stuff (because he has lost it all of his own doing), my heart still aches for the child and I want to "fix it." I am also very encouraging and send cards and stuff and there must be some idea in the back of my head that this is somehow going to "help."

I just can't give up, but that might be the next step.

irisgardens

seek--glad you posted here...I am a christian spiritual woman...and so much of your threat articulated that which I just don't seem to be able to articulate for myself...it is always a struggle...until something is clear for me--meaning...I have stumbled and wandered and fought to deal with it until it is simple enough to articulate...I simply am unable to get my points across--so thank you. In my case it is my (3rd) AD in 20 years...and I am just exhausted and depleted...and have finally come to know that I need to practice some self care...but at am a loss what that might be...the activities of the past 10 years have lost some of their interest...and I am lost in my spirit right now...praying and asking for help...also trying not to self judge which is all too easy. I do know that I feel despair over this daughter which is not something I felt with the first two--I had options and could work on so much...this time...I seem to have gone down for the count...and am really holding on to my faith consciously as I have experienced a faith crisis over the past 3 years as things got too hard for me to see what to do...even when asking for help. I am seeing a therapist who I hope and pray can help me...and on this site...although I find that my ability to stay emotionally untriggered is very thin.
I am not a trained psychologist...but have learned a lot through my own experience and working with counselors and coaches to help me be my best person...I cannot seem to get to a place where I am holding traction right now...hoping that the holiday season ending and some other things will help. Waiting is also very very hard.

BlueChair--thanks for your suggestions--good ones.

KariSue

I find ways to take breaks. I have two girlfriends and we go out on Thursday nights every week. That is great 'therapy' for me. We don't 'do' problems on Thursday night. Well we will help each other out with a situation but only if asked. It is just a fun night of dinner and a little shopping/sightseeing or whatever.

I am not a big movie watcher but have started watching some that I happen on. There are a lot of good movies out there and I can get lost in them.

I am looking into some classes to take. I have been finding that I need to 'get away' physically sometimes. There are some free computer classes at the library on Tuesday nights in January so I think I will sign up for them.

I like BlueChair's idea of writing things down to get them out of my mind. I've done that before but had forgotten about it. It really works.

Kari