About Me
 

Hi all. I have only posted once yesterday but have been a member here for a few months. I figured I'd introduce myself - though maybe I should put my intro somewhere else. :dunno:

My husband (AH I believe - I'm new to these acronyms) is the addict. He takes opiates. He started out being prescribed them about 8 years ago and it's progressed. I have so many thoughts and emotions regarding this that I don't even know where to begin. I know I'm an enabler. I've read around on the forums here and there and have read so many good words and articles. It's really nice that this place exists. I'm also thankful for the Secular area on here. :)

I'm not sure what else to say right now but thought I'd introduce myself and get more active and pick some brains. Thanks!

Hi Shamrock, welcome. I'm relatively new here too, but I've found the Secular Forum to be very supportive, and we definitely need support. I totally understand when you say you have so many feelings and emotions, I'm there right now too. Confused and scared and hopeful and disappointed and completely turned around, but not willing to give up.

Welcome.

Hi Shamrock !!

:welcome

My husband had an issue with drugs before we met, but last year he had a relapse and was using cocaine cut with a whole lot of weird and scary things.

Im sorry your going through this too, but please accept our support and share whatever makes you feel comfortable.

I will start with a question. You said you know your an enabler, how do you enable his addiction?

:tyou

How do I enable his addiction...in a lot of ways I guess. I'm actually finding it hard to answer that specifically. I read this, (it's a post "Are You an Enabler?" on Psych Central - I don't have enough posts to post links apparently, and it is very much me. He doesn't work, which actually works out for me as we have twin 7-year-olds, but that means I pay for everything. He would take money to get drugs when his prescription was used up early (because it's abused) and I would make excuses to myself for why that was ok...until it wasn't. I told him he doesn't need cash - he now buys stuff so he can get cash back (and lies about the purchases.) This is a recent scheme. I've threatened to take him off the bank account but haven't yet. I keep his morphine pills out of the house where he doesn't have access and bring home what he's prescribed daily. I guess I make it easy for him to do all of this without any consequence. He has wrecked a couple cars over the years.

I suppose the better question is how don't I enable him.

I've recently been thinking about ultimatums. I haven't been ready to give that because I pretty much know the outcome. I feel guilty because I don't know where he'd go if he was out of the house. I know it's not my problem but it's something I'm having to come to terms with. I'm getting there...

I think your are in the right place pondering the right things.

We don't know, until we know. At least you are in the process of trying to figure it out, and seem very honest with yourself about the situation.

Good Job !!!

Ultimatums are hard. You need to be very sure what you are doing. I've given a couple ultimatums but have not followed through, basically because I was using it as a tactic to manipulate his behaviour. I'm trying to learn a new way of dealing with his addiction where I can positively reinforce his good non addict behaviours, which is more my style.

If you were to give an ultimatum, are you prepared to follow thru with it?

Nope, not yet - that's why I haven't. I also think there are a few things to try or talk about before I got there.

Honestly, I made the choice years ago to stay and work on this. I've not been convinced that an ultimatum is the way to go. It has taken it's toll on me though and I'm reaching a breaking point. I've withdrawn from him and feel like we are more roommates than anything else.

I've read a few things around here the last couple days and want to look into a few other things. I have only scratched the surface of rational recovery but am really interested in learning more in the coming days.

I'm there too, Shamrock.

Shamrock! I am sorry to read about your husband's passing!

I saw this info when I looked at the Thread today for another friend that has lost her son to suicide! Told her about the Thread to use for some support!

May Peace find it's way into your heart and all others in order to get thru the battle of drugs and alcohol!

TOD

Thank you. Peace is what we are striving towards.

My deepest condolences Shamrock. I also wish you and your little girls peace.

I'm so sorry Shamrock.

I wish you and your family the best through this hard time.

Hugs, Kari

I am so sorry Shamrock.

I wish you and your family the best during this hard time.

Hugs, Kari

I am so very sorry. Thinking about you and sending much love and healing thoughts your way. xoxo

My condolences to you too Shamrock! May you and your girls find peace.

(((((Shamrock))))

My deepest condolences, Shamrock. Many prayers for peace, for all of you.