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"Promises" question

Old 04-09-2020, 02:30 PM
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Question "Promises" question

What is the complement of "not shutting the door on the past"? I used to be in what I might call an "ideological relationship addiction". That sort of thing attracts people who are liable to become addicts to that sort of thing!

Because I was showing signs of bowing out gracefully, some of them flipped (they weren't in a healthy state of mind but that's their inventory ). Therefore to save myself continual circular (and on their part acrimonious) discussions with people that didn't contribute anything constructive to my life and to whom I couldn't contribute anything constructive, I make an abrupt break. I also found I had to break some oaths, unilaterally.

Without their constructive affirmation & reinforcement of my incipient healthy behaviours, this was a difficult time. I should add that I had put the bottles down some years previously.

Not shutting the door seems simple: I certainly don't owe them money and it's quite likely they have eventually twigged I don't owe them anything. (Strangely it is a scene not many people walk out of.)

What is the complement to that - it's obviously not actually shutting the door.

I walked out of it. Perhaps it has walked out of me, as well, at last.

SR has made me think of when I was a youngster and kept joining similar things, even then. In my teens I would say some nasty things to really decent friends because they hadn't joined up when I did. I have suddenly realised (almost 50 years on) this must have been a big grief to them as well.

There were some weird goings-on in the 1970s, for young people to get mixed up in.
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Old 04-09-2020, 08:28 PM
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i see this in the wider context of “we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it”, where it is juxtaposed or added to the not part.
for me, it refers to the slamming a door shut onto looking, ongoing “learning”, discovering our part, from events and actions in the past.
i know quite a few people who do not wish to look at painful past events and their own behaviour. who think they CAN’T look at that. they lock it inna vault. or want to.
the promises told me that with taking responsibility fir my part, there would be no need to shut the doors or refuse to deal by concreting it off.

and i have found that to be so.
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Old 04-10-2020, 05:31 AM
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Yes it's been great to look at the SR forum and what with lingering around my steps 11-10-9 as well as getting a taste for "practising these principles in all my affairs" including those of 30 to 50 years ago, I suddenly found that I can accept myself for the unreliable individual I was at the very same time as I gain assurance that I'm not like that any more.

(The word "ideological" was merely my way of not really saying what kind of groups those were; that aspect of it was very much downplayed; and my earlier groups were especially naive in concept.)

I know lots of young and not so young people were acting the same as me, and were likewise causing exasperation.

It's as if now I'm an old man I'm grasping a fibre of morale from the fuzz of life.
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Old 04-10-2020, 11:37 PM
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I always took it to mean that our past can become an asset so far as helping other alchies.

Like Bill sat with Bob and told him all about how he used to drink.

Soon after that talk, Bob remarked to his wife Ann that Bill was the only person he had ever talked to who actually understood from the point of view of having actually been there, done that.
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Old 04-11-2020, 06:59 PM
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Derringer, I get your drift. Not only have I tales to tell, but I have lived to tell them. And this includes the fact that I was doing this in my youth and not just middle age. Experience AND strength, with hope tacked on.
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Old 04-11-2020, 07:15 PM
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" No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others."

Following on from Derringer, my past liabilities became invaluable assets with which to help others through the program. I big part of that is helping them discover, as I did, that I wasn't particularly out of the ordinary or bad, or evil, just a typical alcoholic who did typical alcoholic things.

And also helping them discover the spiritual rewards that come from cleaning the slate. While amends is for the benefit of those whom we hurt, there is a tremendous spiritual reward for us when we do out utmost to make it right.

BTW, these are not the only promises in the book. There are dozens of others, good and bad. I have seen pretty much all of them come true.
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Old 08-13-2020, 02:23 PM
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"We don't shut the door on our past" simply means that we don't forget how bad our lives had become and we can share our stories with others so maybe they can relate to being alcoholic. just my opinion
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Old 10-16-2020, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Found View Post
What is the complement of "not shutting the door on the past"?
For me it was to letting go. No need for any thought about it at all. Nothing to contemplate. ponder or be befuddled about. Burdens drop off without clinging to therm. That's wellness to me brother
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