Blogs


Notices

How Do You Love An Alcoholic That Doesnt Love Himself?

Old 11-22-2014, 07:01 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
How Do You Love An Alcoholic That Doesnt Love Himself?

I need advice! I am desperate, as I mentioned on another thread, my husband has had a "relapse", and I am very bitter, hurt, and very disappointed to say the least. His rantings and ragings have taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally, and I have lost a significant amount of weight. When he is not drinking he is the man I married, but when he is drinking I don't even know him. Dr. Jykell Mr. Hyde lives with me now.

My love for him is numb and dying, and I wish sometimes he would just die in an auto accident or something. I am sorry but this is just the way I am feeling. I am ready to hear your expressions of encouragement and frank advice or talk. Sigh! Sigh!....I have taken many emotional and mental "blows" from my husband, a few more won't matter, unless I receive constructive "blows", which I will greatly appreciate. Thank you all in advance for your replies.
ssenteews is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ssenteews For This Useful Post:
cleaninLI (11-22-2014), CodeJob (11-22-2014), Eauchiche (11-23-2014), PinkCloudsCharley (11-24-2014)
Old 11-22-2014, 11:30 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
This forum is a good place for you to admit your true feelings. Family members often get filled up with emotions and internalize these things too much causing anxiety and even real medical problems.

Im sorry your husband relapsed. I'll have to check out some of your earlier post to learn more about his situation, but a couple things to think about maybe? Relapse is sometimes part of the process of recovering and trying to change a set of behaviors. If he has a problem with alcohol then drinking is probably like an instinctive act for him. Think how hard it is to go against your instincts. I also think of addiction as a medical problem myself, not sure how u view it. But if this was another illness, and he got sick again, had a relapse, would you be as angry ?

Many of us on this forum are using a program called Craft, and it teaches us how to take care of ourselves, but also support our spouse in healthy ways. If a husband is drinking and exhibiting drunken behavior then we learn to set up boundaries to protect ourselves, and prevent those mental and emotional blows from having such an impact on us. But we also focus on staying engaged when our spouse is not drinking. Craft teaches us how to communicate, interact, provide positive motivation to our spouse, encourage treatment, and make our home more peaceful.

What kinds of things do you do for yourself these days?

You might want to read some on our book review thread, beyond addiction, if the ideas fit with you then maybe you would like to learn more.
BlueChair is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to BlueChair For This Useful Post:
cleaninLI (11-22-2014), Eauchiche (11-23-2014), PinkCloudsCharley (11-24-2014), ssenteews (11-23-2014)
Old 11-23-2014, 05:52 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by BlueChair View Post
This forum is a good place for you to admit your true feelings. Family members often get filled up with emotions and internalize these things too much causing anxiety and even real medical problems.

Im sorry your husband relapsed. I'll have to check out some of your earlier post to learn more about his situation, but a couple things to think about maybe? Relapse is sometimes part of the process of recovering and trying to change a set of behaviors. If he has a problem with alcohol then drinking is probably like an instinctive act for him. Think how hard it is to go against your instincts. I also think of addiction as a medical problem myself, not sure how u view it. But if this was another illness, and he got sick again, had a relapse, would you be as angry ?

Many of us on this forum are using a program called Craft, and it teaches us how to take care of ourselves, but also support our spouse in healthy ways. If a husband is drinking and exhibiting drunken behavior then we learn to set up boundaries to protect ourselves, and prevent those mental and emotional blows from having such an impact on us. But we also focus on staying engaged when our spouse is not drinking. Craft teaches us how to communicate, interact, provide positive motivation to our spouse, encourage treatment, and make our home more peaceful.

What kinds of things do you do for yourself these days?

You might want to read some on our book review thread, beyond addiction, if the ideas fit with you then maybe you would like to learn more.
BlueChair, thank you so much for your helpful reply. I really appreciate you saying that: "relapses is sometimes part of the recovery process and trying to change a set of behaviors. "I never viewed it that way. Also, the illustration of a sickness or disease coming back upon a person really helped me to understand, that yes this is a sickness. Thank you again for your kind consideration and encouragement. It's truly appreciated.
ssenteews is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ssenteews For This Useful Post:
cleaninLI (11-23-2014), PinkCloudsCharley (11-24-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:50 AM.