Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change: CRAFT for Families
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
How do you really know what your ex husband feels inside? The guilt he might feel, the pain over having his kids “not like him very much”. How do you know what portion of the responsibility he feels for your marriage ending ? What you feel is your belief, but it may not actually be his truth. There is a part in the book where it talks about how denial is often only a form of defensiveness.
I think if we start detaching from our spouses they feel this, and as time goes on they also start detaching from us. If we start shutting out everything they say and only hear quacking then they are going to share less and less of their real thoughts and feelings with us. Some stuff said may be lies or words to protect their addiction, but its probably mixed with truth, things we could use to relate to them and maintain communication.
If we follow a protocol with very specific views of how an “addict” should act, think or feel then we have boxed ourselves in. As detachment continues, what are the odds your spouse is going to share personal feelings and emotions that could be used against him to the children, written in a journal and shared with a divorce attorney?
CRAFT isnt something you throw in once in a while, like I was nice last week and it didn’t make a difference. It’s more of an approach where we work as a team with our spouse and it takes a lot of practice and sincere change in our thinking. Alloing them their own responsibilities, but maintaining a relationship where we can hopefully collaborate on the solution, and make our home more peaceful. You cant collaborate if there isnt trust.
When I was trying to understand all the different options for family last year, the one thing with CRAFT is it matched up with what the counselor we were working with in family counseling kept telling us, "we are a team". I couldn’t find any other option where it was designed this way, it was all about becoming more distant, and I kept looking and looking and most of the examples I saw led to lots of anger, continuous addict bashing, and usually divorce. Its one of the main reasons I started learning more about this approach. Everytime something happens with my husband and I react to it using counseling and Craft methods, then later I often go back and try to look at how it would have played out if I had done it another way, and the outcome is never as good for either of us.
I think if we start detaching from our spouses they feel this, and as time goes on they also start detaching from us. If we start shutting out everything they say and only hear quacking then they are going to share less and less of their real thoughts and feelings with us. Some stuff said may be lies or words to protect their addiction, but its probably mixed with truth, things we could use to relate to them and maintain communication.
If we follow a protocol with very specific views of how an “addict” should act, think or feel then we have boxed ourselves in. As detachment continues, what are the odds your spouse is going to share personal feelings and emotions that could be used against him to the children, written in a journal and shared with a divorce attorney?
CRAFT isnt something you throw in once in a while, like I was nice last week and it didn’t make a difference. It’s more of an approach where we work as a team with our spouse and it takes a lot of practice and sincere change in our thinking. Alloing them their own responsibilities, but maintaining a relationship where we can hopefully collaborate on the solution, and make our home more peaceful. You cant collaborate if there isnt trust.
When I was trying to understand all the different options for family last year, the one thing with CRAFT is it matched up with what the counselor we were working with in family counseling kept telling us, "we are a team". I couldn’t find any other option where it was designed this way, it was all about becoming more distant, and I kept looking and looking and most of the examples I saw led to lots of anger, continuous addict bashing, and usually divorce. Its one of the main reasons I started learning more about this approach. Everytime something happens with my husband and I react to it using counseling and Craft methods, then later I often go back and try to look at how it would have played out if I had done it another way, and the outcome is never as good for either of us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Chapter One: What Addiction Is
I think this is one of the most important concepts of the chapter:
So much of the CRAFT program is about changing our own thinking. Its about ending the stereotypes and myths that surround addiction and the recovery process. Its about looking at the basic facts that we can validate through scientific research and study, and learning how to strip away a lot of our own emotions so we can see the problem clearly and respond in effective ways to our unique situation. When we do this we make our lives better, we improve the environment for everyone who lives in our home, and we have a much better chance of encouraging our loved one to incorporate change into their life.
I think many people have a stereotype in their mind when they hear the words “addiction” or “addict” - I had one prior to my husbands addiction… and still today If I think about addiction I have to admit the first thing that comes to my mind is criminal behavior I hear about on the news with the comment drugs are believed to be involved… or I think about a drunk driver who ran his car into another and killed someone…
But then I look at my own husband who is a wonderful man; a wonderful husband and father, well educated, has a job in senior management for a large corporation, respected by his peers, has always gone to church, pays all his bills, even drops money in the charity can at the mall… he is not the picture of addiction.. and yet he was addicted after an injury and multiple surgeries where he was prescribed narcotics for pain.
Then I begin to think about the many people Ive met since my husbands addiction came to light – for me, most have been highly functioning, quite normal people who unfortunately went down the road of addiction – for a wide range of reasons….
I find it really unpleasant to hear discussion about “addicts” and what “all addicts do” or what “all addicts need to do” …. Because once again its very black and white thinking..
I really appreciated this quote from the book:
The book also states:
The book shares how labeling has such a negative impact… besides being associated with so many negative stereotypes; it also prevents us from looking at people as individuals, and addressing the problems of each individual; including underlying psychiatric and social issues… It prevents us from discovering what we need to know about an individual ….in order to help them.
Fact: “Addict” is not a psychiatric diagnosis
Fact: Diagnostic and Statistical manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) classifies “substance abuse disorder” on a continuum and has 11 different criteria ranging from mild to severe.
Fact: Science has not found an addictive gene, although they have found evidence of different genetic vulnerabilities….
Fact: Heritability refers to how much genetic factors account for a persons propensity to use substances; relative to another persons propensity. The rates for addictions are in line with other mood and anxiety disorders which are considered moderately genetically driven.
Fact: Environmental and social considerations (childhood abuse, neglect, trauma, losing a parent in childhood, poor parent-child relationship etc.) as well as starting substances early in life also are shown to be predictive factors in addiction.
Chapter 1... To be continued....
I think this is one of the most important concepts of the chapter:
Changing the way you understand a problem changes a lot of things. The way you feel about it, the way you react to it, the way you go about solving it, and your expectations and sense of hopefulness for the outcome
I think many people have a stereotype in their mind when they hear the words “addiction” or “addict” - I had one prior to my husbands addiction… and still today If I think about addiction I have to admit the first thing that comes to my mind is criminal behavior I hear about on the news with the comment drugs are believed to be involved… or I think about a drunk driver who ran his car into another and killed someone…
But then I look at my own husband who is a wonderful man; a wonderful husband and father, well educated, has a job in senior management for a large corporation, respected by his peers, has always gone to church, pays all his bills, even drops money in the charity can at the mall… he is not the picture of addiction.. and yet he was addicted after an injury and multiple surgeries where he was prescribed narcotics for pain.
Then I begin to think about the many people Ive met since my husbands addiction came to light – for me, most have been highly functioning, quite normal people who unfortunately went down the road of addiction – for a wide range of reasons….
I find it really unpleasant to hear discussion about “addicts” and what “all addicts do” or what “all addicts need to do” …. Because once again its very black and white thinking..
I really appreciated this quote from the book:
Assuming that one description fits all makes the problem of addiction seem more manageable, the outcome more predictable. One problem, one solution, sounds more approachable than multiple problems with multiple possible solutions and the often tangled mess of cause and effect that substance problems really are. If there’s one thing that’s generally true about addiction, however it’s that one description does not fit all
there is no evidence to support that there is a type of person who becomes an “addict” or a set of “addictive personality traits” (commonly believed to be dishonestly, self-centeredness, et cetera). Yet we live in a culture where it has come to lump all its assumptions about addiction together, despite the evidence that people come to their substance problems from all different directions, for all sorts of reasons, and get through these problems in different ways…. This is why, with our clients and throughout the rest of this book we never refer to a person as an “addict”.
A label like addict, loaded as it is with negative associations, affects how we feel about people, an how we treat them, and how they view themselves and their ability to change
Fact: Diagnostic and Statistical manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) classifies “substance abuse disorder” on a continuum and has 11 different criteria ranging from mild to severe.
Fact: Science has not found an addictive gene, although they have found evidence of different genetic vulnerabilities….
Fact: Heritability refers to how much genetic factors account for a persons propensity to use substances; relative to another persons propensity. The rates for addictions are in line with other mood and anxiety disorders which are considered moderately genetically driven.
Fact: Environmental and social considerations (childhood abuse, neglect, trauma, losing a parent in childhood, poor parent-child relationship etc.) as well as starting substances early in life also are shown to be predictive factors in addiction.
there is no clean separation between these influences; genes and biology interact reciprocally with environmental factors. Luckily this complex mix contains a host of protective factors too, one of the strongest is positive family involvement, which can reduce the risk as well as influence the trajectory of substance problems
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I believe in the whole work as a team concept and trying loving behaviors towards a loved one. However, it may be unfair to assume that society would rather jump right in with detachment and consequences.
What happens if they don't respond? If nothing changes and if the entire family continues to suffer because of their behavior?
With my son, I would've ( and still would ) hung upside down with garlic around my ankles if it would have made a difference. I would much prefer a team approach and a loving and understanding environment. But, I HAD to detach for my own sanity and the sake of the rest of my family. I had to dish out ultimatums and consequences. I've had to go no contact or insanity ensued.
I'm not sure it's a conflict of program as much as it's a conflict of results? Just thinking out loud...
What happens if they don't respond? If nothing changes and if the entire family continues to suffer because of their behavior?
With my son, I would've ( and still would ) hung upside down with garlic around my ankles if it would have made a difference. I would much prefer a team approach and a loving and understanding environment. But, I HAD to detach for my own sanity and the sake of the rest of my family. I had to dish out ultimatums and consequences. I've had to go no contact or insanity ensued.
I'm not sure it's a conflict of program as much as it's a conflict of results? Just thinking out loud...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 413
I'm in the same place as Cece. I read this CRAFT info, and I think gee, theoretically it sounds good, but then I remember what living with an addict was like for me, and my ex partner's behavior -- which became virtually psychotic over time, and put my own safety at great risk.
He's currently in jail after being involved in a hit and run accident that resulted in the death of a mother. He and his friend, who was driving, were pulled over shortly after. His friend was charged with driving while under the influence along with MANY other charges, and both were charged with felony possession after several grams of cocaine was found in the car.
Both my ex and his friend are now in jail for felony drug possession. His friend's wife is fighting possession charges and has lost custody of the kids after a search found cocaine and marijuana in their apartment.
I broke up with my ex about a year before this happened, and thank God every day that I had the strength to do so. I read these boards to reflect on and to deal with my own co-dependency issues. Reading about CRAFT used to trigger me because I used to feel that if only I had tried harder I could have "saved" my partner and my relationship. I felt blamed somehow, like I had failed.
Now I understand that there was no way I could save my ex, and that it really wasn't my job in the first place.
A certain percentage of people who come to the Friends and Family board are codependent. Not all, but I see people battling with codependency all the time. People who met someone a month ago and now are sacrificing their lives trying to save him. People who have a 40 year old child who has never lived on his or her own. People whose partners have used for years and who have really been shortchanged in marriage and in life.
If an addicted partner or a loved one is working on recovery using CRAFT, or any other method, then there's every reason to try to make it work. God knows, if my partner had ever tried recovery I would have moved mountains to help him.
But telling people that "Yes, you can influence and save your loved one" when they have shown over and over that they don't want to change may be true in some cases, but these words can also be manna from heaven for the codependent. I know. I am codependent and have been extremely self-sacrificing in the past, to the point of making myself sick. Had my therapist told me I had power and could save my ex partner, I'd still be sacrificing myself today, waiting for him to get out of jail.
What a scary, scary thought.
Instead I have been working on me over these past couple years. I have started a business that is now grossing some pretty good money. I have taken a couple wonderful international trips, and I have bought a condominium. I am saving for a little place in the country. I have even started dating. I have never been happier. My life has gone from awful to great!
We aren't responsible for other adults' bad choices. We don't HAVE to go down with a sinking ship. We don't HAVE to sacrifice our own lives to try to get others to be what we want them to be. We can choose to be true to ourselves, without feeling guilt.
He's currently in jail after being involved in a hit and run accident that resulted in the death of a mother. He and his friend, who was driving, were pulled over shortly after. His friend was charged with driving while under the influence along with MANY other charges, and both were charged with felony possession after several grams of cocaine was found in the car.
Both my ex and his friend are now in jail for felony drug possession. His friend's wife is fighting possession charges and has lost custody of the kids after a search found cocaine and marijuana in their apartment.
I broke up with my ex about a year before this happened, and thank God every day that I had the strength to do so. I read these boards to reflect on and to deal with my own co-dependency issues. Reading about CRAFT used to trigger me because I used to feel that if only I had tried harder I could have "saved" my partner and my relationship. I felt blamed somehow, like I had failed.
Now I understand that there was no way I could save my ex, and that it really wasn't my job in the first place.
A certain percentage of people who come to the Friends and Family board are codependent. Not all, but I see people battling with codependency all the time. People who met someone a month ago and now are sacrificing their lives trying to save him. People who have a 40 year old child who has never lived on his or her own. People whose partners have used for years and who have really been shortchanged in marriage and in life.
If an addicted partner or a loved one is working on recovery using CRAFT, or any other method, then there's every reason to try to make it work. God knows, if my partner had ever tried recovery I would have moved mountains to help him.
But telling people that "Yes, you can influence and save your loved one" when they have shown over and over that they don't want to change may be true in some cases, but these words can also be manna from heaven for the codependent. I know. I am codependent and have been extremely self-sacrificing in the past, to the point of making myself sick. Had my therapist told me I had power and could save my ex partner, I'd still be sacrificing myself today, waiting for him to get out of jail.
What a scary, scary thought.
Instead I have been working on me over these past couple years. I have started a business that is now grossing some pretty good money. I have taken a couple wonderful international trips, and I have bought a condominium. I am saving for a little place in the country. I have even started dating. I have never been happier. My life has gone from awful to great!
We aren't responsible for other adults' bad choices. We don't HAVE to go down with a sinking ship. We don't HAVE to sacrifice our own lives to try to get others to be what we want them to be. We can choose to be true to ourselves, without feeling guilt.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
This CeCe....100%.
Of course I don't know what my X is thinking, was thinking. I come from the camp that you look at actions. So while I don't know what he is/was thinking, his actions don't show a certain level of concern that I would expect of someone is genuinely upset that their relationship with their daughter is suffering.
As my older DD said, "I don't want to go over there because he is selfish and everyone else is always wrong, never him. He is just not a very good person." Sadly, I agree with her. While we get along, our morals and values don't match, and as my children get older they are realizing that his morals and values don't match up to theirs either.
I did try a team approach with him. I did all sorts of things, but ultimately, as with any recovery, you have to want it for yourself. I wanted recovery for him, he did not. His actions still show that now.
I say this with caution, but it was not until I began to see how his addiction was affecting my children that I was truly motivated to make changes. They come first, always. Their wellbeing should be first for him too. It is, unfortunately, not all the time. They have learned this through his actions.
Of course I don't know what my X is thinking, was thinking. I come from the camp that you look at actions. So while I don't know what he is/was thinking, his actions don't show a certain level of concern that I would expect of someone is genuinely upset that their relationship with their daughter is suffering.
As my older DD said, "I don't want to go over there because he is selfish and everyone else is always wrong, never him. He is just not a very good person." Sadly, I agree with her. While we get along, our morals and values don't match, and as my children get older they are realizing that his morals and values don't match up to theirs either.
I did try a team approach with him. I did all sorts of things, but ultimately, as with any recovery, you have to want it for yourself. I wanted recovery for him, he did not. His actions still show that now.
I say this with caution, but it was not until I began to see how his addiction was affecting my children that I was truly motivated to make changes. They come first, always. Their wellbeing should be first for him too. It is, unfortunately, not all the time. They have learned this through his actions.
Originally Posted by cece1960 
I believe in the whole work as a team concept and trying loving behaviors towards a loved one. However, it may be unfair to assume that society would rather jump right in with detachment and consequences.
What happens if they don't respond? If nothing changes and if the entire family continues to suffer because of their behavior?
With my son, I would've ( and still would ) hung upside down with garlic around my ankles if it would have made a difference. I would much prefer a team approach and a loving and understanding environment. But, I HAD to detach for my own sanity and the sake of the rest of my family. I had to dish out ultimatums and consequences. I've had to go no contact or insanity ensued.
I'm not sure it's a conflict of program as much as it's a conflict of results? Just thinking out loud...
What happens if they don't respond? If nothing changes and if the entire family continues to suffer because of their behavior?
With my son, I would've ( and still would ) hung upside down with garlic around my ankles if it would have made a difference. I would much prefer a team approach and a loving and understanding environment. But, I HAD to detach for my own sanity and the sake of the rest of my family. I had to dish out ultimatums and consequences. I've had to go no contact or insanity ensued.
I'm not sure it's a conflict of program as much as it's a conflict of results? Just thinking out loud...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
The book has many chapters, we've barely started. Cece, Needingabreak, Hopeful Im curious are you reading the book?
Chapters in the book:
Introduction: Hope Beyond Hell
Part I: What to Know
Chapter 1: What is Addiction?
Chapter 2: Motvation, Why do People Change
Chapter3: Change – How do People Change
Part Two: How to Cope
Chapter 4: Start Where you Are
Chapter 5: Self Care I – Damage Control
Chapter 6: Have Your Limits
Part III – How to Help
Chapter 7: Start where they are
Chapter 8: Goals (and Problems)
Chapter 9: Positive Communiation
Chapter 10: Reinforcement, the Driver of Change
Chapter 11: Consequences
Chapter 12: Treatment options
Chapter 13: Suggesting Treatment
Chapter 14: During Treatment
Part IV: Live Your Life
Chapter 15: Self Care II, Building a Life
Appendix: When its an Emergency
Chapters in the book:
Introduction: Hope Beyond Hell
Part I: What to Know
Chapter 1: What is Addiction?
Chapter 2: Motvation, Why do People Change
Chapter3: Change – How do People Change
Part Two: How to Cope
Chapter 4: Start Where you Are
Chapter 5: Self Care I – Damage Control
Chapter 6: Have Your Limits
Part III – How to Help
Chapter 7: Start where they are
Chapter 8: Goals (and Problems)
Chapter 9: Positive Communiation
Chapter 10: Reinforcement, the Driver of Change
Chapter 11: Consequences
Chapter 12: Treatment options
Chapter 13: Suggesting Treatment
Chapter 14: During Treatment
Part IV: Live Your Life
Chapter 15: Self Care II, Building a Life
Appendix: When its an Emergency
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Originally Posted by allforcnm
Chapter One: What Addiction Is
I think this is one of the most important concepts of the chapter:
So much of the CRAFT program is about changing our own thinking. Its about ending the stereotypes and myths that surround addiction and the recovery process. Its about looking at the basic facts that we can validate through scientific research and study, and learning how to strip away a lot of our own emotions so we can see the problem clearly and respond in effective ways to our unique situation. When we do this we make our lives better, we improve the environment for everyone who lives in our home, and we have a much better chance of encouraging our loved one to incorporate change into their life.
I think many people have a stereotype in their mind when they hear the words “addiction” or “addict” - I had one prior to my husbands addiction… and still today If I think about addiction I have to admit the first thing that comes to my mind is criminal behavior I hear about on the news with the comment drugs are believed to be involved… or I think about a drunk driver who ran his car into another and killed someone…
But then I look at my own husband who is a wonderful man; a wonderful husband and father, well educated, has a job in senior management for a large corporation, respected by his peers, has always gone to church, pays all his bills, even drops money in the charity can at the mall… he is not the picture of addiction.. and yet he was addicted after an injury and multiple surgeries where he was prescribed narcotics for pain.
Then I begin to think about the many people Ive met since my husbands addiction came to light – for me, most have been highly functioning, quite normal people who unfortunately went down the road of addiction – for a wide range of reasons….
I find it really unpleasant to hear discussion about “addicts” and what “all addicts do” or what “all addicts need to do” …. Because once again its very black and white thinking..
I really appreciated this quote from the book:
The book also states:
The book shares how labeling has such a negative impact… besides being associated with so many negative stereotypes; it also prevents us from looking at people as individuals, and addressing the problems of each individual; including underlying psychiatric and social issues… It prevents us from discovering what we need to know about an individual ….in order to help them.
Fact: “Addict” is not a psychiatric diagnosis
Fact: Diagnostic and Statistical manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) classifies “substance abuse disorder” on a continuum and has 11 different criteria ranging from mild to severe.
Fact: Science has not found an addictive gene, although they have found evidence of different genetic vulnerabilities….
Fact: Heritability refers to how much genetic factors account for a persons propensity to use substances; relative to another persons propensity. The rates for addictions are in line with other mood and anxiety disorders which are considered moderately genetically driven.
Fact: Environmental and social considerations (childhood abuse, neglect, trauma, losing a parent in childhood, poor parent-child relationship etc.) as well as starting substances early in life also are shown to be predictive factors in addiction.
Chapter 1... To be continued....
I think this is one of the most important concepts of the chapter:
So much of the CRAFT program is about changing our own thinking. Its about ending the stereotypes and myths that surround addiction and the recovery process. Its about looking at the basic facts that we can validate through scientific research and study, and learning how to strip away a lot of our own emotions so we can see the problem clearly and respond in effective ways to our unique situation. When we do this we make our lives better, we improve the environment for everyone who lives in our home, and we have a much better chance of encouraging our loved one to incorporate change into their life.
I think many people have a stereotype in their mind when they hear the words “addiction” or “addict” - I had one prior to my husbands addiction… and still today If I think about addiction I have to admit the first thing that comes to my mind is criminal behavior I hear about on the news with the comment drugs are believed to be involved… or I think about a drunk driver who ran his car into another and killed someone…
But then I look at my own husband who is a wonderful man; a wonderful husband and father, well educated, has a job in senior management for a large corporation, respected by his peers, has always gone to church, pays all his bills, even drops money in the charity can at the mall… he is not the picture of addiction.. and yet he was addicted after an injury and multiple surgeries where he was prescribed narcotics for pain.
Then I begin to think about the many people Ive met since my husbands addiction came to light – for me, most have been highly functioning, quite normal people who unfortunately went down the road of addiction – for a wide range of reasons….
I find it really unpleasant to hear discussion about “addicts” and what “all addicts do” or what “all addicts need to do” …. Because once again its very black and white thinking..
I really appreciated this quote from the book:
The book also states:
The book shares how labeling has such a negative impact… besides being associated with so many negative stereotypes; it also prevents us from looking at people as individuals, and addressing the problems of each individual; including underlying psychiatric and social issues… It prevents us from discovering what we need to know about an individual ….in order to help them.
Fact: “Addict” is not a psychiatric diagnosis
Fact: Diagnostic and Statistical manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) classifies “substance abuse disorder” on a continuum and has 11 different criteria ranging from mild to severe.
Fact: Science has not found an addictive gene, although they have found evidence of different genetic vulnerabilities….
Fact: Heritability refers to how much genetic factors account for a persons propensity to use substances; relative to another persons propensity. The rates for addictions are in line with other mood and anxiety disorders which are considered moderately genetically driven.
Fact: Environmental and social considerations (childhood abuse, neglect, trauma, losing a parent in childhood, poor parent-child relationship etc.) as well as starting substances early in life also are shown to be predictive factors in addiction.
Chapter 1... To be continued....
This past weekend was the first time in a while H did not drink. We had a wonderful weekend. He told me he wants to fill the alcohol void with happy feelings instead. And he said, whatever I have been doing, I should continue. I have found when I show him love and support, he is far more likely to choose to not drink. Now that's not saying it's all on my shoulders of course, because ultimately it is his decision. But I need to engage him positively instead of detaching from him.
Can't wait to read more! This seems to be a good fit for our situation.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Just a quick reminder that the purpose of this thread is to establish a book discussion about the particular book referenced. This is the secular forum where alternative, non 12 step methods for Friends and Family are discussed. The rules of the forum include:
Discussions are fine. Respectful disagreements are fine too. I consider a discussion a conversation when all parties are listening to each other and sharing ideas. Respectful disagreements are disagreements that still allow the other person their own opinion. Discussions are showing an interest in understanding why another feels a certain way. We listen intently as they explain themselves and are free to admit any error in our own ways of thinking. A discussion is a cooperative effort and seeks resolution resulting in a peaceful end even when there are disagreements. Discussions help all to gain a better understanding of both sides of the issue.
Debates [for the purpose of this forum] are when posters only want to express themselves and discredit the opinions of others in a disrespectful way. Attacking someone else's ideas is not appropriate. Defending a belief that doesn't relate to the purpose or topics of this forum is not appropriate
Debates [for the purpose of this forum] are when posters only want to express themselves and discredit the opinions of others in a disrespectful way. Attacking someone else's ideas is not appropriate. Defending a belief that doesn't relate to the purpose or topics of this forum is not appropriate
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Chapter 1… continued…
One of the things that helped me the most was when I learned how drug use impacts the brain. I think this is very important for family and friends to understand… it helped me stop taking things personally, and thinking all behaviors and actions were being done with a clear thought process. I often suggest people read over at the site for the National Institute of Drug Abuse because they explain all of this is great detail.. but I actually really like the way the book puts this information out there, because its easy to understand….it even references the public service announcement most of us are familiar with: this is your brain on drugs… of course the one thing the book clarifies is that the brain can heal from substance abuse.
Im going to include some things from the book related to the brain...I think its summarized very nicely but for anyone who wants to read more there is a lot out there on this topic over at NIDA.
Dopamine makes us happy. 
Its naturally generated through pleasurable experiences. Its the brains way of rewarding us. The book says its also natures way of rewarding us, its based in instinct .. we do things that are necessary for our survival.. and we get rewarded.. like eating and even having sex. The dopamine levels even rise in our brain in anticipation of the activity, and then spike during the activity…
So I think this leads to the concept of triggers.. things that we experience in anticipation.. that begin to cause dopamine to rise in our brains.. removing addiction… when I think about going home and eating cookies.. prior to getting home Im thinking about taking off my shoes, sitting with a cup of coffee and my cookies… then when Im actually doing this… happy and content would be what I feel.. I think this is often how habits are formed even on basic levels like eating unhealthy foods… and when I get home Im going to…. {fill in the blank} and then I will feel good.
I think this is an example of a natural rise in dopamine… by contrast…
The book explains when a person is not using.. this is where cravings come from.. and when people try to stop using this is one of the reasons why its so difficult regardless of negative consequences, or their own desire to stop.
The good news is dopamine goes back to normal over time, and there are medications and behavioral techniques that can help while waiting for dopamine recovery to occur.
Also affected by substances is the Pre-Frontal Cortex….
This is And we cant forget the Limbic system
… this is where The book explains the limbic system is not something we can control.. its physiological and outside of conscious control.
My feeling.. also shared by the book is that a better understanding of brain function, allows us to understand in some ways the challenges that our loved ones are facing as they struggle with abstaining, or have a lapse… it can help explain why a person is moody, agitated, depressed… it can help explain why he used again when he promised he wouldn’t… its not about us… these behaviors don’t mean our loved one doesn’t care about us, or has intentionally lied to us…
And also important is the understanding that the brain will heal over time.. Impulse control, ability to reason and make considered decisions returns. Research has shown learning new habits and replacing the old ones changes the brain… good news !
One of the things that helped me the most was when I learned how drug use impacts the brain. I think this is very important for family and friends to understand… it helped me stop taking things personally, and thinking all behaviors and actions were being done with a clear thought process. I often suggest people read over at the site for the National Institute of Drug Abuse because they explain all of this is great detail.. but I actually really like the way the book puts this information out there, because its easy to understand….it even references the public service announcement most of us are familiar with: this is your brain on drugs… of course the one thing the book clarifies is that the brain can heal from substance abuse.
…Some understanding of neurotransmitters and brain function function can help family respond constructively to your loved ones moods, cravings, and behaviors. It may also help you take behavior less personally
Is she acting irresponsibly , or is it the substance affecting the cerebral cortex in a particular way. Is it hedomism or dopamine run amok?
The brain’s reward system and pleasure centers - the areas most impacted by substance use and compulsive behaviors – have a high concentration of dopamine.
Its naturally generated through pleasurable experiences. Its the brains way of rewarding us. The book says its also natures way of rewarding us, its based in instinct .. we do things that are necessary for our survival.. and we get rewarded.. like eating and even having sex. The dopamine levels even rise in our brain in anticipation of the activity, and then spike during the activity…
So I think this leads to the concept of triggers.. things that we experience in anticipation.. that begin to cause dopamine to rise in our brains.. removing addiction… when I think about going home and eating cookies.. prior to getting home Im thinking about taking off my shoes, sitting with a cup of coffee and my cookies… then when Im actually doing this… happy and content would be what I feel.. I think this is often how habits are formed even on basic levels like eating unhealthy foods… and when I get home Im going to…. {fill in the blank} and then I will feel good.
I think this is an example of a natural rise in dopamine… by contrast…
Drugs and alcohol (& certain behaviors) turn on a gushing fire hose of dopamine in the brain. And we feel good, even euphoric. Dopamine produced by these artificial means, however throws our pleasure and reward system out of whack immediately. Flooding the brain repeatedly with dopamine has long term effects and creates a tolerance – we lose our ability to produce or absorb our own dopamine and need more of the artificial just to feel normal
on a deep instinctual level, their brains are telling them that by stopping using, something is missing, something is wrong. This is a huge factor in relapse, despite good intentions and efforts to change
Also affected by substances is the Pre-Frontal Cortex….
This is
where we assess risks, weigh consequences, and make plans – in other words make considered decisions. It manages input from other parts of the brain like the limbic system and body regions, and has been dubbed the “breaking system of the brain” because it makes possible the judgments and decisions that go along with saying no to an impulse. When flooded with a substance, this part of the brain basically shuts down
… this is where
our sense of drive and urgency comes from, generated through emotions, motivation, and in some way the formation of memories
My feeling.. also shared by the book is that a better understanding of brain function, allows us to understand in some ways the challenges that our loved ones are facing as they struggle with abstaining, or have a lapse… it can help explain why a person is moody, agitated, depressed… it can help explain why he used again when he promised he wouldn’t… its not about us… these behaviors don’t mean our loved one doesn’t care about us, or has intentionally lied to us…
And also important is the understanding that the brain will heal over time.. Impulse control, ability to reason and make considered decisions returns. Research has shown learning new habits and replacing the old ones changes the brain… good news !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I just wanted everyone to know... for those people reading the book.. please feel free to jump in and post about chapters... I just wanted to get the ball rolling because we had been talking about it in our other threads.. and I was asked to do it... LOL...
I thought it might be helpful to share some of the basics.. so that's what Ive been trying to do..
Each chapter is self contained for the most part, so if anyone wants to skip around.. please feel free.. or if people would like to adopt a chapter.. we could do this too and split it up.. there is no rush either.. hopefully library books can also be renewed.. LOL
I thought it might be helpful to share some of the basics.. so that's what Ive been trying to do..
Each chapter is self contained for the most part, so if anyone wants to skip around.. please feel free.. or if people would like to adopt a chapter.. we could do this too and split it up.. there is no rush either.. hopefully library books can also be renewed.. LOL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by soverylost
Great summary, Allfor! I know why my H drinks, as does he. It's not just "because he's an alcoholic ", he has has some real traumas that he has not worked through. Our counsellor said drinking is only 25% of the problem, but he can't fix the 75% until he stops.
This past weekend was the first time in a while H did not drink. We had a wonderful weekend. He told me he wants to fill the alcohol void with happy feelings instead. And he said, whatever I have been doing, I should continue. I have found when I show him love and support, he is far more likely to choose to not drink. Now that's not saying it's all on my shoulders of course, because ultimately it is his decision. But I need to engage him positively instead of detaching from him.
Can't wait to read more! This seems to be a good fit for our situation.
This past weekend was the first time in a while H did not drink. We had a wonderful weekend. He told me he wants to fill the alcohol void with happy feelings instead. And he said, whatever I have been doing, I should continue. I have found when I show him love and support, he is far more likely to choose to not drink. Now that's not saying it's all on my shoulders of course, because ultimately it is his decision. But I need to engage him positively instead of detaching from him.
Can't wait to read more! This seems to be a good fit for our situation.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Originally Posted by BlueChair
The book has many chapters, we've barely started. Cece, Needingabreak, Hopeful Im curious are you reading the book?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
The Illusory 'Choice'
The Insight to beat all Insights, IMO. From Post #51:
-----
Book Quote:
'Drugs and alcohol (& certain behaviors) turn on a gushing fire hose of dopamine in the brain. And we feel good, even euphoric. Dopamine produced by these artificial means, however throws our pleasure and reward system out of whack immediately. Flooding the brain repeatedly with dopamine has long term effects and creates a tolerance – we lose our ability to produce or absorb our own dopamine and need more of the artificial just to feel normal.'
Allforcnm:
The book explains when a person is not using.. this is where cravings come from.. and when people try to stop using this is one of the reasons why its so difficult regardless of negative consequences, or their own desire to stop.
Book Quote:
'On a deep instinctual level, their brains are telling them that by stopping using, something is missing, something is wrong. This is a huge factor in relapse, despite good intentions and efforts to change.'
-----
If I could invent a Magic Helmet that, when worn, would 'infuse' this keen Insight into anyone who wore it, I would gladly do so. So many 'Friends & Family' Stories here languish in the POV that 'What [he's] doing is a Choice. Why is [he] making such poor Choices, and ruining everything in and around [his] Life?' That 'understanding' of illusory 'Choice' is like a Vortex spiraling down the Bathtub Drain. IMO, that Vortex takes true understanding with it right down the proverbial Drain. Fundamental misunderstanding, and contempt for the Addict, follow. IMO, these are vestigial, 'Blame Game' Judgments leftover from conveniently demonizing Addicts, and assigning Character Defects as the Root Cause of Addiction. Tidy, but completely off-base if one seeks true understanding.
The answer, which I've wanted to shout out so many times while reading - in a manner of speaking - is: 'Because it's not a Choice!'
The first side of the proverbial Coin are the many Insights in the Book, and those shared in this Thread. A valuable Public Service, BTW.
The other side of the [not] Choice 'Coin' is raging Physical Dependency. If I didn't hit one of several 1.75 L Handles of Vodka I had stashed around about every 3 or 4 hours on my final 24/7 Drinking Schedule Of Insanity, I just ached. Profoundly. I'd be driving to the Dog Park thinking 'I'm not going to hit that Liquor Store, I'm not going to hit that Liquor Store.' Then -> BAM!. I'm in the Liquor Store. No grand, unique Revelation, here. This is common experience for many. However, that 'involuntary' Liquor Store stop was not a Choice. It was a Physiological imperative. Drink continuously, or be in serious, actual Pain.
Being 1/2 Scottish & 1/2 Polish, according to my Adoption Papers, I'm a born Drinking Machine. I embrace the Genetic Model a bit, but back the Behavioral Model Solution; regardless of Addiction Causality. So, this Thread sensibility, and Book POV, speaks to me.
Now 10 months in, I had a great >1 hour-long Convo with a Fella at the Dog Park about Western Colorado where I designed and built our Solar Retirement House. Just on that basis, I took to him as a casual Pal. Then, I find out he's a Drug/Alcohol Counselor. Of the many subsequent Insights in this long Convo, he firmly stated his amazement that I could just up and quit Drinking after Decades. He said he finds Alcohol to be more problematic/Addictive than Heroin. In his Work anyway... He gave me his Biz Card, but told me I'm not wrestling with the Issues most of his Clients are. I'm old. I'm done. My vision is to perhaps look him up if I stumble off my Big Plan at some point, and need his 3rd Person perspective. Presently, SR is all I need.
I really do wish the knowledge here were widespread Insight. It might somehow lessen the disheartening obstacles that Addicts, Partners, and Families struggle against. I applaud the efforts to get this Message out via this Thread.
When true understanding on aspects of the Topics herein are integrated, it's like when 'Wizard Of Oz' transitions from b/w to Color.
Knowledge Is Power.
-----
-----
Book Quote:
'Drugs and alcohol (& certain behaviors) turn on a gushing fire hose of dopamine in the brain. And we feel good, even euphoric. Dopamine produced by these artificial means, however throws our pleasure and reward system out of whack immediately. Flooding the brain repeatedly with dopamine has long term effects and creates a tolerance – we lose our ability to produce or absorb our own dopamine and need more of the artificial just to feel normal.'
Allforcnm:
The book explains when a person is not using.. this is where cravings come from.. and when people try to stop using this is one of the reasons why its so difficult regardless of negative consequences, or their own desire to stop.
Book Quote:
'On a deep instinctual level, their brains are telling them that by stopping using, something is missing, something is wrong. This is a huge factor in relapse, despite good intentions and efforts to change.'
-----
If I could invent a Magic Helmet that, when worn, would 'infuse' this keen Insight into anyone who wore it, I would gladly do so. So many 'Friends & Family' Stories here languish in the POV that 'What [he's] doing is a Choice. Why is [he] making such poor Choices, and ruining everything in and around [his] Life?' That 'understanding' of illusory 'Choice' is like a Vortex spiraling down the Bathtub Drain. IMO, that Vortex takes true understanding with it right down the proverbial Drain. Fundamental misunderstanding, and contempt for the Addict, follow. IMO, these are vestigial, 'Blame Game' Judgments leftover from conveniently demonizing Addicts, and assigning Character Defects as the Root Cause of Addiction. Tidy, but completely off-base if one seeks true understanding.
The answer, which I've wanted to shout out so many times while reading - in a manner of speaking - is: 'Because it's not a Choice!'
The first side of the proverbial Coin are the many Insights in the Book, and those shared in this Thread. A valuable Public Service, BTW.
The other side of the [not] Choice 'Coin' is raging Physical Dependency. If I didn't hit one of several 1.75 L Handles of Vodka I had stashed around about every 3 or 4 hours on my final 24/7 Drinking Schedule Of Insanity, I just ached. Profoundly. I'd be driving to the Dog Park thinking 'I'm not going to hit that Liquor Store, I'm not going to hit that Liquor Store.' Then -> BAM!. I'm in the Liquor Store. No grand, unique Revelation, here. This is common experience for many. However, that 'involuntary' Liquor Store stop was not a Choice. It was a Physiological imperative. Drink continuously, or be in serious, actual Pain.
Being 1/2 Scottish & 1/2 Polish, according to my Adoption Papers, I'm a born Drinking Machine. I embrace the Genetic Model a bit, but back the Behavioral Model Solution; regardless of Addiction Causality. So, this Thread sensibility, and Book POV, speaks to me.
Now 10 months in, I had a great >1 hour-long Convo with a Fella at the Dog Park about Western Colorado where I designed and built our Solar Retirement House. Just on that basis, I took to him as a casual Pal. Then, I find out he's a Drug/Alcohol Counselor. Of the many subsequent Insights in this long Convo, he firmly stated his amazement that I could just up and quit Drinking after Decades. He said he finds Alcohol to be more problematic/Addictive than Heroin. In his Work anyway... He gave me his Biz Card, but told me I'm not wrestling with the Issues most of his Clients are. I'm old. I'm done. My vision is to perhaps look him up if I stumble off my Big Plan at some point, and need his 3rd Person perspective. Presently, SR is all I need.
I really do wish the knowledge here were widespread Insight. It might somehow lessen the disheartening obstacles that Addicts, Partners, and Families struggle against. I applaud the efforts to get this Message out via this Thread.
When true understanding on aspects of the Topics herein are integrated, it's like when 'Wizard Of Oz' transitions from b/w to Color.
Knowledge Is Power.
-----
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Thank you for posting MesaMan... I agree with everything that you said too.
Im very happy your here on SR, and happy to hear you'v found a plan that works for you. If you run into the counselor in the dog park again you will have to ask him if he's heard about Community Reinforcement and Family Training, and if not YOU can tell him about it.. I bet he would be impressed.
The therapist I was assigned at my husbands non 12 step rehab suggested it to me. She gave me books to read.. the first one was Get Your Loved One Sober Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, Threatening.. by Robert J Meyers.. and its the same CRAFT approach, but sort of the original plan.. this book advances.. because this program changes as our knowledge continues to grow on what works for addiction and behavioral therapies for both substance abusers and their loved ones.
Also wanted to share.. just because you were saying it would be great if the approach was more widespread.. CRAFT has been incorporated into the family program over at Smart Recovery.. they use this along with their on behavioral therapy tools .. helping people manage thoughts, feelings, weigh options, etc.
They have been growing quite rapidly - just celebrated 20 years... and offer online support meetings for family as well as a growing number of face to face meetings just for family where CRAFT is discussed.
It has taken time however.. because I think one of the first post I shared from the book, the United States didn't focus highly on research and evidence based approaches until the 1970's.. and then of course it takes time to gather data, and do studies.. to get the evidence for validation.
My husband also read this book and found a lot in there for himself .. and he also agreed with the philosophy for family.. he has just over 2.5 years free of prescription drugs.... I give the concept a lot of credit for keeping me on the right path of thinking and actions in/out of the scope of addiction.
sorry this got so long.. but thank you for sharing.. please continue..
Im very happy your here on SR, and happy to hear you'v found a plan that works for you. If you run into the counselor in the dog park again you will have to ask him if he's heard about Community Reinforcement and Family Training, and if not YOU can tell him about it..
I bet he would be impressed.The therapist I was assigned at my husbands non 12 step rehab suggested it to me. She gave me books to read.. the first one was Get Your Loved One Sober Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, Threatening.. by Robert J Meyers.. and its the same CRAFT approach, but sort of the original plan.. this book advances.. because this program changes as our knowledge continues to grow on what works for addiction and behavioral therapies for both substance abusers and their loved ones.
Also wanted to share.. just because you were saying it would be great if the approach was more widespread.. CRAFT has been incorporated into the family program over at Smart Recovery.. they use this along with their on behavioral therapy tools .. helping people manage thoughts, feelings, weigh options, etc.
They have been growing quite rapidly - just celebrated 20 years... and offer online support meetings for family as well as a growing number of face to face meetings just for family where CRAFT is discussed.
It has taken time however.. because I think one of the first post I shared from the book, the United States didn't focus highly on research and evidence based approaches until the 1970's.. and then of course it takes time to gather data, and do studies.. to get the evidence for validation.
My husband also read this book and found a lot in there for himself .. and he also agreed with the philosophy for family.. he has just over 2.5 years free of prescription drugs.... I give the concept a lot of credit for keeping me on the right path of thinking and actions in/out of the scope of addiction.
sorry this got so long.. but thank you for sharing.. please continue..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
I never asked him but I think my BF's therapist is well-trained in CRAFT and uses it a lot as far as communication and CBT goes. Months ago when I said I was being detached and hands-off with my BF's recovery he asked me, "are you that kind of person? Would you do that with other friends or family?" I said no. He told me to be who I am and that when I see him deteriorating or in negative thought and behavior patterns, it is okay to say something, but to frame it in "I" statements. I've been to a lot of therapy myself so I know all about "I" statements. LOL
I still sometimes get confused as to what things I should be taking care of and speaking up about and what I should leave to him. None of us are perfect. It can be really difficult to find a balance, but I do know that love and kindness never hurt anyone, and that's the way I try to deal with things in all areas of my life. It has made me look at MY motivations for why I say and do things more. That is a good thing.
My BF just recently had a very scary relapse and I emailed his therapist right away. He reminded me that whatever blaming was going on was the talk of an alcoholic who's in a really bad place in his life. That helped a lot too. To separate fact from fiction and try not to take things personally. It is a completely different approach than something like alanon. In my own recovery I use the Women for Sobriety program which integrates the behavioral with the spiritual and psychological. It's empowering, and I think SMART and CRAFT are too.
Thanks for listening.
I still sometimes get confused as to what things I should be taking care of and speaking up about and what I should leave to him. None of us are perfect. It can be really difficult to find a balance, but I do know that love and kindness never hurt anyone, and that's the way I try to deal with things in all areas of my life. It has made me look at MY motivations for why I say and do things more. That is a good thing.
My BF just recently had a very scary relapse and I emailed his therapist right away. He reminded me that whatever blaming was going on was the talk of an alcoholic who's in a really bad place in his life. That helped a lot too. To separate fact from fiction and try not to take things personally. It is a completely different approach than something like alanon. In my own recovery I use the Women for Sobriety program which integrates the behavioral with the spiritual and psychological. It's empowering, and I think SMART and CRAFT are too.
Thanks for listening.
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
sooooo..... the addict in my life adamantly does not want my help with recovery. how would a program/approach which is about getting a loved one sober work if the person isn't receptive?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by Lovenjoy
sooooo..... the addict in my life adamantly does not want my help with recovery. how would a program/approach which is about getting a loved one sober work if the person isn't receptive?
What strategies would help him stop?
Keep Reading !
But for now just bear in mind:
1. Its different for different people
2. It matters what he thinks will help too
3 .It matters what research has shown to help
Keep Reading !
But for now just bear in mind:
1. Its different for different people
2. It matters what he thinks will help too
3 .It matters what research has shown to help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I know you will all be excited.. this is the end of MY thoughts on Chapter 1.
What is Addiction? Part II – What Does it Mean in my house?
1. Is your loved ones substance abuse causing problems that you find unacceptable?
The book begins by saying the definition of a problem is different for everyone, and there can be problems in the home regardless of what type of substance is being used, or what amount.
What matters in a relationship.. in the home.. is defining the negative consequences suffered by each individual in the family unit, the person using the substance.. and family members.
The book goes on to share several case studies.. I believe they are designed to show that regardless of how person ranks on the DSM criteria for Substance Abuse Disorder…. in each case the individual and family members were being effected in different ways. These cases are studied throughout the remainder of this chapter and are designed to help us understand differences in people. Im not going to discuss them but just wanted to mention these for people who do not have the book.. examples are given.
I think this is another key point.. the use of CRAFT must be tailored to the family, and to the individual substance abuser. This is why Family can be helpful.. based on our relationship and continuous interaction most of us have lots of knowledge of our loved one, and also much influence over them based on the mutual respect, trust, compassion, etc. that has developed between us over time.
2. How Much of a Problem does your loved one THINK her /his use is?
The book says “ the internal valuation of the costs and benefits is what we call motivation”
Understanding “Motivation” is very important in CRAFT and it is given its own chapter… stay tuned.
3. Is he physically or psychologically dependent, or; how dangerous would it be to stop.
The book does give some examples, but to err on the side of caution as to not give medical advice.. Im not going to discuss these here…
4.What are the Dangers if he doesn’t stop?
The book discusses differences in drugs, and some of their potential dangers such as heart attack, overdose, etc. I think most of this information can also be found over at National Institute of Drug Abuse as they provide specifics of each drug and how they react in the body… for anyone interested in learning more on this topic. The book also has an additional chapter on identifying an emergency…
The book goes on to discuss the ebb and flow of substance abuse and how family members experience their own ebb and flow.. ranging from being calm to feeling panicked.. one of the key parts of the CRAFT program is to help family members even out their own emotions, learn skills to help them cope with the ebb and flow.
5.How hard would it be for her to stop and stay stopped?
The book brings up a very important point… beyond the moment of stopping what's really important is staying stopped…
we have already learned in the Introduction of the book how people may have underlying issues, and they also face the challenges of a body dealing with fluctuating dopamine, an impaired pre frontal cortex, and limbic system.. most of these things are out of the control of our loved one..
in addition to this we have also learned in brief.. and will learn more about why people use… perhaps to cope with life and its particular problems..
The topic of treatment is discussed… and the book references clearly.. people need different kinds of treatment.. Ranging from no professional treatment (remember most people stop on their own), psychotherapy, medications, outpatient, inpatient…
What should be used according to ASAM – American Society of Addiction Medicine… “the least intrusive level of care that is safe and sufficient to keep the person motivated and involved “
6. What strategies would help him stop?
The book goes on to say:
7. What Strategies has she tried already, and did they work for a time ?
Another important concept in the book is to recognize what has worked, and what didn’t. But to not overlook that positive change did occur for a time.. making adjustments is a normal part of the process of change.
8. Does he need to stop entirely?
Sobriety sampling is discussed here… and its discussed more in the chapter on Treatments.. but the idea in my opinion is to keep in mind that often part of change is attempting to moderate a substance, or take a break in using to see if it can be controlled. This is a part of the process of change.. and as family members we need to learn to respect this process and understand that it can lead to a person recognizing they are unable to control their behaviors, as well as realizing life can be ok without substances… it can be a toe in the water before a person jumps all the way in.
What is Addiction? Part II – What Does it Mean in my house?
Besides the casual theories and diagnostic criteria, there is a practical meaning of substance abuse problems for you and your family. The questions below will help you understand addiction in the context of you life
1. Is your loved ones substance abuse causing problems that you find unacceptable?
The book begins by saying the definition of a problem is different for everyone, and there can be problems in the home regardless of what type of substance is being used, or what amount.
Its important to resist the urge to compare your situation with others’ as you consider the role of substances in your relationship
The book goes on to share several case studies.. I believe they are designed to show that regardless of how person ranks on the DSM criteria for Substance Abuse Disorder…. in each case the individual and family members were being effected in different ways. These cases are studied throughout the remainder of this chapter and are designed to help us understand differences in people. Im not going to discuss them but just wanted to mention these for people who do not have the book.. examples are given.
All of these people are using different substances, for different reasons, with different negative effects. And they are all likely to change their substance use over time in different ways. Ignoring these differences would be like consulting the manual for your hair dryer when you are working on your car. Both have motors, but the wrong manual wont help you understand or tell you how to help
2. How Much of a Problem does your loved one THINK her /his use is?
Here we don’t mean what YOU think, or what OTHERS think, and not what they would say when backed into a corner. Whatever negative consequences of substance abuse may appear to be, how much do they actually bother your loved one ?
Understanding “Motivation” is very important in CRAFT and it is given its own chapter… stay tuned.
3. Is he physically or psychologically dependent, or; how dangerous would it be to stop.
We do not suggest that you take on the responsibility of diagnosing your loved one. We recommend instead that you talk to your doctor, or an addiction psychiatrist to find out if a medically supervised detox is necessary or advisable. Manwhile., the greater your awareness about your loved ones experience, the more helpful you can be.
4.What are the Dangers if he doesn’t stop?
Unfortunately, there is a Russian roulette quality to substance abuse, any of it can happen at any time… (but usually doesn’t).
Its equally true that change doesn’t happen in an instant, and often cant be forced
5.How hard would it be for her to stop and stay stopped?
The book brings up a very important point… beyond the moment of stopping what's really important is staying stopped…
we have already learned in the Introduction of the book how people may have underlying issues, and they also face the challenges of a body dealing with fluctuating dopamine, an impaired pre frontal cortex, and limbic system.. most of these things are out of the control of our loved one..
in addition to this we have also learned in brief.. and will learn more about why people use… perhaps to cope with life and its particular problems..
The topic of treatment is discussed… and the book references clearly.. people need different kinds of treatment.. Ranging from no professional treatment (remember most people stop on their own), psychotherapy, medications, outpatient, inpatient…
What should be used according to ASAM – American Society of Addiction Medicine… “the least intrusive level of care that is safe and sufficient to keep the person motivated and involved “
6. What strategies would help him stop?
Keep Reading !
But for now just bear in mind:
1. Its different for different people
2. It matters what he thinks will help too
3. It matters what research has shown to help
Many people have strong opinions about what helps, but unfortunately the people who have the strongest opinions are not always the most informed
But for now just bear in mind:
1. Its different for different people
2. It matters what he thinks will help too
3. It matters what research has shown to help
Many people have strong opinions about what helps, but unfortunately the people who have the strongest opinions are not always the most informed
there are many legitimate paths to change. In fact having a choice among options for change makes it that much more likely to happen
7. What Strategies has she tried already, and did they work for a time ?
Another important concept in the book is to recognize what has worked, and what didn’t. But to not overlook that positive change did occur for a time.. making adjustments is a normal part of the process of change.
In changing substance abuse, as in the rest of life, rarely if ever do we find that everything, or conversely, nothing is working. Usually it’s a mix of both. A black/white, success/failure view obscures enormous amounts of information about the learning process that can be crucial for keeping change going
8. Does he need to stop entirely?
Sobriety sampling is discussed here… and its discussed more in the chapter on Treatments.. but the idea in my opinion is to keep in mind that often part of change is attempting to moderate a substance, or take a break in using to see if it can be controlled. This is a part of the process of change.. and as family members we need to learn to respect this process and understand that it can lead to a person recognizing they are unable to control their behaviors, as well as realizing life can be ok without substances… it can be a toe in the water before a person jumps all the way in.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
